Standing Strong or Saggin?

Sagging is a fashion trend where a young male will wear his pants so far below his waist that his often brightly colored and patterned 'boxer' underwear is on full display. One theory is it's origins came from the U.S. prison system where belts are prohibited as a safety measure. In the 90's, hip-hop and rappers popularized the fashion in their dress and music.

For generations, young people have always found ways to offend the adult taste and sensibilities when it comes to dress. My generation did it in the late 60's and early 70's with strange hair and weird clothing. It was our way to say to our parents, "we're not you, and we're choosing our own path whether you like it or not!" During that time, we felt we were making a statement about the horrors of the Vietnam war and taking a stand for peace by wearing our own uniform. We felt we were standing for something right and noble. I'm sure many saggers feel they are taking a stand, too; it's just not clear to me what it's all about.

Since the 90's, in the U.S., schools, churches, communities, transit authorities, airlines and some states have passed rules, regulations, and even laws to limit sagging. The boys who wear their pants down too low at the Westside Middle School in Memphis, Tennessee get “Urkelized,” a campaign named after the nerdy and  lovable nerd Steve Urkel from the 90's sitcom, Family Matters. At the school, the principle first talks to the young man to try to convince him to hike up his pants. Then the school calls the child’s parents. If that fails, zip ties are used to tighten the pant’s waistline. Principal White says this is all to guide his students to look their best and to think more about pride, passion and professionalism- not to mention have a little fun in the process.

In his 2008 campaign, President Obama weighed in on the issue on MTV. While stating that laws banning the practice were pretty much "a waste of time," he went on to imply it was really a matter of decency. Here's the rest of his quote.

"Having said that, brothers should pull up their pants. You are walking by your mother, your grandmother, your underwear is showing. What's wrong with that? Come on. Some people might not want to see your underwear. I’m one of them."

To take the sagging issue one step deeper, I love how one of my brothers in mission, Mustafa Mahdi, put it in a recent Facebook post:

Ever wonder what would happen if our daughters were wearing their pants or skirts below their behind and crotch in public? They won't do it because they know their mothers or society won't allow it and they'd be arrested immediately for indecent exposure!

It's obvious this ridiculous, disgusting sagging fad is promoted in the media and by their puppet rappers for one reason...to make young black males a target. Sagging is typically accompanied by bad behavior, cussing, delinquency, drug use, gang affiliation, and criminal activity. It's just a matter of time before they are arrested or killed...unless someone or something intervenes to help a young man to see that he is not a thug, but a human being with a higher calling.

In 2013, we men must make a commitment to become more engaged in the lives of our children...treat our wives, women, sisters, mothers and daughters and sons with dignity and respect. Then we have to select at least one male child who does not have a father in his life and become his "father figure" or big brother...and teach him what authentic manhood is all about.

In the words of my dear brother Henry Carter, "when the man stands up, the boys sit down"...calling all men! Stand up and man up or sit down and shut up...if you ain't for the solution, you're part of the problem!

Having good and caring men involved in the lives of fatherless, under-male-parented, or really any boys, may not be a cure for bad taste in attire. But it will go a long way toward helping young men stand strong for themselves in the face of all the challenges they have on the path to becoming solid men.

Here is a video that was created in response to a Florida law restricting sagging. It's a rap tune called “Pull Ya Pantz Up.” I really like it!

If the clip doesn't show, use this link

---

LIKE: If you enjoy this blog, please click the "Like" button below to support the Man-Making Facebook page!

TWEET:  Send this post along to your friends or follow me on Twitter!

Tweet      Follow @earlh

SUBSCRIBE:  If you're not yet a subscriber to the Man-Making Blog, and you'd like to receive these posts by email 3-4 times a month, go to this link for a free subscription.

CONTACT:  Send Earl a message.

The Demise of Guys (and a Naked Jennifer Lopez?)

In the TED video below, Psychologist Philip Zimbardo asks, "Why are boys struggling?" Clearly, our young males are struggling on a number of scales mentioned by Mr. Zimbardo. However, I can't bring myself to agree with his diagnosis of the problem. Mr. Zimbardo says it's due to fear of intimacy, social shyness, and being unable to use, "the language of face contact." His term for this issue is, "Social Intensity Syndrome." Apparently it explains why guys prefer male bonding over "female mating." Using a logic I couldn't quite follow, according to Philip, Social Intensity Syndrome somehow explains why guys prefer to be with their buddies watching football on Superbowl Sunday than watching a naked Jennifer Lopez in a film. You'll have to listen to the clip below to see if you can understand that train of thought.

