The Man-Making Blog is a practical and inspirational resource
for people interested in supporting our young males
on their journey to manhood.

June 30, 2012

The “Man Code” and Pillars of Steel

Brian Plachta says for too many years of his life he unknowingly followed what he calls, The Man Code. The unspoken but powerful set of rules guys pick up along the way to becoming “a man.” Rules which he feels lead men to emotional isolation, lack of intimacy, the absence of true men friends, and the guarantee of painful consequences at some point in their lives. Now he wants to know if men, " . . . have the balls to break The Man Code?"

Do you have the balls to break The Man Code?


As we learn, Brian is a pretty regular guy. He is an attorney, husband, and father of four adult children. To that list you can add, a Christian, writer on spirituality topics, and now author. In his new book, Pillars of Steel-How Real Men Draw Strength from Each Other, Brian provides you with practical suggestions for coming to terms with The Man Code, your life, and your faith. He offers what he feels is a new blueprint for masculinity and “bulletproof friendships.”

In Pillars of Steel, Brian describes how to break The Man Code. How men can utilize empowering “spiritual friendships” to connect with other men intellectually, emotionally, physically and spiritually. In the process of using these four Pillars of Steel, he suggests men will:
  • create an increased depth of faith;
  • build important, necessary, intimate, and durable relationships with other men;
  • and become more emotionally available to all of the other people in their lives.

Brian is the latest of a long line of writers to take on the idea of what I feel has become a vintage model of manhood. A warrior-centric notion of a man who will play hurt, not feel (or acknowledge) his pain, handle the hard parts of his life alone and simply tough it out and keep on going in order to survive. A man who is fully armored with an emotional strait-jacket, keeping him from personal vulnerability, and pressurized with feelings he can’t express . . . except anger of course, which makes him dangerous. This is a sitcom-esque notion of a man as master of small talk, obsessed with sports, and surrounded by low-intimacy connections to everyone in his world.

While these Man Code men may still be around, or at least men who express some of these characteristics, I can say these are not the men I most often see in my world. I see men who have let go of these old ideas about masculinity and who are much more comfortable in their own masculine skin. They are most often men who are NOT comfortable with the feminist, gung-ho military, sports, or comedic media templates of manhood they have been offered. At the same time, I’d say they are men who are without a natural, comfortable, confident, contributing, even personally powerful vision of “the man I want to become.” I think that vision of manhood is the one that is under construction today.
. . . I’d say they are men who are without a natural, comfortable, confident, contributing, even personally powerful vision of “the man I want to become.”
What is not at all apparent in Brian's video clip below is that Pillars of Steel is very much a book with a Christian orientation. Because Brian is a Christian man of faith, he places this work for men in the context of developing and deepening “your relationship with God,” and uses examples of “scriptural friendships” from the bible as models for men. In doing so, he is adding the idea of men’s spirituality (Christian in this case) to the post-Man Code vision of manhood.

Because the journey toward a viable notion of manhood is a quest so many men and young males have underway, I welcome Brian Plachta and his Pillars of Steel into the dialogue. If it only serves some men because of its Christian slant, it's fine with me. I believe when or wherever men are getting together and having honest conversations about what is real and true for them about being a man, it’s a very good thing.

If you want to learn more about Brian Plachta and his book you can email him. Then consider the following question:

What vision of positive manhood are you pursuing?




Use this link if the video does not appear.


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June 25, 2012

Black Star Project - More Men Who Really Care About Boys

Here is the next installment of Men Who Really Care About Boys. It's my attempt to offset the damage being done by the publicity about pedophile men in the news media. This is another story about an initiative, driven by a heroic man, and men, in inner city Chicago.



THE BLACK STAR PROJECT
The Black Star Project was founded in 1996 to improve the quality of life in the Black American and Latino communities of Chicago by eliminating the racial academic achievement gap. Since that beginning, they have gone on to reach that goal by dealing with some of the many other barriers to success for kids in their community. As they say on their website: We have organized marches, vigils, student auditorium sessions, conflict- resolution workshops, forums and parent workshops on gangs and violence.

