MAN-MAKING BLOG: man-making

Showing posts with label man-making. Show all posts

June 27, 2022

Men Teaching Boys about Manhood

The Robeson County Parks and Recreation Department in Lumberton, North Carolina, has a L.I.F.E. Mentoring Program for young guys aged 9-15. The L.I.F.E. program mission is: "To holistically develop youth in our communities, in the areas of life & relational skills, education, leadership, and qualifications that lead to becoming productive citizens." L.I.F.E. stands for Leadership Influence Family Empowerment.

I do like how this free mentoring program is teaching young men some of skills the mentors think a young guy on the edge of young adulthood should learn. In addition to much more, just a few of the skills taught include things like how to balance a checkbook, properly tie a necktie, and even proper table etiquette!

In a 2012 Man-Making Blog post, I proposed a list of developmental experiences for young guys. Experiences that would grow their understanding of the world around them and certainly drive important conversations. While my list was abbreviated and a little short on the very practical skills (how to shave, change a tire, replace a toilet flapper, etc.), I described the kinds of activities would certainly inform a young man's journey toward manhood.

In the L.I.F.E. Mentoring Program, the mentors check in with the boys weekly, and meet at least once per month in-person. A really nice touch is that the young men get to "shadow" their adult mentor. So many young males I've encountered (and who are in trouble) don't have a man in the house or even in his life. Shadowing a man gives a young man a much-needed look into man's world, seeing what real men actually do, learning how they got to where they are, and then having the conversations about what it takes to become a good man.

"I think we can reach more than we lose."

The Robeson County District Attorney, Matt Scott, said, "It can help us reach these young people before they make bad decisions." He went on to say, "I think we can reach more than we lose." Sad testimony to what can happen to young guys without adult male guidance. I know the young guys are hungry for it and are waiting.

In Minneapolis and in too many other of our communities we're seeing the consequences of young men gone wild. Any focused attention on our pre-adult males by caring men would certainly be helpful. I know the young guys are hungry for it and I know they are waiting.

If you want more information about the L.I.F.E. mentoring program, call 910-671-3156 or 910-301-2272. You can also email Anthony Govan at anthony.govan@co.robeson.nc.us

SUBSCRIBE: Enter your email address below to have the Man-Making Blog post delivered to you when published.

March 21, 2022

Adolescent Roman Male Rites of Passage

In a recent article in the online history publication, The Past, there was a great article about the Children of the Roman Empire. It examines what life was like for young people, the children of the "gods, emperors, and ordinary mortals in ancient Rome."

Of special interest to me was reading, yet again, about how earlier civilizations have dealt with managing adolescent male energy. It helps to know the Romans also struggled with containing and channeling wild boy energy.

The article centers around an exhibition in the famous Uffizi gallery in Florence, Italy. The exhibits include over 30 statues, funerary objects, and even toys from around Italy and the world. These items speak to the theme of childhood (human and divine) in the Roman world some 2000 years ago.

The article offered much about the Uffizi and the Medici collection of art and statues. But there was also a lot of information about how the Romans birthed, raised, and often buried (25% mortality) their children, orphans, and the "children of the poor" and enslaved.

"... a defining moment when a young man
would give up his boyhood clothing
and don the white toga of an adult."

There was brief mention of a rite of passage for an adolescent male. It was called the "Ceremony of the Toga Virilis," which would occur sometime around his 14th year. This was a defining moment when a young man would give up his boyhood clothing and don the white toga of an adult. It led to his acceptance of full Roman Citizenship and stepping into the rights and responsibilities of manhood. I find it hard to believe that a 14-year-old male could simply step into manhood with a change of clothes. I want to believe that clothing swap required training and preparation, but the article does not cover that process.

The article also speaks to the passage lessons and experiences of young women. Many of whom could be engaged at age 12 and married at 13 in relationships arranged by the father.

I liked learning about the perennial conversations, some still relevant today, about how to educate our children, the nature and quality of the education system, and what it took to produce "useful citizens in peace and war."

