MAN-MAKING BLOG: community

Showing posts with label community. Show all posts

February 5, 2022

Gentlemen Quarters Barbershop Academy

Derick Cagle was a sharp barber who paid attention to his surroundings. At a back-to-school event where he was cutting hair, he listened to the young men waiting their turn who were messing with each other. Teasing and taunting about their girls, sports, drug deals, being cool, and lots of other smack talk. In the middle of all that commotion, an older man got everyone's attention when he chimed in with his story about someone he'd shot and the price he has paid ever since. That mentoring moment was a huge wake up call for Derick, and the beginning of what's since become the Gentlemen Quarters Barbershop Academy.

In this story in the North Carolina News, I learned about how the GQ Barbershop Academy "organizes events for teens between the ages of 13-18 that includes free haircuts and free mentoring." It's one great tale about how fatherless and other boys connect with men from their community and get the male guidance and caring they so often need.

Here's what one single mom said about Mr. Cagle: "Passion really fuels him and he’s from the Durham community and knows exactly what takes place here,” she says. "This couples with his love for building up young men." I love these stories about what one motivated man can create if he finds the courage to step up.

"...you don't have to wait till violence hits in your family
or neighborhood to step up into action."

Cagle has personal reasons to be in the mentoring game. His nephew was killed just prior to his 21st birthday. That and other violence in his community, often close to home, was the call to action he heard. But you don't have to wait till violence hits in your family or neighborhood to step up into action.

Derick's instructor at Harris Barber College was a man named Tobias McLean. Mr. McLean turned out to be a powerful mentor in Derick's life. One of the important lessons he got from this man was, “You can’t be in this community and not be part of this community.” Derick Cagle, is cutting hair, but is also in the business of helping young guys and maybe saving lives too. He's a gift to his community and one of my heroes.

To learn more about the GQ Barbershop Academy, check out their website, or give them a shout at 919-816-2335.

If you know of other men like Derick, let me know. I'd like to share those stories. It's clear the world needs men like him as role models, and the boys need those men now more than ever.

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October 10, 2021

For the Love of Basketball

This is another of my collection of "heroes" posts. Or, as I like to call them, "What One Man Can Do" stories. We are all regularly confronted with stories in the news about wild young guys doing foolish things, often with tragic consequences for themselves, their peers, and their community. Your community! Who among us has not at least thought, "Someone should do something about those boys!" The heroes I write about in these posts are the men who step up and act. Mario Lamarre is one of those men.

Mario Lamarre

Mario is the founder of Hoop Alliance Mentoring. It's a program built to connect coaches, mentors, and prospective basketball players in Brockton, Massachusetts. It is also a powerful mentoring program that teaches critical life lessons and gives young men a safe haven, all through the love of basketball.

. . . critical life lessons
all through the love of basketball.

According to a recent story in the Brockton Enterprise, it all began 7 years ago when Mario emptied his savings account to get the program started. He set up the program at the Boys & Girls Club in Brockton where he worked. This past August, the Hoop Alliance Mentoring basketball tournament was hosted by Brockton High School, in a beautiful gym, complete with fans in the bleachers.

Hoop Alliance Mentoring has grown over the years, and now serves over one hundred students. The students are divided into six teams, with ten members each, and two co-coaches. The remaining forty kids are "playing for fun," and I suspect, hoping for a shot at getting on a team. The teams meet on Mondays for one-on-one mentoring and practice, and then on either Tuesdays or Thursdays they have games.

The teams are sponsored by local business which ups the community involvement. The young men are surrounded by older men and program graduates who function as coaches and community mentors for the young guys. The mentors' primary purpose is to encourage the players to become better athletes and help them build outstanding character. Mario hopes to soon add a girls' division, and set up an official nonprofit organization. You can read more about Hoop Alliance Mentoring in The Brockton Enterprise article.

In the tournament, the red team defeated the orange team, 68-57. But really they are all on the same team and they are all equally victorious!

Mario Lamarre is just one man who decided to act and do something for the young guys around him. It took time and determination to keep his dream alive. The result is that he has positively influenced the lives of countless young men, and positively impacted families and his community in the process.

Mario Lamarre is my hero for sure . . . but maybe you could be too.

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March 7, 2019

Learning to Take a Stand for Others

I've posted here previously about Father Greg Boyle, because without knowing him, I love him. He is simply one of my heroes in the work of standing for others who need and deserve our attention and support. I love his message describing his incredible work with gang members through his organization, Homeboy Industries. His message of compassion and acceptance is always able to touch my heart, and inspires me to action.

See what this short clip taken from his talk at a Pepperdine University commencement event does for and to you?

If this clip doesn't show up use this link for the full version.

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July 24, 2015

Helping Potentially Lethal Young Men

I often speak about severely under-male-nourished young men who are lost, imprisoned, or even dying for lack of adult male blessing and guidance. Very often, these are young males who have nothing positive to say about a father or adult man. I'm talking ZERO positive connection to good men and often lots of damage from a bad dad or the other men who are in their lives. The result is an emotionally damaged kid full of anger and teen bravado. The mask of, "I'm fine and I don't need anybody" is hard set on these guys, and they can put the whole community in danger.

