MAN-MAKING BLOG: rites of passage

Showing posts with label rites of passage. Show all posts

July 10, 2023

Lessons from a Coming-of-Age festival

The Tenetehar Wa Tembe village, is located in the Alto Rio Guama indigenous territory in Para state, Brazil. In this article describing their six-day, coming-of-age ritual, we learn the adolescents involved go through instruction, physical challenges, they are deprived of food, and they have their bodies painted and decorated.

. . . we should really be paying attention.

Whatever you think about this communities' ideas and rituals, we should really be paying attention. We have important things to learn from them. The people of the Tenetehar Wa Tembe village are recreating the kinds of ritual events people down through the centuries, in cultures all over the world, have performed for the survival of their people. They are enfolding their adolescent youngsters into the life of the community.

They are doing it in a way that makes it clear to everyone involved, but especially to the initiates, that something important has happened. Their world has changed, and the adults and elders have gathered around them. It's clear to the initiates they are no longer seen as children but are moving toward adulthood in everyone's eyes. They now have an important place in the life of their community and that new responsibilities await. Their community is depending on them to secure the future and the initiates can feel that weight. When, if ever, did you have that experience and learn those lessons?

It is our payback for the disconnection . . .

The often quoted "African" proverb states that when we don't intentionally bring our young people into the center of community life, they will burn down the village just to feel the heat. Today, all around me, I see young males run wild, often armed. Lord of the Flies kinds of chaos. It's not the kid's fault! It is our payback for the disconnection, lack of investment, and having ignored thousands of years of experience in dealing with adolescence.

It's not the kid's fault!

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June 27, 2022

Men Teaching Boys about Manhood

The Robeson County Parks and Recreation Department in Lumberton, North Carolina, has a L.I.F.E. Mentoring Program for young guys aged 9-15. The L.I.F.E. program mission is: "To holistically develop youth in our communities, in the areas of life & relational skills, education, leadership, and qualifications that lead to becoming productive citizens." L.I.F.E. stands for Leadership Influence Family Empowerment.

I do like how this free mentoring program is teaching young men some of skills the mentors think a young guy on the edge of young adulthood should learn. In addition to much more, just a few of the skills taught include things like how to balance a checkbook, properly tie a necktie, and even proper table etiquette!

In a 2012 Man-Making Blog post, I proposed a list of developmental experiences for young guys. Experiences that would grow their understanding of the world around them and certainly drive important conversations. While my list was abbreviated and a little short on the very practical skills (how to shave, change a tire, replace a toilet flapper, etc.), I described the kinds of activities would certainly inform a young man's journey toward manhood.

In the L.I.F.E. Mentoring Program, the mentors check in with the boys weekly, and meet at least once per month in-person. A really nice touch is that the young men get to "shadow" their adult mentor. So many young males I've encountered (and who are in trouble) don't have a man in the house or even in his life. Shadowing a man gives a young man a much-needed look into man's world, seeing what real men actually do, learning how they got to where they are, and then having the conversations about what it takes to become a good man.

"I think we can reach more than we lose."

The Robeson County District Attorney, Matt Scott, said, "It can help us reach these young people before they make bad decisions." He went on to say, "I think we can reach more than we lose." Sad testimony to what can happen to young guys without adult male guidance. I know the young guys are hungry for it and are waiting.

In Minneapolis and in too many other of our communities we're seeing the consequences of young men gone wild. Any focused attention on our pre-adult males by caring men would certainly be helpful. I know the young guys are hungry for it and I know they are waiting.

If you want more information about the L.I.F.E. mentoring program, call 910-671-3156 or 910-301-2272. You can also email Anthony Govan at anthony.govan@co.robeson.nc.us

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March 21, 2022

Adolescent Roman Male Rites of Passage

In a recent article in the online history publication, The Past, there was a great article about the Children of the Roman Empire. It examines what life was like for young people, the children of the "gods, emperors, and ordinary mortals in ancient Rome."

Of special interest to me was reading, yet again, about how earlier civilizations have dealt with managing adolescent male energy. It helps to know the Romans also struggled with containing and channeling wild boy energy.

The article centers around an exhibition in the famous Uffizi gallery in Florence, Italy. The exhibits include over 30 statues, funerary objects, and even toys from around Italy and the world. These items speak to the theme of childhood (human and divine) in the Roman world some 2000 years ago.

The article offered much about the Uffizi and the Medici collection of art and statues. But there was also a lot of information about how the Romans birthed, raised, and often buried (25% mortality) their children, orphans, and the "children of the poor" and enslaved.

"... a defining moment when a young man
would give up his boyhood clothing
and don the white toga of an adult."