I guess the deep message here is how we are not alone with the age-old challenges of doing our best for our children, and helping them move toward the ever-illusive adulthood.

SUBSCRIBE: Enter your email address below to have the Man-Making Blog post delivered to you when published.

April 12, 2021

Young Guys and Emerging Adulthood

I've just returned from a Rite of Passage Weekend in which twenty men "initiated" thirteen young males into man's world. With the young men being between twelve and twenty years old, we certainly were not welcoming them to "manhood." If they're lucky, that passage will come much later, and sadly, some of them will never experience that line-crossing. But that is a different discussion.

2021 Boys to Men Tucson - Rites of Passage Weekend

The young males on this passage weekend became what we call Journeymen. Meaning we honor the fact that they are leaving boyhood behind and that they are beginning to take their emerging manhood seriously. We, the men of their community, witness, honor, and support that line-crossing. We no longer refer to them as boys, but Journeymen.

Apparently, the adventure these newly minted Journeymen are being launched into is getting to be an even longer road. There is now research to describe a new phase of development called "Emerging Adulthood." This is a life-stage that lies in between adolescence and young adulthood. I think this is important information for those of us working with young men because it explains a lot of what we all have intuitively noticed. It's that the process of becoming a "full-fledged young adult" takes much longer today than it did 50 years ago. In fact, as you'll hear in the video below, thirty really IS the new twenty!

…thirty really IS the new twenty!

Jeffrey Arnett, Ph.D., is a professor in the Department of Psychology at Clark University in Massachusetts. Dr. Arnett believes Emerging Adulthood is a period of development between the ages of 18 to 25 years, which is distinct from adolescence and later stages of adulthood. In his article in Psychology Today titled, The Big Challenge: Jumping From Adolescence Into Adulthood," he articulates five features that support Emerging Adulthood as a distinctly different developmental stage. They are: 1. Identity Exploration, 2. Instability, 3. Self-focus, 4. Feeling In-between, and 5. The Age of Possibilities.

In this video Dr. Arnett describes this unique time in a young persons' life. See if it's a fit for your experience of young men today:

If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

Does this video on how our young males are moving toward adulthood feel right to you?

Let me know by posting a comment on this post below.

SUBSCRIBE: Enter your email address below to have the Man-Making Blog post delivered to you when published.

May 29, 2020

Boys, Mentoring and Rites of Passage
A Podcast Interview with Earl Hipp

My friend and brother in mission is Tony Rezac. He's doing great work for mankind from his web portal Basecamp for Men.

As part of his Basecamp for Men outreach, he has a regular podcast, currently showcasing upwards of 38 conversations with men about aspects of their lives. I had the complete pleasure of being Tony's guest on a recent podcast where we both shared our ideas and experiences on the themes of manhood, rites of passage, and my personal passion, helping men understand why it's important to show up to mentor boys and young men.

In that conversation Tony and I discussed the current epidemic of under-male-nourished boys in the country, some of the common and understandable reasons men don't mentor our young males, and the hunger young men have for those connections. We also discussed a force I call "masculine gravity," and how any man, even those who are uncertain of their value to boys, can take some very low-risk steps into man-making action.

...some of the common and understandable reasons
men don't mentor our young males,
. . . and how any man . . .
can take some very low-risk steps into man-making action.

Here is my conversation with Tony about boys, mentoring, and rites of passage. Check it out and give me a shout with any questions or your thoughts on the ideas we discussed.

Through Basecamp for Men, Tony Rezac supports men's groups, provides online training programs, offers individual coaching for men, and speaks (digitally or in person) on Men, Myth, and Manhood.

SUBSCRIBE: Enter your email address below to have the Man-Making Blog post delivered to you when published.

October 17, 2019

Males 2 Men Mentoring (M2M)

I just LOVE the stories of what one inspired man and some of his brothers in mission can create. In a way, it's nothing special, just good and caring men doing what men have done naturally, forever . . . show the young men what it means to be a man.

