For the Love of Basketball

This is another of my collection of "heroes" posts. Or, as I like to call them, "What One Man Can Do" stories. We are all regularly confronted with stories in the news about wild young guys doing foolish things, often with tragic consequences for themselves, their peers, and their community. Your community! Who among us has not at least thought, "Someone should do something about those boys!" The heroes I write about in these posts are the men who step up and act. Mario Lamarre is one of those men.

Mario Lamarre

Mario is the founder of Hoop Alliance Mentoring. It's a program built to connect coaches, mentors, and prospective basketball players in Brockton, Massachusetts. It is also a powerful mentoring program that teaches critical life lessons and gives young men a safe haven, all through the love of basketball.

. . . critical life lessons
all through the love of basketball.

According to a recent story in the Brockton Enterprise, it all began 7 years ago when Mario emptied his savings account to get the program started. He set up the program at the Boys & Girls Club in Brockton where he worked. This past August, the Hoop Alliance Mentoring basketball tournament was hosted by Brockton High School, in a beautiful gym, complete with fans in the bleachers.

Hoop Alliance Mentoring has grown over the years, and now serves over one hundred students. The students are divided into six teams, with ten members each, and two co-coaches. The remaining forty kids are "playing for fun," and I suspect, hoping for a shot at getting on a team. The teams meet on Mondays for one-on-one mentoring and practice, and then on either Tuesdays or Thursdays they have games. 

The teams are sponsored by local business which ups the community involvement. The young men are surrounded by older men and program graduates who function as coaches and community mentors for the young guys. The mentors' primary purpose is to encourage the players to become better athletes and help them build outstanding character. Mario hopes to soon add a girls' division, and set up an official nonprofit organization. You can read more about Hoop Alliance Mentoring in The Brockton Enterprise article.

In the tournament, the red team defeated the orange team, 68-57. But really they are all on the same team and they are all equally victorious! 

Mario Lamarre is just one man who decided to act and do something for the young guys around him. It took time and determination to keep his dream alive. The result is that he has positively influenced the lives of countless young men, and positively impacted families and his community in the process.

Mario Lamarre is my hero for sure . . . but maybe you could be too. 

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Aloha, Cultural Mentoring, and Boxing Gangs

Owing to some end of the year travel in Kauai, and the general chaos of the holidaze, I've not posted in a while. Thanks to a growing group of subscribers (you), the pile of suggested topics you've submitted is growing rapidly. Thanks. If you have ideas, suggestions, or stories, please send them to me.

If you haven't yet had a chance to offer your feedback on this blog, please go to the Annual Man-Making Blog Survey and answer four quick questions. Your input is very important to keeping this content relevant to you, the readers.

In this post, I offer two stories about Man-Making. Each offers a different way to reach otherwise lost young men.

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Mentoring Fraternity: A mentoring group called Utah Alpha Beaus was started by the members of the Alpha Phi Alpha fraternity in Salt Lake. The group serves African-American boys ages 14 to 18 who live in a predominantly white, Mormon culture, in their part of Utah.

The goal of Alpha Beaus is to instill in African-American teens a sense of cultural pride, teach leadership skills and provide role models. They recognize that fathers, without trying, are the source of cultural identity for African-American (or any) young males. When young men don’t have a man in that core role in his life, that source of cultural identity, esteem, and a whole lot of what it means to be a man goes missing.

. . . fathers, without trying,
are the source of cultural identity
for African-American (or any) young males.

If you want to know how AlpaBeaus helps prepare young men "for transitioning from high school to college," contact Dr. Bryan K. Hotchkins at either apapxl@gmail.com or 405.826.3492

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Flaxmere Boxing Academy: At the Academy, which is located in New Zealand, they are literally teaching young guys to be members of a gang, a really good gang. Craig McDougall is the head coach of the academy. He owns up to being a 17-year-old who made ". . . some decisions that weren't so positive," particularly around alcohol. Lucky for him, he discovered a love of boxing and contact with,". . . good men that helped mold my life." Now, 20 years on, Mr. McDougall is the one shaping young lives through the sport of boxing.

At the Academy, they say boxing is only the entry point, and from there it's about giving young guys the life skills that can change their lives. The physicality of this approach is the perfect way for young males to burn off their restless energy. The added mentoring by good men helps them to become, as one coach put it, ". . . warriors in the ring and gentlemen out of it." At Flaxmere, they teach the values of self-discipline, respect, honesty, and much more.

In the video clip below, it's fun to see young New Zealand guys stirring up the warrior energy by doing a Maori Haka. It's also fun to hear the story told by one young man when he says, ". . . before this I was sort of a naughty boy, but this has sorted me out . . . , while watching his mom (apparently) hold the workout bag he is punching.

