MAN-MAKING BLOG: June 2013

June 28, 2013

Breasts and Señor Testiculo

Photo: B.Meijers/ flicker

I’m not sure why it seems to be more difficult to talk about men’s balls then women’s breasts. I mean basically everyone has a couple of one or the other. Maybe it’s because his balls are such a vulnerable part of a man’s anatomy. What’s critically important, however, is to get comfortable talking about these body parts, because the life of someone you know may depend on it. This post is about what those two parts of the human anatomy have in common . . . cancer.

According to the National Cancer Institute (NCI), in the U.S., one in every 260 men will be diagnosed with cancer of the testis during their lifetime. While the NCI says the average age for a cancer diagnosis is 33, 6.2% of the males who were diagnosed were under age twenty. The good news is the overall survival rate, with early detection, is 95.3%. Now that is an argument for making friends with your balls.

I think I’m safe in saying most men don’t like thinking about their most personal equipment being squeezed or poked. I think women are better at those exams then men. Not that women like being squeezed or poked any more than a guy does. It’s just that for most women, the lessons and conversations about female reproductive anatomy start early, and then there are those regular monthly reminders. It’s pretty safe to say most men don’t get that kind of education. If you’re a man, when you were a young male, did anyone ever say anything to you about your balls? Except to avoid getting them kicked, of course?

If you’re a man, did anyone ever say anything to you about your balls,
except to avoid getting them kicked?

Men are also notorious for avoiding doctor visits if at all possible. I think it’s something in the male DNA having to do with not wanting to be or feel vulnerable. Standing in a small, cold office, with your pants and underwear at your knees, and having your testicles manipulated in the hand of a doctor you don’t know, is pretty much the very definition of physical vulnerability for most men. I don’t care if the person is wearing a white coat, is nice, and has warm hands; it’s just really odd.

By now, most of us have almost instant recognition of the pink, breast cancer awareness ribbon and the countless related fund-raising events. But what would you say is the identifying equivalent for men’s testicular cancer?

If you said Movember, you’d have one good answer. In the past, I've written here about the Movember initiatives around the world, all designed to increase everyone's awareness about men's cancers. Now, thanks to a reader’s referral, I've been pointed to another interesting approach for raising everyone's awareness about testicular cancer. Let me introduce Señor Testiculo!

The Associação de Assistência às Pessoas com Cancer, is a Brazilian nom-profit health promoting organization in Vicosa, Brazil. Their goal is to raise awareness of all types of cancer, and have recently come up with an interesting promotional idea. They have created a new mascot named Señor Testiculo, or Mr. Balls. What could be more inviting that a smiling pair of hairy testicles, looking like a brown snowman, with a bad haircut, and one tooth, walking around at a health fair or horse show?

I think Mr. Balls is just a little creepy, and I’m not at all sure I’d want a picture taken with him for my Facebook page (does that mean I have some work to do?). In any case, if you want to see pictures of Señor Balls hanging out with (slightly uncomfortable) women, girls, babies, men and boys at a recent health fair, check out the Associação de Assistência às Pessoas com Câncer website, or just Google Señor Testiculo.

I guess if it starts the conversation with men and young males about testicular cancer and frequent self-exams, it's a good thing. Early detection might just save your life or the life of a man or boy you know.

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June 12, 2013

A Father's Day Wake-Up Call and Some Challenges

If you are a father, and you're engaged with your family, Thank You. Connected and loving fathers are critically important in the lives of their children, and dads happen to be the most powerful man-making force on the planet for young males.

From the bottom of my heart, I honor and bless my dad
for doing his best with what he had.

From the bottom of my heart, I honor and bless my dad for doing his best with what he had. However, he was not the father I wanted, needed, and deserved. His alcoholism pushed me and the rest of my family into the background, and made him a terrifying and abusive presence in my life. Fifty years later, after clawing my way toward compassion and forgiveness, I can see he was a terribly lost and wounded man who was alone and up against way more than he could handle. Today, I do have pieces of evidence to prove he was trying his best to be a good man and father. One fact is that he didn't leave the family.

