Does being “pro-boy” mean “anti-girl?”

In a short article titled, Save Our Boys, by Esther J. Cepeda in the Washington Post, she describes her conversation with Dr. Leonard Sax. Dr. Sax is the author of the book, Boys Adrift: The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men. Dr. Sax, M.D., Ph.D., is a family doctor, a PhD psychologist, and the founder of the National Association for Choice in Education (NACE).

In the description of his book Dr. Sax says, "Something scary is happening to boys today. From kindergarten to college, American boys are, on average, less resilient and less ambitious than they were a mere twenty years ago. The gender gap in college attendance and graduation rates has widened dramatically. While Emily is working hard at school and getting A’s, her brother Justin is goofing off. He’s more concerned about getting to the next level in his video game than about finishing his homework."

Something scary is happening to boys today.

At the heart of her story, Ms. Cepeda uncovered Dr. Sax's disappointment with how often showing up for boys is seen as being anti-girl. It's sad, but often the reality I've encountered in speaking to groups. In Ms. Cepeda's interview with Dr. Sax, he said, “. . . I didn’t have an appreciation for the degree to which this topic is political,”. . . . “The assumption is that if you advocate for boys, you are right-of-center, and if you advocate for girls you are left-of center. And you must work very hard to make people understand that not only are the politics not the most important issue, but that if you’re seeing boys as the ‘losers’ of good education and work opportunities, girls are not the ‘winners,’ either. But when you start talking about offering boy-friendly instructional strategies, then you must be against girls.”

Dr. Sax does offer gender-neutral prescriptions in his book. He told Ms. Cepeda, “With just a little bit of training and permission, administrators and teachers can greatly boost achievement for boys without drowning out girls,” Sax said. “It is not a zero-sum game. Gender-aware instructional strategies don’t cost much money and have the potential to get boys excited about writing and girls excited about computer coding. But the notion that boys and girls need something different to love writing or computers is deeply offensive to scholars.”

Sadly, Dr. Sax has become cynical about ever finding a motivated audience and has returned to full-time medical practice. I believe Dr. Sax is very much on the right track. Too many of our young males are "adrift," and would benefit greatly from experimentation with young-male-focused educational approaches. I also feel the overarching quest should be to come up with an educational system that brings out the best in all of our children.

The Program for International Student Assessment, or PISA, which collects test results from 65 countries for its rankings, says in 2012, "U.S. students ranked below average in math among the world's most-developed countries. They were close to average in science and reading." Taken directly from their data, 29 nations outperformed the United States in math, 22 in science, and 19 in reading, all much worse performance than the data collected in 2009. All of our kids deserve better.

As you consider the idea of more young-male-literate educational approaches, check out what comes up for you! Are you carrying a gender bias when it comes to their education?

You can read Ms. Cepeda's full article on her Washington Post web page, and find Dr. Sax's book on Amazon.

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What Kind of Man Do You Want To Be?

I've just had the pleasure of participating in my first ever Google Hangout conversation. The hangout was hosted by Marie Roker-Jones, of the Raising Great Men blog, and Dr. Vibe, host of the online radio show, The Dr. Vibe Show for Black Men, and those who love them. These very good people are part of the growing man-making community, doing what they can to support boys, young males, and men, on their journey toward a positive manhood. I was a guest along with filmmaker Joe Brewster, of the film America's Promise.

The theme was, "What Kind of Man Do You Want To Be?"

You can listen to our conversation, Part I, in the video below. We kicked around some big ideas about the challenges facing young men today.

If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

Part II of the conversation had Marie and Dr. Vibe interviewing three very bright young men, Edmund Adjapong, Karl Rivera, and Good Men Project writer, Kevin Carty. These young men responded to questions about messages they got as young men about manhood, dating, their conversations about men with the women in their lives, the role of education in shaping a young male's vision of manhood, and much more. These guys offered a very clear view of manhood as experienced by young, college age men. These are voices from an age group we don't get to hear from often enough.

You can listen in on their conversation in this video:

If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

Anything come up for you after listening to these conversations? If so, send me a quick message

If you or someone you know has something important to say about man-making, let me know. I'll add them to my list of people for future Hangouts or audio interviews.

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Black Star Project - More Men Who Really Care About Boys

Here is the next installment of Men Who Really Care About Boys. It's my attempt to offset the damage being done by the publicity about pedophile men in the news media. This is another story about an initiative, driven by a heroic man, and men, in inner city Chicago.