This is another example how a man has grown his personal passion into a pathway where young men can experience high-quality man-making. I'm thinking after watching this clip, most men watching will wish they could have been part of a gang like this growing up!

If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

If you want to learn how another man is making a difference in young male lives, you can contact Craig McDougall in New Zealand through the Flaxmere FaceBook page.

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A Couple of BAM's for Boys

As a follow-up to the recent Man-Making Blog post, Men in Schools - for Boys, and in support of this very form of Man-Making, I want to share an interesting article from the Chicago Tribune. It describes research conducted by the University of Chicago’s Crime Lab on 800 disadvantaged boys, from seventh through tenth grade, in one Chicago school district.

The boys were enrolled in BAM, or Becoming A Man—Sports Edition programs during the 2009-2010 school year. While that program is alive and well today, during the research period, BAM offered boys one-hour, small-group sessions, once a week, where they could develop social skills associated with self-control, goal setting, and emotional development. The core values taught in BAM include:

• Integrity
• Accountability
• Self‐determination
• Positive Anger Expression
• Visionary Goal‐setting

In BAM Sports, they also wisely use after-school sports activities to help reinforce the program values. This time also creates the opportunity to teach boys important lessons on conflict resolution, with the coaches playing the role of instructor and facilitator.

Just some of the results from the University of Chicago’s Crime Lab research indicated the participants, " . . . experienced a 44 percent drop in arrests for violent crime and an up to 23 percent increase in graduation rates."

These numbers are especially meaningful because the Tribune states in this same school district, ". . . 319 students were killed or injured by gun violence during the last school year, the highest in four years, and a nearly 22 percent increase from the previous school year." I've often quoted the old African proverb that states, "If the young men are not initiated into the life of the village, they will burn it down just to feel the heat." That is clearly what was going on in this school district. The good news is BAM Sports is one very gender literate and school-based approach to reaching out to otherwise lost boys.

High Quality and Pro-active
Community Violence Prevention

BAM Sports and all the programs engaging at-risk boys represent high quality and proactive community violence prevention. If outcomes like those in this research continue to be replicated, not only will there be tremendous social gains measured in boys' lives saved, crime reduction, and increased quality of life in their communities, there will also be huge savings in taxpayer dollars. In a related press release, the Crime Lab Director, Jens Ludwig, said, "depending on how we measure the costs of crime," they expect returns on investment of somewhere between 3:1 to 31:1. In just dollars, the BAM Sports program costs $1,100 per participant compared to $3,600 - $34,000 for dealing with lost boys.

For a more detailed description of this program and it's outcomes read this description in the University of Chicago online news.

But one more quick BAM . . . for boys.

This next BAM (and, yes, there are lots of programs by that name) stands for Boys Advocacy and Mentoring. It was started by three Portland, Oregon area men who are counseling professionals. It has been developed over the thirty years of their combined experience working with boys and their families.

These men realized many boys’ difficulties arise from limited relational abilities in an increasingly relational world. On their website they state, "How can we see boys as something other than as problems? How can we effectively help boys resolve the difficulties they face? We recognize and support what is natural about boys’ behavior and realize the necessity of helping boys to connect more with themselves and others."

Out of their work with boys, families, and from doing groups for boys in schools, they have developed a solid guidebook for those of you interested in facilitating school-based programs for boys. They call it the BAM! Boys Advocacy and Mentoring: A Leader's Guide to Facilitating Strengths-Based Groups for Boys. In the author's words, "The BAM! Group Guidebook outlines a group experience which introduces school-aged boys to new perspectives on what it means to be male and helps them build the relational skills they need to become healthy men." If you'd like a peak at the book's table of contents, you can download this PDF file. It will let you see the broad scope of subject matter a school-based group can cover.

To learn more about this BAM, the book, and the men doing this work, visit their website.

Please realize that you don't have to be a professional to show up for boys in schools. If you're a motivated man with a couple of guy friends, there is a way you, too, can learn to work with boys. If you are inclined but don't know where or how to start, give me a shout. The need is way too great to have good men on the sidelines; the boys are waiting.

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Grounders: Boys, Men, and a Baseball Adventure

With the 2011 World Series in the air, it's a great time to think about baseball. I remember the fall pick-up games in the evening at the local park when I was a kid. Cool nights under the lights, smell of leaves in the air, the hard feel of the ball, and all the fun of having every young male from my small tribe gathered in one place to play the game. Baseball was a big part of so many boys' lives as they were growing up. The connection to other young guys, the physical activity, a code of behavior, being on a team, competition, and often having good men on the sidelines creates a very compelling mix for a young male, and good for him too.

