tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-94384662024-03-13T05:10:28.063-07:00MAN-MAKING BLOGThe <i>Man-Making Blog</i> is a practical and inspirational resource <br>for people interested in supporting our young males <br>on their journey to manhood.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger492125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-23556369305063646932023-07-10T14:53:00.001-07:002023-07-10T14:53:20.391-07:00Lessons from a Coming-of-Age festival<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0E9m8o_5yMDciEP_es4ZAl8U6WRn5pQulKiE3USb_ib6myUWmDRYbPknsC6MQ9sY_CnIO8-8wG3RMatp2nKF6mydazy1NIeXj0366h1VxpZuGbJO4jNWrO_wwa6BIw6ZuIWqYohjvZulDPcef-_X1WPpIQKBjbCo1StEcQe4bm2FUdOzJkDcK4g/s1240/Wyra%E2%80%99whaw%20coming-of-age%20festival.jpg" style="display: block; padding: 1em 0px; text-align: center;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="826" data-original-width="1240" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0E9m8o_5yMDciEP_es4ZAl8U6WRn5pQulKiE3USb_ib6myUWmDRYbPknsC6MQ9sY_CnIO8-8wG3RMatp2nKF6mydazy1NIeXj0366h1VxpZuGbJO4jNWrO_wwa6BIw6ZuIWqYohjvZulDPcef-_X1WPpIQKBjbCo1StEcQe4bm2FUdOzJkDcK4g/w400-h266/Wyra%E2%80%99whaw%20coming-of-age%20festival.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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The Tenetehar Wa Tembe village, is located in the Alto Rio Guama indigenous territory in Para state, Brazil. <a href="https://www.thestar.com.my/news/focus/2023/07/07/a-rite-of-passage-in-the-amazon" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>In this article</b></u></a> describing their six-day, coming-of-age ritual, we learn the adolescents involved go through instruction, physical challenges, they are deprived of food, and they have their bodies painted and decorated.
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b><i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">. . . we should really be paying attention.</span></i></b></div><br />Whatever you think about this communities' ideas and rituals, we should really be paying attention. We have important things to learn from them. The people of the Tenetehar Wa Tembe village are recreating the kinds of ritual events people down through the centuries, in cultures all over the world, have performed for the survival of their people. They are enfolding their adolescent youngsters into the life of the community.<br /><br />They are doing it in a way that makes it clear to everyone involved, but especially to the initiates, that something important has happened. Their world has changed, and the adults and elders have gathered around them. It's clear to the initiates they are no longer seen as children but are moving toward adulthood in everyone's eyes. They now have an important place in the life of their community and that new responsibilities await. Their community is depending on them to secure the future and the initiates can feel that weight. When, if ever, did you have that experience and learn those lessons?<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><b><i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">It is our payback for the disconnection . . .</span></i></b></div><br />The often quoted "African" proverb states that when we don't intentionally bring our young people into the center of community life, they will burn down the village just to feel the heat. Today, all around me, I see young males run wild, often armed. Lord of the Flies kinds of chaos. It's not the kid's fault! It is our payback for the disconnection, lack of investment, and having ignored thousands of years of experience in dealing with adolescence.<br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">It's not the kid's fault!</span></i></b>
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-70784190378331467742022-07-06T14:27:00.000-07:002022-07-07T14:32:52.575-07:00Big Homie Lil Homie - Officer HomieThe term homie, as it relates to another person, is an urban slang abbreviation of home boy. A home boy is a guy who your really care about, feel a deep bond with, and who would do anything for you. A really trusted ally and friend, who is from your neighborhood, hometown, or part of your inner circle of friends. When I heard about a mentoring organization for fatherless boys called Big Homie Lil Homie, it really got my attention. I think we all need a few homies around us!<div>
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<b><i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">I think we all need a few homies around us!</span></i></b>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYnG2J76U1Rwpa21HSg2gwclyAS2kDqy2hbfTw8QoC8-28FErZbCWwSDChja49TCPSV9W_OBcdVoEJmMYd5TkVcCck1kpaezaN1bEgzVT2w8NfGCJgtkWLddOOETjlFvbgF6eumVvCshaX90aqBc-H0y_woQEkFS7VJEVK7MYdqZe4UlGmyvg/s789/homie.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="493" data-original-width="789" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYnG2J76U1Rwpa21HSg2gwclyAS2kDqy2hbfTw8QoC8-28FErZbCWwSDChja49TCPSV9W_OBcdVoEJmMYd5TkVcCck1kpaezaN1bEgzVT2w8NfGCJgtkWLddOOETjlFvbgF6eumVvCshaX90aqBc-H0y_woQEkFS7VJEVK7MYdqZe4UlGmyvg/w400-h250/homie.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div>Jamal Stroud, the man who started Big Homie Lil Homie, was a guy, who as a child, was lost in the South Carolina foster care system until the age of six. He was moved to six different foster homes in his first six years, and sometimes physically and sexually abused. He said it wasn't until his aunt finally adopted him that he was able to actually understand love. His is a story of how so much good can come from one man's trauma.</div><div><div>
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<b><i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">. . . shaping them into GREAT men of society.</span></i></b>
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Jamal started the non-profit Big Homie Lil Homie in 2017. It's purpose was molding and shaping fatherless boys, six to sixteen, into "GREAT men of society through mentoring." After a 2019 appearance on the Ellen Show, things really took off. Today the program has more than fifty mentors and six-hundred young men from the Columbia and Lexington, S.C. areas.
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Today, Jamal Stroud is a married father of two. But out of the pain of his childhood, he is creating a program in which boys and men can find friendship, brotherhood, and lots of homies! You can learn more about Jamal's Big Homie Lil Homie program <a href="https://www.bighomielilhomie.org/home" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>on their website</b></u></a>
(and see the clip from the Ellen Show too).
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Officer homie!</span> </b>
<br />Here's another homie who just happens to be a cop. In a beautiful example of community policing, Officer AJ (Anthony Johnson @ohnoitsdapopo) is working hard to connect with the young people in his community. He says "I grew up on the same streets I now protect." I think that makes him a home boy in uniform. Check out this video and see what you think. I think he's connecting big time!
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Here's one more clip of officer AJ homie going one-on-one with a kid on the street. <u>Turn up the volume </u>to hear what he's layin down. </div><div><br /></div><div>How do we clone this officer?
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</div></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-12305113160333905632022-06-27T11:36:00.003-07:002022-06-27T11:44:56.061-07:00Men Teaching Boys about Manhood<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixgTN3XkpqJGNHMlxYivabmLUoKlodHR3-FCEw0i2RyxtgJymEf1tynzT8C6KJcNn0vAJN2bVScobeSrMMiE2laZ-hglIlB6mZs0ZoRj8rAkW6wxFJKnGZhj2P0mbb7Lxzp7HRNxt6I1h_aPW20cE-E4b9AtClLKVJTXyghNflEbYk4RxfjFI/s540/RobesonCounty.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="540" data-original-width="540" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixgTN3XkpqJGNHMlxYivabmLUoKlodHR3-FCEw0i2RyxtgJymEf1tynzT8C6KJcNn0vAJN2bVScobeSrMMiE2laZ-hglIlB6mZs0ZoRj8rAkW6wxFJKnGZhj2P0mbb7Lxzp7HRNxt6I1h_aPW20cE-E4b9AtClLKVJTXyghNflEbYk4RxfjFI/w200-h200/RobesonCounty.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>The Robeson County Parks and Recreation Department in Lumberton, North Carolina, has a <a href="https://www.newsbreak.com/news/2301620751037/board-of-commissioners-voice-support-for-mentoring-program-for-boys" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><b>L.I.F.E. Mentoring Program for young guys aged 9-15</b></a>. The L.I.F.E. program mission is: "To holistically develop youth in our communities, in the areas of life & relational skills, education, leadership, and qualifications that lead to becoming productive citizens." L.I.F.E. stands for Leadership Influence Family Empowerment.
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I do like how this free mentoring program is teaching young men some of skills the mentors think a young guy on the edge of young adulthood should learn. In addition to much more, just a few of the skills taught include things like how to balance a checkbook, properly tie a necktie, and even proper table etiquette!
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In a 2012 Man-Making Blog post, I proposed <a href="http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/2012/09/a-year-long-rite-of-passage-for-boys.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><b>a list of developmental experiences for young guys</b></a>. Experiences that would grow their understanding of the world around them and certainly drive important conversations. While my list was abbreviated and a little short on the very practical skills (how to shave, change a tire, replace a toilet flapper, etc.), I described the kinds of activities would certainly inform a young man's journey toward manhood.
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In the L.I.F.E. Mentoring Program, the mentors check in with the boys weekly, and meet at least once per month in-person. A really nice touch is that the young men get to "shadow" their adult mentor. So many young males I've encountered (and who are in trouble) don't have a man in the house or even in his life. Shadowing a man gives a young man a much-needed look into man's world, seeing what real men actually do, learning how they got to where they are, and then having the conversations about what it takes to become a good man.<div>
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<b><i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">"I think we can reach more than we lose."</span></i></b>
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<br />The Robeson County District Attorney, Matt Scott, said, "It can help us reach these young people before they make bad decisions." He went on to say, "I think we can reach more than we lose." Sad testimony to what can happen to young guys without adult male guidance.
I know the young guys are hungry for it and are waiting.</div><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOyaZTeIh4tE-KO-KhrSqgFz39YqgdLwi_tr50Y44GbVqFnKtF-UPbRqqt2sPPOKkYhn6cwjsOwxXTGmTVqnbBpv9v8iuitY0WeVYGSq1jZ5Rtn_bsCuyFbra0lAE06aNJAxVxX47bYj49hYZhpBbfn3asySmrK1coX3yKEwzolBex2Wcrdvg/s480/RobesonCountyLIFE-flyer.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="363" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOyaZTeIh4tE-KO-KhrSqgFz39YqgdLwi_tr50Y44GbVqFnKtF-UPbRqqt2sPPOKkYhn6cwjsOwxXTGmTVqnbBpv9v8iuitY0WeVYGSq1jZ5Rtn_bsCuyFbra0lAE06aNJAxVxX47bYj49hYZhpBbfn3asySmrK1coX3yKEwzolBex2Wcrdvg/s320/RobesonCountyLIFE-flyer.jpg" width="242" /></a></div><br /> In Minneapolis and in too many other of our communities we're seeing the consequences of young men gone wild. Any focused attention on our pre-adult males by caring men would certainly be helpful. I know the young guys are hungry for it and I know they are waiting.