Tray Taylor, of the Males 2 Men (M2M) mentoring program in Kansas City, MO. describes the M2M mission this way, "Males 2 Men (has) one purpose in mind: To raise strong, conscious, productive men, and re-establish responsible, accountable leadership in the community."

. . . just good and caring men doing
what men have done naturally,
forever. . .

Just looking at their Facebook photos will tell you the whole story. The boys get experience using tools and building things, gardening, car repair, cleaning up their community, gutting and grilling fish, learning about what men do from visiting speakers, and much, much more. In addition to meetings and outdoor learning experiences, in the photos you'll see Mr. Taylor hosting up to 20 kids at his home most Monday evenings. They hang out, get help with homework, learn things, have fun, and eat dinner together (always a great strategy for boys).

My experience is that once men get over their fears, time spent with boys is not at all hard for men to do, and it all comes naturally. Everything just falls into place in the pack of males when the men show up. It does take a commitment and the desire to not just save the boys in your community, but to support them in eventually becoming good and capable men. "It's important to show (the kids) the pitfalls out there in the community — what not to do, what to do; be a leader, not a follower," Taylor said, "We're able to tap into something, things that we went through, and try to lead them through a different path or show them something different."

I loved the story about how at one meeting one of the men, Smoke, ". . .went over the electrical schematics on a truck, he taught the boys how to check the tire pressure and learn about all of the different parts under the hood. . ." That made me happy, because no one ever did that form me. I remember the first time as a teen when I caught a whiff of the air that comes out of a tire when you try to bring it up to the right pressure. Nothing else smells like that. It's just great that the men were helping the boys understand the many mysteries under the hood and around the vehicle.

The Males 2 Men mentoring program is free and open to boys between the ages of 7 and 19. There are seven male mentors working with Mr. Taylor. As he says about these adult men (and everyone reading this post), "Everybody has a part to play," . . ."It just depends on what part they want to play."

"...change the narrative of the nation for young black males!"

If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

If you're not yet ready to step up to support young guys in some way in your community, you can help the M2M men in their work. Make a small (or large) donation on their Go Fund Me campaign. It's a great cause, you will be helping a lot, and you'll be doing something to change the world.

CONTACT EARL: Send Earl a message. I'm very interested in your thoughts on any man-making post or topic. I'm also available to help you bring man-making initiatives to your community or organization.

FACEBOOK SHARE: If you enjoy this blog, please click the Facebook "Share" button below to support the Man-Making Facebook page! (The button is only on the MM Blog, and not in subscription posts delivered by email.)

TWEET: Send this post along to your friends or follow me on Twitter!

Follow @earlh

SUBSCRIBE: If you're not yet a subscriber to the Man-Making Blog, and you'd like to receive these posts by email a few times a month, use this link for a free subscription.

© Copyright 2005-2019 Earl Hipp. All Rights Reserved.
Sharing with attribution allowed. All other use require permission.

June 11, 2019

The Gentlemen's Agreement

For years I've been writing about how so many of our young boys need the support and guidance from non-parental adults. In some ways, it's a replacement for, or addition to, the approach of surrounding them with extended family and "it takes a village...," that used to be how raising kids was naturally done. The basic idea is providing kids with this kind of exposure to caring adults in schools!

"...the new norm for education..."

The genius in this idea is that schools are where the boys are corralled and where we can get their attention. This is what one New Jersey high school principal, profiled in my last blog post, described as, "...the new norm for education..." where we put, "...some loving people in the (school) building...."

In my winter home in Arizona, I'm working with Boys to Men Tucson, where a big part of our programming is putting trained and background-checked men into middle and high schools. They offer support group experiences to young men aged 12-17 during the school day. The academic data we've collected, the boy's reports, the praise from the schools, and the feedback from parents all tell us this is clearly an idea whose time has come.