Tom Slone is a man who loves baseball, kids, and he also understands the critical differences good men can make in boys' lives. When he put those passions together, he wound up creating an amazing adventure in which three men accompanied a pack of boys, to see 10 Major League Baseball games, in 10 different cities, and they did it all in 21 days! You have to love boys and baseball to pull that off.

Because Tom is also a mentor, business man, and natural teacher, he consolidated the story about the boys and baseball centered adventure into a book titled Grounders: A Once-in-a-Lifetime Journey of Baseball, History, and Mentoring. The book is full of great baseball tidbits, fun boy-on-the-road stories, and 33 life lessons drawn from their trek. Lessons which can improve anyone’s batting average in life.

Some of the wisdom embedded in Grounders lessons include pearls such as, “It’s OK to Look Back at the Past, Just Don’t Stare; “Help People Be Successful; and one of my favorites, “The Power of Recognition.” As with most of the 33 lessons in the book, the boys on the trip got a chance to experience The Power of Recognition working in real life. During the trip, one of their challenges was to catch people being good at what they do and then actually write them a note of affirmation. Tom helped the boys to learn that by appreciating others, you earn their gratitude, and you get to feel good too. Nice.

The heart of the book for me is how much Tom and the other men care about their young male traveling companions, and how they keep the boys thinking about the men they will become. As they travel from city to city and visit different ballparks, we go along as Tom pulls life-lessons toward the boys. He’s not only offering these young guys the trip of a lifetime, but in so many ways, he makes sure they extract important notions about life that will help them on their journey toward manhood.

In my research with men for the Man-Making book, “the coach” is often described as someone who had an important and often life-shaping influence in their lives. In Grounders, Tom and the other two men not only show up as great coaches, but also as allies, mentors, friends, and co-journeymen on one amazing baseball expedition.

If you like baseball and the idea of helping boys become good men, you’ll love Grounders. You can learn more about Tom Slone at the book’s website and you can order the book from Amazon at this link.

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Boxing, Boys, and a Mentor

CBS recently profiled Sally Hazelgrove, a woman working on the south side of Chicago with gang affiliated boys. She was frustrated with seeing boys enter the gang life so she did something about it. Sally said, "I just one day decided, I'm just going to do this. I'm gonna just step out on faith and I'm gonna do this because I know I can make a difference."

Sally started Restoring the Path, a program that trains young guys in the sport of boxing. The goal of the program is to keep kids out of gangs and off the streets, so five days a week, "Miss Sally", as the boys call her, drives them from school to practice, then drops them all off at home. Through this experience, she's taught boys to take out their anger and frustrations in a positive way through boxing.

Sally claims that as a result of the experience, the boys swear less, have become more emotionally expressive, more accountable around their behavior, and that they really benefit from the discipline of daily workouts. Sally currently mentors 12 to 15 kids, but several more schools want to sign up their students. The current waiting list is over 100. Money is the big issue . . . and her goal is to do the same for hundreds more!

I think the larger message in this story is the powerful impact just one committed and motivated person can have in the lives of boys and the surrounding community. Doesn't Sally's story make you wonder what you could do?

You can learn more about Restoring the Path in the following video clip and at the restoringthepath.org website. Use this link if the video doesn't show up. Use this link if the video doesn't show up.

Coaching Boys into Men - A Handbook

Many of the men reading this will have a story about their coach and the difference he made in his life. A man who took on the responsibility to shape a rag-tag group of testosterone fueled young males into a competitive team. "Coach," was a man who cared about you and who wielded the power and influence to teach not just athletic skills, but to instill the values of respect for others, teamwork, patience, tolerance for differences, and personal integrity along the way. If you have a coach like that in your background, tell us about him with a short remembrance in the comments section of this post.

Because of the power of a coach in a young male's life, it's not surprising that coaches as a group are being singled out as a force for changing the world as man-makers. One example is the focus on coaches in conjunction with the FIFA Soccer World Cup tournament in South Africa in 2010. UNICEF is planning to use the excitement surrounding the games to launch its Sports for Development Program. UNICEF has partnered with the South African Department of Education to reinvigorate a sports program called Coaching Boys into Manhood (CBIM).

The intention is to recreate a new International Coaches Manual based on concepts from the original Coaching Boys into Men Playbook, and enlist international celebrity soccer coaches and players, such as David Beckham, as “teachers” of violence prevention. Then CBIM will be distributed around South Africa, providing 585 schools and communities with coaches who will serve as liaisons between the school community, governing bodies, and key stakeholders in the effort to improve the lives of children.

Check out the CBIM playbook. It describes the FIFA Fair Play Code and has quotes like the following to inspire and challenge men and coaches everywhere:

By encouraging players to build healthy relationships with teammates, friends, families, opponents, referees and fans, and by promoting a non-violent environment on and off the playing field, coaches can help create a more peaceful world.

