MAN-MAKING BLOG

January 6, 2014

Aloha, Cultural Mentoring, and Boxing Gangs

Owing to some end of the year travel in Kauai, and the general chaos of the holidaze, I've not posted in a while. Thanks to a growing group of subscribers (you), the pile of suggested topics you've submitted is growing rapidly. Thanks. If you have ideas, suggestions, or stories, please send them to me.

If you haven't yet had a chance to offer your feedback on this blog, please go to the Annual Man-Making Blog Survey and answer four quick questions. Your input is very important to keeping this content relevant to you, the readers.

In this post, I offer two stories about Man-Making. Each offers a different way to reach otherwise lost young men.

Mentoring Fraternity: A mentoring group called Utah Alpha Beaus was started by the members of the Alpha Phi Alpha fraternity in Salt Lake. The group serves African-American boys ages 14 to 18 who live in a predominantly white, Mormon culture, in their part of Utah.

The goal of Alpha Beaus is to instill in African-American teens a sense of cultural pride, teach leadership skills and provide role models. They recognize that fathers, without trying, are the source of cultural identity for African-American (or any) young males. When young men don’t have a man in that core role in his life, that source of cultural identity, esteem, and a whole lot of what it means to be a man goes missing.

. . . fathers, without trying,
are the source of cultural identity
for African-American (or any) young males.

If you want to know how AlpaBeaus helps prepare young men "for transitioning from high school to college," contact Dr. Bryan K. Hotchkins at either apapxl@gmail.com or 405.826.3492

Flaxmere Boxing Academy: At the Academy, which is located in New Zealand, they are literally teaching young guys to be members of a gang, a really good gang. Craig McDougall is the head coach of the academy. He owns up to being a 17-year-old who made ". . . some decisions that weren't so positive," particularly around alcohol. Lucky for him, he discovered a love of boxing and contact with,". . . good men that helped mold my life." Now, 20 years on, Mr. McDougall is the one shaping young lives through the sport of boxing.

At the Academy, they say boxing is only the entry point, and from there it's about giving young guys the life skills that can change their lives. The physicality of this approach is the perfect way for young males to burn off their restless energy. The added mentoring by good men helps them to become, as one coach put it, ". . . warriors in the ring and gentlemen out of it." At Flaxmere, they teach the values of self-discipline, respect, honesty, and much more.

In the video clip below, it's fun to see young New Zealand guys stirring up the warrior energy by doing a Maori Haka. It's also fun to hear the story told by one young man when he says, ". . . before this I was sort of a naughty boy, but this has sorted me out . . . , while watching his mom (apparently) hold the workout bag he is punching.

This is another example how a man has grown his personal passion into a pathway where young men can experience high-quality man-making. I'm thinking after watching this clip, most men watching will wish they could have been part of a gang like this growing up!

If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

If you want to learn how another man is making a difference in young male lives, you can contact Craig McDougall in New Zealand through the Flaxmere FaceBook page.

CONTACT: Send Earl a message. I'm very interested in your thoughts on any man-making post or topic. I'm available to help bring man-making initiatives to your community or organization.

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January 1, 2014

The Annual Man-Making Blog Survey

The Man-Making blog has been steadily growing in email subscribers and there are lots of people just dropping by to check it out. While this, by itself, is a great vote of confidence, your feedback to the four-question annual survey below will help me stay on track and, hopefully, increase the blog's interest and relevance for you.

The fourth question is about what I call Idea Sharing. With hundreds of subscribers and countless other visitors to the blog, I'm considering other ways we might learn from each other. I feel the challenge of getting good men to show up for young males is too big and too important for me to be the only voice being heard. My plan is to implement some form of idea exchange early in the new year. Your input here will be very helpful.

If you’re an email subscriber and the survey does not show up below, use this link to go directly to the online survey form.

DON'T FORGET TO HIT THE "SUBMIT" BUTTON AT THE END!

Thanks for your support, and thank you in advance for your feedback. But mostly, thanks for your interest in Man-Making and supporting young males on their journey toward manhood.

Earl Hipp

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December 16, 2013

What Motivated Men Can Create!

In the video below, you can see and learn about one absolutely amazing world men have created. The video does raise an interesting question for me:

What kind of world could men create
in support of young males,
if they were inclined?

The very short story is this amazing work of art and craftsmanship was created because two brothers in Germany went looking for a place to show their hobby. Soon they were joined by men from other 'Model Railroad Clubs' and other craftsmen. Some were electricians, model makers, carpenters, and computer programmers. Ten years and 500,000 working hours later, the Miniatur Wunderland in Hamburg, Germany is now the city's most popular tourist attraction with over a million visitors a year.

A TINY portion of the place!

Currently, the Miniatur Wunderland is comprised of 8 miniature worlds, it has 13 kilometers of track with 900 trains, and whole cities full of animated activities. There are subways, cruise ships, and the most recent addition, a fully functional airport with planes that look like they actually take off and land. You can see firetruck going to a fire, police cars stopping traffic, a game in the sports stadium, a rock concert, and there is even a chocolate factory that delivers a mini-chocolate bar to the viewers! The creativity in the details are extraordinary. You can watch a 24 hour day pass by in just under an hour, with all the locations, including the airport, lighting up for the night. You really do have to see this one to believe it.