Participants in The Gentlemen's Agreement

A recent article in The Wilson Times, from Wilson, North Carolina, describes a similar program for boys called, The Gentlemen's Agreement. This program was started at the high school level and has now moved into two elementary schools. They know it's working because when you can get a fifth grader to say he has "learned to take responsibility for his actions," you have clearly and positively altered the trajectory of that young man's life.

The Gentlemen's Agreement program offers career inventories, has conversations about college or other careers, teaches leadership skills, and covers heady ideas like what it takes to become a good man! Who would you, dear reader, be today if you had exposure to these ideas when you were in the 5th grade? You can read all about this wonderful program in The Wilson Times article.

On the Man-Making Blog, if you put the word "school" into the right sidebar search window, you will find many years' worth of descriptions of school-based programs like The Gentlemen's Agreement for boys. What all these programs have in common is they need people like you to help them run. I like to say that what the boys need and really want is time with gloriously imperfect men, who care enough about our young guys to show up.

"Because you're still reading this post,
it means you're interested and qualified..."

If not yet, this idea of supporting boys in schools will soon be arriving in your community. Because you're still reading this post, it means you're interested and qualified to participate. You could start now by asking around about volunteer opportunities at a school near you. Or maybe you can start a boy's group in a school! If you're interested, give me a shout, and we can talk about how to do it.

What I know for sure is that the boys are waiting for men, just like you, to appear and make a difference in their lives.

TWEET: Send this post along to your friends or follow me on Twitter!

Follow @earlh

SUBSCRIBE: If you're not yet a subscriber to the Man-Making Blog, and you'd like to receive these posts by email a few times a month, use this link for a free subscription.

© Copyright 2005-2019 Earl Hipp. All Rights Reserved.
Sharing with attribution allowed. All other use require permission.

March 7, 2019

Learning to Take a Stand for Others

I've posted here previously about Father Greg Boyle, because without knowing him, I love him. He is simply one of my heroes in the work of standing for others who need and deserve our attention and support. I love his message describing his incredible work with gang members through his organization, Homeboy Industries. His message of compassion and acceptance is always able to touch my heart, and inspires me to action.

See what this short clip taken from his talk at a Pepperdine University commencement event does for and to you?

If this clip doesn't show up use this link for the full version.

TWEET: Send this post along to your friends or follow me on Twitter!

Follow @earlh

SUBSCRIBE: If you're not yet a subscriber to the Man-Making Blog, and you'd like to receive these posts by email a few times a month, use this link for a free subscription.

© Copyright 2005-2019 Earl Hipp. All Rights Reserved.
Sharing with attribution allowed. All other use require permission.

March 3, 2019

Teaching Boys about Toxic Masculinity

On the CNN website, Inside Africa, there is an article with a wonderful description of how some good men in South Africa are supporting and inviting young males to look at the collection of men's issues being called toxic masculinity.

The article describes men meeting with boys in Pankop, a small town in eastern South Africa. They call their not-for-profit organization the Young Men's Movement, and their work is to create safe spaces for conversations about manhood in schools, local churches, and even gardens in their town.

. . . the men are hoping to build
a "different generation of men."

Kabelo Chabalala, a group leader says ". . . teaching men to "respect women" is a crucial part of the group's aim." In a country where the rate of femicide is three times the global norm, and rape culture "ever-present," by stepping into action the men are hoping to build a "different generation of men."

Check out the CNN article and learn more about what these courageous men are doing for boys, men, women, and their community.

TWEET: Send this post along to your friends or follow me on Twitter!

Follow @earlh

SUBSCRIBE: If you're not yet a subscriber to the Man-Making Blog, and you'd like to receive these posts by email a few times a month, use this link for a free subscription.

© Copyright 2005-2018 Earl Hipp. All Rights Reserved.
Sharing with attribution allowed. All other use require permission.

January 3, 2019

Fishin' with a Mission

Sometimes the efforts of one extremely motivated man can do so much good for kids in his community. This is the case with my brother in mission, Mustafa Mahdi. I've watched this man be relentless over the years in finding ways he and a few other men can be a positive force in the lives of young men around them. Nothing fancy, no big budget, just little by little, he keeps showing up. And guess what happens? The boys come, hungry for the blessings of male attention and the fun.