Because of their predictable deficits, these young men are at high risk for making very bad life choices. But IF a man or group of men can connect with them while being very patient and working gently, many young men can have their life's trajectory altered and many can be saved. It often takes a long time to connect with these guys and a lot of courage on the part of these young men to risk trusting men again.

So I was not surprised when one of you sent along this great article from Mother Jones describing how a combination of mentoring by good men and cash incentives are being combined to reduce violence and homicides in Richmond, California. The article states in 2007 Richmond, "had the dubious distinction of being the ninth most dangerous in America." They had 47 homicides that year which meant in some places, gunfire was almost a daily event. Research into those numbers in 2009 revealed a rather surprising fact: "An estimated 70 percent of shootings and homicides in Richmond in 2009 were caused by just a few individuals . . . between the ages of 16 and 25." With the city's "potentially most lethal young men" identified, in combinations with other interventions, they set up Operation Peacemaker Fellowship (OPF), now known nationally as "the Richmond Model.”

The most innovative aspect of Operation Peacemaker Fellowship was the bait. The deal was if the young men, called Fellows, maintained their program commitment for six months — attending meetings, staying out of trouble, and connecting with their mentors, they became eligible to earn up to $1,000 a month for a maximum of nine months and to go on big trips to see the world. With gun violence in the U.S. costing an estimated $229 billion dollars a year, the average cost to taxpayers of every gun homicide in America is nearly $400,000. With only about half the Operation Peacemaker Fellowship participants getting payments at all (usually in the $300 to $700 range) meant the cost of the initiative was a bargain given the results.

As a result of OPF and its other initiatives, by 2014 Richmond recorded a 76 percent reduction in homicides and a 69 percent reduction in firearm assaults from the 2007 data. That's the lowest number of firearm assaults and homicides in their community in more than four decades. Of the 68 OPF Fellows who participated over the past 43 month period: 65 are alive (95%); 64 have not been injured by firearm (94%); and 57 (84%) have not been involved in any gun activity. These are huge victories given the scope and scale of the challenge!

. . . the benefits of connecting with these young guys
are much bigger than just fewer shootings.

The OPF men doing the mentoring are called Neighborhood Change Agents, and together they now work with about 150 young guys a year. While saving lives and reducing gang activity is impressive, they've learned the benefits of connecting with these young guys are much bigger than just fewer shootings. Many of the "potentially most lethal" young men in the OFP program are now in school or in jobs. These young men are doing more parenting, less drug use, and causing less violence in general. They have moved on from predictable criminal dead ends to involvement in programs that have changed the trajectory of their lives and are improving their neighborhoods in the process.

Check out this video from Richmond TV station KCBS for more of the story!
"They have to be willing to get on a plane with someone who is trying to kill you!"

The good men of Operation Peacemaker Fellowship are my heroes working on the front lines of the struggle to reclaim our lost boys and our communities. We need to honor them and learn from their experience. But to be very clear, ALL young men, even those with great families and engaged fathers, can use the objectivity and support of solid adult men. If teen males of any background can find their way to a place where there is support from good men, they will gradually open up and let you see the truth behind the mask they wear (and they all do). In those circles you can actually witness the effect of the group support, good information, personal feedback, and the positive attention working on them. You can watch as they become more confident, smile more often, and, most importantly, make better life choices.

That is what's at the heart of man-making!

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September 10, 2014

Saving Lost, Angry, and Confused Young Men

As you may know, I love the stories of one man, against all odds, stepping out to make the world a better place for young men and the rest of us. Ashanti Branch is one of those men, and I've written about him previously. I bring him to your attention again for your inspiration and to tell you about a way you can support his powerful mission and very good work.

By way of background, Ashanti was raised by a single mother on welfare and, at 6 years old, had to become the man of the house. Like myself and so many men in that situation, Ashanti had no male guidance, and says he, ". . . was left to figure manhood out by myself." He became an angry, lost, confused middle school kid, who was failing and headed for disaster. Luckily for Ashanti, there was one teacher who saw something special in him and gave him just enough caring support and encouragement to help him dig out of the hole he was in. Ashanti says that teacher, ". . . saved my life." And that's why he's showing up so powerfully in the lives of high-risk young guys today.

. . .supporting young high school men of color
who are failing fifty percent or more of their classes.

Ashanti's mission is to ". . . create a world of freedom by encouraging youth to break their chains." You can hear how his passion for this work comes through in this interview I did with him in 2013. In that conversation, Ashanti describes his Ever Forward Club, in which he's supporting young men of color in high school who are failing fifty percent or more of their classes. His success rates in moving kids from a path of almost certain failure to a college track are spectacular.

Because of his amazing success statistics, passion, and purpose, Ashanti has found his way to the TED stage where he's reaching an even larger audience. His TED talk is in the video below. In a strange and sad twist, the audio from his TED talk wasn't recorded. But lucky for us, one of his supporters captured most of his presentation on an iPhone and that's what you'll see. The quality isn't the best but his presentation rocks! His leading story about primate research, bananas, and young guys is heartbreaking.

If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

YOU can support Ashanti and his work by making a donation on his Indiegogo fund-raiser campaign page . If you want to go the extra mile, send this post link to your Facebook friends and let's see if we can help Ashanti realize his vision of supporting 100 young men in Ever Forward Clubs in 10 schools by December 2014.