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THE BLACK STAR PROJECT

The Black Star Project was founded in 1996 to improve the quality of life in the Black American and Latino communities of Chicago by eliminating the racial academic achievement gap. Since that beginning, they have gone on to reach that goal by dealing with some of the many other barriers to success for kids in their community. As they say on their website: We have organized marches, vigils, student auditorium sessions, conflict- resolution workshops, forums and parent workshops on gangs and violence.

Black Star places a lot of emphasis on education of the young people in their community. They embody the notion, Good schools seldom (if ever) create good communities; but good communities can create good schools! Active and involved parents, families, and whole communities are necessary to educate children.

Peace in the Hood
One example of making a critical difference in a community is how a group of Black Star men got together to do something about the violence in their community. Here is how they describe their Peace in the Hood initiative: In the 2008-09 school year, 53 Chicago students 18 and under were killed, and in the first 2 and one-half weeks of the 2009-10 school year, 5 students 19 years old and under have already been killed. We have been organizing volunteers and staff around a campaign that we call Peace in the Hood. Armed with information, posters, wristbands and t-shirts, we send groups of individuals out into the communities most in need to reach and inspire disengaged and hopeless youth to continue their education and seek employment.

Black Star Warrior, Scholar, Healer Mentor Program
Another Black Star Project initiative I really like is their Warrior, Scholar, Healer Mentor Program. Serving over 50 boys, they meet four times a month, and have a one man to 4 young male ratio. They work on issues such as respecting elders; teaching youth to value education; teaching boys to honor parents, young women and girls; teaching how to be leaders and not followers; connecting youth to positive male role models; going on field trips to other parts of the city; and bringing in guest speakers. And that's just a start.

Any chance you and your men friends might consider an initiative you could start to support your neighborhood or to help out a local school? The boys need to see good men in action. If not you, who?

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Making Mentoring SAFE

A few months back, I reached a limit of sorts, when the news about Jerry Sandusky and the Penn State tragedy appeared. In this tabloid “news” world we live in, we are always hearing about molesters and the layers of tragedy they create. I titled that blog post, “I’m really angry about creepy guys,” and I still am, a little.

The truth is there are so many more wonderful stories about really good men showing up for young males with inspirational tales of lives transformed. But sadly, the dominant media focus always seems to be on the sordid. I know it’s a good thing to shine the light of awareness in the dark places, but how about some balance? I’ll be trying to bring some of that balance in future posts. If you have a story about good men or a man involved in boys' lives, please send it along to me. The world needs to hear these stories.

The good news is that youth-serving organizations everywhere are learning how to do a better job of screening applicants. This creates more protection for young people and the organization. It makes parents more comfortable, and the right prospective volunteers feel safe in applying. When it’s clear an organization is using state of the art background checking and other forms of vetting, volunteers know they, too, will be protected from guilt by association should something or someone go terribly wrong.

One organization in the vanguard of this movement is Friends for Youth, Inc., out of Redwood City, CA. They have been in the mentoring business for a quarter of a century and, out of that experience, they have produced an amazing book titled, SAFE (Screening Applicants for Effectiveness): Guidelines to Prevent Child Molestation in Mentoring and Youth-Serving Organizations. It’s the most current and comprehensive work on the subject I’ve seen in a while. It covers a literature review on the issue of child molestation, offers examples of and instruction in best-practice screening AND monitoring of applicants, and describes state-of-the-art molestation prevention tools and resources. The SAFE book is a good read for anyone who wants to understand what it means to have solid organizational integrity when it comes to protecting kids and the good adults who want to support them. You can order the SAFE book on the Friends for Youth, Inc. website.

As an indication the commitment by Friends for Youth to helping organizations and protecting kids, they are offering a free webinar on this important topic. It’s being offered on Tuesday, Feb. 28th, 2012, from 10:00 AM to 11:15 AM (PST). The webinar is open to anyone who cares enough to be interested. Visit their website Webinar page for more information and to register.

In making involvement with young people SAFE, perhaps it will remove some of the fear of involvement that results in long organizational wait-lists of young guys. Young males are hoping someone like you might come forward and hang out with them for a while, maybe be a man-maker in someone's life!

