The Man-Making Blog is a practical and inspirational resource
for people interested in supporting our young males
on their journey to manhood.

November 26, 2014

The Season of Gratitude


In the U.S., Thursday, November 27, is Thanksgiving Day. For most, it's a time of family, food, and, sadly these days, shopping. However, I want to take the meaning of the holiday literally and use this moment to express gratitude, real thanks-giving.

I feel quite blessed to have your support.

This blog's subscribed audience is about a thousand and growing. I know there are many other site visitors who pass by regularly. Taken together, you make up a good and loyal group, and I feel quite blessed to have your support. It really does make my heart sing to know there is a global collection of people who care enough about our young men to let these posts into your lives a few times every month.

I'm grateful for the possibility that some, or even many, of you are already involved in some form of Man-Making. Or because of what you read here, some of you will be moved to take an action in support of a young man. Now that deserves some real thanks-giving!

So, in this season of gratitude, let me simply and directly say, Thank You!

Earl Hipp



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November 20, 2014

Father Hunger, Son Hunger, Two Songs, and the Father Wound

I was in a men's circle last night. It was a meeting for men interested in working with young males. To help men get anchored in the teenage male experience, they were asked, "As a teen, who were the men who were, or were not, there to support you?" It was a rich conversation and, as is always the case, men learned that when we speak our "truth," when we are real with each other, we are all way more alike than different.

As a teen, who were the men
who were, or were not,
there to support you?

One of the common themes that showed up in the conversation was about the father who was physically present but emotionally distant: workaholic, alcoholic, womanizing, angry, sometimes abusive, and/or a man without any skills for intimate connection. One man labelled him a ghost father, visible, but was not really there. For some men, it felt more confusing, painful and damaging than having a father who just left, leaving a fatherless boy.

Men, sometimes teary, talked about the profound longing for time and connection with their dad, the most important male in a young man's life. They described how, without this man's guidance and direction, it was so easy for a life to take a wrong turn. Each man, in different ways, and for different reasons, spoke to deep father hunger that was never satisfied, and the wound they have carried into adulthood as a result.

Daddy, where are you?

The film clip below is titled Papaoutai and performed by a Belgian singer named Stromae. It was sent to me by a brother in mission, Andrew MacDonald, who lives near Ottawa, Canada. Loosely translated, Papaoutai means Daddy, where are you?. I don't speak the language of the song, but no matter, it's message is painfully clear.

In countless young guy circles, I've heard "Daddy, where are you?" asked many times by so many young men . . . too many young men. It's at the literal heart of what I often call "the epidemic of under-male-nourished boys." Men and young men carrying this kind of father wound may find Papaoutai hard to watch, especially the ending.


If this clip doesn't show up use this link.


As almost a direct counterpoint to Papaoutai, I want to offer up another song. This one comes from the other direction, a song about a father hungry for time with his son. Mark Chandler, in his song Making A Man, is speaking out for so many good men cut off from their sons by life's circumstances. Mark is a military officer approaching retirement. It's been difficult to get time with his son because for three of the last eight years, Mark has been deployed. On top of that, he's been divorced for the last four years.

Mark feels the core message of the song is it takes a man to make a man, and it's what "poured out of him" when he was longing for time with his son. Again, for men and young men carrying a father wound, Mark's longing, love, and commitment, as expressed in this song, may dampen your eyes.


If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

To connect with Mark Chandler, visit his Facebook page.

These songs represent two very different and profoundly deep calls for connection between fathers and sons. When that bond is broken, everyone suffers. What's left for us to do is to support men and young men who've been damaged in that unique way. Today, in so many ways, we're paying the social costs of not offering that support. We can do better and we must.



SHARE: If you enjoy this blog, please click the Facebook "Share" button below to support the Man-Making Facebook page! (The button is only on the MM Blog, and NOT in email post delivery, sorry.)


CONTACT: Send Earl a message. I'm very interested in your thoughts on any man-making post or topic. I'm available to help bring man-making initiatives to your community or organization.