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<br />If you want more information about the L.I.F.E. mentoring program, call 910-671-3156 or 910-301-2272. You can also email Anthony Govan at anthony.govan@co.robeson.nc.us</div><div>
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-42548774873015898802022-03-21T12:08:00.000-07:002022-03-21T12:08:48.467-07:00Adolescent Roman Male Rites of PassageIn a recent article in the online history publication, The Past, there was a great <a href="https://the-past.com/feature/children-of-the-roman-empire/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">article about the Children of the Roman Empire</a>. It examines what life was like for young people, the children of the "gods, emperors, and ordinary mortals in ancient Rome."
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Of special interest to me was reading, yet again, about how earlier civilizations have dealt with managing adolescent male energy. It helps to know the Romans also struggled with containing and channeling wild boy energy.
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The article centers around an exhibition in the famous Uffizi gallery in Florence, Italy. The exhibits include over 30 statues, funerary objects, and even toys from around Italy and the world. These items speak to the theme of childhood (human and divine) in the Roman world some 2000 years ago.
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The article offered much about the Uffizi and the Medici collection of art and statues. But there was also a lot of information about how the Romans birthed, raised, and often buried (25% mortality) their children, orphans, and the "children of the poor" and enslaved.<div>
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b><i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;"> "... a defining moment when a young man<br />would give up his boyhood clothing<br />and don the white toga of an adult."</span></i></b></div>
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There was brief mention of a rite of passage for an adolescent male. It was called the "Ceremony of the Toga Virilis," which would occur sometime around his 14th year. This was a defining moment when a young man would give up his boyhood clothing and don the white toga of an adult. It led to his acceptance of full Roman Citizenship and stepping into the rights and responsibilities of manhood. I find it hard to believe that a 14-year-old male could simply step into manhood with a change of clothes. I want to believe that clothing swap required training and preparation, but the article does not cover that process.
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The article also speaks to the passage lessons and experiences of young women. Many of whom could be engaged at age 12 and married at 13 in relationships arranged by the father.
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I liked learning about the perennial conversations, some still relevant today, about how to educate our children, the nature and quality of the education system, and what it took to produce "useful citizens in peace and war."
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<br />
I guess the deep message here is how we are not alone with the age-old challenges of doing our best for our children, and helping them move toward the ever-illusive adulthood.
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-24885968461943786532022-02-05T17:26:00.000-07:002022-02-05T17:26:11.609-07:00Gentlemen Quarters Barbershop Academy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEh4BFKHWGghUSfpSpLSameptP5UpvKkkTQ0T0eHnX2Kwk9lXmTy3P-PV7h7OzX6gx4Y1ppnGVBQafwVXQdUfqSZg5ti9g8BQKW30ge6DXyYr_B4O31idHijJozoBEviQH0LL16MXjiOHrDbwpRoN-MBYjoXXKSMsbFKn_4nHvaLKHxpJCZM-O0=s974" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="629" data-original-width="974" height="129" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEh4BFKHWGghUSfpSpLSameptP5UpvKkkTQ0T0eHnX2Kwk9lXmTy3P-PV7h7OzX6gx4Y1ppnGVBQafwVXQdUfqSZg5ti9g8BQKW30ge6DXyYr_B4O31idHijJozoBEviQH0LL16MXjiOHrDbwpRoN-MBYjoXXKSMsbFKn_4nHvaLKHxpJCZM-O0=w200-h129" width="200" /></a></div>Derick Cagle was a sharp barber who paid attention to his surroundings. At a back-to-school event where he was cutting hair, he listened to the young men waiting their turn who were messing with each other. Teasing and taunting about their girls, sports, drug deals, being cool, and lots of other smack talk. In the middle of all that commotion, an older man got everyone's attention when he chimed in with his story about someone he'd shot and the price he has paid ever since. That mentoring moment was a huge wake up call for Derick, and the beginning of what's since become the <b><i>Gentlemen Quarters Barbershop Academy</i></b>.
<br />
<br />
In this <a href="https://www.northcarolinahealthnews.org/2021/12/13/gentlemen-quarters-barbershop-academy-mentoring-in-the-barbers-chair/" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>story in the North Carolina News</b></u></a>, I learned about how the GQ Barbershop Academy "organizes events for teens between the ages of 13-18 that includes free haircuts and free mentoring." It's one great tale about how fatherless and other boys connect with men from their community and get the male guidance and caring they so often need.
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<br />
Here's what one single mom said about Mr. Cagle: "Passion really fuels him and he’s from the Durham community and knows exactly what takes place here,” she says. "This couples with his love for building up young men." I love these stories about what one motivated man can create if he finds the courage to step up.
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">"...you don't have to wait till violence hits in your family<br />or neighborhood to step up into action."</span></i></b>
</div>
<br />Cagle has personal reasons to be in the mentoring game. His nephew was killed just prior to his 21st birthday. That and other violence in his community, often close to home, was the call to action he heard. But you don't have to wait till violence hits in your family or neighborhood to step up into action.
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<br />
Derick's instructor at Harris Barber College was a man named Tobias McLean. Mr. McLean turned out to be a powerful mentor in Derick's life. One of the important lessons he got from this man was, “You can’t be in this community and not be part of this community.” Derick Cagle, is cutting hair, but is also in the business of helping young guys and maybe saving lives too. He's a gift to his community and one of my heroes.
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<br />
To learn more about the GQ Barbershop Academy, <a href="https://www.gqbarbershopacademy.org/about" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>check out their website</b></u></a>, or give them a shout at 919-816-2335.
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If you know of other men like Derick, let me know. I'd like to share those stories. It's clear the world needs men like him as role models, and the boys need those men now more than ever.<div><br /></div><div>
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-29750759986444334552021-12-15T11:54:00.000-07:002021-12-15T11:54:46.479-07:00Adolescent Boys, Girls, and PubertyIf you search <a href="http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/search?q=testosterone" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>the Man-Making Blog archive for "testosterone,"</b></u></a> you'll find lots of posts describing the impact of this powerful chemical on the physiology and psychology of our young males. Simply put, it radically alters adolescent males in profound ways, some of which, if not managed, will cause enormous suffering for them, their families, and our communities. As an old proverb, attributed to African tribal culture implies, if we don't intentionally enfold boys into the life of the community, they will burn the village down just to feel the heat. That's a huge topic, but not quite what this post is about.
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<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">. . . what happens to adolescent girls at puberty. . . </span></i></b>
</div>
<br />This post is about what happens to adolescent girls at puberty, and how their bodily chemistry radically changes them and their lives. It's about the excitement, fears, shame, and confusion that accompanies this transition. It's also about how too many of our young men are ignorant about the nuances of this powerful and transformational experience for the young women in their lives.<div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2021/12/07/opinion/teen-puberty-just-girls.html" rel="nofollow" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img alt="NY Times Puberty" border="0" data-original-height="614" data-original-width="886" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEh4kAADxjgbJmHJlama-MGMnJ_Zk9LSru-kdlKpOidxRA06g9ulQTvdtUELYakfBhmv30DZfeaj8ETWt_TNyNOWPTVuUN-JqGCBLpubV_-5s29AHcLEP4APYmm-9scvX2QSjvp05tIu_g44x7KqGv0i0U-e0T5VOaXHT3EWqzTjbzUb8kjgVGs=w320-h222" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div>
A recent New York Times Op-Docs piece about adolescent girls and puberty <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2021/12/07/opinion/teen-puberty-just-girls.html" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>led with a thirteen-minute video</b></u></a>. In that clip, five brave young women, ages 14 to 17, described the onset of puberty, menstruation, and the impact on them physically and socially. I'm thrilled to know we've arrived at a time when this information can be so freely shared in such a public forum. I honor the young women for their vulnerability, and deeply personal honesty about their coming-of-age experience. Thank you!
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">
<br /><b>. . . where did you find helpful, intimate, and informed<br />guidance for this transition in your life?</b></span></i></div></div>
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This is the kind of video all adolescent girls should see to help prepare them for the experience, and to de-shame and normalize what happens to them. I think this or a similar video is something our young men should see and discuss with caring, informed and trusted adults in their world. Not "the class on sexuality," but a setting that allows for the vulnerability and intimacy the topic deserves.<div><br /></div><div>As an adult looking back to this time in your life, perhaps without the benefit of YouTube and other online resources kids have today, where did you find helpful, intimate, and informed guidance for this transition in your life?
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<br /><div style="text-align: center;"><b>I'm also waiting for the adolescent male version of this video!</b></div><br />
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-80946867419967469392021-11-30T19:48:00.001-07:002021-12-01T16:16:07.696-07:00Teens – No Driver’s License and No Car! Maybe Ever!Getting my driver’s license was one of my early teenage rites of passage. I couldn't wait for so many reasons and it was a big day when it finally happened. As is natural in most passage experiences, there were real trials on the path to getting my license. First, I had to study the arcane details that make up the “rules of the road” to get my permit. And then came the many tests of my ability such as staying in a lane, observing pedestrians, making full stops, obeying the speed limit, and the dreaded parallel parking. But it was all worth it to get the license and become a legal driver.
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For me, it was not just that I could be in charge of 2000 pounds of steel and fly down the road, but much more. Driving meant escape from the pressure cooker of our small family house and all its tensions. It meant I had status among my non-driving pals and could easily pull them together for common adventures. I could often drive to school, rising above the demeaning wait and riding on the school bus. It meant I had a new and private space for hanging out with girls and that new world of emerging sexuality. Very simply stated, a driver’s license made my world much bigger geographically and opened countless doors of discovery.