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Only If You Care about Our Boys

If you care about boys of any age, you have to take a look at the Boys Project website. Among other topics, it clearly paints the picture of a "boy crisis" in which boys are being brutalized by an educational system simply not suited to who they are . . . young males! The Boys Project offers us a powerful a statement of this tragic epidemic presented in statistics such as:

• For every 100 girls suspended from public elementary and secondary schools 250 boys are suspended.
• For every 100 girls expelled from public elementary and secondary schools 335 boys are expelled.
• For every 100 girls diagnosed with a learning disability 276 boys are diagnosed with a learning disability.
• For every 100 girls diagnosed with emotional disturbance 324 boys are diagnosed with emotional disturbance.
• For every 100 tenth grade girls who play video or computer games one or more hours per day 322 boys play video or computer games one or more hours per day.
• For every 100 women enrolled in college there are 77 men enrolled.
• For every 100 American women who earn a bachelor's degree from college 73 American men earn a bachelor's degree.
• For every 100 American women who earn a master's degree from college 62 American men earn the same degree.

The data go on to describe other mental health, disability, and incarceration numbers for boys that are also unsettling. Try these on:

• For every 100 females ages 15 to 19 that commit suicide 549 males in the same range kill themselves.
• For every 100 girls with multiple disabilities 189 boys have multiple disabilities.
• For every 100 girls ages 15 to 17 in correctional facilities there are 837 boys behind bars.

Tom Mortenson, the man responsible for this collection of data, is a Higher Education Policy Analyst at The Pell Institute for the Study of Opportunity in Higher Education. He first drew public attention to the gender gap in post-secondary education and was the first to point out the need for a Boys Project.

The goals of the Boys Project are:

1. Showcase colleges, schools, teachers, and organizations that have succeeded in engaging young men, increasing their academic success, and developing drive and ambition.

2. Educate families, educators and the public about the challenges our young boys are facing.

3. Develop federal, state, and foundation initiatives that support relevant research and necessary legislative change.

We all want to live in a world that gives all of our children the best possible chance to express their giftedness, regardless of gender. But it's is critical that there are organizations like the Boys Project whose purpose is to help boys become successful men. I'm happy to support this initiative, and if you care about what's happening to our boys check out the Boys Project website.

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Message About Schools - I'm Just Sayin!

Yes I do know that in all probability this is not a real answering machine message from a school in Australia, or New York, or maybe anywhere. But I kind of like it!

I'm just sayin . . .

Use this link if the video doesn't appear.

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Fighting Invisible Tigers

I remember a few years back getting a hand-written letter from a young kid in jail. He had shot another kid in a gang-banging incident and, at 15, was sentenced for murder. He had found my book, Fighting Invisible Tigers, in the library of his facility and in his letter he was begging me to "help me do something about my anger." Call this self-promotion if you like, but I get about 10 letters a year from kids, some who need help and some saying "thank you" for the perspective they got from the book.

Let's face it, the pressures on kids today are extraordinary. Academic, social, digital, economic, and then there is whatever is going on in their family life. This book was originally written in 1982 and continues to sell in the thousands of copies every year. Over a quarter million sold to date. While I'm happy about that, it's more of a testimonial to the need for support young people are expressing.

At this link you can hear a podcast of an interview I did with Bobbi Connor at The Parent's Journal. In it you will learn a lot about my views on the topic of kids and stress in the world today: what kids are up against, the risks they face, and how parents can help. I also talk about stress management skill building. For example, you can hear me define the difference between stress coping strategies (dealing with the feelings of stress) and real stress management skills. I speak to a few of the 10 stress reducing strategies discussed in the book.

My award-winning publisher, Free Spirit Publishing, has included some relaxation training mp3's on the Tiger's web page on their site. If you'd like to try on a quick psycho-physiologic relaxation break, you can hear yours truly guiding you through a short program that may help bring some calm into your stressful day. Stress management skills aren't just for kids, right?

Thanks for indulging me in this wee bit of self-promotion. In addition to my passion for connecting young males with good men, in the Tigers book, I'm doing what I can to make the world a better place for young people. I hope this inspires you to do the piece you can do.

PS: The kid who wrote me from jail got out, is doing great, and on February 6, 2011, he will celebrate 10 years of freedom. He's a nurse working in a home that serves HIV patients. He's a strong and capable young man, launched in a professional career. His anger is no longer an issue.

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What Knot To Do With Boys

One of the fears men talk about when they are considering stepping up as a man-maker in the life of a boy or boys is the sense that they don't have anything to offer, or at least enough to offer the young guys. While just being a man is sufficient, men have to be around boys a while to learn that seemingly simple lesson.

One way this common fear is expressed is in the statement, "I don't know what to do with a boy or boys." To help men with that issue, I provide a 3 page list of suggestions, and it could easily be twice that long. In truth, the mix of a man and boy's interests alone can keep the duo busy for a very long time, with even the simplest of activities. More on that in another post.

