Boys Speak about their Rite of Passage

One of my brother's in mission is Dick Baker, a member of JourneymenUK. It's a group or men providing Rites of Passage Adventure (RoPA) experiences for young men in the United Kingdom. The organization describes their work this way:

Our Rite of Passage Adventure is a transformational weekend for boys aged 14 to 17, offering them the chance to take a bold step towards becoming the kind of man they want to be. The RoPA is a three day event designed to give the boys of our community the challenge and support they need as they begin their journey to adulthood. We model healthy boundaries, creative co-operation, the capacity to transform and embody strong emotions positively and compassionately, and we challenge the boys to face themselves and their future with courage, humor and integrity.

"...we challenge the boys
to face themselves and their future
with courage, humor and integrity."

Here is what Dick said about JourneymenUK's most recent annual RoPA:

We've just returned from our 7th UK RoPA. Thirty-five staff came together to create the conditions for fifteen new JMen (Journeymen) to find something they need within themselves and get seriously blessed along the way. It was, as always, an awesome and awe inspiring weekend.

We had the homecoming last night which was moving and heartfelt – to witness a boy talk about his experience in front of his community, being truly seen and blessed, maybe for the first time, even by a parent, is quite something.

After many years of trying, this year we had a women’s blessing for staff at the RoPA. After a days container building and before the boys arrived, 10 or 12 women showed up and held the men in circle and blessed them – it was a quite extraordinary and moving moment.

Once again I’m left knowing this work does change the world and maybe it is sometimes even a matter of life and death.

The video Dick sent just below is powerful testimony, in the boy's own words, about the impact of this kind of experience during this time in their lives.

If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

My guess, if you're a man watching this video, you'll have something like one of the following reactions:

• "I'm glad some men are doing something those boys!"
• "I wish I would have had something like that growing up!"
• "I know a kid who could really use an experience like that about now."

The experience of having a group of men help a boy make a positive crossing into manhood is powerful, and sadly still a rarity in most cultures. Today, young males, who are being propelled toward manhood by their body chemistry, are left with self-initiation, finding their own, often twisted path toward becoming a man. Sadly, the results are often tragic for boys, families and our communities.

"I know a kid..."

If you're curious about this form of men's work, or if you have any comments, send me a message. You never know what an inspired man or group of men might create that could change a young man's life.

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Groups for men and young men . . . EVERYWHERE?

Some of you know about the gifts of transformation that occur when men gather in a circle to speak their personal truths. I've spent over thirty years in men's support groups of one kind or another and I can say from experience, when the bond of trust has been formed in a group, regardless of the group member's age, magic happens and better men are the result. It's one place where real man-making occurs.

I've seen this magic in countless men's circles, in school groups of young males, and even on weekend passage adventures. If you make a safe place for guys to show up un-masked, you will eventually hear profound honesty about the fears, joys, pain, hopes, anger, longings, and all the parts of males that otherwise lie hidden in confusion behind the face they show the world.

Because of the power of these circles to improve lives, I'm of the opinion that more groups should be available to men and young males. Sadly, in addition to the fears so many males carry about the risks of real intimacy and vulnerability, there are other real world barriers to group attendance. Finding a group at all, or one close enough geographically to be practical, is an issue for many. Then you have to find a group that meets at a time that fits into your busy life. For some, especially the young guys, finding transportation to get to a group can make regular attendance difficult or impossible. For these reasons (and many others), I really like the idea of digital, on-line support groups!

. . . for me, meeting on-line
is far better than not meeting at all.

While I'll admit I have a large bias in favor of being in a face-to-face circle of males as opposed to looking at them on a screen, there is no question for me that meeting on-line is far better than not meeting at all. I have been exploring different platforms for holding on-line, topic-focused meetings. In a conversation with my friend, Luis Oliveira, he mentioned he was a member of an on-line support group. His group was started by Graham Reid Phoenix, the author of the e-book, Journey to the Core of the Masculine. Graham launched the on-line support group two years ago, and it's now called, "The Virtual Men's Gathering." Graham lives in Spain, Luis is in Portugal, and the other men in the group are scattered across the globe. This group is proof that geography doesn't count for much anymore when it comes to man-making.

. . . geography doesn't count for much anymore
when it comes to man-making.

Because The Virtual Men's Gathering is such a good example of how an on-line group for men works, I interviewed Graham and Luis in a Google Hangout to see what we all can learn about this digital approach to man-making. In the video below you'll hear about the benefits of a digital support group, some nuts and bolts about how they work, how they differ from face-to-face groups, and there's even some help if you're thinking of starting an on-line group of your own.