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<br /><div style="text-align: center;"><b><i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">...it was a golden chariot to me.</span></i></b>
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9T9henfQ9BY/Yaa-AgiQ6pI/AAAAAAAA5OY/3qrKBTsLqc8X2a0Uo3-WzyjZfZFBBIabwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1200/1957VolkswagenBeetle.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="899" data-original-width="1200" height="240" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9T9henfQ9BY/Yaa-AgiQ6pI/AAAAAAAA5OY/3qrKBTsLqc8X2a0Uo3-WzyjZfZFBBIabwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/1957VolkswagenBeetle.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />I quickly grew attached to all the excitement and possibilities of having access to a car, and it wasn’t long before I wanted my own. My first car was a beat up, black, 57 Volkswagen. The seats were badly worn, it often smelled like gas, the windshield wipers were hardly functional, it had dings and rust on the body, and it barely had enough heat in the winter to keep the windows defrosted much less provide any comfort. But it was a golden chariot to me. That’s why I was surprised to learn that for many young people, getting a driver’s license today, much less a car is NOT the exciting rite of passage it was for me.
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<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">. . . getting a driver’s license today is NOT<br />the exciting rite of passage it was for me.</span></i></b>
</div>
<br />
In 2019, <a href="https://www.studentmoveto.ca/about/" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>StudentMoveTO</b></u></a>, a research partnership of ten colleges and universities in Canada, surveyed 18,500 students at ten post-secondary institutions across the Toronto and Hamilton area. They discovered More than twenty-two per cent of survey respondents said they didn’t have a driver’s license. The group’s research also found that sixty-five per cent of students who did have a driver’s license didn’t own a car, and of those, just fifteen per cent indicated they would buy a car in the future. So much for golden chariots!
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Some of the reasons given for avoiding car ownership and driving included good access to public transit services (83 per cent), all the costs associated with driving and owning a car (66 per cent), and the negative impacts of driving on the environment (50 per cent).
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When you realize that with a few taps on your smartphone you can call up Uber and Lyft and quickly go where every you like without paying car insurance, parking, maintenance, and car repairs, it does make sense. Not to mention the availability of electric scooters and bikes appearing everywhere in major cities.
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You can read more about this topic in <a href="https://www.thestar.com/autos/2021/11/27/drivers-licences-are-no-longer-a-rite-of-passage.html" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>a recent article in the Toronto Star</b></u></a> or on <a href="https://www.studentmoveto.ca/about/" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>the website of StudentMoveTO</b></u></a>.
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<br />
I do get the world is changing, and less driving for all of us is really a good thing. But sitting here in this moment, I do miss my golden chariot, and all the trials and joys that came with it.
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">Do you remember your first "golden chariot?</span></i></b>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-7258981007149773232021-10-20T12:37:00.001-07:002021-10-20T12:57:07.477-07:00A Young Man's Rite of Passage in the Bush<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zlUgzyazvFk/YW7ypYJ8QyI/AAAAAAAA4t4/Z69ILBlQb1oWRTWDPCfkyfspL3uxIBXtwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1200/PJ-and-Peter-LennonAU-ROP-Camp.jpg" style="display: block; padding: 1em 0px; text-align: center;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="834" data-original-width="1200" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zlUgzyazvFk/YW7ypYJ8QyI/AAAAAAAA4t4/Z69ILBlQb1oWRTWDPCfkyfspL3uxIBXtwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/PJ-and-Peter-LennonAU-ROP-Camp.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Locking away his cell phone in a wooden box was the first challenge 17-year-old PJ had to face on his 5-day Rites of Passage (ROP) experience. He and his father got to the wilderness camp after a 10-hour drive from Canberra, the capital city of Australia. Like so many of these encounters, the wild and remote bush setting added to the power and gravity of the passage event.
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<br />
From my experience, once a Rites of Passage event is launched, all the males present, but especially the young guys, naturally drop into the seriousness of the occasion. Everyone gets that something important is happening and they soon find their right place in the ancient drama. It was no different for the thirty other fathers and sons (or male mentors - uncles, stepdads, or family friends of a young man), who attended the camp with PJ and Peter. The group was made up of guys who came from across Australia to be present to honor a group of young males transitioning into manhood.
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">Clearly you can’t make men out of boys in five days.</span></i></b>
</div>
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Clearly you can’t make men out of boys in five days. What you can do is: <div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Let them know that you see and welcome their emerging manhood. </li><li>You can encourage the young men to take the changes going on in them seriously and invite them to consider some of the responsibilities waiting for them. </li><li>You can challenge the young guys with activities which contain "think about it" lessons about becoming a man. </li><li>You and the other men can share stories about your adolescent years, and what you've learned along the way. </li><li>Finally, you and the other men can witness and honor the gifts and talents you see in the young males.
</li></ul>
For young men, being witnessed in those ways, by thirty or so adult men, is a compelling and transformational experience. It is also powerful and transformational for the adult men witnessing the young males.
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You can read more about PJ and Peter's Rites of Passage camp experience in a recent <a href="https://citynews.com.au/2021/rites-of-passage-camp-takes-teenagers-to-men/" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>Canberra City News article</b></u></a>. The article discusses some of the camp activities, the kinds of topics covered in conversations, and the role of rituals in the process. If you want to learn more about Peter's experience you can email him at peter.lennon@mhf.org.au You can also visit the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/reconxted" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>Reconxted Facebook page</b></u></a> to learn more about this group's approach to Rites of Passage.
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On the Man-Making Blog you can read more about <a href="http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/search?q=Rites+of+Passage " target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>various kinds of Rites of Passage experiences</b></u></a> diverse groups have taken to support their adolescent boys during this important transition time. Note: These examples are taken from twenty years of posts and not all links and videos are still available.
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If you're inspired to do something similar, even if it's on a much smaller scale, feel free to contact me. <br />
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-54518323866740803952021-10-10T09:14:00.000-07:002021-10-10T09:14:43.576-07:00For the Love of BasketballThis is another of my collection of "heroes" posts. Or, as I like to call them, "<b><i>What One Man Can Do</i></b>" stories. We are all regularly confronted with stories in the news about wild young guys doing foolish things, often with tragic consequences for themselves, their peers, and their community. Your community! Who among us has not at least thought, "Someone should do something about those boys!" The heroes I write about in these posts are the men who step up and act. Mario Lamarre is one of those men.<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-m92qVCz5wUg/YWMLlZIZt0I/AAAAAAAA4dc/JBDa6UxiZ3o2r0VTouh-uvOWB30sPe8LQCLcBGAsYHQ/s773/Mario.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="700" data-original-width="773" height="290" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-m92qVCz5wUg/YWMLlZIZt0I/AAAAAAAA4dc/JBDa6UxiZ3o2r0VTouh-uvOWB30sPe8LQCLcBGAsYHQ/w320-h290/Mario.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;">Mario Lamarre</span></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Mario is the founder of Hoop Alliance Mentoring. It's a program built to connect coaches, mentors, and prospective basketball players in Brockton, Massachusetts. It is also a powerful mentoring program that teaches critical life lessons and gives young men a safe haven, all through the love of basketball.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">. . . critical life lessons<br />all through the love of basketball.</span></i></b>
</div>
<br />According to a recent story in the Brockton Enterprise, it all began 7 years ago when Mario emptied his savings account to get the program started. He set up the program at the Boys & Girls Club in Brockton where he worked. This past August, the Hoop Alliance Mentoring basketball tournament was hosted by Brockton High School, in a beautiful gym, complete with fans in the bleachers.
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Hoop Alliance Mentoring has grown over the years, and now serves over one hundred students. The students are divided into six teams, with ten members each, and two co-coaches. The remaining forty kids are "playing for fun," and I suspect, hoping for a shot at getting on a team. The teams meet on Mondays for one-on-one mentoring and practice, and then on either Tuesdays or Thursdays they have games. <div><br /></div><div>The teams are sponsored by local business which ups the community involvement. The young men are surrounded by older men and program graduates who function as coaches and community mentors for the young guys. The mentors' primary purpose is to encourage the players to become better athletes and help them build outstanding character. Mario hopes to soon add a girls' division, and set up an official nonprofit organization. You can read more about Hoop Alliance Mentoring in <a href="https://www.enterprisenews.com/story/sports/2021/08/24/brockton-hoop-alliance-free-basketball-mentoring-mario-lamarre/8110529002/" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>The Brockton Enterprise article</b></u></a>.</div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-uq7brVQEe3Y/YWMORjBWosI/AAAAAAAA4dk/AuCxuJa8xrgGNqfVO7oXhn6EXJoEBTvKQCLcBGAsYHQ/s598/Red-Orange-teams.JPG" style="display: block; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; padding: 1em 0px; text-align: center;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="598" data-original-width="431" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-uq7brVQEe3Y/YWMORjBWosI/AAAAAAAA4dk/AuCxuJa8xrgGNqfVO7oXhn6EXJoEBTvKQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Red-Orange-teams.JPG" /></a></div>
In the tournament, the red team defeated the orange team, 68-57. But really they are all on the same team and they are all equally victorious! </div><div><br /></div><div>
Mario Lamarre is just one man who decided to act and do something for the young guys around him. It took time and determination to keep his dream alive. The result is that he has positively influenced the lives of countless young men, and positively impacted families and his community in the process.
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<br /><div style="text-align: center;"><b>Mario Lamarre is my hero for sure . . . but maybe you could be too.</b> </div></div><div><br /></div><div>
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-12275569207630841272021-09-14T15:00:00.002-07:002021-09-16T15:17:00.998-07:00YOUR First Shave!What is a more compelling Rite of Passage for a young man than his first shave. An act in most teen male minds guaranteed to push him across the line into certain manhood (even with little dots of Kleenex all over his face). Sadly for too many boys, those without good men in their lives, that act, like so many they are facing, becomes a trial and error kind of ordeal. Often with very sad consequences. In this post I offer two perspectives on this small but important passage experience.
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<a href="https://www.chronicleonline.com/opinion/columnists/the-other-guy-l-a-rite-of-passage/article_22f0b088-06a6-11ec-9477-5ff3187036f6.html" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>At this link </b></u></a> is a story from a loving father taking about how he wrangled his somewhat proud and resistant adolescent son into the bathroom to teach him the manly art of shaving. He says it's a lot like trying to give a cat a bath! Yup, it's funny, but for me, one of the guys who didn't get that guidance, it brings up sadness about the difficulties I encountered and the absence of any fatherly blessing on completion.