There was brief mention of a rite of passage for an adolescent male. It was called the "Ceremony of the Toga Virilis," which would occur sometime around his 14th year. This was a defining moment when a young man would give up his boyhood clothing and don the white toga of an adult. It led to his acceptance of full Roman Citizenship and stepping into the rights and responsibilities of manhood. I find it hard to believe that a 14-year-old male could simply step into manhood with a change of clothes. I want to believe that clothing swap required training and preparation, but the article does not cover that process.

The article also speaks to the passage lessons and experiences of young women. Many of whom could be engaged at age 12 and married at 13 in relationships arranged by the father.

I liked learning about the perennial conversations, some still relevant today, about how to educate our children, the nature and quality of the education system, and what it took to produce "useful citizens in peace and war."

I guess the deep message here is how we are not alone with the age-old challenges of doing our best for our children, and helping them move toward the ever-illusive adulthood.

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December 15, 2021

Adolescent Boys, Girls, and Puberty

If you search the Man-Making Blog archive for "testosterone," you'll find lots of posts describing the impact of this powerful chemical on the physiology and psychology of our young males. Simply put, it radically alters adolescent males in profound ways, some of which, if not managed, will cause enormous suffering for them, their families, and our communities. As an old proverb, attributed to African tribal culture implies, if we don't intentionally enfold boys into the life of the community, they will burn the village down just to feel the heat. That's a huge topic, but not quite what this post is about.

. . . what happens to adolescent girls at puberty. . .

This post is about what happens to adolescent girls at puberty, and how their bodily chemistry radically changes them and their lives. It's about the excitement, fears, shame, and confusion that accompanies this transition. It's also about how too many of our young men are ignorant about the nuances of this powerful and transformational experience for the young women in their lives.

A recent New York Times Op-Docs piece about adolescent girls and puberty led with a thirteen-minute video. In that clip, five brave young women, ages 14 to 17, described the onset of puberty, menstruation, and the impact on them physically and socially. I'm thrilled to know we've arrived at a time when this information can be so freely shared in such a public forum. I honor the young women for their vulnerability, and deeply personal honesty about their coming-of-age experience. Thank you!

. . . where did you find helpful, intimate, and informed
guidance for this transition in your life?

This is the kind of video all adolescent girls should see to help prepare them for the experience, and to de-shame and normalize what happens to them. I think this or a similar video is something our young men should see and discuss with caring, informed and trusted adults in their world. Not "the class on sexuality," but a setting that allows for the vulnerability and intimacy the topic deserves.

As an adult looking back to this time in your life, perhaps without the benefit of YouTube and other online resources kids have today, where did you find helpful, intimate, and informed guidance for this transition in your life?

I'm also waiting for the adolescent male version of this video!

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November 30, 2021

Teens – No Driver’s License and No Car! Maybe Ever!

Getting my driver’s license was one of my early teenage rites of passage. I couldn't wait for so many reasons and it was a big day when it finally happened. As is natural in most passage experiences, there were real trials on the path to getting my license. First, I had to study the arcane details that make up the “rules of the road” to get my permit. And then came the many tests of my ability such as staying in a lane, observing pedestrians, making full stops, obeying the speed limit, and the dreaded parallel parking. But it was all worth it to get the license and become a legal driver.

For me, it was not just that I could be in charge of 2000 pounds of steel and fly down the road, but much more. Driving meant escape from the pressure cooker of our small family house and all its tensions. It meant I had status among my non-driving pals and could easily pull them together for common adventures. I could often drive to school, rising above the demeaning wait and riding on the school bus. It meant I had a new and private space for hanging out with girls and that new world of emerging sexuality. Very simply stated, a driver’s license made my world much bigger geographically and opened countless doors of discovery.

...it was a golden chariot to me.

I quickly grew attached to all the excitement and possibilities of having access to a car, and it wasn’t long before I wanted my own. My first car was a beat up, black, 57 Volkswagen. The seats were badly worn, it often smelled like gas, the windshield wipers were hardly functional, it had dings and rust on the body, and it barely had enough heat in the winter to keep the windows defrosted much less provide any comfort. But it was a golden chariot to me. That’s why I was surprised to learn that for many young people, getting a driver’s license today, much less a car is NOT the exciting rite of passage it was for me.

. . . getting a driver’s license today is NOT
the exciting rite of passage it was for me.

In 2019, StudentMoveTO, a research partnership of ten colleges and universities in Canada, surveyed 18,500 students at ten post-secondary institutions across the Toronto and Hamilton area. They discovered More than twenty-two per cent of survey respondents said they didn’t have a driver’s license. The group’s research also found that sixty-five per cent of students who did have a driver’s license didn’t own a car, and of those, just fifteen per cent indicated they would buy a car in the future. So much for golden chariots!