Check out the video and then either contact Graham or send me a quick note and let's see how we can use these amazing digital tools to enhance the lives of men and young males . . . everywhere!

If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

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SHARE: If you enjoy this blog, please click the Facebook "Share" button below to support the Man-Making Facebook page! (The button is only on the MM Blog, and not in subscription posts delivered by email.)

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Two Good Men and The Chicken Story

Recently, a couple of really good men have crossed my (digital) path. Both are already solid man-makers and both want to do more. I'm holding these guys up as models for what men can do when they catch man-making fire. You'll also love the chicken story!

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"Doc" Warnock

Larry "Doc" Warnock is a licensed massage therapist working in Wakefield, MA, and the Executive Director of The Student/Athlete Educational Foundation. He has been in private practice for more than 25 years and taught massage at the university level. Part of Doc's practice is teen athletes, helping them to perform better, stay healthy and, when necessary, heal from injuries.

Doc sent me an email in response to the Man-Making Blog post on the film, The Mask You Live In, about the destructive messages our culture gives to young males. Here is part of my exchange with Doc:

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Earl, thanks for that blog post. I live on the north shore of Boston, an upper class area where everyone puts on a happy face mask but underneath, there are issues. Because of my work as a sports massage therapist, I've met many young men who've come to me over the last 25 years. Because of the nature of my work, there is a natural trust relationship that creates an opportunity for mentoring.

I see young men from "regular families," but also many from dysfunctional families, single parent homes, and other challenging backgrounds. A lot of these guys use sports as a macho cover when, underneath, many are searching for a trusted connection. Everyone in their lives is an authority figure, and when they meet me, they realize I'm willing to listen and not tell them what they have to do. I find these young men often very willing to share their thoughts and feelings openly and appreciate having someone to talk to about the hard parts of their lives. Sometimes even after an injury is healed, they'd come back for more.

Over the years, I have mentored more than 250 of these young men...and many have stayed connected with me through emails, Facebook, etc. Some are now in their 30's and 40's with families of their own, but they still get in touch when they need someone to talk with. I tell people I have one son and 250 kids!

I have one son and 250 kids!

Several years ago, I was hospitalized for two weeks with pancreatitis. Every night, after visiting hours, 2 or 3 boys from the local high school would show up in my room. Each night I chastised them for breaking the hospital rules. The day I was discharged, I apologized to the nurse. She just looked at me and said, "Are you kidding, we couldn't wait for them to get here. They brought pizza and beverages for the staff." Come to find out, these young athletes had formed a group. Two or three signed up to visit me each day. They would then go back to the school the next morning and post my progress on the bulletin board in the locker room! How could I not get well with this support?

 In addition to "my boys", there are so many boys who are homeless as well. This is really frustrating for me and I have nightmares thinking about what to do about them. I'm sad that there are so many young men out there without a safe and trusted person to listen to them and be there for them. I want to find some way to get some older men to come together in support of young men so the older men can have some of the same experiences I've had. I am 74 and, before going into the nursing home, I will form some sort of group or create some kind of safe place around here for boys! Help!

Larry "Doc" Warnock

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In response, I told Doc I loved hearing about his powerful passion for and commitment to young guys. His sense of wanting or even needing to do something in support of young men means he was already "in the game," and doing important man-making work. Once a man gets a sense for the difference he can easily and naturally make in a young man's life, the blinders come off. After that, it's hard not to take the experience of needy young men seriously. You can email Doc at doc@chap.com.

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Ashanti Branch
Ten years ago Ashanti founded The Ever Forward Club (EFC), a not-for-profit organization in Oakland, CA. The program was started to support young men of color in high school who were failing 50 percent or more of their classes.

In the last ten years, Ashanti has put together a solid, school-based program that's had an amazing impact on countless numbers of kids, a couple of inner-city schools, and their surrounding communities. You can read more about his amazing statistics at this link and hear a recorded interview I did with him about his work and passion. This guy is clearly on man-making fire. Better than me telling you about him, I'll let Ashanti tell you about himself . . . and the chicken story!

If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

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I hope you find these men as inspirational as I do. But don't put them on a pedestal. You would not be reading this if you didn't care about our young men. If you want to talk about what might be possible for you, give me a shout and we'll brainstorm together. I'm certain there is something you can do, right now, to have an important and positive impact on the lives of the young guys in your world. Start small, but do answer the call to service you hear, and see if you don't catch a little man-making fire.

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CONTACT: Send Earl a message. I'm very interested in your thoughts on any man-making post or topic. I'm available to help bring man-making initiatives to your community or organization.