I was reminded of how simply I was entertained as a young guy when I came across the Animated Knots by Grog™ website. I no longer remember where I first encountered the art of tying knots. Maybe it was scouting, or maybe my neighbor, but I do remember it being both amazing and manly. There was an endless supply of knots and each one had a history and a specific purpose. The challenges of discovery, learning, and mastering a few knots kept me going for months . . . and I'm still using them today! If you want to fill a few hours with a young guy or pack of boys, just get a pile of cheap rope and go to it.

If you didn't have the benefit of knot tying training early in your life, help is at hand. There are lots of results to any internet search for knot tying. What I really like about the Animated Knots by Grog™ website is how the animations walk you through how to tie every imaginable type of knot, one step at a time. The complete instructions for each knot also include some history and how to use the knot. He has even divided knots up into neat categories like boating, climbing, fishing, decorative, and rescue! There are even instructions for tying a tie, a skill full of promise for future success in business.

If you're in possession of an iPhone and want to take your knots with you, the Animated Knots by Grog™  website has an application you can download, or you can buy the DVD for ten bucks. You'll be an expert in no time.

Check out the Animated Knots Website, learn a couple knots yourself, and if you even find yourself in the company of some young guys, you'll become an instant hero with just this little bit of guy magic.

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The Harmonica Man

At 71, Andy Mackie is another one of those guys on my heroes list. His life is a great story of how one man's passion can be transformed to positively influence hundreds of young people. Andy is a retired Scottish-born man who probably should have died long ago. But after facing death on more than one occasion owing to a bad heart, he decided to share his personal secret to happiness ... music.

As reported on CBS News Online last December, Andy is the Johnny Appleseed of harmonicas. As you'll see in the video, he's busy inspiring lots of young people to become interested in music. He does that by living out of a motor home and using the money he used to spend for heart medication to pay for harmonicas he gives to kids. He's been at it for 11 years, so far, and has given away 16,000 harmonicas!

If that generosity wasn't enough, Andy is now spending most of his Social Security check to hand craft what he calls Strumsticks. It's a kind of guitar that is easy to learn to play and the kids love it. As part of his ongoing legacy, Andy is even building his own mentoring program by training older kids to teach younger kids to play various instruments.

Andy is a beautiful Elder man, and I hope you find his example as inspirational and motivational as I do. If you would like to support Andy Mackie’s efforts to teach and share music with kids you can do so through the Andy Mackie Music Foundation. You could also just start sharing your gifts with some of the young people around you as Andy has done and see what happens!

If you know someone who should be included in my Man-Making heroes' gallery, please let me know. If the clip doesn't appear use this link.

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Leap Now - Ring of Fire

LEAPNOW is an organization based in Calistoga, CA, and dedicated to fostering consciousness and integrity in the world by working with "emerging adults." They run “soul-centered programs” that combine outer journeys (to Latin America, India, Africa), with a personal journey inward. Their flagship program, LEAPYEAR, works with students for a full year. Their mission is to set the stage for young adults to blossom. They claim young people always emerge from this program with a greater understanding of themselves and what it means to be approaching adulthood in today’s world.

One of their new programs is called Ring of Fire (RoF), a four-month adventure for young men 17 to 24. RoF was created to answer to deep need of young men who have "lost traction" in their lives. In this program, a small group of males adventure their way through Central and South America. This trek is along the Eastern edge of the chain of volcanoes that circles the Pacific Ocean and is why the program is called Ring of Fire. Along the way they examine their lives, face challenges, and explore their shadows. The program is designed to develop a strong sense of self, while training young men in the skills of leadership. It all comes together at the end of the trip with a powerful rite of passage ceremony.

The good folks at LEAPNOW believe the fastest growth happens for an individual when you combine an outer journey (trekking the Incan Trail, planting trees in the Amazon, building houses for the poor, climbing a volcano) with a profoundly personal inward journey. I only wish that the Ring of Fire experience was available when I was in that age group!

For more information on the Ring of Fire program, visit the LEAPNOW website, or contact the program coordinator, Jesse Latimer, at jesse@leapnow.org or 707-431-7265.

If you know about or have experienced a similar program for ripening young people, please share a brief description. The world needs globally literate and self-aware young people in the pipe line.

Man Collective - Oxford

I just got an email from Alex Linsley, one of the guys who started the Man Collective at Oxford University. Man Collective is holding a meeting called The Gathering in London on the 27th of March to ". . . unite the range of guys involved in UK men's work". He was asking if I could give The Gathering some exposure on the Man-Making blog.