After seeing it, I wonder if you'll be left with the same questions. What could engaged and motivated men create for young males if they were inclined? What could happen if men shared their hobbies and then invited men and young males to get involved? In addition to the shared guy energy, just imagine what the young males learn about construction, math, science, engineering, art, and working with others to create something wonderful. Just imagine what they could learn about men and manhood!

Do you know of a group of men and young males gathering around a common interest like Miniatur Wunderland? If so, share it with me and I'll run up a blog post about them.

Do you have an interest, talent, or hobby you might share with some of the men and young males in your community? I can assure you there are men and young males out there who would be interested. You never know what can happen when you just risk being open, available, and visible.

If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

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December 5, 2013

Ancient Ball Courts - Young Males - Testosterone and Some Hard Questions

When it comes to young males, there is a good reason the word testosterone starts with the word test! Testosterone is that chemical that starts pumping through young male veins in early adolescence. It's THE man-making substance, and it causes all manner of chaos for the young guys, their families, and the community.

Both men and women produce testosterone, males just make more of it . . . a lot more. Out of our evolutionary history, it's the chemical that helped males to be successful in hunting and combat. If all that wild-boy energy is contained and directed, hunting and combat were very important roles in the life of the community.

Testosterone is known as the aggression drug and during puberty, young men experience 5-7 surges of the chemical per day. This drives all sorts of chaos in their bodies. Generally speaking, young guys will often experience an uncooperative voice, acne, spontaneous and embarrassing erections, hair growth, bigger muscles, major growth spurts in body and limbs, and general confusion about all the changes.

Along with the physical changes comes rolling emotions with mood swings between anger and frustration, sullenness, to a sense of confidence and strength, sexual energy, and feelings of god-like power.

They also have a drive to test themselves, either digitally or in the real world, and in this quest they are often competitive and even combative. Sadly, the flood of testosterone hits a young man at a time when he has less than a fully developed brain (pre-frontal cortex). That's the part that guides complex decision making and the future consequences of their choices. The result is one slightly foolish, physical, and potentially very dangerous creature on your hands. That's where ball courts come in to play.

On a recent trip to northern Arizona, I visited the ruins at the Wupatki National Monument. It has been a cultural crossroads and considered home to a variety of people over many thousands of years. About 800 years ago, it was home to 85-100 people, with several thousand more living within a day’s walk. What caught my attention was a structure I had seen in other parts of Arizona and even in southern Mexico. It was the ball court.

After a little Google research, I discovered there are remains of over 220 ball courts at sites like Wupatki all over the southwest and in other parts of the United States. In addition, there are more than 1,300 ball courts found in Mesoamerica, the region that extends from central Mexico all the way south to Nicaragua, and northern Costa Rica.

The oldest known ball court is approximately 3,400 years old. Some form of the game is believed to have been played by the Olmec, Toltec, Maya, and Aztec. It appears that as soon as they invented rubber, a ball was created, and the game commenced to be part of what was then civilized life. We're still throwing balls through hoops and around fields today.

No one really knows when or where the game got started. There is also no agreement on why the game was played. I think it was testosterone. The book Lord of the Flies, by William Goulding, is about a plane carrying a group of young British boys that crashes on an island in the Pacific Ocean. They commence to create a boy-culture complete with their own clothing, art, language, laws, and young male aggression. We see the same thing happening today with street gangs.

If a culture wasn't at war, and that chemical was pumping the young males full of competitiveness and aggression, you had better find a way to help them burn it off or there will certainly be consequences.

The ancients have long known this fact of young male life and they developed cultural structures, rituals, and ordeals perfectly suited to a testosterone-filled young man. Ball courts and the competitions they inspired must have saved countless lives, channeled wild-boy energy, and gave the young men a ladder of achievement they could follow to be seen and honored by their community. I think the ball court played an important and boy-civilizing role in history.

We still have plenty of ball courts, and wherever there is even minimal equipment, the young guys are still called to them. What seems to be missing is a way to incorporate these places and the heroic young players into an honored place in our communities.

Where is the Young Male Place in your community?

In your world, where can young guys go to burn off energy, engage in friendly competitions, have that kind of fun, and not attract negative attention?

Where can the young guys in your world be seen and honored for their power, physical capacity, creativity, bravery, and willingness to take risks?

If we don't have places like that, what's a young man to do?

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November 26, 2013

A Man's Suggestions For A Young Guy's First Date

The following is from contributor Andy Roy of Powerhouse Programs in Brisbane, Australia.

In late October, in a Man-Making Blog post titled: Advice For A Young Man's First Date, our good buddy in the USA, Earl Hipp, quoted an article we posted on our Facebook page. Earl is the author of the book, Man-Making, and has worked with men and boys for over 30 years. The article was written by a mother to her son and titled, 10 Things a Boy Must Know Before His First Date.