Mustafa's tools are a chess board and a fishing pole. He serves youth and families in metro Atlanta, as well as Fulton and Clayton counties. He calls his two programs, "The SMART MOVES Chess Club," and "Fishin' with a Mission to Save Our Sons." Here's a link to a Man-Making Blog post on the chess club that I did in 2009! There is zero cost to the young people involved in any of Mustafa's programs. Everything, including Mustafa's time, is either donated or paid for out of Mustafa's pocket.

"Someone should do something
about those kids!"

Baba Mustafa is one of my heroes in the work of man-making, and he's been at it a long time. To be sure, he's a great role model for the kids he supports. He's also a powerful role model those of us who, after watching yet another tragic boy story on the evening news, have said to themselves, "Someone should do something about those kids!"

Mustafa Selfie at Chess Club

To learn more about this good man and his work, check out this Facebook page. It's where he's holding a little fundraiser to try to collect $2000 for snacks, chess boards and pieces, fishing rods, reels, and bait. While you're there, honor him for his commitment and efforts. You may also want to slip him a $5 or a $20. I did because Mustafa and men like him so deserves our support.

Thank you, Baba Mustafa!

You are a gift to your community and the world.

TWEET: Send this post along to your friends or follow me on Twitter!

Follow @earlh

SUBSCRIBE: If you're not yet a subscriber to the Man-Making Blog, and you'd like to receive these posts by email a few times a month, use this link for a free subscription.

© Copyright 2005-2018 Earl Hipp. All Rights Reserved.
Sharing with attribution allowed. All other use require permission.

October 30, 2018

Boys and Men "Woke" to Women's Truth

Very simply stated, those of us doing "man-making" work with boys must always be listening for any demeaning or insensitive references to the women or girls in the boys' lives. As adult men, we also need to continually work toward being impeccable role models. The goal for all must be to have every male be as "woke" as possible to women's truth and to be willing to be held accountable for lapses in word or deed.

"The goal . . . to have every male as "woke" as possible
to women's truth . . . "

On the International Day of the Girl, Jimmy Kimmel, host of the evening show Jimmy Kimmel Live, invited musician and Texas State University dance teacher, Lynzy Lab, to sing her song titled, "A Scary Time." Her song was a direct response to Donald Trump saying, “This is a very scary time for young men.” The video (below) of Ms. Lab performing her song had over 11.2 million views.

One of the many things I loved about this video, beyond the fact that it's great, is how Jimmy Kimmel admits to his lack of female literacy. He simply and honestly says, " . . . I didn't know what it was like to be a woman . . .". He didn't get shameful or apologetic, he just owned the fact he was not informed. He then went on to do something about that problem by introducing Lynzy Lab and her wonderful song. In doing so, he gave millions of his viewers what I'd call a gentle push in the woke direction.

If the video doesn't show up use this link.

Let's all keep this conversation moving forward,
but especially those of us working with boys.

TWEET: Send this post along to your friends or follow me on Twitter!

Follow @earlh

SUBSCRIBE: If you're not yet a subscriber to the Man-Making Blog, and you'd like to receive these posts by email a few times a month, use this link for a free subscription.

© Copyright 2005-2018 Earl Hipp. All Rights Reserved.
Sharing with attribution allowed. All other use require permission.

October 22, 2018

Boys Speak about their Rite of Passage

One of my brother's in mission is Dick Baker, a member of JourneymenUK. It's a group or men providing Rites of Passage Adventure (RoPA) experiences for young men in the United Kingdom. The organization describes their work this way:

Our Rite of Passage Adventure is a transformational weekend for boys aged 14 to 17, offering them the chance to take a bold step towards becoming the kind of man they want to be. The RoPA is a three day event designed to give the boys of our community the challenge and support they need as they begin their journey to adulthood. We model healthy boundaries, creative co-operation, the capacity to transform and embody strong emotions positively and compassionately, and we challenge the boys to face themselves and their future with courage, humor and integrity.