He does us all a service, however, in being another voice raising the issue of too much time spent by adolescent males in the two-dimensional world of the internet. He quotes data from Jane McGonigal, which claims, by age 21, boys have spent 10,000 hours playing internet games, with two-thirds of that time being in isolation. He also quotes Cindy Gallop, who believes as a result of adolescent boys watching 50+ porn clips a week, we are creating men who don't know the difference between making love and doing porn.

I don't agree boy shyness, their comfort being in a male pack, and love of watching any competition in which objects are flying through space is a new "syndrome." I also don't think young males having a vivid sexual fantasy life is in any way new or abnormal. In fact, I think those tendencies are all a natural and direct result of having a male brain and eons of accumulated masculine experience. The danger I do agree with is how the internet can put a powerful magnifying glass on those natural tendencies and ramp up their intensity for better and worse.

I do like that, in this TED video and many other places, there is a larger discussion taking place about how young male brains are being shaped in powerful and unhealthy ways by seductive and targeted digital media, designed to play on normal adolescent drives. Discussions about the issues of destructive media influences or technology-addicted kids need to happen. Those in the business of man-making for young guys, including parents, relatives, and men who want to show up as positive role models, all need to be able to discuss and offer reasonable guidelines to the magnetic draw of the digital universe. Actually being great role models, when it comes to technology use, is a great first step.

A quick internet search on media addiction and boys will turn up countless resources to help us all increase our techno-literacy in relation to our boys. I'll be reviewing some of the resources on this topic in future posts, but give this 5 minute clip by Mr. Zimbardo a listen and see what comes up for you.

If the clip isn't visible use this link.

---

LIKE: If you enjoy this blog, please click the "Like" button below to support the Man-Making Facebook page!

SUBSCRIBE: If you're not yet a subscriber to the Man-Making Blog, and you'd like to receive these posts by email 3-4 times a month, go to this link for a free subscription.

ADD TO YOUR SITE: It's easy to have the Man-Making Blog posts appear on your organization's website. Send me a quick message and I'll tell you what it takes to get set up. To see an example of how it might look on your site, check out the blog page on the Man-Making website.

Critical survival skills for boys will need in the future!

In response to a post last month about the impact of media on boys, a contributor (and awesome man-maker) named Charley M. sent along a recommendation to view the following clip. It describes some of the important survival skills boys are learning from video games today which they many need in the future.

As a man invested in calling other men into service for boys, I think this clip has an important message for all of us regarding the impact of video games on boys. Let me know what you think in the comments section.



If you have problems viewing this clip, click on this link:

Kids and Media Addiciton

Here's some data that should be a wake up call:

• By the time a child is eighteen years old, he or she will witness on television (with average viewing time) 200,000 acts of violence including 40,000 murders (Huston, et al, 1992).


• Children, ages 8 to 18, spend more time (44.5 hours per week - 6 1/2 hours daily) in front of computer, television, and game screens than any other activity in their lives except sleeping (Kaiser Family Foundation, 2005).
  

This is just a small taste of what you can learn on the website of the National Institute on Media and the Family (NIMF). They say that at a time in their lives when adolescents should be developing life-sustaining patterns of self-discipline, the ability to delay gratification, perseverance, imagination, and respect, too much exposure to various forms of media results in the adoption the values of more, easy, fast, fun, violence and disrespect. In addition, there is a ton of evidence that demonstrates that kids who watch significant amounts of television and movie violence are more likely to exhibit aggressive behavior, attitudes and values.

The National Institute on Media and the Family has an initiative they call Through-U - Families Become MediaWise, which offers materials, training kits, suggestions for non-media activities, research... and more for those who want to explore these ideas for groups of children or in a family setting. I think this would be especially powerful for a group of young males.

On the website of an organization called TrashYour TV!, there's a 20 question assessment to test a teen's degree of "media addiction." Their assessment is enlightening for ALL of us and it's another organization with a lot to say about the role of TV, video games, and computers in kids lives.

If you have had any experience with these kinds of programs, either formal or the policies in your own home, please tell us about it in the comments section of this post. We do need an army of motivated adults to set good examples and help kids become aware of the world of options that exist when they walk away from a screen.