This got me thinking a bit deeper about advice to young males. I liked the letter by the mother but wondered if young fellas today would read it and get it, so I replied to Earl, . . . it has some really lovely points, but it is written by a woman, and some boys will pay it zero heed. Perhaps a man’s voice to compliment the list and say similar things in a different way would help boys understand or ‘get it’.

So Earl asked me if I’d take a whack at a blog post describing a list a man might offer his son, or any young man, on the occasion of a first date. Here's my whack!

Son,
I’m proud to see that you’ve grown and matured into the fine young man that you are today. On this happy occasion of your first outing with a young woman, I'd like to offer a few suggestions. It has been said, and I agree, that one true measure of a man is how he treats women. I know that you are a good person.

"Son, I’m proud to see that you’ve grown and matured
into the fine young man that you are today."

However, there are some pitfalls along the way to learning how to treat women where even good men can find themselves in difficult places they could not have imagined. So here, in no particular order, are a few suggestions. They reflect my own learning and growth, and some, or a lot of it comes from getting it wrong myself!

Look her in the eyes, don’t stare, but when she is talking to you look her in the eyes. It’s not natural for most blokes but it matters to most females. If you find this difficult to hold for too long, try looking into one eye at a time or at the tip of her nose, or her mouth.

Get to know her as a flesh and blood person. Less flesh and more blood really. Who is she? What does she like? What matters to her? What are her experiences of life? What are her hopes for her future and dreams for the next week, year, or the next decade? Look for common ground in areas like her music, interests, friends, experiences. Showing interest in her will make her feel special and valued, and you may just find you have things in common.

Breathe! It can be easy to feel swept away in her company. Treat her with respect and if you catch yourself feeling overwhelmed, remember she is human like you. Imagine you are talking to someone’s daughter, sister, or a friend. In truth, she is someone with needs, challenges, and gifts like you and the rest of us.

Compliment her and value her opinions. Inquire deeper when she shares something of herself. This is not prying but being interested in her and what makes her tick.

She is not impressed by you talking about yourself all the time. When boys talk, it's often about conquest and achievements. Big noting (bragging) shows insecurity and a need for a ‘me focus.’ Be interested in her and who she is. Let her do most of the talking… breathe, relax, and be yourself. If she asks, speak more about what you love and enjoy doing (your own dreams for the future), she may find that more interesting than your accomplishments.

Take a risk to be vulnerable and humble. Tell her about some things that might be a little hard for you to talk about, like a current challenge in your life, a time you made a mistake or when you were embarrassed.

Laugh at yourself; don’t be too important and serious. If you are drawn to each other for a second or third date, you need to be comfortable with each other. Don't pretend to be someone you're not by putting up an image you think she will like. Personal honesty always comes across the best.

If it’s not meant to be, if you’re not a good match, be grateful for the opportunity to have spent time with her. It might hurt a little to get some rejection. Think of this as practice that will help you to be better prepared when you meet a young woman who’s a better match for you. Females talk with each other about these things and she may well have a friend she wants you to meet. If that were to happen, what would you want her to say to her friends about you?

Be true to your word. Showing up on time is honorable and when all else fails, a man’s honor is what will carry him through. If your first words are ‘sorry I’m late,’ it’s not a good start and says something about you.

You have a flood of testosterone flowing through you. If your main thoughts about her are about having sex, use your other brain! Sex for the sake of sex can leave you feeling empty and unfulfilled. She is not a trophy you can talk to your mates about. I promise you the memory of your first sexual experience will be with you all your life. Make it an experience you will feel proud of and with someone you care about as a human being. This means making sure the timing is right for you both.

If she instigates sexual contact be very careful. This might say something about her insecurities and one hot moment could change both your lives forever. Some women have confused sex for love and give sex as a way to get love. I’d say, just enjoy her company this time and get to know her first. If you find out you like her as a person, I'll be very happy for you and you'll have had a really great first date.

This list could be much longer and I don't consider it to be ‘the complete guide’. These words are what come to me when I think of what I would have liked to know at your age. I do know the young man you are, and I know you will do your best and probably the right things. Mostly, I want you to know I love you, I'm excited for you, and proud of you. Have fun, and if you're willing, come tell me how it went. It’s important to me that you know I'm here for you whenever you might need me.

Love, Dad

As a father of 2 daughters (20 and 8), and 4 sons (17, 15, 13, 11) this is a timely exercise. When I reflect on my young adulthood, a letter like this (despite its discomfort) from my dad or older male would have been quietly well received.

Andy's letter does raise some great questions:

Did anyone give you any advice prior to your first date?

If you can still remember, how did your first date go?

What would you add or change on Andy's list
if you were called to support your son or other young man
going on a first real date?

Send you comments to me or post it in the comments section of this blog post.

CONTACT: Send Earl a message. I'm very interested in your thoughts on any man-making post or topic. I'm available to help bring man-making initiatives to your community or organization.

SUBSCRIBE: If you're not yet a subscriber to the Man-Making Blog, and you'd like to receive these posts by email 3-4 times a month, use this link for a free subscription.

LIKE: If you enjoy this blog, please click the "Like" button below to support the Man-Making Facebook page!

TWEET: Send this post along to your friends or follow me on Twitter!

Follow @earlh