MAN-MAKING BLOG

July 20, 2011

Questions for Young Guys

I'm working with a couple of groups that are doing Rite of Passage weekends. A young male graduate of that experience earns the title of Journeyman. It signifies, while he is not yet a "man," he has left boyish things behind and has been intentionally launched on his journey toward the man he wants to become. After the initiation weekend, in addition to other events, the Journeymen (J-Men) participate in monthly meetings called J-Group.

J-Group often starts with a fun activity, flows into some food, and then the J-Men and men settle in to a circle to talk about what is going on in their lives. If you happen to be working with young males and have occasion to invite them into a similar circle, you may have discovered as we did, that it can be a challenge to get them calmed down and focused up. One way to do that is to start the meeting with a check-in question.

Check-in questions invite everyone to participate, and increase both familiarity and acceptance of one another. Below are a few sample opening questions. Some of them are simply conversation starters and others invite some degree of personal disclosure. The more personal truth the questions requests, the more the guys are invited to be vulnerable and open in their responses. This has the benefit of increasing intimacy and trust in the group while setting the tone for a good meeting.

Describe your favorite (or most hated) food and when you remember first eating it.
After one minute of total quiet, describe what went on in your head.
Name a little thing someone does that really bothers you.
Tell us something you really like (don't like) about this group.
Describe a time when someone betrayed your trust.
Describe a time when you were put down and handled it well (or not so well).
Describe a time when you got away with something you don’t feel good about.
Tell the group 3 things that make you really happy (sad).
Name a man you admire and tell us why.

If the guys are stuck, and you’ve waited a while in silence to give them plenty of opportunity to step up, try having one of the men present volunteer to go first and answer the question. Early in the life of a group, you may want to start with less challenging questions. Once the guys are comfortable with the people in the circle and have experienced sharing "truth," they will like the process.

You can download a PDF copy of these and a few more questions at this link. If you use different questions, or have another strategy for getting these groups started, please share it with me here or add it to the comments section of this post.

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July 6, 2011

Nature Literacy: Kids and Green Space

When we do our Rites of Passage weekends, or our “Guys” outings with young males, as much as possible, we try to get them out into the natural world. Never has a generation been so cut off from the physical earth, it's joys, beauty, and lessons it holds. About a year ago I offered a Man-Making blog post on the notion of Nature-Deficit Disorder. For me it gave a name to the costs a young person experiences when they are kept from the natural world. It turns out that there is a growing body of research on the topic, handouts for motivated mentors and examples of programs where adults are teaching kids about the great outdoors.

A recent Wired Mag article titled, The Psychology of Nature,describes some research done at a large housing project on the South Side of Chicago. Some of the residents had a view of nothing but concrete sprawl, the blacktop of parking lots and basketball courts. Others looked out on grassy courtyards filled with trees and flowerbeds. The researcher, Frances Kuo, the director of the Landscape and Human Health Laboratory at the University of Illinois, discovered simply living in an apartment with a view of greenery led to significant improvements in mood, attitude, and ability to cope with problems. Kuo believes simply looking at a tree refreshes the ability to concentrate, and "there is something inherently “restorative” about natural settings.” She is even studying the impact of green school grounds on kids' academic performance.

A long term advocate of the importance of connecting kids and nature is Jon Young. Jon has 25 years of mentoring people, in what he terms a deep nature connection. He is the author of Coyote's Guide to Connecting with Nature, the go-to book on the topic. Jon is also one of the founders of the very successful Wilderness Awareness School. The School's approach to nature education draws upon the vast experiences of naturalists and even that of indigenous peoples from around the world.

In the (somewhat promotional) video below, Jon describes some of the healing of young people he has witnessed as a result of taking kids into the natural world. He also introduces us to two women who are pioneering different programs designed to increase earth literacy in young people. Check out the links below this video clip to learn more about all of these programs. If the clip doesn’t appear use THIS LINK.