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In the post below, taken from the Man-Making archive, is one of a couple posts I've written on this topic in the past. Seeing that post again, after almost 10 years, brings the moment alive for me all over again. The sensations, smells, the bathroom . . . all of it. I'll bet it stirs some memories of that experience in your life, too!
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Sit71AcJ3P8/UZUFGdl1QzI/AAAAAAAALAQ/wGKQFqS_Qm4/s1600/shave-Colgate.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Sit71AcJ3P8/UZUFGdl1QzI/AAAAAAAALAQ/wGKQFqS_Qm4/s320/shave-Colgate.jpg" /></a>As a young male perched on the brink of manhood, I desperately wanted to participate in the very masculine rite of shaving. Not that it was really necessary, because in truth, I had only the softest beginnings of what would someday be called a beard. Nonetheless, I deemed it necessary to gear up with a small mountain of foamy shave cream and an unforgivably sharp razor to do bloody battle with my own face.
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In my adolescence, there were no men around for training. This was long before the internet, YouTube, and all those digital forms of guidance available today for so many things masculine. All I had for instructions were TV commercials. They always showed severely masculine guys shaving, using horrible shaving technique, and lots of foam. Every commercial also featured a gorgeous and sexy woman fawning over the guy's clean-shaven face. What testosterone-fueled adolescent male wouldn't want that? Of course, those guys had real beards and no visible pimples, which functioned as road bumps for my razor. The commercial below is a good example.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/ho9XNfy6JBM?rel=0" width="420"></iframe>
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If the video doesn't show up, <i><a href="http://www.youtube.com/embed/ho9XNfy6JBM" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">use this link</u>.</a></i>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-R_AfWxRNzcQ/UZO9cHrouuI/AAAAAAAAK_o/9AkQcO4uTX8/s1600/Shave-Barbasol.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="91" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-R_AfWxRNzcQ/UZO9cHrouuI/AAAAAAAAK_o/9AkQcO4uTX8/s200/Shave-Barbasol.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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More tragic than the small patches of Kleenex, that constantly dotted my face in those years, is that no one was there to witness and honor the emerging man in me. There was no one to say, with words or by their actions, "<i>I see you're becoming a man, I honor that step in your life, and I'm here to support you on your journey toward manhood.</i>" In so many of the small rite of passage opportunities during my teen years, like shaving, learning to drive, tying a tie for prom, my first teen birthday, and help to understand a constant erection and my compelling need to masturbate, I was left alone to figure out manhood on my own.
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: #331212;"><b>I see you're becoming a man, I honor that step in your life,<br />and I'm here to support you on your journey toward manhood.</b></span></i></div>
</blockquote>
It really doesn't take much in those precious, pre-manhood moments, for a teen-male-literate man to make an important difference in a young guy's life. It only takes a comment, maybe a little advice, perhaps even a small private celebration or ritual, to mark his mini-crossing into the world of the men. <b>Males of all ages are naturally hardwired for this interaction</b>. The young guys hunger for it. Older men, whether they realize it or not, in these critical crossing-over moments, can offer young males powerful and transformational blessings. A little instruction doesn't hurt either. It's really high quality man-making action.<br />
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<b><span style="color: #331212;">Is there a young male in your life, perched on the edge of manhood, who might benefit from a small gesture of you attention, recognition, and support on his journey toward manhood?</span></b><br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-48658028386511629162021-07-17T12:56:00.001-07:002021-07-23T13:46:12.763-07:00A Revealing Book on Becoming a Man<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">"It was time. </span></i></b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">It was time to become a man, my father said."</span></i></b>
</div>
<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_rFo2MX8NT0/YPHVIAQp6XI/AAAAAAAA3q8/Jmzem7nyvyIF2-uwmEdaU-AB0A2LCoMXwCLcBGAsYHQ/s769/HeartOfAMan-1.JPG" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Heart of a Man Cover" border="0" data-original-height="769" data-original-width="613" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_rFo2MX8NT0/YPHVIAQp6XI/AAAAAAAA3q8/Jmzem7nyvyIF2-uwmEdaU-AB0A2LCoMXwCLcBGAsYHQ/w255-h320/HeartOfAMan-1.JPG" width="255" /></a></div>Bill Amatneek, an experienced author and editor, has given the world a beautiful gift. His book, <i>Heart of a Man: Men’s Stories for Women</i>, gives all of us an intimate look under the hood of man’s world.
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<br />
The subtitle of the book, <i>Men’s Stories for Women</i>, suggests it’s about women finally getting to see men as their vulnerable and most emotionally honest selves, a glimpse they often don’t get. The book delivers on that promise, but it’s also very much a book for men.
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<br />In a soft chronological order, thirty-nine writers reach deep into their male souls, and share true and intimate stories about many of the developmental experiences of a man’s life.
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b><i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></b></div><div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">“We’ll see if you’re a man today, Donnie.”</span></i></b></div>
<br />Early on we hear the story of a six-year-old boy being prematurely forced by his father to “become a man” by killing baby squirrels with his first use of a shotgun. From there the stories take us past many of the challenging experiences in a man's life such as the discovery of girls and first love in adolescence, encountering competitive sports and teams, creating brotherhood and connections to men friends, love and marriage, parenting, and even a man’s experience of war. If you’re looking for a guidebook on manhood, <i>Heart of a Man</i> is a good place to start.
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In a way, the book is about all men and their quest for that illusive collection of knowledge, experiences, and feelings that define fully realized manhood. Amatneek says he hopes his book will, “bring men and women closer.” I hope it does, but just as worthy a goal is that all male readers will find themselves somewhere in the book’s stories. Like sitting in a good men’s support group, reading <i>Heart of a Man </i>will help men to feel less alone with the joys and pain of their journey toward manhood.
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You can read many stories on the <a href="https://heartofaman.net/" target="_blank">book’s website</a> (highly recommended). While there, you can also order the book, send the author a note, or even share a piece of your life story for future editions.<br />
<div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><i>Heart of a Man: Men’s Stories for Women </i></b></div><div style="text-align: center;">Edited by Bill Amatneek and published by Vineyards Press in 2021 </div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://heartofaman.net/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">heartofaman.net </a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div>
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-39298117007509818642021-06-20T13:05:00.003-07:002021-06-20T13:05:25.098-07:00Un-Father's Day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0PhfJFD-iMI/U5nhNtixKxI/AAAAAAAAMVk/tdIuTRxcnDQ/s1600/Ken_Earl_UN-Fathers_Day.JPG" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0PhfJFD-iMI/U5nhNtixKxI/AAAAAAAAMVk/tdIuTRxcnDQ/s320/Ken_Earl_UN-Fathers_Day.JPG" width="190" /></a></div>
<b>This is a repeat of an older post describing what Father's Day means to me. It's all still true for me and it feels good to honor my father, father's, and fatherless boys in this way today. It is my intention to run this out every Father's Day.</b><br />
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Fathers, for better and worse, are THE most powerful man-making force on the planet. In this dad season, good fathers are my heroes, and certainly deserve high praise and celebration. That said, here's another way to think about Father's day.<div> <br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">. . . that stew pot of memories<br />called "Dad" . . .</span></i></b></div>
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As the commercial messages about Father's Day bring fathers and fatherhood into sharp focus, for me that stew pot of memories called "Dad," with its very mixed bag of confusing emotions, gets seriously stirred up. From my childhood through adolescence, my dad was lost in his marriage, was sick, and in the throes of alcoholism. While there were some gifts from him, too often he treated me horribly and I've been finding my way back ever since. Even though I know my father was the best dad he was able to be, I'm left feeling the complicated remnants of rage, love, sadness, hopelessness, and a kind of father-hunger driven emptiness at my core.<br />
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After years of self-discovery work and digging around in my family history, I've been able to find some true expressions of my dad's fatherly love. Like water in the desert, I treasure those few positive memories. Taken together, they form a small shield I can use to protect myself on Father's Day. At this point in my life, I'm exhausted by both talking and not talking about my dad issues. But when the third Sunday of June approaches each year, for me it's an <i>Un-Father's Day</i>. I find myself looking forward to the relief on the day after Father's Day when it all goes underground again.<br />
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In this dad season, I'm also very much reminded of the many men, adolescent males, and young boys I've come across in my man-making work who don't have any good dad memories to use as a defense on Father's Day. In fact, it's quite the opposite. I'm reminded of of all the really bad dad stories I've heard shared across a circle by often sobbing guys.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">I'm just saying,<br />I've heard lots of really bad dad stories.</span></i></b></div>
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I have heard from countless men, young men, and boys who have never known a dad because he simply wasn't identifiable, because they were adopted at birth, or because of a court ordered separation from their fathers. There are all the dads who left during pregnancy, or the dads who were shot in the hood from gang violence. Then there are all the kids whose dads are in jail, or lost to PTSD or substance abuse. I remember a soft-spoken boy of ten whose initiation name was Steel Heart. He was in the room when his dad killed himself with a shotgun blast to the head. I'm just saying, I've heard lots of really bad dad stories.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-KhiFTokokQI/U5nmH9i2nZI/AAAAAAAAMVw/zOxnfslGA74/s1600/UN_Fathers_day.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="58" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-KhiFTokokQI/U5nmH9i2nZI/AAAAAAAAMVw/zOxnfslGA74/s1600/UN_Fathers_day.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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I always wonder if just the idea of Father's Day results in re-wounding these fatherless young males. I wonder if the day stirs up their deep, confusing, profound, and not very well-defended sense of abandonment and father-loss. For them and me, again this year, it will be very much an <i>Un-Father's Day</i>.<br />
