Lessons from a Coming-of-Age festival

The Tenetehar Wa Tembe village, is located in the Alto Rio Guama indigenous territory in Para state, Brazil. In this article describing their six-day, coming-of-age ritual, we learn the adolescents involved go through instruction, physical challenges, they are deprived of food, and they have their bodies painted and decorated.

. . . we should really be paying attention.

Whatever you think about this communities' ideas and rituals, we should really be paying attention. We have important things to learn from them. The people of the Tenetehar Wa Tembe village are recreating the kinds of ritual events people down through the centuries, in cultures all over the world, have performed for the survival of their people. They are enfolding their adolescent youngsters into the life of the community.

They are doing it in a way that makes it clear to everyone involved, but especially to the initiates, that something important has happened. Their world has changed, and the adults and elders have gathered around them. It's clear to the initiates they are no longer seen as children but are moving toward adulthood in everyone's eyes. They now have an important place in the life of their community and that new responsibilities await. Their community is depending on them to secure the future and the initiates can feel that weight. When, if ever, did you have that experience and learn those lessons?

It is our payback for the disconnection . . .

The often quoted "African" proverb states that when we don't intentionally bring our young people into the center of community life, they will burn down the village just to feel the heat. Today, all around me, I see young males run wild, often armed. Lord of the Flies kinds of chaos. It's not the kid's fault! It is our payback for the disconnection, lack of investment, and having ignored thousands of years of experience in dealing with adolescence.

It's not the kid's fault!

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© Copyright 2005-2023 Earl Hipp. All Rights Reserved.
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Big Homie Lil Homie - Officer Homie

The term homie, as it relates to another person, is an urban slang abbreviation of home boy. A home boy is a guy who your really care about, feel a deep bond with, and who would do anything for you. A really trusted ally and friend, who is from your neighborhood, hometown, or part of your inner circle of friends. When I heard about a mentoring organization for fatherless boys called Big Homie Lil Homie, it really got my attention. I think we all need a few homies around us!

 

I think we all need a few homies around us!

Jamal Stroud, the man who started Big Homie Lil Homie, was a guy, who as a child, was lost in the South Carolina foster care system until the age of six. He was moved to six different foster homes in his first six years, and sometimes physically and sexually abused. He said it wasn't until his aunt finally adopted him that he was able to actually understand love. His is a story of how so much good can come from one man's trauma.

 

. . . shaping them into GREAT men of society.

Jamal started the non-profit Big Homie Lil Homie in 2017. It's purpose was molding and shaping fatherless boys, six to sixteen, into "GREAT men of society through mentoring." After a 2019 appearance on the Ellen Show, things really took off. Today the program has more than fifty mentors and six-hundred young men from the Columbia and Lexington, S.C. areas.

Today, Jamal Stroud is a married father of two. But out of the pain of his childhood, he is creating a program in which boys and men can find friendship, brotherhood, and lots of homies! You can learn more about Jamal's Big Homie Lil Homie program on their website (and see the clip from the Ellen Show too).

Officer homie!
Here's another homie who just happens to be a cop. In a beautiful example of community policing, Officer AJ (Anthony Johnson @ohnoitsdapopo) is working hard to connect with the young people in his community. He says "I grew up on the same streets I now protect." I think that makes him a home boy in uniform. Check out this video and see what you think. I think he's connecting big time!

Here's one more clip of officer AJ homie going one-on-one with a kid on the street. Turn up the volume to hear what he's layin down. 

How do we clone this officer?

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Men Teaching Boys about Manhood

The Robeson County Parks and Recreation Department in Lumberton, North Carolina, has a L.I.F.E. Mentoring Program for young guys aged 9-15. The L.I.F.E. program mission is: "To holistically develop youth in our communities, in the areas of life & relational skills, education, leadership, and qualifications that lead to becoming productive citizens." L.I.F.E. stands for Leadership Influence Family Empowerment.

I do like how this free mentoring program is teaching young men some of skills the mentors think a young guy on the edge of young adulthood should learn. In addition to much more, just a few of the skills taught include things like how to balance a checkbook, properly tie a necktie, and even proper table etiquette!

In a 2012 Man-Making Blog post, I proposed a list of developmental experiences for young guys. Experiences that would grow their understanding of the world around them and certainly drive important conversations. While my list was abbreviated and a little short on the very practical skills (how to shave, change a tire, replace a toilet flapper, etc.), I described the kinds of activities would certainly inform a young man's journey toward manhood.