Some of the reasons given for avoiding car ownership and driving included good access to public transit services (83 per cent), all the costs associated with driving and owning a car (66 per cent), and the negative impacts of driving on the environment (50 per cent).

When you realize that with a few taps on your smartphone you can call up Uber and Lyft and quickly go where every you like without paying car insurance, parking, maintenance, and car repairs, it does make sense. Not to mention the availability of electric scooters and bikes appearing everywhere in major cities.

You can read more about this topic in a recent article in the Toronto Star or on the website of StudentMoveTO.

I do get the world is changing, and less driving for all of us is really a good thing. But sitting here in this moment, I do miss my golden chariot, and all the trials and joys that came with it.

Do you remember your first "golden chariot?

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October 20, 2021

A Young Man's Rite of Passage in the Bush

Locking away his cell phone in a wooden box was the first challenge 17-year-old PJ had to face on his 5-day Rites of Passage (ROP) experience. He and his father got to the wilderness camp after a 10-hour drive from Canberra, the capital city of Australia. Like so many of these encounters, the wild and remote bush setting added to the power and gravity of the passage event.

From my experience, once a Rites of Passage event is launched, all the males present, but especially the young guys, naturally drop into the seriousness of the occasion. Everyone gets that something important is happening and they soon find their right place in the ancient drama. It was no different for the thirty other fathers and sons (or male mentors - uncles, stepdads, or family friends of a young man), who attended the camp with PJ and Peter. The group was made up of guys who came from across Australia to be present to honor a group of young males transitioning into manhood.

Clearly you can’t make men out of boys in five days.

Clearly you can’t make men out of boys in five days. What you can do is:

Let them know that you see and welcome their emerging manhood.
You can encourage the young men to take the changes going on in them seriously and invite them to consider some of the responsibilities waiting for them.
You can challenge the young guys with activities which contain "think about it" lessons about becoming a man.
You and the other men can share stories about your adolescent years, and what you've learned along the way.
Finally, you and the other men can witness and honor the gifts and talents you see in the young males.

For young men, being witnessed in those ways, by thirty or so adult men, is a compelling and transformational experience. It is also powerful and transformational for the adult men witnessing the young males.

You can read more about PJ and Peter's Rites of Passage camp experience in a recent Canberra City News article. The article discusses some of the camp activities, the kinds of topics covered in conversations, and the role of rituals in the process. If you want to learn more about Peter's experience you can email him at peter.lennon@mhf.org.au You can also visit the Reconxted Facebook page to learn more about this group's approach to Rites of Passage.

On the Man-Making Blog you can read more about various kinds of Rites of Passage experiences diverse groups have taken to support their adolescent boys during this important transition time. Note: These examples are taken from twenty years of posts and not all links and videos are still available.

If you're inspired to do something similar, even if it's on a much smaller scale, feel free to contact me.

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September 14, 2021

YOUR First Shave!

What is a more compelling Rite of Passage for a young man than his first shave. An act in most teen male minds guaranteed to push him across the line into certain manhood (even with little dots of Kleenex all over his face). Sadly for too many boys, those without good men in their lives, that act, like so many they are facing, becomes a trial and error kind of ordeal. Often with very sad consequences. In this post I offer two perspectives on this small but important passage experience.

At this link is a story from a loving father taking about how he wrangled his somewhat proud and resistant adolescent son into the bathroom to teach him the manly art of shaving. He says it's a lot like trying to give a cat a bath! Yup, it's funny, but for me, one of the guys who didn't get that guidance, it brings up sadness about the difficulties I encountered and the absence of any fatherly blessing on completion.

In the post below, taken from the Man-Making archive, is one of a couple posts I've written on this topic in the past. Seeing that post again, after almost 10 years, brings the moment alive for me all over again. The sensations, smells, the bathroom . . . all of it. I'll bet it stirs some memories of that experience in your life, too!

As a young male perched on the brink of manhood, I desperately wanted to participate in the very masculine rite of shaving. Not that it was really necessary, because in truth, I had only the softest beginnings of what would someday be called a beard. Nonetheless, I deemed it necessary to gear up with a small mountain of foamy shave cream and an unforgivably sharp razor to do bloody battle with my own face.

