Men, Boys, and the Wilderness

Four years ago, myself and a group of men started the Desert Men's Council in Tucson, AZ. It's been a fun and challenging adventure that has connected me to really good men, a pack of adolescent males, and occasionally, offered an outing in the desert wilderness or mountains near Tucson. I especially like going camping in the outback with a tribe of males.

I didn't have a father or other men in my life who took me camping. There was one outing when I was a Cub Scout that is still alive in my memory. We only went as far as a town park on the edge of the city where you could still hear traffic. But as a first timer, playing with other guys in the woods, grilling a hot dog outside, sitting around a fire under the stars, and sleeping in a smelly old army tent, all bordered on magical. I can still smell that old tent canvas. I was allowed to sharpen a stick with a real buck knife, and I learned how to start a campfire, put up a tent, and laugh when someone farted at the fire. All those memories come rushing back and the potency of that experience comes back to me every time I go into the wilderness with men and young males.

This last weekend, the men and young guys of the Desert Men's Council held their annual Council Rocks Campout (photos at this link). There were the normal pre-departure challenges to arrange transportation for our food, water, all the campers and their gear. It was sweet to watch the mom's hanging around and seeming to not want to let go of their sons. Finally, after counting off around the circle, a pack of twenty-four males, ages ten to sixty-eight, and a few dogs, loaded into cars and drove over pavement, dirt, and then finally a 4-wheel drive road to get to our campsite in the Dragoon Mountains near Tombstone, AZ.

It was a perfect young guy location. Not a house in sight, in the foothills of the mountains, huge boulders to climb on, and wall paintings and petroglyphs that pre-date the Apache Indians who used the place as a meeting ground.

On arrival we set up a first class camp by dividing into teams. Fire team, kitchen team, and even a team for digging the latrine! With camp prepared, we gathered in a circle to make sure everyone was accounted for (again counting off). We discussed how we were going to approach the challenging afternoon hike, covering the critical importance of hydration in the desert, what to do if we encountered a mountain lion (unlikely), snakes (very possible), and how to travel as a band of brothers, making sure everyone was OK, and that we'd arrive back together safely.

Before heading out we made sure water bottles were filled and then, just before departure, we all gathered around the latrine. It was a first class setup, with a long trench, privacy tarp, pile of dirt and shovel, a great view, and even a bag for used TP to honor our "no trace" intentions. The idea of using the latrine at all was a major shock for the city kids with us. Until that moment, the notion really hadn't crossed their minds. There was some basic training, lots of questions, and wary glances as they considered the possibility of this new experience. I'm sure that for more than one of them, that was the moment they decided they could "hold it" for two days.

I always like seeing a line of men and boys waling on a trail on the way to face a challenge. It's an ancient scene wired into the male DNA and somehow just feels right. As you can see in the photos, it was a challenging hike of about 3 hours in temps that approached 90 degrees. There was rough rock, mini-canyons to negotiate, and plenty of prickly desert plants to get the attention of those who went astray. The tired tribe returned to camp with a rock and cactus bites, great memories, some awesome shots for their Facebook pages, and serious bragging rights.

The fire team started the dinner fire, and the kitchen team assembled the meal. Finally, good food was shared, and the campfire conversations started. Jokes were made, stories from the hike were told, people were honored, and serious topics about male lives were also unfolded. In the process, new friends were made and our male community grew tighter. Tired bodies hit the sleeping bags that night. Most slept out under the stars with such deep quiet you could, at times, hear your heartbeat in your ears.

Dawn, 9 AM for most of the young guys, began an easy move into the day. A breakfast fire and the smell of food being prepared got even the sleepiest dudes out of their bags. Breakfast, and then a morning circle around the fire, gave each male time to check in with what they were feeling, what they liked the best, and what lesson they learned on the experience they would take back to their lives at home. It was a gentle time, where everyone had a chance to be seen, heard, and honored.

I know this is a long story. But if you got this far, it's because there is something in the story that speaks to you. Speaks to a part of you that knows this story, or maybe doesn't and possibly hungers for this experience still. You can believe the men who put on the event are just like you. We all had vastly different skill sets, none of us could have done it on our own, but together, we figured out the details and filled in the blanks to make it all happen. You could too.