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So on this Father's Day, if you have the good fortune to have a good dad to honor, count yourself as lucky, and don't miss a chance to say thank you. However imperfectly he fathered you, he was there and doing the best he could do. He deserves to be thanked and celebrated. Thanks Dad, I love you.<br />
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After honoring your father, please take a moment to allow into your heart all those tragically abandoned or under-fathered young guys in the world around you. The boys, young men, and men who won't feel those good-dad feelings on Father's Day. Remember that on Father's Day, and every other day of the year, these guys will experience a profound hunger for the blessings that can only come from having a caring father in your life. Remember all the boys and men who, maybe like me, are just hoping all this complicated emotional dad business will pass by soon, go back underground, and that life somehow will get back to a survivable normal on the day after <i>Un-Father's Day</i>.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">. . . I believe there is/was a father who loved you.</span></i></b></div>
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<b>On my <i>Un-Father's Day</i> card I'd write:</b> <br />
<blockquote>
<b><i><span style="color: #331212;">Today I honor good dads everywhere. Thanks you for all you have done and will do. Blessings also on the dads who in some way checked-out, who walked or were not available to their sons, and on the sad legacy they have to live with as a result. And especially, blessings on confused, sad, and dad-hungry males everywhere. Buried underneath all the drama and tragedy that kept you and your father apart, in my heart I believe there is/was a father who loved you.</span></i></b></blockquote>
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-39239482938308302302021-06-08T13:51:00.002-07:002021-07-23T14:08:06.606-07:00A Vulnerable and Truth-Speaking Man<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fhHFCCSVJ_Y/YL_Rj0vXOYI/AAAAAAAA3Ow/YpRXxWqNGLM73XpG--PNOu6GjpwKLNEfACLcBGAsYHQ/s662/Obama.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="621" data-original-width="662" height="188" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fhHFCCSVJ_Y/YL_Rj0vXOYI/AAAAAAAA3Ow/YpRXxWqNGLM73XpG--PNOu6GjpwKLNEfACLcBGAsYHQ/w200-h188/Obama.JPG" width="200" /></a></div><br /><div>There's a recent CNN interview of President Obama with Anderson Cooper titled <i>Obama reflects on Becoming a Man</i>. I love how President Obama shows up. You'll hear him being vulnerable and speaking his truth about his life as an adolescent. In a circle of men and boys, he discusses the positive difference a supportive circle of good men and his peers could have made in his life as a young man.</div><div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">"I understood what it meant<br />to not have a father in the house."</span></i></b>
</div>
<br />
This interview with Anderson Cooper made me proud of him all over again.</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">WARNING: The second segment<br />of this video clip is about politics!</span></i></b>
</div>
<br />
If you can, please forget about politics for a moment, and just listen to what President Obama has to say about and to men and young men sitting in a circle with him.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium;"> Here's the link <a href="https://www.cnn.com/videos/politics/2021/06/07/barack-obama-anderson-cooper-ac360-special-becoming-a-man-sot-vpx.cnn" target="_blank">to the CNN interview.</a></span></div>
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-31314464554911037892021-04-12T13:35:00.001-07:002021-04-18T13:38:08.926-07:00Young Guys and Emerging AdulthoodI've just returned from a Rite of Passage Weekend in which twenty men
"initiated" thirteen young males into man's world. With the young men being
between twelve and twenty years old, we certainly were not welcoming them to
"manhood." If they're lucky, that passage will come much later, and sadly, some of them will never
experience that line-crossing. But that is a different discussion.<div><br /></div><div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wjvokLWoOzc/YHSoPXt8_LI/AAAAAAAA22M/BZ62Z0yl6bYHzvG7SA1rBewo83dlg1sywCLcBGAsYHQ/s1742/2021-BTMT-RPAW.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1166" data-original-width="1742" height="268" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wjvokLWoOzc/YHSoPXt8_LI/AAAAAAAA22M/BZ62Z0yl6bYHzvG7SA1rBewo83dlg1sywCLcBGAsYHQ/w400-h268/2021-BTMT-RPAW.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">2021 Boys to Men Tucson - Rites of Passage Weekend</td></tr></tbody></table><div><br /></div><div>The young males on this passage weekend became what we call Journeymen. Meaning we honor the fact
that they are leaving boyhood behind and that they are beginning to take their
emerging manhood seriously. We, the men of their community, witness, honor, and
support that line-crossing. We no longer refer to them as boys, but Journeymen.</div>
<br />
Apparently, the adventure these newly minted Journeymen are being launched into
is getting to be an even longer road. There is now research to describe a new
phase of development called "Emerging Adulthood." This is a life-stage that lies
in between adolescence and young adulthood. I think this is important
information for those of us working with young men because it explains a lot of
what we all have intuitively noticed. It's that the process of becoming a
"full-fledged young adult" takes much longer today than it did 50 years ago. In
fact, as you'll hear in the video below, thirty really IS the new twenty!
<br />
<br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;"><b><i>…</i></b></span></span><b><i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">thirty really IS the new twenty!</span></i></b>
</div>
<br />
Jeffrey Arnett, Ph.D., is a professor in the Department of Psychology at Clark
University in Massachusetts. Dr. Arnett believes Emerging Adulthood is a period
of development between the ages of 18 to 25 years, which is distinct from
adolescence and later stages of adulthood. In his article in <i>Psychology Today</i>
titled,
<a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-age-overindulgence/202104/the-big-challenge-jumping-adolescence-adulthood" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>The Big Challenge: Jumping From Adolescence Into Adulthood</b></u></a>," he articulates five features that support Emerging Adulthood as a distinctly
different developmental stage. They are: 1. Identity Exploration, 2.
Instability, 3. Self-focus, 4. Feeling In-between, and 5. The Age of
Possibilities.
<br />
<br />
In this video Dr. Arnett describes this unique time in a young persons' life.
See if it's a fit for your experience of young men today:
<div align="center">
<br />
<br />
<iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="253" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/fv8KpQY0m6o" title="YouTube video player" width="450"></iframe>
</div>
<br />
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If this clip doesn't show up
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/embed/fv8KpQY0m6o" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>use this link</b></u></a>.
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div>
<b><div style="text-align: center;"><b>Does this video on how our young males are moving toward adulthood feel right
to you? </b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><br /></b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b>Let me know by posting a comment on this post below. </b></div></b><br />
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-9031583797437672742020-12-03T12:25:00.007-07:002021-04-18T13:40:31.750-07:00Watch A Young Man's Rite of Passage WeekendLisa Ling, the CNN filmmaker of <i>T</i><i>his is Life with Lisa Ling,</i> just profiled the kind of Rites of Passage work with young guys I've been involved in for the last 20+ years. If you're curious about what that kind of experience can look like for the men and the boys involved, her <i>Lost Boys</i> episode (below) is a good example. <div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-o8_vtzR14s0/X8k4JCFUkBI/AAAAAAAA1qc/x4McIeYAUTYjcMTs50LzXS4rS2YYxhXKQCLcBGAsYHQ/s317/YMUW-Logo.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="163" data-original-width="317" height="165" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-o8_vtzR14s0/X8k4JCFUkBI/AAAAAAAA1qc/x4McIeYAUTYjcMTs50LzXS4rS2YYxhXKQCLcBGAsYHQ/w320-h165/YMUW-Logo.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />What you'll see in the video is what 60 good men can create for 40+ young males on the <a href="https://www.ymuw.org/" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>Young Men's Ultimate Weekend</b></u></a>, or YMUW. The video really gets into the passage experience for the boys at about 20 minutes into the story, but the front end is worth watching. The YMUW is certainly not the only approach to supporting boys stepping across a line on their journey toward manhood, but it's a solid model of a Rite of Passage experience for a young male.
<br />
<br />
I did feel a little reluctance seeing some of the workings of the weekend uncovered. That's only because <b>not</b> knowing what's going to happen creates a transformational chemistry for the boys. That said, I love the fact that this model of how men can show up for boys and its impact is out there in the world. <div><br /></div><div>In my view, we need lots more of these YMUW experiences, or something very much like it, to deal with the epidemic of under-male-nourished boys in the world. In my experience, all the males involved in these experiences are always changed very much for the better as a result.
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;"> . . .the epidemic of under-male-nourished boys. . .</span></i></b>
</div>
<br />
<b>Interesting note: </b>Lisa is the only woman in 25 years to have been allowed to witness the Young Men's Ultimate Weekend.
<br /><br />
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<br />
<div align="center">
If this clip doesn't show up <a href="https://vimeo.com/487622274" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>use this link</b></u></a>.
</div>
<br />
If exposure to this way of working with young men inspires you, <a href="http://man-making.com/contact/" target="_blank"><b><u style="color: #331212;">give me a shout</u></b></a></div> and let's talk about it. Passage experiences can be created for large groups, a few boys, or perhaps just for one young man in your family or community. </div><div><br /></div><div><div style="text-align: center;"><b>I know the boys are waiting!</b>
</div><br />
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-35270636440268769202020-10-23T10:47:00.002-07:002021-04-18T13:41:18.123-07:00What One Good Man Can DoDuring these and sometimes dark days, when we are all being challenged in so many ways, I've been looking for those bright rays of light that give me hope and inspiration. My friend Ashanti Branch and his very good work with and for young men is one of those stories.
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4JkSI8KPyKo/X5MTv0gWG9I/AAAAAAAA1TU/rglyf9HGvKwSCRsMs1JwaU1k6d0sr0ojgCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/Ashanti.jpg" style="display: block; padding: 1em 0px; text-align: center;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" height="225" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4JkSI8KPyKo/X5MTv0gWG9I/AAAAAAAA1TU/rglyf9HGvKwSCRsMs1JwaU1k6d0sr0ojgCLcBGAsYHQ/w400-h225/Ashanti.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
A simple Google search on Ashanti will deliver lots of great information on the man, his PBS interviews, TED talks, and the Ever Forward organization he's built. But I really like <a href="https://magazine.calpoly.edu/fall-2020/ever-forward/?fbclid=IwAR37oNNA6am_HcA7ho1lNbK-DTn055OPXBVqQZSXmhQNRJJY6OeLjMmncyo" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>THIS ARTICLE on him from his college, Cal Poly</b></u></a>, where he actually studied to be a Civil Engineer. It's a tale of how, if you're paying attention, Spirit can guide you to just the right place and work. It's also a beautiful story about how large a positive difference in the world one good man, just being himself, can create. <div><br /></div><div>If you could use a day-brightener, check out the article. <br />
<br />
Thanks Ashanti, for being you, and for showing up so strongly for so many of "our" young men.