While each of us could do a little something to support the young men around us, most of us can't step into the front lines of man-making like Ashanti. What I'm sure, however, is through your donation, you and Ashanti will soon be making an important difference in the lives of otherwise lost young men in the Ever Forward campaign.

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August 13, 2014

We Got This - Young Dudes Cleaning Up the Hood!

Why would fifty young males actually show up to do some cleaning at 8 AM on a Saturday morning?

If you've been reading the Man-Making Blog for a while, you know I'm crazy for the stories where one man gets an idea and winds up changing the world . . . or at least the lives of people in his corner of the world. This is one of those stories and the man, one of my heroes, is Andre Ellis from Milwaukee.

Andre in black hat

In a story by WUWM - Milwaukee Public Radio, Andre is described as a playwright, a community gardener, and the man behind the "We Got This" program. As is often the case, the idea for a program to support young black youth actually came to get Andre, but he stepped up to grow and develop the idea.

It began last spring when an 11-year-old named Jermaine got arrested for breaking and entering. Jermaine is from a part of Milwaukee where thousands of the men are currently or have been in prison. It's a place with few jobs, lots of poverty, drugs, violence, and all the things that go along with those conditions.

When the boy's mom came to Andre with the sad story of her son's arrest, he was able to intervene with the police and get him released. Andre offered Jermaine $20 if he would meet him on a Saturday morning and do some "cleaning up where he messed up!" Jermaine did show up and worked hard alongside Andre. They had some great conversation and the two guys bonded some. The following Saturday, Jermaine showed up with 5 friends all ready to work . . . and get paid.

Andre saw what might be possible, put out the call for men and money, and the "We Got This" program was launched. On a given Saturday now, up to fifty young men show up and are put to work cleaning up their community. They are mentored along the way by some of the men from the community. Not only is this a rare opportunity for young guys to become a part of community life by being in service, but they get the additional benefits of being around good men too. The twenty bucks doesn't hurt either.

"I am great. I am mighty.
I am awesome. I am magnificent....”

You can read the whole story on the WUWM website. On that page you can also hear the audio report and, in it, hear Andre pumping up the young men with inspiration and guidance. The boys follow his lead and chant, "I am great. I am mighty. I am awesome. I am magnificent....” This is one beautiful story of a good man caring about a young guy and being willing to step into action.

Andre is making a huge difference in the lives of many young men and in the life of his community. At the same time, I am absolutely certain that the adult men working with him in the "We Got This" program with him are getting the gifts of brotherhood, pumped-up male-esteem, and the respect and gratitude of their neighbors. These brothers are doing men's work and everyone benefits when that happens and when men say, "We Got This!"

Everyone benefits when men say,
"We Got This!"

Just imagine what you and a couple of your men friends might create for a few of the young dudes in your community. If, after reading this, you have even a hint of "maybe I could do something," contact me and let's kick some ideas around. I know two things for sure: Because you're reading this, you are the man for the job, no question. Second, I'm just as certain there are a few young guys out there, right now, waiting for you to show up.

CONTACT: Send Earl a message. I'm very interested in your thoughts on any man-making post or topic. I'm available to help bring man-making initiatives to your community or organization.

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September 22, 2013

The Ever Forward Club - The Power of One Man

I met Ashanti Branch in July of 2013 when we were both “outlander” staff men at the YMAW, or Young Men’s Adventure Weekend, held near Vancouver, British Columbia. Ashanti is currently a Vice Principal at the Montera Middle School in Oakland, CA. He was using his summer being Ashanti, and accumulating rich experiences, ideas, and new skills to take back to Oakland to increase his impact on his community.

Ten years ago Ashanti founded The Ever Forward Club (EFC), a not-for-profit organization in Oakland, CA. The program was started to support young men of color in high school who were failing 50 percent or more of their classes.

In the last ten years, Ashanti has put together a solid, school-based program that's had an amazing impact on countless numbers of kids, a couple of inner-city schools, and their surrounding communities. Over the years of tracking the progress of their EFC participants, they have recorded some incredible statistics. In the past eight years:

100% of the EFC members have graduated high school.
90% of the EFC graduates attend 2 or 4 year colleges after high school.
1000+ students, faculty, family and friends have participated in their Annual 24 Hour Relay Challenge which promotes community building and healthy living.

If you work in this field, you know the power in those numbers and the many small victories it's taken to achieve that degree of success. It’s easy to see why Ashanti Branch is on my list of heroes and a brother in mission. His current goal is to bring the EFC to 20 middle schools and 20 high schools by the fall of 2015, potentially supporting as many as 1,000 individual students! I have no doubt Ashanti will reach that goal!

I recently spoke with Ashanti to learn more about what he's learned in his 10 years with The Ever Forward Club. In the recording below, you can hear how the EFC got started, how it’s grown, and about the four core principles of Academic Development, Personal Development, Community Development, and Family Development, that have made it so successful.

You’ll also hear how Ashanti’s 'young male' literacy has evolved over time. I just love the part where he tells us what keeps him in this challenging work. If you like hearing about real man-making, this short clip will be very much worth your time.

