Males 2 Men Mentoring (M2M)

I just LOVE the stories of what one inspired man and some of his brothers in mission can create. In a way, it's nothing special, just good and caring men doing what men have done naturally, forever . . . show the young men what it means to be a man.

Tray Taylor, of the Males 2 Men (M2M) mentoring program in Kansas City, MO. describes the M2M mission this way, "Males 2 Men (has) one purpose in mind: To raise strong, conscious, productive men, and re-establish responsible, accountable leadership in the community."

. . . just good and caring men doing
what men have done naturally,
forever. . .

Just looking at their Facebook photos will tell you the whole story. The boys get experience using tools and building things, gardening, car repair, cleaning up their community, gutting and grilling fish, learning about what men do from visiting speakers, and much, much more. In addition to meetings and outdoor learning experiences, in the photos you'll see Mr. Taylor hosting up to 20 kids at his home most Monday evenings. They hang out, get help with homework, learn things, have fun, and eat dinner together (always a great strategy for boys).

My experience is that once men get over their fears, time spent with boys is not at all hard for men to do, and it all comes naturally. Everything just falls into place in the pack of males when the men show up. It does take a commitment and the desire to not just save the boys in your community, but to support them in eventually becoming good and capable men. "It's important to show (the kids) the pitfalls out there in the community — what not to do, what to do; be a leader, not a follower," Taylor said, "We're able to tap into something, things that we went through, and try to lead them through a different path or show them something different."

I loved the story about how at one meeting one of the men, Smoke, ". . .went over the electrical schematics on a truck, he taught the boys how to check the tire pressure and learn about all of the different parts under the hood. . ." That made me happy, because no one ever did that form me. I remember the first time as a teen when I caught a whiff of the air that comes out of a tire when you try to bring it up to the right pressure. Nothing else smells like that. It's just great that the men were helping the boys understand the many mysteries under the hood and around the vehicle.

The Males 2 Men mentoring program is free and open to boys between the ages of 7 and 19. There are seven male mentors working with Mr. Taylor. As he says about these adult men (and everyone reading this post), "Everybody has a part to play," . . ."It just depends on what part they want to play."

"...change the narrative of the nation for young black males!"

If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

If you're not yet ready to step up to support young guys in some way in your community, you can help the M2M men in their work. Make a small (or large) donation on their Go Fund Me campaign. It's a great cause, you will be helping a lot, and you'll be doing something to change the world.

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CONTACT EARL: Send Earl a message. I'm very interested in your thoughts on any man-making post or topic. I'm also available to help you bring man-making initiatives to your community or organization.

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© Copyright 2005-2019 Earl Hipp. All Rights Reserved.
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Learning to Take a Stand for Others

I've posted here previously about Father Greg Boyle, because without knowing him, I love him. He is simply one of my heroes in the work of standing for others who need and deserve our attention and support. I love his message describing his incredible work with gang members through his organization, Homeboy Industries. His message of compassion and acceptance is always able to touch my heart, and inspires me to action.

See what this short clip taken from his talk at a Pepperdine University commencement event does for and to you?

If this clip doesn't show up use this link for the full version.

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CONTACT EARL: Send Earl a message. I'm very interested in your thoughts on any man-making post or topic. I'm also available to help you bring man-making initiatives to your community or organization.

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© Copyright 2005-2019 Earl Hipp. All Rights Reserved.
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Grief and Gifts For Boys in Schools

As the school semester winds down, in the boy's support group circles I've been in, we've begun the process of talking about endings and transitions. The end of a school year is coming on fast and in addition, some of the seniors will be leaving and never returning. We want to support the young men through the natural feelings of loss and grief that accompany any form of moving forward in life.

In a culture that doesn't offer us much training in healthy ways to deal with endings, creating a space where it's safe for young men to express sadness, and then help them give a voice to talk about their sense of loss, is really important. It helps them grow their emotional vocabulary and helps them release some of the internal pressure they feel but often can't explain. These are important skills for a young man to have in his tool kit on his journey toward manhood.

... we don't have to teach them to have feelings.
They are full of feelings!

I've written a number of Man-Making Blog posts about helping young males deal with grief and loss. My common reply when asked about boys and emotionality is that we don't have to teach them to have feelings. They are full of feelings! We have to help them find language to sort out and then describe their complex and often pressurized internal emotional experience.

As one early step in the group's transition process, we asked them to answer the question, "What will you miss about our meetings?" Many of the young guys check in saying things like, "I'll miss the brotherhood...," "This is the only place I feel really safe...," "You guys are like family to me...," and "I'm going to come back and visit this group next fall." These are powerful statements about the impact the group has had on them and the sense of loss they are beginning to feel.

In addition to helping young guys develop their emotional vocabulary, here's my list of "gifts" young guys get from being in a support group with caring men. There are many more, but this is a good start.