If you and some of you male friends were to gather and begin to remember the camping you used to do, or wanted to do, remember leaving the women and children to head out in a pack, the time spent around the fires, the beauty of the night skies, and the "guy conversations" that always occur, you might just stir up enough interest to bring those gifts to some young males in your world. It really doesn't have to be far, elegant (think hot dogs), or in any way perfect. But you can be sure that if you have some young guys along, it just might be life-changing memorable for them. And it will be very good for you're masculine spirit too.

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Making Mentoring SAFE

A few months back, I reached a limit of sorts, when the news about Jerry Sandusky and the Penn State tragedy appeared. In this tabloid “news” world we live in, we are always hearing about molesters and the layers of tragedy they create. I titled that blog post, “I’m really angry about creepy guys,” and I still am, a little.

The truth is there are so many more wonderful stories about really good men showing up for young males with inspirational tales of lives transformed. But sadly, the dominant media focus always seems to be on the sordid. I know it’s a good thing to shine the light of awareness in the dark places, but how about some balance? I’ll be trying to bring some of that balance in future posts. If you have a story about good men or a man involved in boys' lives, please send it along to me. The world needs to hear these stories.

The good news is that youth-serving organizations everywhere are learning how to do a better job of screening applicants. This creates more protection for young people and the organization. It makes parents more comfortable, and the right prospective volunteers feel safe in applying. When it’s clear an organization is using state of the art background checking and other forms of vetting, volunteers know they, too, will be protected from guilt by association should something or someone go terribly wrong.

One organization in the vanguard of this movement is Friends for Youth, Inc., out of Redwood City, CA. They have been in the mentoring business for a quarter of a century and, out of that experience, they have produced an amazing book titled, SAFE (Screening Applicants for Effectiveness): Guidelines to Prevent Child Molestation in Mentoring and Youth-Serving Organizations. It’s the most current and comprehensive work on the subject I’ve seen in a while. It covers a literature review on the issue of child molestation, offers examples of and instruction in best-practice screening AND monitoring of applicants, and describes state-of-the-art molestation prevention tools and resources. The SAFE book is a good read for anyone who wants to understand what it means to have solid organizational integrity when it comes to protecting kids and the good adults who want to support them. You can order the SAFE book on the Friends for Youth, Inc. website.

As an indication the commitment by Friends for Youth to helping organizations and protecting kids, they are offering a free webinar on this important topic. It’s being offered on Tuesday, Feb. 28th, 2012, from 10:00 AM to 11:15 AM (PST). The webinar is open to anyone who cares enough to be interested. Visit their website Webinar page for more information and to register.

In making involvement with young people SAFE, perhaps it will remove some of the fear of involvement that results in long organizational wait-lists of young guys. Young males are hoping someone like you might come forward and hang out with them for a while, maybe be a man-maker in someone's life!

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Str8Street – Early Gang Intervention

I’ve always said that we don’t so much have a young male-driven violence problem in our cities as an epidemic of under-male-nourished boys. Without the boy-civilizing influence of older men in young guy’s lives, you are guaranteed to have testosterone-fueled, out of control young men running around trying to be “men,” and getting into trouble. There is an often quoted African proverb, which in effect says, If the young men are not initiated into the life of the Village, they will burn it down just to feel the heat. Today we call that situation a gang problem.

Since my Creepy Guy post a couple weeks ago, I’m on a mission to bring to light the good men who are making a positive difference in young male lives. Recently, I was part of the launch of an extraordinary program called Str8Street. It’s a Carson City, Nevada community program with the potential to reach out to lost and gang-vulnerable young males. In Carson City, there is a growing presence of mostly white and Hispanic gangs. One young man, named Jose, had managed to step out of a gang, gotten clean, and then approached the Boys and Girls Clubs of Western Nevada Mentor Center with an idea. He wanted to do something to keep young kids off the streets and out of the gang life.

About the same time, the staff of the Mentor Center had heard me speak at a conference on how to get men to show up for young males. We all got connected, had many conversations, and together came up with the idea for Str8Street. The goal of the program is to get a diverse tribe of good men involved in doing things with a multicultural mix of young boys before they are old enough to hear the powerful call into gangs.