"...we challenge the boys
to face themselves and their future
with courage, humor and integrity."

Here is what Dick said about JourneymenUK's most recent annual RoPA:

We've just returned from our 7th UK RoPA. Thirty-five staff came together to create the conditions for fifteen new JMen (Journeymen) to find something they need within themselves and get seriously blessed along the way. It was, as always, an awesome and awe inspiring weekend.

We had the homecoming last night which was moving and heartfelt – to witness a boy talk about his experience in front of his community, being truly seen and blessed, maybe for the first time, even by a parent, is quite something.

After many years of trying, this year we had a women’s blessing for staff at the RoPA. After a days container building and before the boys arrived, 10 or 12 women showed up and held the men in circle and blessed them – it was a quite extraordinary and moving moment.

Once again I’m left knowing this work does change the world and maybe it is sometimes even a matter of life and death.

The video Dick sent just below is powerful testimony, in the boy's own words, about the impact of this kind of experience during this time in their lives.

If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

My guess, if you're a man watching this video, you'll have something like one of the following reactions:

"I'm glad some men are doing something those boys!"

"I wish I would have had something like that growing up!"

"I know a kid who could really use an experience like that about now."

The experience of having a group of men help a boy make a positive crossing into manhood is powerful, and sadly still a rarity in most cultures. Today, young males, who are being propelled toward manhood by their body chemistry, are left with self-initiation, finding their own, often twisted path toward becoming a man. Sadly, the results are often tragic for boys, families and our communities.

"I know a kid..."

If you're curious about this form of men's work, or if you have any comments, send me a message. You never know what an inspired man or group of men might create that could change a young man's life.

TWEET: Send this post along to your friends or follow me on Twitter!

Follow @earlh

SUBSCRIBE: If you're not yet a subscriber to the Man-Making Blog, and you'd like to receive these posts by email a few times a month, use this link for a free subscription.

© Copyright 2005-2018 Earl Hipp. All Rights Reserved.
Sharing with attribution allowed. All other uses require permission.

April 21, 2017

Grief and Gifts For Boys in Schools

As the school semester winds down, in the boy's support group circles I've been in, we've begun the process of talking about endings and transitions. The end of a school year is coming on fast and in addition, some of the seniors will be leaving and never returning. We want to support the young men through the natural feelings of loss and grief that accompany any form of moving forward in life.

In a culture that doesn't offer us much training in healthy ways to deal with endings, creating a space where it's safe for young men to express sadness, and then help them give a voice to talk about their sense of loss, is really important. It helps them grow their emotional vocabulary and helps them release some of the internal pressure they feel but often can't explain. These are important skills for a young man to have in his tool kit on his journey toward manhood.

... we don't have to teach them to have feelings.
They are full of feelings!

I've written a number of Man-Making Blog posts about helping young males deal with grief and loss. My common reply when asked about boys and emotionality is that we don't have to teach them to have feelings. They are full of feelings! We have to help them find language to sort out and then describe their complex and often pressurized internal emotional experience.

As one early step in the group's transition process, we asked them to answer the question, "What will you miss about our meetings?" Many of the young guys check in saying things like, "I'll miss the brotherhood...," "This is the only place I feel really safe...," "You guys are like family to me...," and "I'm going to come back and visit this group next fall." These are powerful statements about the impact the group has had on them and the sense of loss they are beginning to feel.

In addition to helping young guys develop their emotional vocabulary, here's my list of "gifts" young guys get from being in a support group with caring men. There are many more, but this is a good start.