Black Star places a lot of emphasis on education of the young people in their community. They embody the notion, Good schools seldom (if ever) create good communities; but good communities can create good schools! Active and involved parents, families, and whole communities are necessary to educate children.


Peace in the Hood
One example of making a critical difference in a community is how a group of Black Star men got together to do something about the violence in their community. Here is how they describe their Peace in the Hood initiative: In the 2008-09 school year, 53 Chicago students 18 and under were killed, and in the first 2 and one-half weeks of the 2009-10 school year, 5 students 19 years old and under have already been killed. We have been organizing volunteers and staff around a campaign that we call Peace in the Hood. Armed with information, posters, wristbands and t-shirts, we send groups of individuals out into the communities most in need to reach and inspire disengaged and hopeless youth to continue their education and seek employment.

Black Star Warrior, Scholar, Healer Mentor Program
Another Black Star Project initiative I really like is their Warrior, Scholar, Healer Mentor Program. Serving over 50 boys, they meet four times a month, and have a one man to 4 young male ratio. They work on issues such as respecting elders; teaching youth to value education; teaching boys to honor parents, young women and girls; teaching how to be leaders and not followers; connecting youth to positive male role models; going on field trips to other parts of the city; and bringing in guest speakers. And that's just a start.

Any chance you and your men friends might consider an initiative you could start to support your neighborhood or to help out a local school? The boys need to see good men in action. If not you, who?



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June 20, 2012

Men Who Really Care About Boys

With the next few posts, it's my intention to off-set the damage being done by the publicity currently being given to one serial pedophile by the news media. I want to continue to identify and honor some of the very good men, who against tremendous barriers, have found it in their hearts to stand up and care for young males. If you feel the same way, PLEASE HELP, by sharing these stories.

This could be a very long list!


Here is one great example of good men working for their communities and with inner-city kids:


MAD DADS
Men Against Destruction, Defending Against Drugs and Social Disorder

MAD DADS, Inc. was started in 1989 by a group of concerned, African-American men and parents in Omaha, Nebraska. Today it's spreading across the country. In each case, the men involved are fed up with the prevalence of violence and the unhindered flow of illegal drugs in their community. As the Minneapolis MAD DADS website states, this initiative, started out of pain, the pain of children dying in the streets of their own communities. They were, and still are, tired of looking into the hollow eyes of youth who lack hope, and who have ceased to dream. This statement continues with the most powerful expression of men's responsibility for boys I have read anywhere: These men realized that they could hold no one responsible for this but themselves; they had allowed this to happen.

While their are many forces leading young males toward gang violence and crime, the men of Minneapolis MAD DADS were clear they were a piece of the answer and decided to show up for the young males.


If you don't see the video clip, use this link.

On the amazing list of services on the Minneapolis MAD DADS website, you'll see all the ways men are stepping into action in the areas of Men's Empowerment, Youth Development, Crime Prevention (including street patrols 3 times a week), Community Building, and they even have a Mom's Division.

If you want to see what inner-city men are able do do for their community, Minneapolis MAD DADS is a powerful example.


If you don't see the video clip, use this link.


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June 17, 2012

An UN-Father's Day Message

Fathers can be the most potent, boy-civilizing, man-making force on the planet.

It's just that too many boys have no father, or no good father around.

In the last post I mentioned some of the work being done by good men from the centers of Boys to Men International, (B2MI). Just in time for this Father's Day, the guys at B2MI have come out with a very powerful reminder of what Father's Day means to young males who don't have one.

If you're ready for a very different message about Father's Day, from the boys who don't have one, click this link.

WARNING: It may bring you to tears.


If you want to do something different this year to really honor Father's Day, resolve to do something in the near future to make a difference in the life of any young male not lucky enough to have a dad.



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June 14, 2012

Men FOR Boys - Near and Far

With the evening news and papers again filled with reports of what a few very twisted men have done to boys, I want to create a counter-point by honoring some of the very good men I'm aware of who are standing strong for boys. In this post, I'm profiling two groups doing Rite of Passage events, who then provide ongoing support for the young males in their communities. These are just the most recent examples to come to my attention, but they are representative of many more programs deserving to be held up for the world to see. It is my intention to continue with this theme for a few posts. I just wish that the work of good men making a positive difference in boys' lives was more newsworthy.



