MAN-MAKING BLOG: November 2019

In too many communities, there are no or few "boy places." Think about it, where are those places in your neighborhood or community where boys can hang out, be boys, burn off energy, and have fun?Where are the places where boys won't scare the local population (or law enforcement) and attract negative attention? If we're talking out doors, it's often either a basketball court or a skateboard park. That's if the boys are lucky. This is a story about a skateboard park and one motivated man who get's it.

Mark Crothers, is just "a guy" and native resident of Algonac, Michigan. He received the Algonac Asset Award from the Mayor and city council for rejuvenating the town's skate board park. Mark said that prior to the skate park's construction in 2001, he and other guys, "...couldn’t skate anywhere without being stopped by local police and/or business owners...." That's when Mark and others raised the money to build the skate park.

This last year Mark realized the almost 20-year-old skate park was hurting. As the Mayor said when giving out the award, “Mark has fond memories of the park and sprang into action when it fell into disrepair.” Mark gathered up a dozen or so people of different ages, again raised some money, and together they seriously buffed up the park. They even got three artists to come out and create, "...murals and graffiti art throughout the ramps."

...a robust role model
demonstrating leadership and compassion...

When she gave out the award, the Mayor described how, during the process, Mark had been, "...a robust role model demonstrating leadership and compassion to the younger skaters who use it now." The Mayor also honored the young boys who helped with the skate park redo, calling them individually to the front of the room and presenting them with certificates. How awesome is THAT in this age when too many young males are highlighted for bad behavior and demeaned by the media?

In closing the award ceremony, the Mayor and others offered a number of powerful predictions and blessings. One I really like came from Mayor Pro Tem, Rocky Gillis. He said, “Every time a person steps up and volunteers to help something, they own a little piece of that,... Every one of those kids that helped now are going to be the ones that make sure that it stays the way it is for generations to come.”

Mayor Stoneburner said, "... Mark has become a mentor to our own children in this community, ... It doesn’t always happen like this, and I couldn’t be more proud of our community, Mark, and these boys.”

The Mayor also made what I think is a valid prediction. Referring to the boys she said, “They’re seeing how to mentor, they’re learning how to do this, and when they grow up, they’re going to be up here with a crew of kids helping them having done something,” ... “I’m just sure of it. Thank you so much, gentlemen.”

Isn't this an amazing and wonderful story about the impact one motivated man rallying a few allies, can have in the lives of a lot of boys and in the life of his community. You can read the whole story in The Voice, an online Newspaper about Algonac and the surrounding area.

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If you're a fan of this blog, you know how dedicated I am to having adult men sitting in conversation circles with young guys. I've been at it for almost 20 years and I believe it is one of the most boy-civilizing, healing, emotionally rich, and joyful things a man can do. "Getting real" as the boys describe it, today is called building their Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) capacity. By any name being in conversation with young men is an extraordinarily positive thing for all the males involved.

As a helpful tool for people interested in working with young people in this way, Jean Sunde Peterson's new edition of her book, How (and Why) to Get Students Talking, is a rich resource. She teaches readers how to conduct "guided conversations." She prepares facilitators for the activity with introductory training and needed background materials. If you're wondering what you'll be talking about, she also provides 78 templates for discussion on a wide range of important topics.

Here's my take on just some of Peterson's list of the Social and Emotional learning that comes from discussions in groups of kids and (trained) adults:

Recognizing the importance of listening
Recognizing the importance of both verbal and nonverbal skills in conversation
Being able to “grab the moment” to compliment someone
Being able to express compassion and appreciation
Recognizing when it is wise to ask for help
Avoiding assumptions about the thoughts (of others)
Recognizing that everyone is constantly developing—and probably struggling with something
Understanding that teens who seem confident may not feel self-assured
Recognizing that everyone feels stressed, angry, worried, sad, and socially inept at times

You can use this link to order a copy of How (and Why) to Get Students Talking, and if you're interested in or have questions about circles with young guys, give me a shout.

Trust me, the boys are waiting.

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