<br />
<br />
Learn more about Ashanti's work at <a href="https://everforwardclub.org/" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>everforwardclub.org</b></u></a>
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-55338185840535135262020-09-23T12:11:00.001-07:002021-04-18T13:42:04.523-07:00Good DadsThe last post was about <u style="color: #331212;"><b><a href="http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/2020/09/the-other-men.html" target="_blank">The Other Men</a></b></u>, in a young man's life who had a powerful impact on their adult development. It was about the transformational power other good men can have in shaping a young male, even when there is a loving and engaged father. This post shares a slightly different story about how an elder blessing can positively change any man's life. For most men, there is an important job description or opportunity in this story.
<br />
<br />
Jesse V. sent this along for your consideration:
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gNbEEo6YnfA/X1-mbEorLGI/AAAAAAAA0Ys/LmOD0dduQKI97ZghYUuAeojLnpsKZSVTwCLcBGAsYHQ/s414/GroceryCartKid.jpg" style="display: block; padding: 1em 0px; text-align: center;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="232" data-original-width="414" height="140" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gNbEEo6YnfA/X1-mbEorLGI/AAAAAAAA0Ys/LmOD0dduQKI97ZghYUuAeojLnpsKZSVTwCLcBGAsYHQ/w250-h140/GroceryCartKid.jpg" width="250" /></a></div>
<i>As a young, 27-year-old father myself, I was shopping in Trader Joe’s with my 3-year-old son. We’d just arrived, and the cart was empty. When I went to grab something from the shelf, I heard a large crash and saw my son under the cart. He had climbed onto the side of the cart, flipping it over. I immediately pulled the cart off and swept him into a hug. As my eyes were closed and as Jake’s head was on my left shoulder, I felt a large hand on my right shoulder. There in front of me is a man with white hair and beard and in a kind, deep voice, he says, “You’re a good father.” And like an apparition, he was gone.
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">"You’re a good father."</span></i></b>
</div>
<br />
This meant so much to me because at the time I did not feel like a man and I had not dealt with my own father issues. That man was like a father in that moment, supporting his son. I was blessed by a stranger, but an older man in the community. It felt so good.
<br />
<br />
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</div>
<br />
So, when you’re out there in public and see men being good fathers, or just doing something well... <b>tell them</b>. Don’t underestimate the power you have to positively affect the men in your community.
</i>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">Your Man-Making Homework:</span></i></b>
</div>
<b>Today, or maybe tomorrow, catch a young man in your world doing something right and then honor him by naming it! Just that simple. Then notice how two male lives are transformed for the better!</b>
<br />
<br />
An just in case you were interested in child safety, here's some online help for those who are challenged with <a href="https://www.whattoexpect.com/first-year/shopping-cart-safety.aspx" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>keeping very young kids safe in grocery carts</b></u></a>!
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-4223612238068255032020-09-11T07:28:00.002-07:002021-04-18T13:42:56.378-07:00The Other Men<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-d2GMTl-LoeQ/X1lTerGtpvI/AAAAAAAA0Vc/WJMeo3VUDDUpFXnsy5XeELws_ZvXakhMQCLcBGAsYHQ/s751/Man-Making.JPG" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="643" data-original-width="751" height="175" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-d2GMTl-LoeQ/X1lTerGtpvI/AAAAAAAA0Vc/WJMeo3VUDDUpFXnsy5XeELws_ZvXakhMQCLcBGAsYHQ/w205-h175/Man-Making.JPG" width="205" /></a></div>In training men to be mentors, we often ask, "Who were the men, other than your father, who had impact on your life as a young man? While a loving and engaged father is the most powerful man-making force on the planet, even that good dad can't give his son everything his son needs as he moves towards manhood. Then there are all those young men who don't have that engaged, available father, or any father at all in their lives. In those cases, the "other men" become critically important, sometimes lifesaving.
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When the stories about other men are told, we often hear rich stories of good men who stepped up, sometimes for literal moments, hours, or as lifetime allies. Men who were neighbors, coaches, relatives, from their faith community, show up and without too much effort, make important differences in a life. Sometimes there are tears in the telling of the stories.
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We invite the men to remember these guys in their lives because they too as intentional mentors are stepping into that "other man" role. Because men new to mentoring are always a little unsure, we like to remind them that the other men who showed up for them didn't have any mentor training. We remind them that who they are, right now is sufficient. That they in fact are already in the man-making business because whether they are intentional or not, they are being watched by the adolescent males in their world . . . they are, for better and worse, the book on manhood for the young men around them. It has been that way for thousands of years, and still today, boys and men are hardwired for this way of being together.
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What follows is a story from a dear Tucson friend of mine, Lee. In his story about the other men, he describes exactly how these forms of natural mentoring work:
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There were men in my father’s circle who taught me much just by being who they were:
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Sid B., with posture as straight as his words, looked as if he had taken some punches but had won most of his fights. He always took the time to acknowledge me, a kid, as someone real.
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Joe L., who stood by my dad when my mother died. He had lost his daughter in a horrible manner, so knew the pain of loss. He was comfortable showing concern in loyal silence. Even the lines in his face knew the value of presence.
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But most of all there was Pat M. Learning his practical, slow approach to problem solving served me well in life. He even drove slowly. Okay, the speed limit, but that made me restless back then. Yet, he was quick to tell a story, to buy or accept a beer, preferably Old Style.
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I remember Pat's big Irish alcohol-reddened nose, his sparkling leprechaun eyes, and his quiet deliberate movements. His long and heavy head, at least two sizes too large for his body — was always tilted one way or the other, always ready to smile, or walk away.
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fxukthMVw44/X1lXG2Tae7I/AAAAAAAA0V8/fgiL4fxThb81dYVrN-j1aDJlCrEaZ77dACLcBGAsYHQ/s852/LunchPail.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="708" data-original-width="852" height="170" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fxukthMVw44/X1lXG2Tae7I/AAAAAAAA0V8/fgiL4fxThb81dYVrN-j1aDJlCrEaZ77dACLcBGAsYHQ/w205-h170/LunchPail.JPG" width="205" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">He was a tile setter for my father’s company, Acorn Tile. He was a craftsman from an earlier age, an era that was disappearing even as I was first being exposed to it. Post World War II expansion and development demanded fast repetitive work, not craft. At some point, Pat began to drive the company truck, delivering and picking up supplies, and keeping an eye on the jobs in progress. I often rode with him. He took the back roads, not the interstates, his right hand on the stick shift, left foot riding the clutch, smoking Parliaments. It wasn’t my place to say anything. </div>
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<b><i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">On one trip, he unexpectedly stopped the truck <br />and said, “You drive.”<br /></span></i></b>
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He wore flannel shirts, carried a dull iron green lunchbox and thermos, was comfortable on bar stools or on an overturned bucket talking about hunting, fishing, ballgames, and cooking with onions. He had seven daughters. I might have been like a son to him. On one trip, he unexpectedly stopped the truck and said, “You drive.” I was sixteen with a license but had never driven a manual transmission nor a truck. There was no place for no. I eventually managed to get it in gear and moving while Pat drank his coffee unconcerned. He would only give me a look if my jerky shifting caused him to spill. He didn’t just let me drive just because I was the boss’s son, he just decided to give me a taste of responsibility. He also showed me how to think about work before doing it and taught me that conversation was the real centerpiece of each day. He didn’t trust a man who complained too much or drank too little.
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Pat never forgot the things I did, right or wrong. An elevator breaking down on a job site because I had overloaded it. The broken window on the truck that I resisted revealing the truth about for years. Me bringing the wrong materials for a job. He always seemed to know what I was struggling with and what my accomplishments were. He even told stories about me, bringing me into a world of men I would not have known otherwise.
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<br />Over many years, I watched Pat gradually get older, less able, and saw the effects of too much drinking on him. Eventually I left the business and headed to Tucson. Before Pat died, I wrote him a letter of appreciation thanking him for all the gifts he'd given me. I'm told he carried that letter with him and one day he read to my father. I remember the day my dad called to tell me about Pat's passing. He told me about how much my letter had meant to Pat and we both got a little teary talking about the important role he had played in both our lives.
