MAN-MAKING BLOG

January 21, 2025

Boys, Men, Horses and Heroes

It has to be scary for a young man raised in the streets of a city, to encounter something so big and otherworldly as a horse! I guess that's the point! It's the reason the men of the Boys To Men of Memphis Mentoring Program in Memphis, Tennessee, are using horses to teach boys important lessons about dealing with your fears, caring for others, being responsible, and much, much more.

The video below, from a local Memphis TV station, describes the very good work these folks are doing with and for boys.

If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

The news station was so impressed with what they learned in taping this segment, that the station, along with a local church, donated $1000 to the Boys to Men of Memphis Mentoring Program. Nice!

This is just another example of how a few people, who really understand the need to guide young men on their journey toward a positive manhood can step up. I'm proud of them and am adding them to my growing list of heroes and sheroes in this work. Use this link if you want to learn about other heroes I've written about in the past.

If you want to learn more about this group, and perhaps be inspired to take an interest of yours and grow it into working with young men, you can contact them at Boys to Men of Memphis Mentoring Program, 1596 Barton Street, Memphis, TN 38106 or call (901) 810-1123

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July 10, 2023

Lessons from a Coming-of-Age festival

The Tenetehar Wa Tembe village, is located in the Alto Rio Guama indigenous territory in Para state, Brazil. In this article describing their six-day, coming-of-age ritual, we learn the adolescents involved go through instruction, physical challenges, they are deprived of food, and they have their bodies painted and decorated.

. . . we should really be paying attention.

Whatever you think about this communities' ideas and rituals, we should really be paying attention. We have important things to learn from them. The people of the Tenetehar Wa Tembe village are recreating the kinds of ritual events people down through the centuries, in cultures all over the world, have performed for the survival of their people. They are enfolding their adolescent youngsters into the life of the community.

They are doing it in a way that makes it clear to everyone involved, but especially to the initiates, that something important has happened. Their world has changed, and the adults and elders have gathered around them. It's clear to the initiates they are no longer seen as children but are moving toward adulthood in everyone's eyes. They now have an important place in the life of their community and that new responsibilities await. Their community is depending on them to secure the future and the initiates can feel that weight. When, if ever, did you have that experience and learn those lessons?

It is our payback for the disconnection . . .

The often quoted "African" proverb states that when we don't intentionally bring our young people into the center of community life, they will burn down the village just to feel the heat. Today, all around me, I see young males run wild, often armed. Lord of the Flies kinds of chaos. It's not the kid's fault! It is our payback for the disconnection, lack of investment, and having ignored thousands of years of experience in dealing with adolescence.

It's not the kid's fault!

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July 6, 2022

Big Homie Lil Homie - Officer Homie

The term homie, as it relates to another person, is an urban slang abbreviation of home boy. A home boy is a guy who your really care about, feel a deep bond with, and who would do anything for you. A really trusted ally and friend, who is from your neighborhood, hometown, or part of your inner circle of friends. When I heard about a mentoring organization for fatherless boys called Big Homie Lil Homie, it really got my attention. I think we all need a few homies around us!

I think we all need a few homies around us!

Jamal Stroud, the man who started Big Homie Lil Homie, was a guy, who as a child, was lost in the South Carolina foster care system until the age of six. He was moved to six different foster homes in his first six years, and sometimes physically and sexually abused. He said it wasn't until his aunt finally adopted him that he was able to actually understand love. His is a story of how so much good can come from one man's trauma.

. . . shaping them into GREAT men of society.

Jamal started the non-profit Big Homie Lil Homie in 2017. It's purpose was molding and shaping fatherless boys, six to sixteen, into "GREAT men of society through mentoring." After a 2019 appearance on the Ellen Show, things really took off. Today the program has more than fifty mentors and six-hundred young men from the Columbia and Lexington, S.C. areas.

Today, Jamal Stroud is a married father of two. But out of the pain of his childhood, he is creating a program in which boys and men can find friendship, brotherhood, and lots of homies! You can learn more about Jamal's Big Homie Lil Homie program on their website (and see the clip from the Ellen Show too).

Officer homie!
Here's another homie who just happens to be a cop. In a beautiful example of community policing, Officer AJ (Anthony Johnson @ohnoitsdapopo) is working hard to connect with the young people in his community. He says "I grew up on the same streets I now protect." I think that makes him a home boy in uniform. Check out this video and see what you think. I think he's connecting big time!

