Movies for Men and Boys: The Way, Way Back

This review of the film, The Way, Way Back, was contributed by Brian Mier, a Men's and Boys’ Health Promoter with Eagle Health Resources in Melbourne, Australia.

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Ultimately, The Way, Way Back is a joyful movie. Generally, the critics gave it a favorable rating, but those of us with a passion for man-making with boys will understand the deeper beauty in what is, at times, a hard story to watch.

In the story, fourteen-year-old Duncan goes on holiday with his divorcee mother, Pam, and her boyfriend, Trent. The boyfriend is a puffed up and over-bearing man who is constantly belittling Duncan in a way which basically constitutes psychological and emotional abuse. As a result, Duncan, who is already shy, isolated, and angry, becomes even more sad and his self esteem sinks even lower.

Feeling (and being) very alone, Duncan takes off on his bicycle to explore the seaside town on Cape Cod. He comes across the Water Wizz water park. The park becomes his escape from the uncomfortable adult antics at his summer home. At the water park, he is befriended and mentored by some very unlikely but very good men (and women). Mentoring occurs in unusual ways and in the most unusual places.

As the film progresses, we watch Duncan grow through his coming of age, young male experiences. He develops a supportive, puppy love relationship with the girl next door. At the park, he begins to have fun, learns some lessons about “women” from the men, he accepts some responsibility, contributes his ideas to the business, and earns some praise in the process. As a result of these experiences, his self-esteem, confidence, and courage all come to life.

The Way, Way Back also has a positive message for parents. It illustrates what psychologist and parenting educator, Steve Biddulph, says is a very important parenting equation, TIME = LOVE. Fortunately, this is exactly the lesson Duncan’s mom Pam learns the hard way.

. . . a very important parenting equation,
TIME = LOVE

Superb acting by perfectly cast actors made this film a joy for me to watch. In the clip from the movie below, you'll get a sample of both the ups and downs of Duncan's summer experience. I confess to having a tear in my eye occasionally because the stories of Duncan’s adolescent adventures were close to home for me and apply to so many adolescent boys. Critics called it “funny and sweet”, but it’s much more than that.

If you really care about teen boys, I think you’ll love this movie.


If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

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Sons of Divorce and Suicide

Our friends at the Men’s Health Forum Scotland are in the business of building very good and healthy men. That work just happens to be very good for boys. Their organization sponsors events (in Scotland, of course) and puts out regular e-bulletins on topics of interest to men. In a recent e-bulletin they directed men to the recent research report from the University of Toronto study showing how some boys are more vulnerable to suicidal thoughts if their parents divorce before the boy is eighteen. Apparently the issue is not as prevalent in girls.

The study, published online Jan. 19 in the Journal Psychiatry Research, found that boys of divorce are two to three times as likely to seriously consider taking their own lives as men whose parents were not divorced by that age. Dr. Esme Fuller-Thomson, the study’s lead author and a professor of family and community medicine at the University of Toronto noted in most cases of divorce, until recently, it was the moms who got custody of the children. She felt that, “The loss of a male role model for the boys may seriously impact their well-being . . .” and the lack of regular contact with dad could have a negative emotional and developmental impact on sons.

Now please remember we're talking about THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE here. Divorced parents shouldn't get panicked about their sons. The good Dr. Fuller-Thomson allowed that serious thoughts of suicide affect only a small minority of children, and there are lots of other factors that can influence a kid's negative thinking. Most importantly, the vast majority of children of divorce do just fine.

I'm bringing this up because suicidal ideation is yet another negative consequence of boy socialization to be tough, don't show/have feelings (weakness), and certainly don't ask for help. It's also a good reason for boys to have contact with the divorced dad (if they are good for each other), and for the young man to have good and caring men in their lives as role models. Having an age appropriate conversation with dad or sharing their thinking and feelings around the divorce with other supportive adults will help protect boys from internalizing their emotions or keep them from living with irrational guilt and feelings of responsibility for the divorce.

You can read more about the details of this research in a recent New York Times Health Blog article, or read about how to help kids manage their feelings around divorce at kidshealth.org.

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