For now for me, I'm going for a walk!

RESOURCES:
Jon Young's book Coyote's Guide to Connecting with Nature.

Information on the Wilderness Awareness School.

Wendolyn Bird - Children, Nature and You - Adding Awe and Wonder to Children's Lives - Invigorating kid's imagination using the natural world. For children 3-5 years old. You may also want to download Wendolyn’s PDF Nature Guide.

Karen Howell: Earth literacy for young people through applied permaculture and the children’s garden. Exploring A Sense of Place programs.

The Children and Nature network website.

The Michigan Department of Natural Resources No Child is Left Inside initiative.

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June 30, 2011

Out of the Ashes, Hope - A Boy's Dream

With all the hard and dark news flying around these days, I guess I've been looking for something to boost my optimism, strengthen my spirit, and remind me of the power inherent in a dream. Like those photos showing something beautiful growing out of a crack in a rock or in the middle of the desert, I occasionally need to be reminded about the strength, resilience, and the force of human spirit.

To give us all a boost, I offer you the story of Sung-bong, a humble Korean boy and his dream.

Clear the deck for a minute, take a deep breath, and then let this young man's story wash over you.

Thanks Sung-bong, you are my hero too!

If the video doesn't show up, click this link to view it at YouTube.

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If you're not yet a subscriber to the Man-Making Blog, and you'd like to receive these posts by email 3-4 times a month, go to this link for a free subscription.

It's easy to have the Man-Making Blog posts appear on your organization's website. Send me a quick message and I'll tell you what it takes to get set up. To see an example of how it might look on your site, check out the blog page on the Man-Making website.

June 18, 2011

The Children of Incarcerated Parents

I’m in deep grief, a little disoriented, and angry.

Today’s New York Times has an editorial by President Jimmy Carter describing the dismal failure of America’s 40 year-old “war on drugs.” In addition to the tragic failure to limit drug consumption in the US, he describes an increase from a half-million people in prison when he left office in the 80’s to nearly 2.3 million by 2009. The increase can be attributed for over-incarceration of non-violent and often minor drug offenses. So much for another costly and failed war mostly fought on distant shores. If you add to the people in prison, those on probation or parole it adds up to 7.2 million. That means for every one hundred thousand Americans, 743 are in jail and 3 percent of all American adults are dealing with the justice system.

But that’s not the only reason I’m sad . . .

The dollar costs and human trauma represented by having that much of our population incarcerated is hard to imagine and reason enough for sadness. But there is a related statistic that really breaks my heart. A lot of those people in jail have kids. It is estimated that close to 2.5 million children have incarcerated parents, and they are living with the remaining and now single parent, their grandparents, or they are in some form of foster care. That’s almost 1 in 23 kids in the US. These are kids who, because of their family dynamics, neighborhoods, poverty, lack of education, or social influences are 4 times more likely to enter the criminal life.

But that’s not the only reason I’m sad . . .

Over the last year I have been working with communities and mentoring organizations who have been serving these Children of Incarcerated Parents (CIP’s) with funding from the Mentoring Children of Prisoners (MCP) federal grant. The grant was launched in 2010, and administered by the Family and Youth Services Bureau (FYSB). It awarded $49.3 million dollars to support tribes, faith-based organizations, and hundreds of mentoring programs. That meant some 30,000 of those kids with parents in jail got a mentor who could help with homework, have some fun with them in their community, and all those kids would get to experience safe and trusting relationships with positive adult allies and mentors. In these relationships, kids found a source for objectivity and guidance around their very difficult life issues, they had role models for appropriate social behaviors, and they had a caring adults who could see, and frequently name, the beauty they saw in their mentee.

The MCP grant, and the amazing work done by so many dedicated staff, in countless organizations, and the gifts of time and energy from so many generous and caring adults who signed on to mentor CIP’s stops this September because the grant was shut down. Gone, done, unfunded, deleted. Something about we can’t afford to invest our own tax dollars at home, and why should we care about those people anyway.