Ten Gifts Boys Get in Support Groups with Men

• A safe place to speak their uncensored truth.
• Adult male allies.
• Support for their existing life challenges.
• Good information about life/being a man.
• An evolving vision of positive manhood.
• Development of emotional vocabulary – language to describe the complex emotional experiences and feelings they are having.
• Decompression: To un-shame, not be alone with the anger and pain. To talk about their real-time life challenges.
• Belonging: Being a member of a good tribe, feeling included, valued, honored vs just a few “what’s up” friends. Experiencing "brotherhood."
• A place to practice being a man - how they will show up in their lives (authenticity, accountability, responsibility, speaking directly/assertively, supporting others, and giving and receiving constructive feedback, etc.).
• Praise and honoring from men for who they are, their courage, creativity, intelligence, playful humor, victories, and their aspirations.

A very special thanks to Boys to Men Mentoring of San Diego for this beautiful video, and to the boys from their school circles who are speaking their truth.

If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

If you are interested in launching a support group for young men in a school or church in your community, give me a shout. It's amazing the difference a few caring men can make.

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CONTACT EARL: Send Earl a message. I'm very interested in your thoughts on any man-making post or topic. I'm also available to help you bring man-making initiatives to your community or organization.

FACEBOOK SHARE: If you enjoy this blog, please click the Facebook "Share" button below to support the Man-Making Facebook page! (The button is only on the MM Blog, and not in subscription posts delivered by email.)

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© Copyright 2005-2017 Earl Hipp. All Rights Reserved.
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Chasing Chickens and Rites of Passage for Young Men

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In the past, I've written about Rite of Passage rituals for boys that have occurred down through time and across the globe. I've described their importance in a young man's life as they often mark the transition from boyhood to manhood. These passage events often include trials of endurance, skills and lessons to be learned, traditional costumes, sacred songs and dance, and occasionally, altered states of consciousness. Often there is a male pack heading off to "man's world" for the man-making work and when it's all over, a triumphant return to a celebratory community of family and friends.

I've learned not to judge these ritual events from the lens of my value system, but rather to look for the ritual commonalities and the many benefits for the participants and their communities.

The Le Courir de Mardi Gras is a traditional event held in many small Cajun communities of southwest Louisiana and it's a Rites of Passage event for many young men. Courir de Mardi Gras is Cajun French for "Fat Tuesday Run," and traditionally, it was a man's world event that precedes the six weeks of Lent with drinking and some pretty rowdy behavior. Today, in many towns, the event has lightened up over the years, and now invites women and sometimes kids. It takes place on the Tuesday before Ash Wednesday.

In the Le Courir, the revelers are dressed in tattered, homemade fringe and calico rags, with their faces covered by hand-painted wire mesh masks. They start the party early in the morning, and then the revelers head out on horseback, on foot, in pickup trucks, or are pulled on trailers. Much like Halloween, they go house to house on a pre-planned route, and at each stop, there's some combination of dancing, drinking, and begging for ingredients for a big pot of gumbo to be enjoyed at the end of the run that evening. That's the nice story.

. . . an initiatory experience for a young man
and why
it's a very bad day to be chicken!

In an article for the myNewOrleans.com blog, writer Chris Rose fills in the rich details including how the day of the Le Courir can be an initiatory experience for a young man and why it's a very bad day to be chicken.

One of the most challenging elements of the Le Courir is catching a live chicken to be used in the evening's gumbo. At the farms along the way the homeowners, who are in on the fun, will do things like release the chicken from their roof top just to make the chase more interesting. Apparently, the competition is fierce. It's said catching a live chicken, while running through a muddy field, when you're wearing a heavy costume, and competing with other mildly drunk males who are after the same prize, is quite an ordeal.

As Mr. Rose states, "Catching a chicken at Mardi Gras is a rite of passage, a badge of honor, a ceremonial initiation into adulthood for young men on the Cajun prairie, like a first kiss or a first car. You don’t want to be a guy who never caught a chicken on Mardi Gras."

In addition to whatever status and bragging rights the victors have at the Gumbo dinner and in the year ahead, the Le Courir is also good for the towns. Because so many of these southwest Louisiana towns have been hammered by hurricanes over the last few years, tearing communities apart, today the revived Le Courir tradition brings back a much-needed sense of history, community, and cohesion.

If a Le Courir event is not your thing and you want to talk about creating Rites of Passage events for a young man or group of young guys, give me a shout. I'd be happy to help you create just the right event. I can say with certainty that any locally appropriate and intentionally created passage experience will benefit the young males, the men and women who make it happen, and your community in general. Chickens are completely optional

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4 Reasons Young Men Hear The Call To Jihad

NOTE: I'll be traveling in Spain for the month of September. In the meantime, here is a popular post from the archive.

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There is a lot of talk in the news today about how young men are being "radicalized" by religious extremists and being seduced into going off to fight wars in foreign lands. It's a sad story to be sure, but it's a very powerful call for young men.