In the L.I.F.E. Mentoring Program, the mentors check in with the boys weekly, and meet at least once per month in-person. A really nice touch is that the young men get to "shadow" their adult mentor. So many young males I've encountered (and who are in trouble) don't have a man in the house or even in his life. Shadowing a man gives a young man a much-needed look into man's world, seeing what real men actually do, learning how they got to where they are, and then having the conversations about what it takes to become a good man.

 

"I think we can reach more than we lose."

The Robeson County District Attorney, Matt Scott, said, "It can help us reach these young people before they make bad decisions." He went on to say, "I think we can reach more than we lose." Sad testimony to what can happen to young guys without adult male guidance. I know the young guys are hungry for it and are waiting.

 In Minneapolis and in too many other of our communities we're seeing the consequences of young men gone wild. Any focused attention on our pre-adult males by caring men would certainly be helpful. I know the young guys are hungry for it and I know they are waiting.

If you want more information about the L.I.F.E. mentoring program, call 910-671-3156 or 910-301-2272. You can also email Anthony Govan at anthony.govan@co.robeson.nc.us

 

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Adolescent Roman Male Rites of Passage

In a recent article in the online history publication, The Past, there was a great article about the Children of the Roman Empire. It examines what life was like for young people, the children of the "gods, emperors, and ordinary mortals in ancient Rome."

Of special interest to me was reading, yet again, about how earlier civilizations have dealt with managing adolescent male energy. It helps to know the Romans also struggled with containing and channeling wild boy energy.

The article centers around an exhibition in the famous Uffizi gallery in Florence, Italy. The exhibits include over 30 statues, funerary objects, and even toys from around Italy and the world. These items speak to the theme of childhood (human and divine) in the Roman world some 2000 years ago.

The article offered much about the Uffizi and the Medici collection of art and statues. But there was also a lot of information about how the Romans birthed, raised, and often buried (25% mortality) their children, orphans, and the "children of the poor" and enslaved.

 

 "... a defining moment when a young man
would give up his boyhood clothing
and don the white toga of an adult."

There was brief mention of a rite of passage for an adolescent male. It was called the "Ceremony of the Toga Virilis," which would occur sometime around his 14th year. This was a defining moment when a young man would give up his boyhood clothing and don the white toga of an adult. It led to his acceptance of full Roman Citizenship and stepping into the rights and responsibilities of manhood. I find it hard to believe that a 14-year-old male could simply step into manhood with a change of clothes. I want to believe that clothing swap required training and preparation, but the article does not cover that process.

The article also speaks to the passage lessons and experiences of young women. Many of whom could be engaged at age 12 and married at 13 in relationships arranged by the father.

I liked learning about the perennial conversations, some still relevant today, about how to educate our children, the nature and quality of the education system, and what it took to produce "useful citizens in peace and war."

I guess the deep message here is how we are not alone with the age-old challenges of doing our best for our children, and helping them move toward the ever-illusive adulthood.

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Gentlemen Quarters Barbershop Academy

Derick Cagle was a sharp barber who paid attention to his surroundings. At a back-to-school event where he was cutting hair, he listened to the young men waiting their turn who were messing with each other. Teasing and taunting about their girls, sports, drug deals, being cool, and lots of other smack talk. In the middle of all that commotion, an older man got everyone's attention when he chimed in with his story about someone he'd shot and the price he has paid ever since. That mentoring moment was a huge wake up call for Derick, and the beginning of what's since become the Gentlemen Quarters Barbershop Academy.

In this story in the North Carolina News, I learned about how the GQ Barbershop Academy "organizes events for teens between the ages of 13-18 that includes free haircuts and free mentoring." It's one great tale about how fatherless and other boys connect with men from their community and get the male guidance and caring they so often need.

Here's what one single mom said about Mr. Cagle: "Passion really fuels him and he’s from the Durham community and knows exactly what takes place here,” she says. "This couples with his love for building up young men." I love these stories about what one motivated man can create if he finds the courage to step up.

"...you don't have to wait till violence hits in your family
or neighborhood to step up into action."

Cagle has personal reasons to be in the mentoring game. His nephew was killed just prior to his 21st birthday. That and other violence in his community, often close to home, was the call to action he heard. But you don't have to wait till violence hits in your family or neighborhood to step up into action.

Derick's instructor at Harris Barber College was a man named Tobias McLean. Mr. McLean turned out to be a powerful mentor in Derick's life. One of the important lessons he got from this man was, “You can’t be in this community and not be part of this community.” Derick Cagle, is cutting hair, but is also in the business of helping young guys and maybe saving lives too. He's a gift to his community and one of my heroes.

To learn more about the GQ Barbershop Academy, check out their website, or give them a shout at 919-816-2335.

If you know of other men like Derick, let me know. I'd like to share those stories. It's clear the world needs men like him as role models, and the boys need those men now more than ever.

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