Click the arrow to start play (may take a second to load)

If the player isn't visible, click on this direct link.

If you took the time to listen, you’ll see why I so respect and honor Ashanti for his powerful dedication to the young males in his world. Makes me wish I had an Ashanti in my life growing through my teen years. What I love about his story is that it’s another tale of how much difference one very motivated man can make. In ten years, Ashanti Branch has touched thousands of lives, and the positive reverberations of that impact just can’t be measured. AND, he’s just getting started!

You can learn more about The Ever Forward Club on his website, everforwardclub.org, or you can email Ashanti directly.

If you’re inclined to make a donation in support of one very reliable man-maker, working in extremely challenging circumstances, and getting extraordinary results, I know Ashanti will put the funds to good use. You can donate at the FirstGiving donation site, or make a check out to Warrior Films c/o Ever Forward Club, and send it to The Ever Forward Club, Ashanti Branch, 7514 Holly St. Oakland, CA 94621.

CONTACT: Send Earl a message. I'm very interested in your thoughts on any man-making post or topic. I'm available to help bring man-making initiatives to your community or organization.

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August 29, 2013

Boys Who Need Men in their Lives - Bad News and some Really Good News

First the Bad News:

Australian Chris Lane, 22, died from gunshot wounds on Aug. 16, in Duncan, Oklahoma. Lane had moved to Oklahoma to play baseball, and was staying with the family of his girlfriend in Duncan. He would have been a senior at East Central University this fall. He was shot in a random drive-by shooting by 3 teen boys who told police they were bored and had simply decided to kill someone for the "fun of it." Now Lane is gone and the 15, 16, and 17 year-olds are charged with murder. In a press conference Duncan District Attorney, Jason Hicks, said, "This is not Duncan, Oklahoma."

After years of working with young guys, it's always a surprise to me how shocked people are when these tragedies happen. Of course it's always wrong, often horrific, wrenching, and it messes with our protective delusions that boyhood should be a great time in a teenage boy's life. It is for some. But there are so many young guys disconnected from their community, bored, lost in their lives, and they are often angry and restless. Add guns to that mix and there can only be big trouble.

James Johnson was the man who called police four hours after the boys shot Lane. He said the shooters were outside his home with guns. Minutes later the boys were arrested with a handgun and a shotgun in their car. Johnson believes they murdered Lane as part of a gang initiation and had also targeted his son. In the video below, listen to what he says about out-of-control and lost boy shooters:

If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

. . . they are all good kids, they just don't have
any male figures in their lives . . . no men.

BUT WAIT! Now for the Good News:

In the same week, I was sent some information about another, happier story concerning men and boys. A group of men from the Boys to Men Organization in San Diego, California are doing something critical for the boys in their world. It's called the School Group Mentoring Program. Every week these dedicated men are showing up at middle schools, high schools, and foster care facilities to give teenage boys a community of men who listen, encourage, and believe in them.

Here is how they describe their program on their website:

In 2009, Boys to Men began an after school group mentoring program in San Diego targeting “at-risk” middle and high school boys. . . . The group aspect of the weekly meetings gives boys access to a variety of male role models. These men show up consistently, tell the truth about their struggles as men, ask the boys what kind of man they want to be, praise them for their unique gifts, support them when they screw up, and encourage them to become that good man they all want to be. . . . When we invest in our boys, and support them at this critical time, the payback will last a lifetime!

Here's some interesting data on the boys who have participated in these school programs. They have:

Improved their GPA by an average of 57%.
Reduced their discipline referrals by 79%.
STAYED in school. (Boys to Men students had a 0% dropout rate. The school dropout rate was 35.5%.)

An interesting side note is that 75% of the boys in the program are growing up without a father in their home.

The men from Boys to Men, San Diego, raise money to fund their school programs in a uniquely California way . . . by surfing! They call it their 100 Wave Challenge. In the video from last year's event below, you can listen to what these men and young men are saying about what it's like to be in a community where the men are showing up for the boys.

If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

Their 4th Annual 100 Wave Challenge will be September 21st at Mission Beach in San Diego. Each surfer has sponsors who have pledged financial support, and the guy has 12 hours to catch 100 waves. The average time to catch and surf 100 waves is 6 hours. It's truly a heroic effort that can only be accomplished with the support of their fellow surfers, their friends and family on the beach, and knowing the funds raised will be put to such a good cause.

If you like what they are doing and can't get there with your board, consider sending them a donation. Because as they said at the end of the video, " . . . every boy deserves a good man in his life!"

CONTACT: Send Earl a message. I'm interested in your thoughts on man-making. Also, I'm available to work with you to bring the right form of man-making to your community or organization.

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August 3, 2013

Stupid Boy Killing and Some Hope

RANT WARNING: OK, I’m sad and pissed off. I’m writing today in a burst of emotion and don’t feel like I want to make sense. I mean the world doesn’t make sense to me right now. So I’m just putting it all out here.

In today’s paper there is a story about a lost seventeen year-old boy who helped mastermind the robbery and unintended killing of his own grandmother, by himself and his boy pack.