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The Ever Forward Club - The Power of One Man

I met Ashanti Branch in July of 2013 when we were both “outlander” staff men at the YMAW, or Young Men’s Adventure Weekend, held near Vancouver, British Columbia. Ashanti is currently a Vice Principal at the Montera Middle School in Oakland, CA. He was using his summer being Ashanti, and accumulating rich experiences, ideas, and new skills to take back to Oakland to increase his impact on his community.

Ten years ago Ashanti founded The Ever Forward Club (EFC), a not-for-profit organization in Oakland, CA. The program was started to support young men of color in high school who were failing 50 percent or more of their classes.

In the last ten years, Ashanti has put together a solid, school-based program that's had an amazing impact on countless numbers of kids, a couple of inner-city schools, and their surrounding communities. Over the years of tracking the progress of their EFC participants, they have recorded some incredible statistics. In the past eight years:

• 100% of the EFC members have graduated high school.
   
• 90% of the EFC graduates attend 2 or 4 year colleges after high school.
   
• 1000+ students, faculty, family and friends have participated in their Annual 24 Hour Relay Challenge which promotes community building and healthy living.

If you work in this field, you know the power in those numbers and the many small victories it's taken to achieve that degree of success. It’s easy to see why Ashanti Branch is on my list of heroes and a brother in mission. His current goal is to bring the EFC to 20 middle schools and 20 high schools by the fall of 2015, potentially supporting as many as 1,000 individual students! I have no doubt Ashanti will reach that goal!

I recently spoke with Ashanti to learn more about what he's learned in his 10 years with The Ever Forward Club. In the recording below, you can hear how the EFC got started, how it’s grown, and about the four core principles of Academic Development, Personal Development, Community Development, and Family Development, that have made it so successful.

You’ll also hear how Ashanti’s 'young male' literacy has evolved over time. I just love the part where he tells us what keeps him in this challenging work. If you like hearing about real man-making, this short clip will be very much worth your time.

Click the arrow to start play (may take a second to load)



If the player isn't visible, click on this direct link.

If you took the time to listen, you’ll see why I so respect and honor Ashanti for his powerful dedication to the young males in his world. Makes me wish I had an Ashanti in my life growing through my teen years. What I love about his story is that it’s another tale of how much difference one very motivated man can make. In ten years, Ashanti Branch has touched thousands of lives, and the positive reverberations of that impact just can’t be measured. AND, he’s just getting started!

You can learn more about The Ever Forward Club on his website, everforwardclub.org, or you can email Ashanti directly.

If you’re inclined to make a donation in support of one very reliable man-maker, working in extremely challenging circumstances, and getting extraordinary results, I know Ashanti will put the funds to good use. You can donate at the FirstGiving donation site, or make a check out to Warrior Films c/o Ever Forward Club, and send it to The Ever Forward Club, Ashanti Branch, 7514 Holly St. Oakland, CA 94621.

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CONTACT: Send Earl a message. I'm very interested in your thoughts on any man-making post or topic. I'm available to help bring man-making initiatives to your community or organization.

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What Kind of Man Do You Want To Be?

I've just had the pleasure of participating in my first ever Google Hangout conversation. The hangout was hosted by Marie Roker-Jones, of the Raising Great Men blog, and Dr. Vibe, host of the online radio show, The Dr. Vibe Show for Black Men, and those who love them. These very good people are part of the growing man-making community, doing what they can to support boys, young males, and men, on their journey toward a positive manhood. I was a guest along with filmmaker Joe Brewster, of the film America's Promise.

The theme was, "What Kind of Man Do You Want To Be?"

You can listen to our conversation, Part I, in the video below. We kicked around some big ideas about the challenges facing young men today.

If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

Part II of the conversation had Marie and Dr. Vibe interviewing three very bright young men, Edmund Adjapong, Karl Rivera, and Good Men Project writer, Kevin Carty. These young men responded to questions about messages they got as young men about manhood, dating, their conversations about men with the women in their lives, the role of education in shaping a young male's vision of manhood, and much more. These guys offered a very clear view of manhood as experienced by young, college age men. These are voices from an age group we don't get to hear from often enough.

You can listen in on their conversation in this video:

If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

Anything come up for you after listening to these conversations? If so, send me a quick message

If you or someone you know has something important to say about man-making, let me know. I'll add them to my list of people for future Hangouts or audio interviews.

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CONTACT: Send Earl a message. I'm interested in your thoughts on man-making. Also, I'm available to work with you to bring the right form of man-making to your community or organziation.

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