. . . a deep look into the masculine heart.
Since 2012, the #malewishlist has continued to accumulate tweets. In this season of commercialism, with what I think is a pretty shameful lust for gifting people with material things, I thought it might be nice to revisit the notion of what men want as a way to bring a different perspective to the holidays. I guess this is my holiday letter to you and yours, holding up a vision for a world we all might co-create.
. . . a vision for a world
we all might co-create.
we all might co-create.
The list is just below. If you're a man, it should straighten your spine a little and have "oh yeahs!" going off in your head. I felt a little sad, too, because of the long way we have to go to get to the world these men have envisioned. Selfishly however, I love that it's so long and that so many men are speaking out.
If you want your voice heard and have additions to the male wish list, you can post them to the Twitter hashtag #malewishlist, add them to the comments section of this post (online), or send it along to me and I'll add it to the comments for you.
Thanks for the gift of your support, all year!
The Male Wish List
- For every boy and man to have at least one person to whom he can reveal himself fully without fear of rejection.
- For all dads to feel empowered to care for and connect with their children and feel supported in their efforts to do so.
- To always use the "privileges" given to me by patriarchy to advance a just society.
- For men to be able to speak up about any personal pain and be met with something other than harsh judgement for "failing at manhood."
- Not to be seen as a potential abuser (pedophile) because I'm a man, but someone who is safe for young people to be with.
- To live in a world in which tenderness, compassion, and sensitivity are no longer regarded as primarily feminine qualities.
- To experiencing joy and happiness without external cause.
- That more men would learn to talk openly about sex with their partners rather than resorting to lazy substitutes.
- To live in a world in which greed, avarice, venal stupidity, and amoral self-interest are punished rather than rewarded.
- To love myself enough to allow myself to fail and make mistakes.
- To know our real strengths as men and not be afraid to use them.
- To not feel like I’m a rapist every time a woman walks the same route as me after 9pm.
- To live in the world imagined by John Lennon.
- Not to be regarded as culpable or responsible for bad acts committed by other men or groups of men, now or in the past.
- For more men to realize their parental love means so much to their kids, despite what anti-dad types say.
- To be accepted for who I am rather than how well I fit into the cultural box.
- For more men to realize that working themselves to death is not the best way to meet the real needs of their families.
- That men not have their value judged by the size of their libido or their pay check.
- That every man would have at least one compassionate witness to his pain and confusion, someone he knows he can always count on.
- For fathers to be emotionally healthy, present and available.
- To know and trust that I can be strong and powerful without hurting others.
- To see the collective of men as "the brotherhood," not "the competition."
- For men, women, peers, and culture to STOP telling boys that 'BIG boys don't cry.' It is a lie - we DO cry and need to cry.
- To be able to cry without shame or fear when feeling sadness, grief, disappointment, weakness, or loss come up.
- To remember that failure and rejection do not reduce or diminish me as a man, but are pathways into my own strength and wisdom.
- That men would increase their empathy for self and others.
- To celebrate the fact that I am a man and be proud of my masculinity.
- That men would be able to gently hold other men and be held by them.
- To feel safe being emotionally vulnerable around other people, to feel loved, connected, and accepted for who I truly am.
- To touch without fear, to feel without despair, to dream without nightmares
- To hold onto my courage as I allow love into my life.
- To have friends who say 'get up' when I feel like giving up on something which is important to me
- That men would begin to realize they need to evolve, to change, and to take responsibility for feelings, behavior, and talk.
- I want sanity and peace of mind. My head feels like a blender that's stuck in the on position.
- That men would listen to their bodies rather than build their bodies and embrace softness rather than rigidity.
- I wish all men would be softer with each other. The English male stiff upper lip is a heavy burden.
- Validation of my belief that many men are eager to open up and will share what is in their hearts.
- That fewer boys will have to wander alone, unsupported, in the never-never land between boyhood and manhood.
- To lead the kinds of lives that will make young boys feel eager to grow up and join our ranks.
- To meet a woman with whom I can share my self-awareness, and enjoy intimacy, both spiritual and physical, without fear.
- That we as men re-learn how to take our boys out and initiate them into the brotherhood of man - and into a sense of their own maleness.
- To have an honest conversation with anyone in my family, without fear of repercussions, about my life, who I am, and what I feel.
- To live in a society that considers grieving as a healthy part of a man's life.
- I wish for the end of violence against women worldwide - I wish for the end of corporate backed war.
- That no boy will ever be as lost, as damaged, and as alone as I was at age 14.
- To be unapologetically ourselves as men.
- To be able to enjoy watching kids play in the park without being seen as threat or weirdo.
- To feel that my sensitivity is an asset rather than a weakness to be feared and hidden from others.
- For men to reward/encourage sensitivity, empathy when they see it in other men.
- To know I am seen, valued, and appreciated as a man not only for what I do, but for who I am.
- More men to help lead the way by their force of caring, personality and manhood.
- To love myself enough to feel tired and then rest instead of violating my boundaries for the sake of work, work, work.
- To feel the same openness and acceptance from my gay community that I have from the straight guys I've done men's work with.
- A movement of men that work together and support each other for the greater good.
- To be accepted as the men we are, imperfect human beings, with our unique strengths and weaknesses.
- To be able to hear men speak from their deep inner self, I want to know all men better.
- To wake up in the morning and feel blessed for being born the way I am.
- For more progressive males who have no problem challenging sexism.
- For more discourse on domestic abuse of men.
- To have open, honest, meaningful interactions with other men on a regular basis without having to pay for a weekly men's group.
- To not be left out of business 'rapport' building because you do not play golf.
- To feel afraid and incapable, and be comforted.
- To not be pigeon-holed as only interested in sex and beer.
- Not to be assigned the role of dragon slayer because of my gender.
- To connect more openly with other men and to allow their support into my life; to create more community with like-minded men.
- To live in a world where power is just another word for love in action.
- For good men to start showing up for young males. I'm tired of hearing about the creepy ones!
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