In my adolescence, there were no men around for training. This was long before the internet, YouTube, and all those digital forms of guidance available today for so many things masculine. All I had for instructions were TV commercials. They always showed severely masculine guys shaving, using horrible shaving technique, and lots of foam. Every commercial also featured a gorgeous and sexy woman fawning over the guy's clean-shaven face. What testosterone-fueled adolescent male wouldn't want that? Of course, those guys had real beards and no visible pimples, which functioned as road bumps for my razor. The commercial below is a good example.

If the video doesn't show up, use this link.

More tragic than the small patches of Kleenex, that constantly dotted my face in those years, is that no one was there to witness and honor the emerging man in me. There was no one to say, with words or by their actions, "I see you're becoming a man, I honor that step in your life, and I'm here to support you on your journey toward manhood." In so many of the small rite of passage opportunities during my teen years, like shaving, learning to drive, tying a tie for prom, my first teen birthday, and help to understand a constant erection and my compelling need to masturbate, I was left alone to figure out manhood on my own.

I see you're becoming a man, I honor that step in your life,
and I'm here to support you on your journey toward manhood.

It really doesn't take much in those precious, pre-manhood moments, for a teen-male-literate man to make an important difference in a young guy's life. It only takes a comment, maybe a little advice, perhaps even a small private celebration or ritual, to mark his mini-crossing into the world of the men. Males of all ages are naturally hardwired for this interaction. The young guys hunger for it. Older men, whether they realize it or not, in these critical crossing-over moments, can offer young males powerful and transformational blessings. A little instruction doesn't hurt either. It's really high quality man-making action.

Is there a young male in your life, perched on the edge of manhood, who might benefit from a small gesture of you attention, recognition, and support on his journey toward manhood?

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July 17, 2021

A Revealing Book on Becoming a Man

"It was time.

It was time to become a man, my father said."

Bill Amatneek, an experienced author and editor, has given the world a beautiful gift. His book, Heart of a Man: Men’s Stories for Women, gives all of us an intimate look under the hood of man’s world.

The subtitle of the book, Men’s Stories for Women, suggests it’s about women finally getting to see men as their vulnerable and most emotionally honest selves, a glimpse they often don’t get. The book delivers on that promise, but it’s also very much a book for men.

In a soft chronological order, thirty-nine writers reach deep into their male souls, and share true and intimate stories about many of the developmental experiences of a man’s life.

“We’ll see if you’re a man today, Donnie.”

Early on we hear the story of a six-year-old boy being prematurely forced by his father to “become a man” by killing baby squirrels with his first use of a shotgun. From there the stories take us past many of the challenging experiences in a man's life such as the discovery of girls and first love in adolescence, encountering competitive sports and teams, creating brotherhood and connections to men friends, love and marriage, parenting, and even a man’s experience of war. If you’re looking for a guidebook on manhood, Heart of a Man is a good place to start.

In a way, the book is about all men and their quest for that illusive collection of knowledge, experiences, and feelings that define fully realized manhood. Amatneek says he hopes his book will, “bring men and women closer.” I hope it does, but just as worthy a goal is that all male readers will find themselves somewhere in the book’s stories. Like sitting in a good men’s support group, reading Heart of a Man will help men to feel less alone with the joys and pain of their journey toward manhood.

You can read many stories on the book’s website (highly recommended). While there, you can also order the book, send the author a note, or even share a piece of your life story for future editions.

Heart of a Man: Men’s Stories for Women

Edited by Bill Amatneek and published by Vineyards Press in 2021

heartofaman.net

April 12, 2021

Young Guys and Emerging Adulthood

I've just returned from a Rite of Passage Weekend in which twenty men "initiated" thirteen young males into man's world. With the young men being between twelve and twenty years old, we certainly were not welcoming them to "manhood." If they're lucky, that passage will come much later, and sadly, some of them will never experience that line-crossing. But that is a different discussion.

2021 Boys to Men Tucson - Rites of Passage Weekend

The young males on this passage weekend became what we call Journeymen. Meaning we honor the fact that they are leaving boyhood behind and that they are beginning to take their emerging manhood seriously. We, the men of their community, witness, honor, and support that line-crossing. We no longer refer to them as boys, but Journeymen.

Apparently, the adventure these newly minted Journeymen are being launched into is getting to be an even longer road. There is now research to describe a new phase of development called "Emerging Adulthood." This is a life-stage that lies in between adolescence and young adulthood. I think this is important information for those of us working with young men because it explains a lot of what we all have intuitively noticed. It's that the process of becoming a "full-fledged young adult" takes much longer today than it did 50 years ago. In fact, as you'll hear in the video below, thirty really IS the new twenty!

…thirty really IS the new twenty!