Never mind the foolish shortsightedness of eliminating well-spent prevention money. What about a very large portion of those 30,000 kids with parents in jail, again, losing an important and caring adult in their lives. Again, finding themselves alone in facing almost insurmountable odds in their very hard lives.

Now THAT makes me really sad . . . and more than a little angry.

You?

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June 7, 2011

The Men's Calender of Events

Here is a quick update on a couple of notable events on the Men's Calendar, one global and one US based. From where I sit, this kind of movement in the male universe is good for men, young males, and the planet. These two events are just a small sample of what's going on for men. If you are aware of other events you'd like all of us to know about, send me a note and I'll run them up on the occasional post. IF they are coming up soon, feel free to add them to the comment form at the bottom of this post.

The first event claims the we're going for it title of, The Ultimate Men's Summit: Activating 21st Century Masculinity (UMS). It will be held this month, from June 10th through the 19th.

The UMS website reads: For this unprecedented virtual event, we are calling forth men from around the world who are boldly committed to lead in a new era - one in which masculine qualities are restored into partnership with the feminine, in which our models of work, family and relationships are ripe for renewal, change and discovery.

If you're a guy, or a woman who's curious about men today, what's not to like about that offering? In yet another display of using technology to form a movement, you can participate in all of the SEVENTY FIVE events from the comfort of your home or your local coffee shop because it's a Virtual Summit!

You and over 10,062 registrants (so far), from 116 countries, can hear from some of the old guard in the men's movement, along with countless other, apparently male-literate experts, on an endless stream of topics such as:

How to Create and Cultivate 21st Century Relationships
Five Illusions of Manhood To Get Over - Right Now
Activate Your Purpose and Fulfill Your Mission in the World
Knights Without Armor: The Quest for the Courage to Be Vulnerable
The Paradox of Masculine Power: What Works is Being More Fully Yourself
The Warrior Spirit - An Ancient Imperative for Modern Man
Why Every Man Needs to be Initiated by Other Men - and Where to Go to Find It

The amazing thing about the UMS is that it's FREE. All you need to do is register at their online site, and then pick your programs. For registering, you'll also get access to all the presentation recordings for review later. I can't imagine a more dense sampling of content on the current state of the male experience than the UMS. For free, I'm going to give them my name and cherry pick the presentations.

USAGE: Developing intentional, energized, and activated male (or any) elders is also a good thing for the whole tribe. That is the work of USAGE or the USA Gathering of Elders. This event is being sponsored by The Mankind Project, USA, and will be held in the center of the US at the Wesley Woods Camp and Retreat Center, in Indianola, Iowa (20 minutes south of Des Moines).

This gathering of the Elders is for ALL elders (men and women) with 50 years or more of life experience. You'll be joining a wonderful group of men and women from a variety of organizations such as Mankind Project International (MKPI) and MKP USA, Elder women from the Woman Within and Women in Power organizations, and men and women from the Sage-ing Guild. All these good people gathered to, "share wisdom and celebrate who we are at this time of our lives."

The agenda includes presentations by Dr. Robert Moore, Distinguished Service Professor of Psychology, Psychoanalysis and Spirituality in the Graduate Center of the Chicago Theological Seminary, and author of many books including, King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine, and Doug Von Koss, who will lead singing and movement. Rosemary Cox of the Sage-ing Guild will be leading a retreat for women on Friday and Saturday, October 28 & 29, at the nearby Apple Tree Inn. This year men and women will be staying in separate accommodations, and have mostly separate programs. I'm told the Program Planning Team is working on shared programs for women and men on Thursday evening, Saturday evening and on Sunday morning.

To track the evolving program agenda, speakers, and register for the event, check out the USAGE website. For more information on this gathering, contact Allan Podbelsek at apodbelsek@aol.com or call him at 502-245 6248.