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<br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #660000;"><b><span style="font-size: medium;">So, who were the "other men" in your life?</span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #660000; font-size: medium;"><b><br /></b></span></div><h2 style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #660000; font-size: medium;"><b>If you could speak to one of those men today,<br />what would you say? </b></span></h2><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #660000; font-size: medium;"><b><br /></b></span></div><div><div style="text-align: center;"><b style="color: #660000;"><span style="font-size: medium;">How can you honor the impact these "other men" </span></b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b style="color: #660000;"><span style="font-size: medium;">had on the man you are today?</span></b><span style="color: #660000; font-size: medium;">
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-13116316900709077632020-05-29T15:56:00.002-07:002021-04-18T13:43:45.830-07:00Boys, Mentoring and Rites of Passage A Podcast Interview with Earl Hipp<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5BptXu8kWP4/XtGQekoyD4I/AAAAAAAAzaA/PBf1aX2UCwg2Di16a1KPO-MDIKTlx01MQCK4BGAsYHg/Basecamp.JPG" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="286" data-original-width="372" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5BptXu8kWP4/XtGQekoyD4I/AAAAAAAAzaA/PBf1aX2UCwg2Di16a1KPO-MDIKTlx01MQCK4BGAsYHg/s320/Basecamp.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>My friend and brother in mission is Tony Rezac. He's doing great work for mankind from his web portal <a href="http://www.basecampformen.com/" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b><i>Basecamp for Men</i></b></u></a>. <div><br />
As part of his <i>Basecamp for Men</i> outreach, he has a regular podcast, currently showcasing upwards of 38 conversations with men about aspects of their lives. I had the complete pleasure of being Tony's guest on a recent podcast where we both shared our ideas and experiences on the themes of manhood, rites of passage, and my personal passion, helping men understand why it's important to show up to mentor boys and young men. </div><div><br /></div><div>In that conversation Tony and I discussed the current epidemic of under-male-nourished boys in the country, some of the common and understandable reasons men don't mentor our young males, and the hunger young men have for those connections. We also discussed a force I call "masculine gravity," and how any man, even those who are uncertain of their value to boys, can take some very low-risk steps into man-making action. </div><div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">...some of the common and understandable reasons<br />men don't mentor our young males,<br /> . . . and how any man . . . <br />can take some very low-risk steps into man-making action.</span></i></b>
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Here is <a href="https://basecamp-podcast.com/basecamp-for-men-e38-mentoring-our-boys/" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>my conversation with Tony</b></u></a> about boys, mentoring, and rites of passage. Check it out and give me a shout with any questions or your thoughts on the ideas we discussed. </div><div><br /></div><div>Through <a href="http://www.basecampformen.com/" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b><i>Basecamp for Men</i></b></u></a>, Tony Rezac supports men's groups, provides online training programs, offers individual coaching for men, and speaks (digitally or in person) on Men, Myth, and Manhood.<br />
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-11969260268440136282019-11-27T18:25:00.001-07:002021-04-18T13:44:24.832-07:00What One Man Can DoIn too many communities, there are no or few "boy places." Think about it, where are those places in your neighborhood or community where boys can hang out, be boys, burn off energy, and have fun?Where are the places where boys won't scare the local population (or law enforcement) and attract negative attention? If we're talking out doors, it's often either a basketball court or a skateboard park. That's if the boys are lucky. This is a story about a skateboard park and one motivated man who get's it.<br />
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WM7D6LSUOo0/Xd7u9n3NI2I/AAAAAAAAw0A/0TSnaTLNu4UtZYUfHFkMe-R70OK3t3puwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/Algonac-Skatepark.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="1200" height="266" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WM7D6LSUOo0/Xd7u9n3NI2I/AAAAAAAAw0A/0TSnaTLNu4UtZYUfHFkMe-R70OK3t3puwCLcBGAsYHQ/s400/Algonac-Skatepark.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Mark Crothers, is just "a guy" and native resident of Algonac, Michigan. He received the <i>Algonac Asset Award </i>from the Mayor and city council for rejuvenating the town's skate board park. Mark said that prior to the skate park's construction in 2001, he and other guys, "...couldn’t skate anywhere without being stopped by local police and/or business owners...." That's when Mark and others raised the money to build the skate park.<br />
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This last year Mark realized the almost 20-year-old skate park was hurting. As the Mayor said when giving out the award, “Mark has fond memories of the park and sprang into action when it fell into disrepair.” Mark gathered up a dozen or so people of different ages, again raised some money, and together they seriously buffed up the park. They even got three artists to come out and create, "...murals and graffiti art throughout the ramps."<br />
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XQf1FJ-BE1s/Xd7yviumnoI/AAAAAAAAw0M/sfU6pEILatgY5fvFfdDjGKRjbOG6mR1fgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/Algonac-Skatepark-2.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="490" data-original-width="1025" height="190" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XQf1FJ-BE1s/Xd7yviumnoI/AAAAAAAAw0M/sfU6pEILatgY5fvFfdDjGKRjbOG6mR1fgCLcBGAsYHQ/s400/Algonac-Skatepark-2.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<b><i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">...a robust role model<br />demonstrating leadership and compassion...</span></i></b>
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When she gave out the award, the Mayor described how, during the process, Mark had been, "...a robust role model demonstrating leadership and compassion to the younger skaters who use it now." The Mayor also honored the young boys who helped with the skate park redo, calling them individually to the front of the room and presenting them with certificates. How awesome is THAT in this age when too many young males are highlighted for bad behavior and demeaned by the media?<br />
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In closing the award ceremony, the Mayor and others offered a number of powerful predictions and blessings. One I really like came from Mayor Pro Tem, Rocky Gillis. He said, “Every time a person steps up and volunteers to help something, they own a little piece of that,... Every one of those kids that helped now are going to be the ones that make sure that it stays the way it is for generations to come.”<br />
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Mayor Stoneburner said, "... Mark has become a mentor to our own children in this community, ... It doesn’t always happen like this, and I couldn’t be more proud of our community, Mark, and these boys.”<br />
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The Mayor also made what I think is a valid prediction. Referring to the boys she said, “They’re seeing how to mentor, they’re learning how to do this, and when they grow up, they’re going to be up here with a crew of kids helping them having done something,” ... “I’m just sure of it. Thank you so much, gentlemen.”<br />
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Isn't this an amazing and wonderful story about the impact one motivated man rallying a few allies, can have in the lives of a lot of boys and in the life of his community. <a href="http://www.voicenews.com/life/skatepark-volunteers-receive-algonac-asset-awards/article_7468bfcc-0c94-11ea-8a12-5316327b4bff.html" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>You can read the whole story in The Voice</b></u></a>, an online Newspaper about Algonac and the surrounding area.<br />
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-79591033847251116712019-11-11T14:37:00.001-07:002021-04-18T13:51:48.991-07:00How to Hold Discussion Groups With KidsIf you're a fan of this blog, you know how dedicated I am to having adult men sitting in conversation circles with young guys. I've been at it for almost 20 years and I believe it is one of the most boy-civilizing, healing, emotionally rich, and joyful things a man can do. "Getting real" as the boys describe it, today is called building their Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) capacity. By any name being in conversation with young men is an extraordinarily positive thing for all the males involved.<br />
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Jm_Ey4-FGEw/XcnSa0ZkgZI/AAAAAAAAwq0/pA8r3cOhqCw7NhopMkbumAZTmYInKblPwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/TalkingBook.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="386" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Jm_Ey4-FGEw/XcnSa0ZkgZI/AAAAAAAAwq0/pA8r3cOhqCw7NhopMkbumAZTmYInKblPwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/TalkingBook.jpg" width="246" /></a></div>
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As a helpful tool for people interested in working with young people in this way, Jean Sunde Peterson's new edition of her book, <i>How (and Why) to Get Students Talking</i>, is a rich resource. She teaches readers how to conduct "guided conversations." She prepares facilitators for the activity with introductory training and needed background materials. If you're wondering what you'll be talking about, she also provides 78 templates for discussion on a wide range of important topics.<br />
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Here's my take on just some of Peterson's list of the Social and Emotional learning that comes from discussions in groups of kids and (trained) adults:<br />
<ul>
<li>Recognizing the importance of listening </li>
<li>Recognizing the importance of both verbal and nonverbal skills in conversation </li>
<li>Being able to “grab the moment” to compliment someone </li>
<li>Being able to express compassion and appreciation </li>
<li>Recognizing when it is wise to ask for help </li>
<li>Avoiding assumptions about the thoughts (of others) </li>
<li>Recognizing that everyone is constantly developing—and probably struggling with something </li>
<li>Understanding that teens who seem confident may not feel self-assured </li>
<li>Recognizing that everyone feels stressed, angry, worried, sad, and socially inept at times
</li>
</ul>
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You can <a href="https://www.freespirit.com/teaching-strategies-and-professional-development/how-and-why-to-get-students-talking-jean-sunde-peterson" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>use this link</b></u></a> to order a copy of <u>How (and Why) to Get Students Talking</u>, and if you're interested in or have questions about circles with young guys, give me a shout.<br />
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Trust me, the boys are waiting.<br />
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-21705324542388384262019-10-17T08:59:00.001-07:002019-10-17T08:59:33.602-07:00Males 2 Men Mentoring (M2M)I just LOVE the stories of what one inspired man and some of his brothers in mission can create. In a way, it's nothing special, just good and caring men doing what men have done naturally, forever . . . show the young men what it means to be a man.
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Tray Taylor, of the Males 2 Men (M2M) mentoring program in Kansas City, MO. describes the M2M mission this way, "<i>Males 2 Men (has) one purpose in mind: To raise strong, conscious, productive men, and re-establish responsible, accountable leadership in the community.</i>"
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<b><i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">. . . just good and caring men doing<br />what men have done naturally,<br /> forever. . .</span></i></b>
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-0oBIx7BnNUw/XaiGtDt9dVI/AAAAAAAAv1Q/lBbhIqQsw3ASQKiTbP2FOxErTNEmo-x-ACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/Males2Men.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="248" data-original-width="476" height="207" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-0oBIx7BnNUw/XaiGtDt9dVI/AAAAAAAAv1Q/lBbhIqQsw3ASQKiTbP2FOxErTNEmo-x-ACLcBGAsYHQ/s400/Males2Men.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Just looking at their <a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" https:="" malestomen="" pg="" photos="" target="_blank" www.facebook.com=""><u style="color: #331212;"><b>Facebook photos</b></u></a> will tell you the whole story. The boys get experience using tools and building things, gardening, car repair, cleaning up their community, gutting and grilling fish, learning about what men do from visiting speakers, and much, much more. In addition to meetings and outdoor learning experiences, in the photos you'll see Mr. Taylor hosting up to 20 kids at his home most Monday evenings. They hang out, get help with homework, learn things, have fun, and eat dinner together (always a great strategy for boys).
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My experience is that once men get over their fears, time spent with boys is not at all hard for men to do, and it all comes naturally. Everything just falls into place in the pack of males when the men show up. It does take a commitment and the desire to not just save the boys in your community, but to support them in eventually becoming good and capable men. "I<i>t's important to show (the kids) the pitfalls out there in the community — what not to do, what to do; be a leader, not a follower,</i>" Taylor said, "<i>We're able to tap into something, things that we went through, and try to lead them through a different path or show them something different.</i>"
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I loved the story about how at one meeting one of the men, Smoke, "<i>. . .went over the electrical schematics on a truck, he taught the boys how to check the tire pressure and learn about all of the different parts under the hood. . .</i>" That made me happy, because no one ever did that form me. I remember the first time as a teen when I caught a whiff of the air that comes out of a tire when you try to bring it up to the right pressure. Nothing else smells like that. It's just great that the men were helping the boys understand the many mysteries under the hood and around the vehicle.
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The Males 2 Men mentoring program is free and open to boys between the ages of 7 and 19. There are seven male mentors working with Mr. Taylor. As he says about these adult men (and everyone reading this post), "<i>Everybody has a part to play," . . ."It just depends on what part they want to play</i>."
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"<b>...change the narrative of the nation for young black males!</b>"
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<iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/xe61DS6C8D4" width="560"></iframe>
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If this clip doesn't show up <a href="https://youtu.be/xe61DS6C8D4" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>use this link</b></u></a>.