Jeffrey Arnett, Ph.D., is a professor in the Department of Psychology at Clark University in Massachusetts. Dr. Arnett believes Emerging Adulthood is a period of development between the ages of 18 to 25 years, which is distinct from adolescence and later stages of adulthood. In his article in Psychology Today titled, The Big Challenge: Jumping From Adolescence Into Adulthood," he articulates five features that support Emerging Adulthood as a distinctly different developmental stage. They are: 1. Identity Exploration, 2. Instability, 3. Self-focus, 4. Feeling In-between, and 5. The Age of Possibilities.

In this video Dr. Arnett describes this unique time in a young persons' life. See if it's a fit for your experience of young men today:

If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

Does this video on how our young males are moving toward adulthood feel right to you?

Let me know by posting a comment on this post below.

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December 3, 2020

Watch A Young Man's Rite of Passage Weekend

Lisa Ling, the CNN filmmaker of This is Life with Lisa Ling, just profiled the kind of Rites of Passage work with young guys I've been involved in for the last 20+ years. If you're curious about what that kind of experience can look like for the men and the boys involved, her Lost Boys episode (below) is a good example.

What you'll see in the video is what 60 good men can create for 40+ young males on the Young Men's Ultimate Weekend, or YMUW. The video really gets into the passage experience for the boys at about 20 minutes into the story, but the front end is worth watching. The YMUW is certainly not the only approach to supporting boys stepping across a line on their journey toward manhood, but it's a solid model of a Rite of Passage experience for a young male.

I did feel a little reluctance seeing some of the workings of the weekend uncovered. That's only because not knowing what's going to happen creates a transformational chemistry for the boys. That said, I love the fact that this model of how men can show up for boys and its impact is out there in the world.

In my view, we need lots more of these YMUW experiences, or something very much like it, to deal with the epidemic of under-male-nourished boys in the world. In my experience, all the males involved in these experiences are always changed very much for the better as a result.

. . .the epidemic of under-male-nourished boys. . .

Interesting note: Lisa is the only woman in 25 years to have been allowed to witness the Young Men's Ultimate Weekend.

If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

If exposure to this way of working with young men inspires you, give me a shout

and let's talk about it. Passage experiences can be created for large groups, a few boys, or perhaps just for one young man in your family or community.

I know the boys are waiting!

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May 29, 2020

Boys, Mentoring and Rites of Passage
A Podcast Interview with Earl Hipp

My friend and brother in mission is Tony Rezac. He's doing great work for mankind from his web portal Basecamp for Men.

As part of his Basecamp for Men outreach, he has a regular podcast, currently showcasing upwards of 38 conversations with men about aspects of their lives. I had the complete pleasure of being Tony's guest on a recent podcast where we both shared our ideas and experiences on the themes of manhood, rites of passage, and my personal passion, helping men understand why it's important to show up to mentor boys and young men.

In that conversation Tony and I discussed the current epidemic of under-male-nourished boys in the country, some of the common and understandable reasons men don't mentor our young males, and the hunger young men have for those connections. We also discussed a force I call "masculine gravity," and how any man, even those who are uncertain of their value to boys, can take some very low-risk steps into man-making action.

...some of the common and understandable reasons
men don't mentor our young males,
. . . and how any man . . .
can take some very low-risk steps into man-making action.

Here is my conversation with Tony about boys, mentoring, and rites of passage. Check it out and give me a shout with any questions or your thoughts on the ideas we discussed.

Through Basecamp for Men, Tony Rezac supports men's groups, provides online training programs, offers individual coaching for men, and speaks (digitally or in person) on Men, Myth, and Manhood.

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December 19, 2018

Man-Making Stories from Around the World - 2

This is a continuation of my collection of Man-Making stories from around the U.S. and the world. The stories are about the challenges of building strong young men and the men who have stepped into the work to support them.

“A program teaching emotional intelligence
and preventative mental health to boys...”

Australia: The Man Cave initiative, started by Hunter Johnson, was created to help remedy mental health issues and increasing suicide rates in young Australian men. The Man Cave provides in-school mentoring to thousands of boys across the country, as they struggle with their identity in a so-called 'boys culture'. A great video talking about the issue of suicide for boys under 25, and men helping boys to develop support and their emotional tools, is at this link.

C.H.A.M.P.S. Male Mentoring program in Chicago: Vondale Singleton started the C.H.A.M.P.S program to help black and Latino boys excel in the classroom. He knew firsthand that mentoring matters because it changed his life. You can watch an impressive video about the program at this link. For more information about the C.H.A.M.P.S. Male Mentoring program, visit their website.