For Str8Street’s introduction, we invited men from all parts of the community to a presentation I did titled, Building the Men’s Hut: A Conversation about Men, Manhood, and the Boys in Our Village. In attendance were male staff from the Boy’s and Girl’s Club, parole officers, the sheriff, past gang members, college kids, some young dudes, and many good men from the community. No women were allowed. The result of that program, simply put, was almost unanimous support for the intentions and goals of the program. Many men signed up to participate, community support was enlisted, and a launch date chosen.

The launch event was an overnight campout full of games, adventure, food, and time around the fire. Males of all ages and backgrounds were present, shared in the events, and, most importantly, shared their stories and hopes for the future of Str8Street. At the end of the campout, all the participants got a silver dog tag that read Str8Street, marking their participation and the common bond that had been established.

Since the campout, the boys and men have had a wide variety of learning experiences and local adventures. They’ve learned to shop for groceries and then how to barbeque, gone rock climbing, learned how to create and set goals, done some basic car maintenance, explored an art and cultural museum, had CPR training, gone scuba diving in a pool, and played team sports. As the program evolves, boys will have more input into what they want to experience, and a chance to demonstrate leadership by running parts of the meetings. Each event includes time for going over the rules for the group, the event itself, a post-event discussion about what was learned, and always some casual, side-by-side time to learn about what is and is not working in each of the boy’s lives.

What is so innovative about this program is that good men from all parts of the community are involved. The program keeps men engaged because most of the activities appeal to males of all ages, and the time investment is very short term. In addition to the fun, men get to meet, hang out with new men friends and experience the satisfaction of making a positive contribution to their community. It also is true that adult male hearts are often profoundly softened by the connection to the young dudes.

If you know of a program in which good men are making a difference in boy’s lives, let me know and we’ll put the word out here.

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The Raven Weekend for Boys

Imagine a multi-generational male tribe . . . Elders, men, adolescent males, and young boys, all focused on a positive journey toward a solid manhood. That tribe is evolving in Tucson, AZ (and in lots of other places).

I just completed staffing another Raven Weekend. These are what I call a “welcome to the world of men” weekend experiences for 9-12 year-old boys. This was the first ever Raven Weekend in Tucson, AZ. While small in numbers, it was wildly successful for the men and boys involved. If you add the Raven Weekend to the efforts of Mankind Project active in this area initiating adult men, and our Rite of Passage Adventure Weekend for adolescent males, a true, multi-generational men’s hut is being created in this community.

On this weekend, the staff of a dozen plus solid staff introduced an amazing pack of 9 young boys to "the world of men." Men and boys played capture the flag, drummed, juggled with a chicken, got muddy, learned the art of camouflage, stalking prey, wilderness shelter building, talked about bullying, and sat around the fires for storytelling. They met men with large hearts, learned about men’s lives at different ages in the span of a life, and feasted on Pizza. Simply stated, boy heaven.

In addition to the above, there were activities designed to introduce discussions about the cycle of life (living and dying), to encourage age appropriate emotional expression, and lots of time to celebrate the gifts and unique wisdom of each boy. Watching boys go through all these experiences has a powerful impact on the men also. For me, words that describe a Raven Weekend experience include play, fun, learning, adventure, sweetness, remembering, blessings, and caring.

The weekend was skillfully led by Pete Young from Ashland, OR. Pete has been doing these weekends around the country and evolved a powerful template that is perfectly suited to the young male experience and energy output.

At the end of the weekend when the new Ravens were awarded a talisman honoring their experience, one young guy summed it up pretty well. He said, “it was the funnest weekend ever!”

At this link: http://tinyurl.com/2010TucsonRaven, you can see some of the photos of the Tucson Raven Weekend. If you weren't there, you won't see everything that happened and some of the pictures may not make sense. You’d have to talk to a staff man or Raven to get the whole story. If you’re really curious, or possibly want to host a Raven Weekend in your community, you can contact Pete Young.

If you can handle the energy output, you too may have the "funnest weekend" in a very long time.

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