And really solid young men.

If you're a coach, thanks for your man-making. You are a gift to us all. You may find the Coaches Corner and the Coaches Kit on a website of the Family Violence Prevention Fund to be helpful.

The Boy That Is Possible - IF You Believe

If this clip doesn't just make your heart swell, you're a lost cause.

Ten year-old Dalton Sherman, a fifth grader, was the opening keynote at a big beginning-of-school pep rally for the Dallas Independent School District. He was speaking to thousands of people. I just know he's had good people on his side, helping him get to this place. The result is living proof of what is possible when a boy believes in himself.

Check out this clip . . . and then tell me what you think by clicking on the comment tag below or sending me an email.

(If the clip isn't visible, go to this link to see it)

All I can say is I BELIEVE . . . in Man-Making.

Well?

Rites of Passage - Mentoring - and Golf

Marcel Proust said …the real journey of discovery is not in seeing new landscapes but in having new eyes. That is what has happened to me as a result of my involvement with man-making activities. Now, everywhere I look, I’m seeing boys, seeing opportunities to affirm young males, feeling the sadness and tragedy when I see the report of a boy self-destructing on the evening news, and even seeing the power in rites of passage activities watching golf on TV.

When Trevor Immelman put on the prestigious Green Jacket at Augusta, GA, after winning the Masters Golf Tournament, it was the final act in a powerful rite of passage into a very select men’s circle. After years of preparation, instruction by mentors, endless practice, countless personal and professional trials, he was tested at the Masters by the best golfers in the world… including Tiger Woods, and he came out victorious. It was indeed and initiation by fire.

What I loved about his story was that Gary Player, himself a three-time Master’s champion, had taken Trevor under his wing and intentionally mentored him in the years, weeks, and just prior to the fierce competition of the Masters tournament. Player even called Trevor’s cell phone as the tournament was heating up, when he had a chance of winning, and left a message telling him to believe in himself and that he WOULD win his first major title on Sunday, the final day.

After putting on the green jacket, Immelman dedicated his victory to his family, but also to Gary Player. He said that, [The message from Gary Player] meant an awful lot to me. I played it to my whole family on speaker-phone. But Mr. Player has been at me all week since we played together here on Tuesday, telling me to believe in myself and that I am good enough to do it.

I am absolutely certain that the words of his beloved and respected mentor were pounding in Trevor’s ears as he approached those last few challenging, no, terrifying holes that stood between him and his lifetime dream. For me, with my new eyes, this story is more proof about the power of heart-to-heart, one-on-one, man-making and rites of passage. It made me very, very happy.

If you saw this victory, what was your reaction?

Who was there for you in the way that Gary Player was there for Trevor Immelman?

Is there a young male around you who could use some informal coaching and the occasional blessing?

Sweet Sixteen and Man-Making

With the NCAA, Sweet Sixteen Basketball tournament building up to an exciting conclusion, I’m reminded about how powerfully team membership and the direction of a solid coach can positively shape boys into good men.

Seeing these young men playing their hearts out and knowing that behind each kid is a story of personal triumph reminds me of the film Coach Carter. In the film, coach Carter is played by Samuel L. Jackson who does a great job of portraying the fierce high school basketball coach who requires his players sign written contracts in order to play. The guys have to agree to respectful behavior, a dress code, and maintaining good grades to stay on the team. When the team’s grades dropped below the contract level, he benches the whole undefeated team, locking up the gym and even missing critical games. In the face of an angry mob of parents and school officials, he stands his ground and holds on to his values about the importance of education for his players.

Coach Carter and many films like it point us all to a powerful lesson about men being man-makers of boys that is still very relevant today. The film is based on the true story of Ken Carter who, in 1999, was a sporting goods store owner that took on the job of basketball coach for his old high school in a poor area of Richmond, CA.

Have you had an experience like that on a team? What lessons did you learn?

Do you have a favorite film about how being on a team with a good coach can turn young males into young men with self-respect and strong and positive values?

I have listed some films for young guys on the resources page of the Man-Making website, but I’d like to hear about your favorites. You can post them in the comments section of this post or send them to me and I’ll add them to the blog and website.

Boys and Basketball and Heart

I have a small mountain of posts I could put up today, but this video, sent along by Steve S., so warmed my heart, I chose it immediately.

As a writer, I'm ususally trying to make a point. With this post, I'm not at all sure about the point the video makes . . . or that it even needs to make a point. When I talk about being involved in boys and men activities, I say that my heart is regularly melted and reformed. That's the feeling I get when watching this clip.

If you don't see the image, go to this link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ek1iIOTsiRo&feature=related

What's your response?