Grandma was great. She was a positive force in her neighborhood that helped with mowing, looked after others' houses, and shared her peach crisp recipe. She volunteered at her church and helped with Vacation Bible School. She had played a role in raising her grandson and was a big support to the family after his mom divorced his dad. Grandma was even trying to get her grandson help for his drug use. As the article reported, her grandson and his siblings were “the love of her life.”

The grandson and his teen boy pack of three plotted a robbery, stalked her house, and then broke in. The oldest boy in the pack then cut grandma with a knife and forced her to write him a check for $1500. He then stabbed and strangled her while the grandson played lookout. It’s all stupid, stupid, stupid, horribly tragic, and profoundly sad.

So yes, I’m upset this whole sad drama has come to pass. I’m also sad about the other articles in the same paper describing other stupid young guy’s actions. Shootings as part of the too common, “Lord of the Flies” style gang theater, and reckless driving involving a crash and a death.

We know the pre-frontal cortex in teen male brains is not fully wired. The dudes can’t always think through the long-term consequences of their actions. That’s why dumb but exciting activities somehow make sense to them. In truth, the young guys are handicapped individuals until sometime in their mid-twenties. They deserve our love and some compassion, but they also require our constant attention and guidance. The thing that makes me really angry in the article about the grandson is that again, I got to read the too common adult disclaimer, “I didn’t see it coming at all.” Really, give me a break!

"I didn’t see it coming at all."
Really, give me a break!

Seemingly every day in the press, online, and in the “news,” we are presented with more evidence that too many angry, lost, under-managed young guys, in packs or alone, with access to drugs, who can drive cars or get weapons, are going to find a way to create havoc in their lives, and inflict unbearable pain on their families and in the lives of those in their communities. What the adult is really saying in that brief disclaimer is some version of: “It’s not my fault, I didn’t want to get involved, it’s not my business, someone should have helped that kid, kids these days, I’ve got my own problems,” and, “it’s not my responsibility.” I’m tired of hearing those responses. Those phrases are most often spoken by people whose lives haven’t YET, been messed up by an out of control young male.

As a Man-Making Blog reader, you know my response; it’s, “Do something! Please!” I do what I do with young guys for a lot of reasons, but on top is the fact that I do feel some responsibility and I don’t like these uncomfortable feelings that are the cost of inaction. When I read these sad stories, at least I can say, “I accept some responsibility, I’m glad I’m involved, it IS my business, and I can and do make a difference in the lives of some young men.” What if you and all the other Man-Making Blog readers, and all your men friends felt the same and did something for a kid somewhere? What would that world look like?

In January of this year, I did a Man-Making Blog post about the Continuum of Involvement, from the Man-Making book and my Man-Making trainings. The basic idea is that there is a continuum of action options for those of you who may be willing to do something. It all starts with the smallest of gestures, low personal risk and little time required. Check out that post, and then see if there isn't something you’re willing to do. Or contact me and let’s see what might be possible for you.

I believe they are all “our boys,” I know they need good men (like you) in their lives, and I can promise there is something you can do today to make a difference, maybe THE difference. I'm dedicating my next steps to this kid's grandma.

CONTACT: Send Earl a message. I'm interested in your thoughts on man-making. Also, I'm available to work with you to bring the right form of man-making to your community or organziation.

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July 21, 2013

Hey Mr. President - We Can Help The Boys!

Mr. President, This is a little rushed, but I heard your speech, and I wanted you to know that I do know a little about some of the challenges facing young black men. I agree with you, we need to find ways to bolster and reinforce African-American boys.

Just for example, it's heartbreaking to learn, according to the America Community Survey:

A black male born after 1991 has a 29% chance of spending time in prison at some point in his life.
Nearly one in three African American males, aged 20–29, are under some form of criminal justice supervision whether imprisoned, jailed, on parole or probation.
One out of nine African American men will be incarcerated between the ages of 20 and 34.
Black males ages 30 to 34 have the highest incarceration rate of any race/ethnicity.

and,

Only 52% of Black males graduate from high school. (Schott Foundation, 2012)

Truly, support for this population is critical.

I also feel ALL of "our boys" could use some support. Since about 2005, in this very blog, I've been profiling good men, organizations, and communities, who are scrambling to create innovative ways to support at-risk and other young men. If you look back at the posts in this blog, you'll find a few hundred examples, just about any of which, if scaled up, could make a significant difference in young male lives and the quality of community life across our country.

In this blog alone, you'll read about community-based approaches supporting young males, rite of passage experiences, and help with anger management. There are programs offering mentoring for young males struggling with math and reading, or just staying in school. There are outdoor adventure programs to get young guys out of the hood and into the woods or mountains. There are programs specifically for boys without fathers, some to help young men learn practical living skills, and others to match young men to a caring male ally, some of whom will be a friend and supporter for life. And I know I'm leaving a lot off the list.

What all these programs have in common is they give young males access to solid male role models who care about them. Men who, by the simple fact of their involvement, demonstrate our boys are worth loving and saving. When men show up, regardless of the content of the program, those essential male nutrients of attention, compassion, and blessings are delivered. That is water in the desert for so many of our young males.