The two programs briefly described below are part of a global network of groups working through Boys to Men International, (B2MI), out of California. This organization now has centers in twenty U.S. cities and globally in places like Switzerland, South Africa, Canada, and the United Kingdom. While these programs use similar approaches to a Rite of Passage experience and follow-up support, they are also making their events culturally relevant and locally meaningful. For more information about this approach to working with young males, contact Boys to Men International .



CAPE TOWN, SOUTH AFRICA
The men of the Boys to Men International center in Cape Town, South Africa, have been initiating and supporting young males from their surrounding communities for seven years. Each year they initiate over seventy boys, who then become "Journeymen" as they continue their movement toward adulthood. Word about the work of the Cape Town Boys to Men team is beginning to spread. Just recently they took on a special challenge.

The center was approached by the nearby, government-run Constantia Primary School to help some young male students. These were boys who displayed leadership potential but seemed to be held back by personal issues. For so many boys in this community, the effects of absent fathers, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, and physical and emotional abuse, all create problems that are common in South African working class and lower middle class households. These problems start to play out for the boys in their school environments.

The men and Journeymen of the Cape Town B2MI center stepped up and put eleven boys, ages 11-15, through a Rite of Passage Adventure weekend. The weekend took place on the beautiful Bloublommetjies Farm at the foot of the majestic Du Toit's Kloof Mountains, about an hour from Cape Town.

Using their proven weekend passage template, seven men and four Journeymen (J-Men) held ground for 48 hours as the eleven initiates went through a series of challenging physical and emotional experiences. Assisting the men and J-Men was one of only two male teachers out of seven in the whole school of 280 pupils. One of the staff men reported this teacher watched from the sidelines for most of the event. As is often the case this man who, ". . . is a powerhouse of support for the boys, had his heart opened wider and wider as the weekend progressed. It was clear the weekend was an initiation for him, too."


The masculine chemistry of these Rite of Passage Weekend experiences always touches the hearts of all males involved. This Cape Town event was completely staffed by volunteer men and J-Men. In addition, the weekend was totally funded by external sponsors. It's more proof that good men everywhere, anywhere, when they hear the call to action, can change the trajectory of a boy's life and be mightily gifted in the process.



Dylan Wheeler is a 20 year old young man from Asheville, North Carolina. He is one of well over 60 young guys whose lives have been shaped by Journeymen Asheville (JA), another center of the Boys to Men International network. They, too, recently offered a Rite of Passage Adventure Weekend (RPAW), the fourth for JA. As with the Cape Town event, their RPAW’s are staffed by men from the community and Journeymen. The powerful masculine camaraderie of JA's organization has been life-changing for many, and Dylan is one good example. In order to better understand the experience from Dylan’s perspective, I had a chat with him. Here are the highlights:

Earl: Dylan, what lead you to get connected with Journeymen Asheville?

Dylan: My parents had gotten a divorce and my dad wasn’t in my life that much. At the time I was mostly living with my mom. I was going to a church youth group and met a man named Chris, who was helping to create the JA program. He was a guy I looked up to and was someone I could talk about my drug addiction or anything else in my life. When he mentioned JA, I didn’t really know what this mysterious weekend thing was, but I trusted him and so when he suggested the RPAW I said okay. I was 16 then and became one of the first initiates to go through the program in Asheville.

Earl: What were some of the lessons you took away from your weekend experience?

Dylan: A huge piece for me was the separation from my mom. I felt like I had been overly connected to her, more boy like. At 16 going on 17, I realized I really WAS becoming a man and I could and should take more responsibility for myself.

Another powerful thing was the realization that on that weekend, I was really supported by a lot of men. Some I didn’t even know but who obviously cared about me. I had never experienced anything like that before.

Earl: After your weekend experience, did you step in to the other activities offered by JA?

Dylan: After the weekend we do what are called In Groups and Out Groups. In Groups are where we sit in a circle and talk about what happened with us over the last week. There are always Journeymen and older guys really talking about real stuff. I hear stories form older men about their lives and I get supported by the guys in the circle for what I am dealing with. Telling my truth in the circle and being really listened to is pretty awesome.