South Carolina - Annual "Men's Day: Imagine 100 men and young guys, in pairs, walking into the Mount Sinai Missionary Baptist Church sanctuary. What a powerful way to show the congregation the importance of good men in young men's lives. This annual "Men's Day" service draws men from distant South Carolina faith communities who are demonstrating to the world what it looks like when men accept their responsibility as man-makers in boys' lives. Read the article at this link.

“If we’re going to change outcomes for women,
we’ve got to look at how we’re socializing our boys.”

Vashon Island, Washington - Journeymen: Nicky Wilks is the executive director of the Vashon Island-based nonprofit organization, Journeymen. Among their activities is an initiatory experience for boys and young men. Nicky says, “We have a deep process to work around refining and reclaiming statements about identity, so that when young people come back from this experience and are asked, ‘who are you,’ they have a very secure sense of self.” He says, “When someone has a strong sense of self, that becomes an anchor point for the rest of what they do in the world.” To learn more about the Journeymen organization, their history and work, read his article.

If this clip doesn't show up use this link

.
Orange County, California - Boys 2 Men mentoring program and Salt of Heaven (for girls) are improving the lives of dozens of children in Orange County. "We felt that it was our duty, our job to step in to help raise these boys who may be fatherless and have not encountered consistency ever in life, We are consistent. We're there, supporting in the school, supporting at home, whatever way possible. We try to be there for these boy to help keep them out of trouble." Check out the article here.

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October 22, 2018

Boys Speak about their Rite of Passage

One of my brother's in mission is Dick Baker, a member of JourneymenUK. It's a group or men providing Rites of Passage Adventure (RoPA) experiences for young men in the United Kingdom. The organization describes their work this way:

Our Rite of Passage Adventure is a transformational weekend for boys aged 14 to 17, offering them the chance to take a bold step towards becoming the kind of man they want to be. The RoPA is a three day event designed to give the boys of our community the challenge and support they need as they begin their journey to adulthood. We model healthy boundaries, creative co-operation, the capacity to transform and embody strong emotions positively and compassionately, and we challenge the boys to face themselves and their future with courage, humor and integrity.

"...we challenge the boys
to face themselves and their future
with courage, humor and integrity."

Here is what Dick said about JourneymenUK's most recent annual RoPA:

We've just returned from our 7th UK RoPA. Thirty-five staff came together to create the conditions for fifteen new JMen (Journeymen) to find something they need within themselves and get seriously blessed along the way. It was, as always, an awesome and awe inspiring weekend.

We had the homecoming last night which was moving and heartfelt – to witness a boy talk about his experience in front of his community, being truly seen and blessed, maybe for the first time, even by a parent, is quite something.

After many years of trying, this year we had a women’s blessing for staff at the RoPA. After a days container building and before the boys arrived, 10 or 12 women showed up and held the men in circle and blessed them – it was a quite extraordinary and moving moment.

Once again I’m left knowing this work does change the world and maybe it is sometimes even a matter of life and death.

The video Dick sent just below is powerful testimony, in the boy's own words, about the impact of this kind of experience during this time in their lives.

If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

My guess, if you're a man watching this video, you'll have something like one of the following reactions:

"I'm glad some men are doing something those boys!"

"I wish I would have had something like that growing up!"

"I know a kid who could really use an experience like that about now."

The experience of having a group of men help a boy make a positive crossing into manhood is powerful, and sadly still a rarity in most cultures. Today, young males, who are being propelled toward manhood by their body chemistry, are left with self-initiation, finding their own, often twisted path toward becoming a man. Sadly, the results are often tragic for boys, families and our communities.

"I know a kid..."

If you're curious about this form of men's work, or if you have any comments, send me a message. You never know what an inspired man or group of men might create that could change a young man's life.

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October 18, 2016

When Did You Become a "Man?"

Back when I was doing research for the Man-Making book, one of the questions I asked men was, "When did you, without question, become a man?"

It's really a great question for the times, in part because of the many, confusing, and often contradictory notions of modern manhood. Some men took a stab at an answer by mentioning important moments in a guy's life such as, having first sex, getting a license, getting married, becoming a parent, going to war, and so on.

But without a clear line to cross to definitively answer the manhood question, their responses most often reflected uncertainty, a little guy-shame, and some hunger for something deep inside that was missing. The most honest, and the most common, response was some version of, "I'm not sure I'm a 'man' yet today!"

"I'm not sure I'm a 'man' yet today!"

Over the years in this blog I've profiled many different groups that offer some form of a ritualized passage experience for their boys (and men). For all that activity, it's really just a start, as though we're just beginning to realize the importance of this work and its impact on the male psyche. You have to look hard to find communities and tribal cultures that have a long and deep history of this initiatory technology.