Mr. President, I want you to know that each of these programs is a heroic effort on the part of the providers. We seem to be living in a world where investing in youth no longer seems to be a big priority. Far too many of these initiatives have seen their grants reduced or eliminated, and their community funding sources dry up. Yes, we should do something about our out-of-control young males, but today, there is not enough money being invested where the needed changes can be made. We both know prison construction with it's ever growing populations of incarcerated young males is not the answer.

So, Mr. President, if you want to give young men a sense that their country cares about them, and values them, and is willing to invest in them, please read through my blog, or give me a call. I can point you to lots of programs which, if funded and scaled up, will make a big difference in the lives of young black men or any young male needing guidance on his journey toward manhood. Taken together, these programs can reduce violence in our communities, build up all our young males, set them on a path toward a solid and contributing manhood, and greatly increase the quality of life in our communities.

Here are just a couple of programs on my mind right now. How about funding:

Urban Boatbuilders:

UBB is a group of mentors working with young, inner city kids in St. Paul, Minnesota. They teach them about building boats. In all that interaction, of course, there are occasions for learning, skills acquisition, and countless blessings from adults. UBB is currently trying to raise funds to build canoes. When the canoes are completed, they take the young folks into the Boundary Waters Canoe Wilderness Area in northern Minnesota for yet another set of amazing outdoor experiences. Funding UBB would help a lot of kids and, if it was funded nationally, what a difference that could make!

Archie Boone:
My friend Archie is a songwriter/recording artist who is starting to work with young kids in schools. He's a passionate and creative man with a great idea. He just needs a little money to get off the ground. Archie says, I want to use my summer and after-school hours to teach songwriting to inner-city children. My classes will teach them pro-social skills, help them share their thoughts and feelings, while providing a bridge across cultural boundaries, leading to respect of all people. Here is a taste of what Archie is creating:

If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

Wouldn't it be nice to have a few thousand Archie-like rappers in schools across the country, teaching kids to write their own music, full of love, honesty, respect for men and women, and diversity? Want to fund that jobs program?

Finally, there are all the "Men in Schools" programs that are starting to pop up. One example is the Boys to Men organization, a California based organization with branches in Virginia, Arizona, and elsewhere, where trained men sit in supportive circles with young men. In these small groups, the young guys develop their emotional vocabulary, learn to share and get support for the hard truths in their lives. Many young men, for the first time in their lives, have a positive relationship with a man and learn to trust men in the process. If you even wonder for a moment about the impact of this intervention, check out this video clip.

If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

How about a Boys to Men group or groups in every school across the country. Now there's a jobs program that will save boys' lives, improve graduation rates, and reduce the prison population. If you really want to bolster and reinforce African-American, or any boys, this might be an approach worth funding.

So Mr. President, there are good people out there with some answers to the boy problem, if only you'll give them a chance. Like I said, just give me a call or send me a quick message. I'll come running with my list and we'll get started helping all our boys.

Earl Hipp

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July 8, 2013

Nelson Mandela's Rite of Passage Into Manhood

In the research for the Man-Making book, and in the groups of men I work with, I like to ask men, When was THE moment in time when you became a man?

Stop reading for a moment, and if you're a guy, consider the question: When did YOU become a man?

In men's responses, there were and are always a few answers you'd expect, such as when I got laid for the first time, started to drive, went into the military, or had a child. But by far the most common response was, and always is, I'm not sure I'm a MAN today!

Getting you dick cut changes all that for a young guy. For all that may not be politically correct, hygienic, fair, or even necessary when it comes to circumcision, in places where it's culturally woven into the fabric of community life, the act of having your foreskin cut off leaves no question in a young male's mind about the moment he became a man. I'm not suggesting it should be done, that is much too personal a call. I am only saying I believe young males have a powerful need for a clearly defined, positive, and community supported crossing from boyhood to manhood. The work of making men out of boys, and helping them cross the line and step into the world of men, is ancient and necessary men's work. More on that in future posts.

As he is for many of us, Nelson Mandela is one of my heroes. His image and all he stands for looms large in my heart these days. I was not surprised to learn that among all the lessons embodied in his life and person, he has something to teach us about making of a man out of a boy.

President Mandela is a member of the Xhosa tribe in South Africa. In that tribe's traditions an uncircumcised man is not considered a man at all, but still very much a boy. He is not allowed to inherit the family's resources, he cannot be married, and he is prevented from participating in his community's rituals. While painful, and requires risking death, you can see why boys are willing to endure the long and painful ritual to become a man. In his story below, taken from his book, Long Walk to Freedom, President Mandela describes his experience of becoming an Xhosa man. As you read his story, pay attention for those subtle moments when the boy actually transforms into a young man as a result of the ritual.

When I was sixteen, the regent decided that it was time that I became a man... It was a sacred time; I felt happy and fulfilled taking part in my people's customs and ready to make the transition from boyhood to manhood.

... At dawn, when the stars were still in the sky, we began our preparations. We were escorted to the river to bathe in its cold waters, a ritual that signified our purification before the ceremony. The ceremony was at midday, and we were commanded to stand in a row in a clearing some distance from the river where a crowd of parents and relatives, including the regent, as well as a handful of chiefs and counsellors, had gathered. We were clad only in our blankets and as the ceremony began, with drums pounding, we were ordered to sit on a blanket on the ground with our legs spread out in front of us. I was tense and anxious, uncertain of how I would react when the critical moment came. Flinching or crying out was a sign of weakness and stigmatized one's manhood. I was determined not to disgrace myself, the group or my guardian. Circumcision is a trial of bravery and stoicism; no anaesthetic is used; a man must suffer in silence.