Here's one more clip of officer AJ homie going one-on-one with a kid on the street. Turn up the volume to hear what he's layin down.

How do we clone this officer?

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June 27, 2022

Men Teaching Boys about Manhood

The Robeson County Parks and Recreation Department in Lumberton, North Carolina, has a L.I.F.E. Mentoring Program for young guys aged 9-15. The L.I.F.E. program mission is: "To holistically develop youth in our communities, in the areas of life & relational skills, education, leadership, and qualifications that lead to becoming productive citizens." L.I.F.E. stands for Leadership Influence Family Empowerment.

I do like how this free mentoring program is teaching young men some of skills the mentors think a young guy on the edge of young adulthood should learn. In addition to much more, just a few of the skills taught include things like how to balance a checkbook, properly tie a necktie, and even proper table etiquette!

In a 2012 Man-Making Blog post, I proposed a list of developmental experiences for young guys. Experiences that would grow their understanding of the world around them and certainly drive important conversations. While my list was abbreviated and a little short on the very practical skills (how to shave, change a tire, replace a toilet flapper, etc.), I described the kinds of activities would certainly inform a young man's journey toward manhood.

In the L.I.F.E. Mentoring Program, the mentors check in with the boys weekly, and meet at least once per month in-person. A really nice touch is that the young men get to "shadow" their adult mentor. So many young males I've encountered (and who are in trouble) don't have a man in the house or even in his life. Shadowing a man gives a young man a much-needed look into man's world, seeing what real men actually do, learning how they got to where they are, and then having the conversations about what it takes to become a good man.

"I think we can reach more than we lose."

The Robeson County District Attorney, Matt Scott, said, "It can help us reach these young people before they make bad decisions." He went on to say, "I think we can reach more than we lose." Sad testimony to what can happen to young guys without adult male guidance. I know the young guys are hungry for it and are waiting.

In Minneapolis and in too many other of our communities we're seeing the consequences of young men gone wild. Any focused attention on our pre-adult males by caring men would certainly be helpful. I know the young guys are hungry for it and I know they are waiting.

If you want more information about the L.I.F.E. mentoring program, call 910-671-3156 or 910-301-2272. You can also email Anthony Govan at anthony.govan@co.robeson.nc.us

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March 21, 2022

Adolescent Roman Male Rites of Passage

In a recent article in the online history publication, The Past, there was a great article about the Children of the Roman Empire. It examines what life was like for young people, the children of the "gods, emperors, and ordinary mortals in ancient Rome."

Of special interest to me was reading, yet again, about how earlier civilizations have dealt with managing adolescent male energy. It helps to know the Romans also struggled with containing and channeling wild boy energy.

The article centers around an exhibition in the famous Uffizi gallery in Florence, Italy. The exhibits include over 30 statues, funerary objects, and even toys from around Italy and the world. These items speak to the theme of childhood (human and divine) in the Roman world some 2000 years ago.

The article offered much about the Uffizi and the Medici collection of art and statues. But there was also a lot of information about how the Romans birthed, raised, and often buried (25% mortality) their children, orphans, and the "children of the poor" and enslaved.

"... a defining moment when a young man
would give up his boyhood clothing
and don the white toga of an adult."

There was brief mention of a rite of passage for an adolescent male. It was called the "Ceremony of the Toga Virilis," which would occur sometime around his 14th year. This was a defining moment when a young man would give up his boyhood clothing and don the white toga of an adult. It led to his acceptance of full Roman Citizenship and stepping into the rights and responsibilities of manhood. I find it hard to believe that a 14-year-old male could simply step into manhood with a change of clothes. I want to believe that clothing swap required training and preparation, but the article does not cover that process.

The article also speaks to the passage lessons and experiences of young women. Many of whom could be engaged at age 12 and married at 13 in relationships arranged by the father.

I liked learning about the perennial conversations, some still relevant today, about how to educate our children, the nature and quality of the education system, and what it took to produce "useful citizens in peace and war."

I guess the deep message here is how we are not alone with the age-old challenges of doing our best for our children, and helping them move toward the ever-illusive adulthood.

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MAN-MAKING BLOG

January 21, 2025

Boys, Men, Horses and Heroes

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July 10, 2023

Lessons from a Coming-of-Age festival

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July 6, 2022

Big Homie Lil Homie - Officer Homie

June 27, 2022

Men Teaching Boys about Manhood

March 21, 2022

Adolescent Roman Male Rites of Passage