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If you're not yet ready to step up to support young guys in some way in your community, you can help the M2M men in their work. Make a small (or large) donation on their <a href="https://www.gofundme.com/f/friends-of-males-2-men" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b><b>Go Fund Me</b> campaign</b></u></a>. It's a great cause, you will be helping a lot, and you'll be doing something to change the world.
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<b><br /></b><b>CONTACT EARL:</b> <a href="http://man-making.com/contact/" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>Send Earl a message</b></u></a>. I'm very interested in your thoughts on any man-making post or topic. I'm also available to help you bring man-making initiatives to your community or organization.<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-81327585464281399262019-06-17T13:34:00.000-07:002019-06-17T13:35:08.163-07:00An UN-Father's Day Message<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0PhfJFD-iMI/U5nhNtixKxI/AAAAAAAAMVk/tdIuTRxcnDQ/s1600/Ken_Earl_UN-Fathers_Day.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0PhfJFD-iMI/U5nhNtixKxI/AAAAAAAAMVk/tdIuTRxcnDQ/s320/Ken_Earl_UN-Fathers_Day.JPG" width="190" /></a></div>
<b>This is a repeat of an older post describing what Father's Day means to me. It's all still true for me and it feels good to honor my father, father's, and fatherless boys in this way today. It is my intention to run this out every Father's Day.</b><br />
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Fathers, for better and worse, are THE most powerful man-making force on the planet. In this dad season, good fathers are my heroes, and certainly deserve high praise and celebration. That said, here's another way to think about Father's day. <br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">. . . that stew pot of memories<br />called "Dad" . . .</span></i></b></div>
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As the commercial messages about Father's Day bring fathers and fatherhood into sharp focus, for me that stew pot of memories called "Dad," with its very mixed bag of confusing emotions, gets seriously stirred up. From my childhood through adolescence, my dad was lost in his marriage, was sick, and in the throes of alcoholism. While there were some gifts from him, too often he treated me horribly and I've been finding my way back ever since. Even though I know my father was the best dad he was able to be, I'm left feeling the complicated remnants of rage, love, sadness, hopelessness, and a kind of father-hunger driven emptiness at my core.<br />
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After years of self-discovery work and digging around in my family history, I've been able to find some true expressions of my dad's fatherly love. Like water in the desert, I treasure those few positive memories. Taken together, they form a small shield I can use to protect myself on Father's Day. At this point in my life, I'm exhausted by both talking and not talking about my dad issues. But when the third Sunday of June approaches each year, for me it's an <i>Un-Father's Day</i>. I find myself looking forward to the relief on the day after Father's Day when it all goes underground again.<br />
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In this dad season, I'm also very much reminded of the many men, adolescent males, and young boys I've come across in my man-making work who don't have any good dad memories to use as a defense on Father's Day. In fact, it's quite the opposite. I'm reminded of of all the really bad dad stories I've heard shared across a circle by often sobbing guys.<br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">I'm just saying,<br />I've heard lots of really bad dad stories.</span></i></b></div>
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I have heard from countless men, young men, and boys who have never known a dad because he simply wasn't identifiable, because they were adopted at birth, or because of a court ordered separation from their fathers. There are all the dads who left during pregnancy, or the dads who were shot in the hood from gang violence. Then there are all the kids whose dads are in jail, or lost to PTSD or substance abuse. I remember a soft-spoken boy of ten whose initiation name was Steel Heart. He was in the room when his dad killed himself with a shotgun blast to the head. I'm just saying, I've heard lots of really bad dad stories.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-KhiFTokokQI/U5nmH9i2nZI/AAAAAAAAMVw/zOxnfslGA74/s1600/UN_Fathers_day.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="58" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-KhiFTokokQI/U5nmH9i2nZI/AAAAAAAAMVw/zOxnfslGA74/s1600/UN_Fathers_day.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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I always wonder if just the idea of Father's Day results in re-wounding these fatherless young males. I wonder if the day stirs up their deep, confusing, profound, and not very well-defended sense of abandonment and father-loss. For them and me, again this year, it will be very much an <i>Un-Father's Day</i>.<br />
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So on this Father's Day, if you have the good fortune to have a good dad to honor, count yourself as lucky, and don't miss a chance to say thank you. However imperfectly he fathered you, he was there and doing the best he could do. He deserves to be thanked and celebrated. Thanks Dad, I love you.<br />
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After honoring your father, please take a moment to allow into your heart all those tragically abandoned or under-fathered young guys in the world around you. The boys, young men, and men who won't feel those good-dad feelings on Father's Day. Remember that on Father's Day, and every other day of the year, these guys will experience a profound hunger for the blessings that can only come from having a caring father in your life. Remember all the boys and men who, maybe like me, are just hoping all this complicated emotional dad business will pass by soon, go back underground, and that life somehow will get back to a survivable normal on the day after <i>Un-Father's Day</i>.<br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">. . . I believe there is/was a father who loved you.</span></i></b></div>
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<b>On my <i>Un-Father's Day</i> card I'd write:</b> <br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #331212;">Today I honor good dads everywhere. Thanks you for all you have done and will do. Blessings also on the dads who in some way checked-out, who walked or were not available to their sons, and on the sad legacy they have to live with as a result. And especially, blessings on confused, sad, and dad-hungry males everywhere. Buried underneath all the drama and tragedy that kept you and your father apart, in my heart I believe there is/was a father who loved you.</span></i></b></blockquote>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-28700380224896712742019-06-11T13:57:00.003-07:002019-06-11T13:57:29.868-07:00The Gentlemen's AgreementFor years I've been writing about how so many of our young boys need the support and guidance from non-parental adults. In some ways, it's a replacement for, or addition to, the approach of surrounding them with extended family and "it takes a village...," that used to be how raising kids was naturally done. The basic idea is providing kids with this kind of exposure to caring adults in schools!
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<b><i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">"...the new norm for education..."</span></i></b>
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The genius in this idea is that schools are where the boys are corralled and where we can get their attention. This is what one New Jersey high school principal, <a href="http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/2019/05/man-making-heroes-bringing-love-to.html" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>profiled in my last blog post</b></u></a>, described as, "...the new norm for education..." where we put, "...some loving people in the (school) building...."
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In my winter home in Arizona, I'm working with <a href="https://www.btmtucson.com/school-based-mentoring.html" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>Boys to Men Tucson</b></u></a>, where a big part of our programming is putting trained and background-checked men into middle and high schools. They offer support group experiences to young men aged 12-17 during the school day. The academic data we've collected, the boy's reports, the praise from the schools, and the feedback from parents all tell us this is clearly an idea whose time has come.
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DfEKJLk66cc/XP_j0zS1SLI/AAAAAAAAmdM/lef0fisX5NoKPPt08eYeod4MuhKJ6UFIgCLcBGAs/s1600/gentlemen_agreement.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="683" data-original-width="1024" height="213" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DfEKJLk66cc/XP_j0zS1SLI/AAAAAAAAmdM/lef0fisX5NoKPPt08eYeod4MuhKJ6UFIgCLcBGAs/s320/gentlemen_agreement.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Participants in The Gentlemen's Agreement</td></tr>
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A recent article in <i>The Wilson Times</i>, from Wilson, North Carolina, describes a similar program for boys called, <i>The Gentlemen's Agreement</i>. This program was started at the high school level and has now moved into two elementary schools. They know it's working because when you can get a fifth grader to say he has "<i>learned to take responsibility for his actions</i>," you have clearly and positively altered the trajectory of that young man's life.<br />
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<i>The Gentlemen's Agreement</i> program offers career inventories, has conversations about college or other careers, teaches leadership skills, and covers heady ideas like what it takes to become a good man! Who would you, dear reader, be today if you had exposure to these ideas when you were in the 5th grade? You can read all about this wonderful program <a href="http://www.wilsontimes.com/stories/from-boys-to-men,171141" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>in <i>The Wilson Times</i> article</b></u></a>.
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On the Man-Making Blog, if you put the word "school" into the right sidebar search window, you will find <a href="http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/search?q=school" target="_blank"><u><b style="color: #331212;">many years' worth of </b><span style="color: #331212;"><b>descriptions</b></span><b style="color: #331212;"> of school-based programs</b></u></a> like <i>The Gentlemen's Agreement</i> for boys. What all these programs have in common is they need people like you to help them run. I like to say that what the boys need and really want is time with gloriously imperfect men, who care enough about our young guys to show up.
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<b><i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">"Because you're still reading this post,<br /> it means you're interested and qualified..."</span></i></b>
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If not yet, this idea of supporting boys in schools will soon be arriving in your community. Because you're still reading this post, it means you're interested and qualified to participate. You could start now by asking around about volunteer opportunities at a school near you. Or maybe you can start a boy's group in a school! If you're interested, <u style="color: #331212;"><b><a href="http://man-making.com/contact/" target="_blank">give me a shout</a>,</b></u> and we can talk about how to do it.
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What I know for sure is that the boys are waiting for men, just like you, to appear and make a difference in their lives.
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-46596124750823875062019-05-24T15:41:00.003-07:002019-05-24T15:41:55.241-07:00Man-Making Heroes - Bringing Love to SchoolHe's going to any lengths to keep kids safe.
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In the clip below, listen to one of my heroes, Akbar Cook, the principal of West Side High School in Newark, New Jersey. He says, "Let's put some loving people in the building...." If he is right, and this is, "<b>...the new norm for education...,</b>" we all have a place in his vision and some work to do.
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<iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="253" src="https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/MjqdpOKh8wg" width="450"></iframe>
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If this clip doesn't show up <a href="https://youtu.be/MjqdpOKh8wg" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>use this link</b></u></a>.
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Oh yeah, as it turns out, the famous Oprah heard about the Lights on Program and donated a half-million dollars to Newark's West Side High School!<br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">"Let's put some loving people in the building..."</span></i></b>
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We all can't be Oprah, but what small thing can you do to support "our" kids?
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Thanks to another of my heroes, Joe Sigurdson of the <a href="http://boystomen.org/" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>Boys to Men Mentoring Network in San Diego</b></u></a> for his example and this inspiration.
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