To the right, out of the corner of my eye, I could see a thin, elderly man emerge from a tent and kneel in front of the first boy. There was excitement in the crowd, and I shuddered slightly, knowing that the ritual was about to begin. The old man was a famous ingcibi, a circumcision expert, from Gcalekaland, who would use his assegai to change us from boys to men with a single blow. Suddenly I heard the first boy cry out, ''Ndiyindoda!' ('I am a man!'), which we had been trained to say at the moment of circumcision. Seconds later, I heard Justice's strangled voice pronounce the same phrase.

There were now two boys before the ingcibi reached me, and my mind must have gone blank because, before I knew it, the old man was kneeling in front of me. I looked directly into his eyes. He was pale, and though the day was cold, his face was shining with perspiration. His hands moved so fast they seemed to be controlled by an otherworldly force. Without a word, he took my foreskin, pulled it forward, and then, in a single motion, brought down his assegai. I felt as if fire was shooting through my veins; the pain was so intense I buried my chin in my chest. Many seconds seemed to pass before I remembered the cry, and then I recovered and called out, 'Ndiyindoda!'

I felt as if fire was shooting through my veins;
the pain was so intense I buried my chin in my chest.

I looked down and saw a perfect cut, clean and round like a ring. But I felt ashamed because the other boys seemed much stronger and firmer than I had been; they had called out more promptly than I had. I was distressed that I had been disabled, however briefly, by the pain, and I did my best to hide my agony. A boy may cry; a man conceals his pain. I had now taken the essential step in the life of every Xhosa man. Now I might marry, set up my own home and plough my own field. I could now be admitted to the councils of the community; my words would be taken seriously.

... Immediately after the blow had been delivered, an assistant who followed the circumcision master took the foreskin that was on the ground and tied it to a corner of our blankets. Our wounds were then dressed with a healing plant, the leaves of which were thorny on the outside but smooth on the inside, which absorbed the blood and other secretions.

At the conclusion of the ceremony, we returned to our huts, where a fire was burning with wet wood that cast off clouds of smoke, which was thought to promote healing. We were ordered to lie on our backs in the smoky huts, with one leg flat, and one leg bent. We were now abakwetha, initiates into the world of manhood. We were looked after by an amakhankatha, or guardian, who explained the rules we had to follow if we were to enter manhood properly. The first chore of the amakhankatha was to paint our naked and shaved bodies from head to foot in white ochre, turning us into ghosts. The white chalk symbolized our purity, and I still recall how stiff the dried clay felt on my body.

That first night, at midnight, an attendant, or ikhankatha, crept around the hut, gently waking each of us. We were then instructed to leave the hut and go tramping through the night to bury our foreskins. The traditional reason for this practice was so that our foreskins would be hidden before wizards could use them for evil purposes, but, symbolically, we were also burying our youth. I did not want to leave the warm hut and wander through the bush in the darkness, but I walked into the trees and, after a few minutes, untied my foreskin and buried it in the earth. I felt as though I had now discarded the last remnant of my childhood.

. . . symbolically, we were also burying our youth.

... On the day of our re-emergence, we went down to the river early in the morning to wash away the white ochre in the waters of the Mbashe. Once we were clean and dry, we were coated in red ochre. The tradition was that one should sleep with a woman, who later might become one's wife, and she rubs off the pigment with her body. [Today, this would present a serious risk of being infected with HIV.] In my case, however, the ochre was removed with a mixture of fat and lard.

... Now I was a man, and I would never again play thinti, or steal maize, or drink milk from a cow's udder. I was already in mourning for my own youth. Looking back, I know that I was not a man that day and would not truly become one for many years.

If you're inclined, you can anonymously share your experience of crossing the line into manhood with the blog's readers. You can comment in the comment section of this post or send me a quick message. Also, if you, like so many men, did not experience a clear, positive, and supported crossing into the world of men, tell us how do you feel about it today?

Here is a National Geographic video showing almost the same Xhosa Rite of Passage ritual as it's done today.

If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

If you are interested in the global trends in the practice of circumcision, here is a great website describing the incidence and distribution of genital cutting in the world for men. The site also contains data on the practice for females and some of the recent legal decisions from different countries regarding the practice.

CONTACT: Send Earl a message. I'm interested in your thoughts on man-making. Also, I'm available to work with you to bring the right form of man-making to your community or organziation.

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May 29, 2013

A Creative, Community-Based Program for Developing Good Men, Engaged Boys, and Strong Neighborhoods

I’m always on the lookout for interesting and innovative programs in which men show up for young males. The Better Housing Coalition initiative at the Winchester Greens community in Richmond, VA, is a great example and has some very creative elements. It's a program that supports young males, enhances men’s lives, enriches an up and coming neighborhood, and has a corporate sponsor! That is a great mix of elements for changing lots of people's lives and building strong communities!