SUBSCRIBE: If you're not yet a subscriber to the Man-Making Blog, and you'd like to receive these posts by email 3-4 times a month, use this link for a free subscription.

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November 14, 2014

A Young Man's First Shave and A Different Movember Challenge

A strange wave of joy and sadness hit me when I noticed a can of Barbasol shave cream in a friend's bathroom. I had seen it there before, but this time it took me right back to my early adolescence and those first few times shaving. I've written about that sad rite of passage event for me in previous blog posts. I guess the impact of that time in my life is still very much alive in me.

The feeling of joy was from the memory of all that white and fragrant foam in my hand and then all over my face. And I do mean ALL OVER my face. Somewhere underneath all that white stuff hid a few tender facial hairs signaling, not the need to shave, but the first hint of approaching manhood. I don't think the foam helped me get a better "shave," but it was a helpful guide showing the path the razor had taken.

I can also remember a rather evil green liquid aftershave. When the shaving ordeal was over, I'd put some of this potion on my hands and rub it on my face. I then had to endure the rush of burning pain as the liquid met up with all the dings the razor had left behind. I'm sure it made me smell odd at best, but in my naive adolescent mind it all made me irresistibly manly.


...in my naive adolescent mind
it all made me irresistibly manly.

The sadness in that Barbasol moment was not so much about the painful nicks from poor shaving technique or even the resulting shameful face dotted with little pieces of Kleenex. I felt sad because, in that important moment in my life, I was again left alone to figure out another aspect of manhood. In a way it's like a first menstrual period for a girl; it was an occasion that begged for guidance. My only real guides were the terrible shaving commercials of that era. As it was then and is still the case today, what I saw on the screen was seductive, but really poor training for real life and manhood. Here's an example:


If this clip doesn't show up use this link.


If you haven't heard, "No Shave November" or Movember is when men don't shave for 30 days in order to grow a moustache (Movember = Moustache + November). It's a global campaign designed to invite conversation about men's health and to raise funds to improve the lives of men affected by prostate cancer, testicular cancer and mental health problems. Think of it as the male version of the pink ribbon breast cancer campaigns. The Movember Foundation, the leading global organization, has raised $559 million todate and funded over 800 programs in 21 countries. If you want to get involved, you can visit the U.S. Movember website or just Google Movember and your city, state, or country. It's a very good cause.

...here's a different Movember challenge for you.

But here's a different Movember challenge for you. Use the idea of Movember, or just beards, to start a conversation with an adolescent male in your world. Ask him if he knows about Movember. Ask him if he's shaving, how did he learn, and how is it going? Tell him your story of learning to shave and your approach today. If you know the young guy is an under-male-nourished kid, all the better.

Sure, the young dudes can find the information about shaving themselves. However, showing an interest as an adult man in this part of a young man's life, or starting a conversation about this common male issue, carries a lot of weight. It really doesn't matter exactly what you talk about. The important thing is the fact that you are recognizing his emerging manhood and offering some support. In this way, you'll be honoring this young man's small but important rite of passage, and possibly passing along some needed shaving tips.

If you didn't get any good training on how to shave or how to teach a kid how to shave, Shaving Tips for Teen Guys is one of many great websites.

If you have a first shave story, please send it along. I'd love to hear it, and if you're willing, I'll post it in the comments to this post.



SHARE: If you enjoy this blog, please click the Facebook "Share" button below to support the Man-Making Facebook page! (The button is only on the MM Blog, and NOT in email post delivery, sorry.)


CONTACT: Send Earl a message. I'm very interested in your thoughts on any man-making post or topic. I'm available to help bring man-making initiatives to your community or organization.

SUBSCRIBE: If you're not yet a subscriber to the Man-Making Blog, and you'd like to receive these posts by email 3-4 times a month, use this link for a free subscription.

TWEET: Send this post along to your friends or follow me on Twitter!