In a few places these rituals have survived into present time. What I love about them is that wherever they are performed, and however unusual they may appear to our modern eyes, they do provide a clear answer for the man or men involved as to when the manhood line was crossed.

"When did you, without question,
cross the line and enter man's world?"

What is your manhood story? When did you, without question, cross the line and enter man's world? If you don't have an answer, like so many other men, you might feel just a little lost on your journey toward manhood. And with so many men feeling trapped in the never-never land between boyhood and manhood, how can we ever expect our adolescent males to find the door to the men's hut without guidance?

When you have a moment, check out this National Geographic Video talking about a rite of passage event of the Dogan people in Mali. It's called the Dama, and it's importance for the men, and the whole community, is very clear.

The Door to Dogan Manhood

If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

If you want to talk about how to create a rite of passage event for some of the young males in your world, give me a shout. A continuum of possibilities are waiting, experiences that vary from very brief and simple moments to something a little more involved. None of these actions are beyond you and a couple of your men friends.

How do you feel about the fact that your emerging manhood was not recognized and celebrated in your teen years? If you have a lingering hunger for that experience, perhaps it will drive you to action. It's the best way I know of to plug up those leaks in your male psyche. Trust me, you are hardwired for this work, and I know the boys are waiting.

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August 20, 2016

A Man's 500 Ton Initiation

In a recent blog post, I wrote about how a young fisherman was initiated into his profession with a trial by waves, tobacco juice, fish guts, and heat. It was a tough rite of passage. In many professions we still see some form of testing, formal and/or informal, required of the beginner or novice in order to earn the full acceptance and privileges of man's world.

At the end of that "fish guts" post, I asked you, the readers, to let me know if you had encountered any ordeal, testing, or initiation into man's world as you went through life. One reader, Brian E., sent along this story about how he earned the respect of the men in his world of work with BIG cranes.

Hi Earl, part of my passage into manhood was about earning acceptance into my profession. I was 28 when I joined the International Union of Operating Engineers. I started as a journeyman apprentice at a crane company and, initially, my company would use me as a "yard kid." I would help the mechanics, run for parts, pick up trash, and so forth. To prove myself, I would always go beyond my regular duties to straighten up the rigging and do a good job of keeping the yard organized.

Liebherr 500 Ton Crane

The company was in the business of delivering, setting up, and operating the large cranes you see on big construction sites. One of the crane operators took notice of my work and told the office that he wanted me to become his new oiler, even though other journeymen wanted that position. An oiler has a lot of responsibility, everything from driving the crane to the site, positioning the crane on the site, and helping place the counter weights during setup and operations. So it was a kind of compliment to get picked.

...only two men ever made him cry...

This operator was nice, but was often a real jerk. While he'd compliment me every once and awhile, if I did something wrong he would yell at me and really make me feel less than human. If he caught me without a rag in my hand and not cleaning the crane while he was operating, he would yell "if I'm working, you're working," and slam his door closed. I didn't like getting yelled at so I didn't make the same mistake twice. He would tell me that I was getting off easy and that he had it a lot worse from the operator who taught him. Once he told me that only two men ever made him cry, his dad and the operator that taught him.

I'm a pretty smart guy. I knew he was really teaching me to become a darn good hand who can work anywhere and be accepted by the elite in my trade. A lot of it had to do with safety, because my profession is very dangerous. In the past ten years, I've seen many men with missing fingers, men who have been crushed, and men who have died. Behind all that gruffness, he was actually protecting me, maybe keeping me alive.

I became a better man . . . because of him.

I appreciated the tough love, and I know I became a better man, coworker, and crane operator because of him. Like I said, I didn't get a lot of compliments from him. However, when I recently went to my old company and worked with him for a day, he told me he really missed having good help around. Coming from him, that meant a lot to me.

If you're paying attention, you'll often hear these initiation stories and their impact. They are most often about building up new guy and preparing them for success in their future. If you have a story about this kind of "welcome to man's world" in your life, please send it to me. If you're really motivated, give me a shout and let's talk about how you might create an intentional passage experience in the life of a young man you know.

Follow @earlh

August 11, 2016

When Young Men Enter Man's World!

The YMAW, or Young Men's Adventure Weekend, is held every year in a primitive, lake-side forest, outside of the city of Vancouver, British Columbia. I've been on this amazing journey to manhood adventure, been changed by it, and have written about it previously.

There is just something about the chemistry of a large, multi-generational pack of men in a wilderness setting that is transformative. Just guys, being a little wild, having a lot of fun, all while taking young male lives seriously. I tell you it makes my masculine heart sing!