The call to Jihad, at its core, is really the same call young guys hear to join street gangs, to join our military, or even to be on a school sports team. These organizations put out a call to action that matches up perfectly with the psychology and physiology of our adolescent males. What our young guys hear is a call to be a warrior. The surprising thing for me is not that some young men are answering that call, but that even more young men aren't responding to that message.

If we want to prevent our young men from being lost in tragic ways to the warrior call, we have to learn a little about the adolescent male experience, and then come up with alternative activities that really speak to them. Here's a four-item, short course in what I've learned about why our young men are vulnerable to extremist messages or any call to become a warrior.

. . . why our young men are vulnerable
to extremist messages
or any call to become a warrior.

1. The Biological Imperative: From adolescence to around the mid-twenties, young males are biologically vulnerable in at least two ways that set them up for a warrior call to action.

They are experiencing something like seven to ten surges of testosterone a day. Testosterone has been referred to as an aggression hormone, and it causes young males to feel powerful as their muscles are getting stronger and their sexuality is emerging. Testosterone drives a combative nature and hungers for physical activity, testing through competition and physical challenges, to demonstrate skills and prowess. You can see all this working on neighborhood basketball courts or skateboard parks.

The second biological issue is a young male's well researched and poorly wired prefrontal cortex. Simply stated, it's the part of the brain that helps them to think through the consequences of their choices. Sadly, up until the mid-twenties (and possibly beyond), this part of the brain is still under construction and is marginally functional.

If you take this biological picture as a whole, you come up with a very restless young guy, who is feeling powerful beyond reason, who is naturally combative, ready for action, and who isn't thinking clearly about his choices. This combination makes the perfect young warrior.

2. Tribal Nature: Simply stated, guys need a tribe. Men have operated in packs for eons. Look at the fans in any sports stadium. You'll find mostly men, wearing similar colors, and cheering on "their" team. This sense of belonging, membership, and being part of a pack, is very masculine behavior. For the young guys, being part of a tribe, having an identity as a member, is pretty important.

Males also like hierarchies, think of a military or bureaucratic structure. In a hierarchy, the pecking order is clear and a guy's place in the order of things is laid out. Beyond just belonging in a pack, you know your place in the masculine order of things.

Being in a male tribe gives a young man access to the book on manhood. A tribe gives a young man a smorgasbord of men he can look up to for guidance. He's surrounded by masculine role models and men who may teach him important life skills. There may even be a path of testing or ordeals necessary to achieve full membership and acceptance into the group. This is a perfect match with a young man's need for challenges and proving his worthiness.

Tribe = the book on manhood!

Getting blessings from older men and ultimately acceptance into the adult male club, getting a place around the fire, or honored status in the pack, is a big hunger in young men. A Jihadist group, street gang, or football team all meet the young guy hunger for a tribe.

3. Honor, Respect and Contribution: What our young males want is to be seen (at all) and then respected for who they are and for their unique gifts. They want to stand for something, and if it's a good or noble thing all the better. And though you might find it odd, young guys want to contribute, to make a difference, to be in service. After a community service project, I've see young men smile and stand straighter in the sunshine of gratitude expressed by the food shelf staff, habitat house owner, or elder food delivery service.

They want to stand for something. . .

What too many young guys get in our communities today is pressure for invisibility and often no young guy park or guy place to hang out. Their graffiti "art" is criminalized and over-painted as soon as possible. Their appearance is ridiculed and their music often disrespected. They slink around in alleys, the woods, or at the mall trying not to attract negative attention. So if someone offers them honor, respect, and an opportunity to contribute to an important cause, why wouldn't they say "yes."

4. Hope: Too many young men simply don't see any kind of a desirable future. There is little hope for good work, advanced education, or any legal economic success. Without those things, the idea of being a family man, father, provider, husband, are all just distant concepts for other people. So many young men have been fatherless or under-male parented and don't have good role models for any life but the street. Living with chronic hopelessness as the background to your life is sad business and makes angry and resentful young men. If someone shows them a quick path out of that place, and offers some hope of reclaiming self-respect with a few goodies attached, why wouldn't a lost young man choose that path?

There are lots more reasons many of our young men are vulnerable to the call to become a warrior. Whether or not they make good choices is really up to us. What is clear is that our young men need our support, intentional guidance, positive community, and especially good men around them.

When it comes to Jihad, like Ebola, we don't have to wait till the epidemic of under-male-nourished boys is at our door and starts taking even more of our young men from us. We can start acting now. It's not really that hard to do, we just have to be willing.

If you want to talk about what you, your group, or your community can do four young men, give me a shout and let's talk about what we can create. The young guys are waiting and the time is now!

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SHARE: If you enjoy this blog, please click the Facebook "Share" button below to support the Man-Making Facebook page! (The button is only on the MM Blog, and not in subscription posts delivered by email.)

CONTACT: Send Earl a message. I'm very interested in your thoughts on any man-making post or topic. I'm available to help bring man-making initiatives to your community or organization.

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