What Grandpa Knew - Learning from the Elders

On Public Radio this morning, I heard an interview with Erin Bried, the author of the new book, How to Build a Fire: And Other Handy Things Your Grandfather Knew. This is the companion to the author's previous book, How to Sew a Button, a book filled with ideas and teaching from wise grandmas. Here is the link to the Public Radio author interview.

How to Build a Fire, is filled with practical information about skills grandpa learned in the era of post-depression and World War II America. Not all the grandfatherly advice is relevant to today's young guys, but it is a "collection of our grandfathers’ hard-earned wisdom," and some of it is perennial. The topics include skills such as how to:

• buck up and be brave in the face of adversity
• play hard and break in a baseball mitt
• bait a hook and catch a big fish
• look dapper and tie a perfect tie
• get a raise and earn more
• write a love letter and kindle romance
• change a flat tire and save the day
• stand up and give a sparkling toast
• play the harmonica and make your own music

While there are other books that contain these lessons, and certainly a motivated young dude has it all at his fingertips with any search engine, I love the notion of the written transmission of knowledge from grandpa. Boys have learned at the feet of the male elders for centuries, and that's the feeling I get from this book.

Do you have a story of something your grandfather or other elder in your life taught you? Send it to me or add it to the comments of this post.

Do you have a skill you might share with some of the young dudes in your world? At almost any age, you are and elder to a boy somewhere!

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Why Men Don't Show Up For Boys

In the research for the Man-Making book, just one of the many reasons men offered as a barrier to involvement with young males was, "people will talk." There was a deep and, in today's world, common fear that if they showed any interest in young guys, they would instantly be labeled a predator. I can't imagine a more tragic situation where there are literally millions of boys who benefit by being part of a male tribe and being connected to good men, and yet those very men are staying away because of, "What people will say."

In the January 13th, 2011 Wall Street Journal, Lenore Skenazy wrote an article titled, Eek! A Male!. The article describes how deep the fear of men goes regarding their presence around children. The author says, ". . . these days, almost any man who has anything to do with a child can find himself suspected of being a creep. I call it "Worst-First" thinking: Gripped by pedophile panic, we jump to the very worst, even least likely, conclusion first. Then we congratulate ourselves for being so vigilant."

As I write this I am living in Tucson, AZ for the winter. As everyone knows, the Tucson community has just experienced a horrific tragedy perpetrated by yet another very lost and disoriented young male shooter. It was horribly irrational, raw, and in so many ways, unforgivable. I think of it as another "World Trade Center" kind of wake up call that shattered more of our innocence and left us, as a country, feeling wounded and vulnerable. While the story about this young male is still being revealed, from where I sit I can't help but wonder what his life and world view might have been like if a good man had taken him under a protective and caring wing. What if good and caring men had stepped up when this shooter was giving off the early signals of being lost and alone? It's too late now for this young man, but there will be more.

I recommend this WSJ article to you. I invite you to consider the degree to which you carry these judgments and fears about men being involved with boys. If you're a man, look in to your heart to see if the fear of being judged negatively by others is alive in you and keeping you from making a difference in a young man's life. Maybe THE difference. Maybe a life-saving, life-giving difference. If you have been touched by what happened in Tucson, perhaps can stepping up for a boy in your community can be a part of your/our healing process?

What do you think? Use the comment section of this blog post or use this contact form to share your truth.

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January is National Mentoring Month

In December, President Barack Obama issued a proclamation designating January as National Mentoring Month.

I loved the language the President chose when he said, Across our nation, mentors steer our youth through challenging times and support their journey into adulthood. During National Mentoring Month, we honor these important individuals who unlock the potential and nurture the talent of our country, and we encourage more Americans to reach out and mentor young people in their community.

January 2011, marks the 10th anniversary of National Mentoring Month. This initiative is being driven by the Harvard Mentoring Project of the Harvard School of Public Health, MENTOR, and the Corporation for National and Community Service. Any of these organizations will have more information for you about National Mentoring Month, and how you might get involved.

The current estimate is somewhere around 15 million young people who, at this moment, are in need of a caring adult mentor in their lives. The vast majority of them are young males. The thought of men, across the country, stepping up to "unlock the potential" and to "nurture the talent" of boys, gives me hope for the future.

How about you?

To search for a mentoring opportunity in your zip code, go to the Serve.gov website and enter your location. It may just result in two males having their potential unlocked and talent nurtured!

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"Boys Become Men" A Frederick Marx Film

My friend and brother in mission is Frederick Marx from Warrior Films. He's an award winning filmmaker of some 30+ years, most known for the Academy Award nominated film, Hoop Dreams. His most recent film is Journey from Zanskar. It features Richard Gere and even the Dalai Lama in a film about the destruction of the thousands of years old Tibetan Buddhist culture. It opens on January 19th in three theaters in Paris. But that is not the film this post is about.

With Zanskar in the can, Frederick is turning his attention and cinematic gifts to the subject of rites of passage for young males in the U.S. In a film he's titled, Boys Become Men, he intends to spotlight some of the best initiatory practices for boys around the U.S. He says he will demonstrate the effectiveness of these Rites of Passage experiences by following the real-life stories of a number of young men (and their families) whose lives have been touched by this work.

In the video clip below, you can get a taste of what this film will be and feel like. Given Frederick's experience and skills, I'm sure this film will seriously shake up the man-making world and move more people into service to boys (and men).

If you want to be a part of bringing this film to reality, you can support Frederick by making a donation to his Kickstarter fundraising campaign. A small donation will get you connected to the film-making process, notices of filming, and other events. A larger donation will get you a copy of the final product and even an invite to a film premiere.

I love the quote by Theodore Roosevelt in his book The Strenuous Life. He said, ". . . none of us can do everything, but all of us can do something . . ." With that in mind, you may want to consider helping Frederick get this film produced.

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If the clip doesn't show up, you can see it at this link on YouTube.

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