Check out this video and see if you don't feel a call to be there.

If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

Like all the males involved, I, too, am always touched deeply by my time in this kind of man's world. While the advertising is always about showing up for the young guys, the truth is all the males involved are changed for the better by the experience. In the afterglow of these kinds of events, I'm always left wondering what would my life today be like if I had been surrounded by, and cared for, in this way by so many good men? Who would you be today if this was part of your story?

Who would you be today
if this was part of your story?

These kinds of Rites of Passage events in man's world are going on regularly, around the U.S. and the world. Even if you have to travel a half a world away to attend, I highly recommend adding it to your masculine bucket list. I can say with some authority this experience will change your life and will make you a better man.

You can give me a shout and I'll help you find an event somewhere that's a fit for you.

The YMAW 2017 will be held on July 7, 8, 9th, and registration is now open. You can get more information and contact the YMAW guys through their website or by visiting their FaceBook page.

I don't think you'd be reading this far if you didn't feel the stirring in your male soul. The young men and this adventure is waiting for you to say "yes" to the call you hear.

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July 20, 2016

A Rite of Passage Ordeal by Fish and Tobacco Juice

Finding different ways to honor a young man as he moves through various benchmarks on his way toward manhood is just a good and maybe important thing to do. Over the years, I've written about many of these transitions and made suggestions about how to amplify them with attention and sometimes a little ritual.

Here is a link to some 60+ Man-Making Blog posts about different passage experiences. The posts cover everything from birthdays, a first shaving lesson, getting a driver's license, to the more serious rituals for "crossing the line" from boyhood into early manhood for an adolescent male. In each of these moments, something changes in a young man's life. If the men in his world are aware and engaged, there is an opportunity for them to honor and celebrate the young man. Who among you got enough of that when you were growing up?

Sadly, intentional Rites of Passage
for young men
have largely disappeared.

Sadly, intentional Rites of Passage for young men have largely disappeared or are very under-played in our culture. While there are a few organizations that offer them, most of our young guys are left with few choices as they are propelled by their biology toward manhood.

One common option is self-initiation, often involving dangerous and very high-risk activities. You'll see competitive and "I'll show you" kinds of foolishness, fueled by testosterone and guided by a poorly wired teen brain.

Then there are peer initiations through things like hazing, gang challenges, ordeals and the trials required of boys and men everywhere to gain membership to what I call the men's hut . . . the place where manhood is conferred and honored.

Tribal Initiation 1975

On a recent vacation trip, I came across a good example of how one profession tested the new guy. Last summer, I was listening to an old fisherman speaking at the fishing museum on the shore of Lake Superior in Bayfield, Wisconsin. He was describing the challenges of fishing on the big lake, and the seaworthiness of the Lake Superior gill net fishing boat. It had an all-metal construction and an odd whale-like shape, perfect for riding large waves. It could also quickly become a completely enclosed workspace if the conditions required, complete with a small coal stove for heat. It was a boat perfectly designed for working the cold and often stormy seas fishermen often encounter on the big lake.

When I inquired, the old fisherman said they had a special way of initiating the new guys into the profession:

When we had a new helper on the crew, we’d wait for a good’n stormy day for the “welcome.” As part of the tradition, someone would kindly take the new man out for a large and greasy breakfast. Then, as we were heading out, we'd send the new guy below to work on the nets. He thought he was getting off easy because he was going to be out of the bad weather and be warm and dry.

When the boat was really pitching and rolling in the big water outside the islands, one of us old guys would go down to chat with him and commence with spitting tobacco juice on the hot stove. That pungent fragrance, along with the heating of the wooden floor, with its years of accumulated fish gut residue, would rise up a stink you could smell in a fog bank long before you could even hear an engine.

This ordeal by fear, sea, and odor always brought the new guy to his knees. Us old timers, after having a good chuckle, always felt new respect for him and went easier on him after that.

The old fisherman was laughing during the telling of this tale, most likely because he and many generations before him had experienced this uncomfortable ordeal. It was a Rite of Passage which earned the poor initiate a degree of acceptance into that world of men. While some form of testing and trials have always been part of initiatory experiences, today we have the opportunity and freedom to create what's best and relevant for our boys in each community.

If you have a similar story of an ordeal you faced at some point in your life to gain entry or acceptance to man's world, I'd love to hear it. You can send it to me or add it to the comments section of this post.

Personally, I'm all for intentionally creating positive passage experiences for our young men. If you're interested in how to do that, give me a shout. Let's all try to find a way we can notice, name the transition, and honor young men as they move along on their journey toward manhood.

Follow @earlh

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