Boys To Men of Richmond Virginia (BTM-VA) is an organization that has been in the business of initiating young men on Rite of Passage Adventure weekends for a long time. The graduates of those weekends are called Journeymen or J-Men. After their weekend, the J-Men get ongoing support with group mentoring, fun outings, and support group circles where boys and men sit and have honest conversations about the challenges and victories in their lives.

After one of their passage weekends, the mother of a J-Man asked BTM-VA if they would offer their services for her son and other boys at a local community center in her neighborhood. That request launched a collaborative pilot program that might be duplicated in other communities. Here is part of the conversation I had with BTM-VA’s Executive Director, Steve Martin, to learn more about how this program works.

Earl: I'm really excited to hear about your Winchester Greens initiative with collaborative partners I've not seen working together before. Will you tell us more about the program and how it all came about?

Steve: After a call from a J-Man’s mom, I was put in contact with Nina Williams. She is Social Services Director for the Winchester Greens Community. This community is one of many being developed by the Better Housing Coalition, a local group in the business of stabilizing “emerging” neighborhoods by offering people access to affordable home ownership.

We developed a Memorandum of Understanding with the Better Housing Coalition and Winchester Greens, and then Nina helped us identify some 12-17 year-old young guys who might be a fit. We wrote a letter to the candidates and their parents describing our programs, which Nina sent out, inviting them to an orientation meeting.

Earl: I’m guessing it was pretty important to have an on-site champion like Nina to help get the boys and the parents to attend.

Steve: Yes, Nina was great, and a big part of the success of the launch. For a first time pilot, we really needed an intermediary between us and the community. At the orientation meeting, we provided food and beverages and then did a short presentation. We introduced ourselves, shared our vision for the program, and then invited guys to sign up. We had the parents right there to sign the needed waivers, and out of that evening, we got enough guys to launch a pilot.

Earl: So what did the program look like once launched?

Steve: Our program design is to only meet when school is in session. We started last October and we’ll continue through the first week of June (2013). We began with a few of our (background checked) men and a J-Man or two sitting in weekly, one-hour circles with the Winchester Greens boys. The 6 PM afternoon time slot made it easy for our men and the boys to attend. We also invited the Winchester Greens guys to join in on our monthly BTM-VA “out events.” That’s when we do something fun in the community, like rock climbing, white water rafting, or visiting a theme park.

Earl: That is a similar approach to other programs I’m aware of. It’s a nice mix of play and group mentoring at the "out" events, and then straight talk with men and peers in the support circles. How did the Winchester Greens guys take to your program?

Steve: Pretty well. We have developed a core of between 4-6 young guys and have others flying by to check us out. Many of these guys live with unstable home lives so there is always some moving away and new guys showing up. What was really clear is the core 4-6 boys really get a lot from our meetings.

Earl: I understand you also included your core Winchester Greens guys in the BTM-VA Rite of Passage Adventure Weekend this past April.

Steve: Yes, it was really a highlight for these young men. To make that work, we had another meeting with the parents and boys prior to the weekend to help the parents understand the passage experience and to make sure the boys were really committed. We wound up with 4 Winchester Greens boys out of a total of 19 initiates on the weekend. As always, the weekend went great and was a fun and moving experience for the new Winchester Greens J-Men.

Earl: One of the unique aspects of this program is that you had a corporate sponsor underwriting the involvement of your Winchester Greens guys. What a wonderful public-private partnership for both community enrichment and even violence prevention. How did the sponsorship come about?

Steve: That was done by the Better Housing Coalition. They got a grant from Capital One that covered all the expenses for our circles, a years’ worth of "out events," and for their tuition for the Right of Passage Adventure (ROPA).

Earl: Did Capital One have any special criteria you had to meet?

Steve: Not really. We had already been in process with the Winchester Greens program for 6 months when we applied for the grant. I think the funders saw an established organization of good men who were consistently showing up for boys. We had already been doing the Winchester Greens program without outside funding so our commitment to these boys was pretty obvious. To help with attracting future sponsors, there was some data gathered during the program with the help of a college intern. In her research, she identified improvements in the boy's grades and in the guy’s general attitude. There was also a reduction of in-school suspensions.

Earl: Will you continue with the Winchester Greens site-based program?

Steve: This is just what I and the men of BTM-VA do! We’ll continue to show up, wherever we can, with sponsors or not, in order to support young men. After a meal a couple weeks ago, I asked the new Winchester Greens J-Men what they thought of the ROPA. Remember, these are guys who are normally pretty well shielded. Almost in unison they said, “Ya know, 5 minutes after we left the ROPA, we all knew we wanted to go back . . . and not ever leave!” That was one pretty incredible truth statement from all of them.

That’s what we do, create safe places where these young men can be real, get a sense for their gifts, and have their potential seen and honored. Along the way they are picking up a new definition of manhood. I don’t know about all our men, but speaking for myself, I love this work. I love seeing young men change for the better, and it just makes me a better man. How can you not like that?

For more information about this program, you can contact Steve Martin at 804-615-7823, or by email at stevebtmva@yahoo.com

If you have an interest in doing support circles or passage experiences for the young men in your neighborhood, religious community, or school, send me and email and I'll help you get started.

You can be sure the boys around you are waiting for you to act.

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