On this Father's Day, PLEASE take just a moment to consider all those kids who have grown up without a father around. From sitting with countless fatherless young men in groups and on Passage weekends, I can tell you Father's Day is a hard one for them. Fatherlessness is a tragic legacy for them, and all of us, to bear. Try on some of these statistics:

24.7 million American children, approximately 36.3%, live in fatherless homes.

71% of all high school dropouts come from homes without a dad around.

90% of all homeless and runaway children were raised without a father present.

3 out of 4 adolescent suicides are kids from fatherless homes.

85% of all youth in prison come from fatherless homes.

That is just a part of the tragic picture of what I call the epidemic of under-male-nourished young males. In light of the above, and if you're willing, I have some FATHER'S DAY CHALLENGES for you. Stepping up to any of them might just make this Father's Day different for you and, possibly, life changing for someone else.

1. For your first challenge, I've inserted a couple short videos below. They have some additional data and a couple of personal stories about fatherlessness. Your first challenge is to watch as many of these videos as you can handle. It's hard, because most people don't see the face of fatherlessness. In this week, with all the talk and marketing about Father's Day, it's good to remember and then open your heart to all the fatherless kids.

2. Use this Father's Day to honor and thank the fathers you know.

3. Sometime this week reach out to a fatherless kid in your world. Maybe a neighbor, a kid on your son's team, or the son of a single mom you know. Find a way to let him know that in the eyes of an adult man, he's an amazing young man.

4. Finally, when you have a chance, tell the young men around you the story of your relationship with your father (for better or worse). Remind them, when their turn comes, it will be critically important for them to be the very best present, engaged, and loving dad they can be.

Accepting any of these Father's Day challenges could brighten the day for a dad or a fatherless kid. It may also make you a better man and the world a much better place.

If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

If this clip doesn't show up use this link.
Learn more about ABSENT - The Fight to Get Fatherhood Back,
or request a screening at absentmovie.com.

"The father wound is so deep and so all-pervasive,
in so many parts of the world,
that its healing could well be
the most radical social reform conceivable."
Father Richard Rohr
from the movie Absent

Happy Father's Day

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June 7, 2013

Wild Guys Playing and A Rite of Passage in the Woods - The 2013 YMAW

This coming July, from the 11th to the 15th, it will be time again for the Young Men's Adventure Weekend, or YMAW. For a number of years now I've watched from a distance as a slightly wild pack of 40-50 men and 40-50 adolescent males all went to the wilderness, hung out, played games, built things, learned skills, sat around fires, and had straight-talking conversations about manhood. I can no longer stand being an observer to all this fun, and this year I'm going to Vancouver and joining in the adventure!

I have written about the YMAW in the past. I love this particular model of a Rite of Passage weekend for a bunch of reasons. The enormity and diversity of the assembled male tribe, the beauty of the remote location in the forests of British Columbia, and the passion and creativity the men bring to insure the young males have a fun but important experience. I especially love what happens as magic of the experience gradually has it's way with all the males involved. I know that everyone leaves the YMAW experience a better person for their involvement, and I want that for myself.

I know that everyone leaves the YMAW experience
a better person for their involvement,
and I want that for myself.

To get a sense for the power of these weekends to help positively shape young males, listen to the young men in the video below share just some of what they have gotten from their YMAW experiences. What they've learned about themselves, the attributes of the man they want to become, and what they liked most about their weekend adventure. By the end of this clip you'll have a better understanding of why this Man-Making work is so important.

If the clip doesn't show up use this link.

Just below, I'm re-posting the recorded interview I did with Brad Leslie, prior to the 2011 YMAW. Brad is the man in charge and largely responsible for the event. If I have my data correct, this will be year 23 of involvement for Brad. In this podcast, I talk with him about how a YMAW is organized, and what it's like both for the young men and the older men that are involved. You'll learn about topics such as the "mentoring bone," going into the "basement" of a man's life, and how the men welcome the young males into men's world.

Click the arrow to start play!
If the player isn't visible, click on this direct link.

If you want to see more photos and videos, visit the YMAW website at, ymaw.com. If you or/and a young man you know want to join me and be part of this July's YMAW, call Brad Leslie at: 800-663-2723, or send him an email at bradleslie@telus.net. It will probably change your life.

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