When we have an Out Group, it's stuff like sports, soccer, hikes, and hanging out in nature. Just having fun with other Journeymen and the adults makes me feel really happy.

Earl: Why did you decide to go back and staff an RPAW?

Dylan: I wanted to see it from the other side, be in a place where I could observe and listen to the men, elders and the new initiates speaking. I guess I also learned a lot about giving to and supporting others, and putting in my time so others could have a good experience.

After staffing the RPAW, and getting out of high school, I stepped away from the JA program for a while. I spent a year and a half following the dream I always had to travel. I feel like that dream actually happened because I had men from JA encouraging me and supporting me in pursuing my dreams. I really believe that if I hadn’t done those weekends, I wouldn’t have seen Colorado and New Mexico, and traveled across the U.S. And I wouldn't have gone to Europe and visited Italy, Holland, and Switzerland either.

Earl: I understand you have really gotten involved in the JA organization. You are on the Board, you are a mentor, and you even manage the organization's Facebook page. What are you getting from all that involvement?

Dylan: I know that I’m giving back to my JA friends, the initiates, families, and even my community. I’m also getting a lot of personal support for my life. I have a place where I can bring my fears, issues, and even share my happiness. I guess I feel like all of me is welcome at JA and I can really be who I am.

Earl: How do you think your life would be different today if you hadn’t discovered JA?

Dylan: It's really possible, given who I was and where I was headed, that I’d still be using drugs, feeling way lost, I probably wouldn’t have traveled, and maybe I'd even had dropped out of college from fear or lack of confidence and no real support. The power of all the support I’ve gotten has really changed my life. I really recommend that for everyone.

Just below is a short clip of another JA young man named Therrin, sharing his story about the changes he’s experienced as a result of his connection to Journeymen Asheville. The stores these young men have shared are not uncommon and powerful testimony to the transformational power of a male tribe, Rite of Passage experiences, and what most often happens when good men (and young males) show up for boys.


If the clip doesn't appear, go to this YouTube link.




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June 6, 2012

Only Boys Aloud

In the community training programs I offer, I'm always encouraging men to simply take what they love to do and share it with the young males around them. If a couple of men are willing, and have the patience to start small, an open invitation to these interest-based programs will eventually attract other men and young males. I have previously profiled many successful examples of this approach on this blog and in the Man-Making book.

One stellar example of the success of this idea is Only Boys Aloud, or OBA. The short story is it's the result of a few men who like to sing deciding to become man-makers for about 175 young males. Turn up the volume and watch this video. Experience the boys' confidence, pride, and enthusiasm, then read the story below.






Only Boys Aloud (OBA) is a choir made up of approximately 175 young men, aged fourteen to nineteen, from South Wales in the United Kingdom. OBA was founded in May 2010 by the men of the choral group, Only Men Aloud (OMA). The boys are mentored and trained by nine members of OMA and supported by volunteers from their communities. The goal in establishing OBA came out of the desire to, "re-invigorate the Welsh male choral tradition." Their website also states a second goal, to challenge the, "long-held misconceptions about teenage males from South Wales."
To challenge the long-held misconceptions
about teenage males from South Wales
.
The boys rehearse weekly in OBA choirs in their local communities. They come from nine different towns across South Wales with names like Cross Hands, Cwmbran, Treorchy, and Caerphilly. They rehearse as individual choirs and then come together to rehearse and perform as a mega-choir at regular intervals.

The very wise men in charge make sure the guys are physically warmed up prior to singing, and they enlisted some very "motivational" girls to lead those warm up exercises. Check out the hot clip on the top right side of the OBA homepage. In the video gallery on the site, you can listen to some of the OBA concerts and even hear some of the individual choirs performing alone.

Only Men Aloud was formed in 2000 as a solid group of men sharing their love of fellowship and music. In just two years of including young males in their passion for music, these men have created an amazing and very vocal young male tribe. Their work with young guys is certainly changing the "long-held misconceptions about teenage males from South Wales," and clearly changing the lives of men, boys, and their communities in the process.

Do you know a boy who'd like to be part of something like Only Boys Aloud? If you're a man, what could you and a couple of your men friends create that might include some young guys? It just might be that easy!



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