On the Man Collective homepage it says, "Man Collective was conceived to offer guys the opportunities and the tools to step up to their innate brilliance. Mediocrity sucks! We want to create linked communities of men who live powerful, inspiring, playful lives they love." Wonderful!

I'm not exactly sure what these two guys are up to, but it makes my heart sing to see young men like Alex, at age 20, stepping up and promoting a broader definition of manhood. What I know to be true is anytime men gather in a safe place and risk speaking their truth, better men result. In doing so, men become man-makers for each other, and ultimately, that is very good for boys.

From where I sit as the publisher of this blog, I'm aware of other groups like Man Collective springing up across the globe. It gives me the distinct feeling that a "manhood renaissance" is happening about the planet.

You can learn more about Man Collective and read an invitation to The Gathering at the MC website. You can also listen to Alex below as he calls men to gather around the belief that more, "positive, loving, powerful men in the world is a good thing."

The Gathering - Discovering, Connecting and Inspiring UK Men's Groups

OMG! Teens, Texting, and Driving! STANDUP!

Did you know that car crashes are the number one killer of teens in the US? That amounts to about 5000 kids dying every year, making up twelve percent of all individuals involved in car crash deaths. Here is another number to chew on. In a survey by The Allstate Foundation, titled: Chronic: A Report on Teen Safe Driving, fifty-six percent of teens say they make or answer cell phone calls while driving. AND, and this is the OMG part (that's Oh My God for non-texters), thirteen percent of teens say they make or respond to text messages while driving!

The report also found that teens have the lowest percentage of seat belt use, are most vulnerable to peer pressure from others in the car, and are very uncomfortable speaking up when friends aren't driving safely. Now that is a prescription for danger . . .  and the data is worse for teen boys. It's really a call for some serious man-making.

There is help in the works and it's called the STANDUP Act. The Safe Teen and Novice Driver Uniform Protection Act of 2009 was introduced in April 2009 by Reps. Tim Bishop (D-NY), Michael Castle (R-DE), and Chris Van Hollen, Jr. (D-MD).  This legislation would establish minimum federal requirements for state GDL laws (National Graduated Driver Licensing) and encourage all states to adopt GDL laws that meet the minimum requirements within 3 years. Here is a quick overview the STANDUP Act:

States must meet the following requirements under the STANDUP Act:

Three stages of licensing – learner’s permit, intermediate stage, and full licensure – should be used

Age 16 should be the earliest age for entry into the learner’s permit process

Nighttime driving while unsupervised should be restricted during the learner’s permit and intermediate stages, until full licensure at age 18

Driving while using communication devices (cell phone calls, texting) should be prohibited at least until full licensure at age 18

Unrestricted, full licensure should occur no earlier than age 18

Passengers should be restricted – no more than one non-familial passenger under age 21 unless a licensed driver over age 21 is in the vehicle – until full licensure at age 18

The Allstate Foundation research indicates that in states with comprehensive GDL programs in place, fatal crashes of 16 year old drivers has fallen by 40% . . . but that is not good enough.

If you have teen drivers in your life, it really is time to have that conversation about cell phones and driving . . . and then to be careful what you're modeling around phones and driving in their presence. You can also go to the Allstate Teen Driver Website for all kinds of helpful resources. They have data, instructional videos, petitions to sign, and even a Parent-Teen Driving Contract.

Let's all do what we can 
to prevent more OMG's

Saving A Lost Boy

It is a too common story that some boys just can fit themselves into today's educational model. The standard response from "the system," is to make boys the problem and in too many cases, to medicate boys so they can "sit still and pay attention" (The DEA estimates %10- to %12 of all US boys have a Ritalin prescription). Hey it's easier than reinventing the system . . . unless you're a boy.

One of my heroes waving the flag about the need for flexible, adaptive, and boy relevant schools, teachers, and teaching models is Barry MacDonald. The statement of purpose at the top of his Boy Smarts website reads, "Mentoring Boys - To Become Caring, Courageous, and Ethical Men." His book Boys Smarts and the companion Boy Smarts Action Study Guide, together present a conservative, practical, path for creating an educational environment that supports boys and girls alike. On his website you can find samples of the content in these books. If you're a parent of a young male or an educator concerned about boys' and their success in school, this is a must read set.

In the Boy Smarts October newsletter is a story of an almost lost young skateboarder named Josh. The article describes how a boy-literate school and teachers can make a life-saving difference in the life of a boy. Read this story and if it inspires you as it does me, contact Barry MacDonald at info@mentoringboys.com to learn what you can do for boys at a school near you. He's a talented speaker and his program in your community is guaranteed to change and even save some lives.