Ten Gifts Boys Get in Support Groups with Men

A safe place to speak their uncensored truth.
Adult male allies.
Support for their existing life challenges.
Good information about life/being a man.
An evolving vision of positive manhood.
Development of emotional vocabulary – language to describe the complex emotional experiences and feelings they are having.
Decompression: To un-shame, not be alone with the anger and pain. To talk about their real-time life challenges.
Belonging: Being a member of a good tribe, feeling included, valued, honored vs just a few “what’s up” friends. Experiencing "brotherhood."
A place to practice being a man - how they will show up in their lives (authenticity, accountability, responsibility, speaking directly/assertively, supporting others, and giving and receiving constructive feedback, etc.).
Praise and honoring from men for who they are, their courage, creativity, intelligence, playful humor, victories, and their aspirations.

A very special thanks to Boys to Men Mentoring of San Diego for this beautiful video, and to the boys from their school circles who are speaking their truth.

If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

If you are interested in launching a support group for young men in a school or church in your community, give me a shout. It's amazing the difference a few caring men can make.

TWEET: Send this post along to your friends or follow me on Twitter!

Follow @earlh

SUBSCRIBE: If you're not yet a subscriber to the Man-Making Blog, and you'd like to receive these posts by email a few times a month, use this link for a free subscription.

March 15, 2017

A Continuum of Men's Involvement and Masculine Gravity

Note: What follows is a slightly re-purposed post from the Man Making Blog's history. One of my goals for this blog is helping men believe who they are right now, in their glorious imperfection, is just the kind of man young men are looking for as man-makers. I'm hoping the idea of a continuum of involvement, fueled by masculine gravity, might show you how to step forward!

As you know, I'm all about getting good men to show up in support of young males. I didn't have much of that support from men growing up, and the huge number of boys across the planet without any significant or positive male influence is a frightening notion for me. I call it an epidemic of lost and under-male-nourished boys. This epidemic begs for an army of men to help deal with the crisis, but sadly, the men aren't showing up.

At the same time, most men I talk to about man-making feel some sort of despair at the plight of so many of our lost boys. Yet these same good men are held back from involvement because of a variety of compelling fears which, taken together, create barriers to entry for them. Families, schools, and communities have so many lost boys, some dying or being imprisoned for lack of adult male attention, and yet so many men stay on the sidelines.

In future posts, we'll explore why men don't show up for boys, but in this post I'd like to offer what may be a partial solution to this tragic dilemma. It's a very short course on how men (you) might be encouraged to move into action in service to our young males. Let me introduce the Continuum of Involvement.

The basic idea is to think about a continuum of options by which a man can gradually approach involvement with young men. This is a pathway of sorts, which they can gradually traverse, learning a few important lessons along the way. The first lesson is recognizing the man they are, right now, is perfectly suited for man-making. The second lesson is that both men and boys will get a lot out of a man stepping forward. I have laid out a continuum of action options, starting with those that present low personal risk and little time required. The continuum then moves toward those actions requiring more time commitment and more personal involvement with young males. It actually all starts with men not doing anything!

Just Be You: As you'll see on the chart above, the least challenging form of man-making is not doing anything at all! For boys, men are the book about what it means to be a man. For that reason, they spend a lot of time watching what men do. Right at this moment, as a man just living your life, boys and young men are watching you. That means, without making any commitment to action or conscious effort on your part, you are already having an impact on boys around you. The truth is, whether you realize it or not, or even like it or not, you are already a mentor and in the man-making game.

Seeing and Acknowledging: Sadly, there just aren't many places young guys can hang out in their community without attracting negative attention. It's like they've been relegated to background action in community life. Can you think of a place? I believe invisibility is a horrible punishment just for being a young male. That's why when a man like you simply acknowledges young guys, it can be a day brightener. Just like the rest of us, all boys want and need to be seen in a positive light. So the next time you get a chance, make it a point to notice young guys. Look at them, smile and give a nod. If you want to stretch a little, maybe tack on a simple acknowledgement. This could be as simple as "hey guys, what up?" If you do, there's a good chance you'll make a positive and memorable dent in a young man's day.

". . . there is something a little spiritual about
clearly noticing and then telling someone
how unique and amazing they are."

Blessing: The next step up on the continuum requires you to go just a little beyond acknowledgement. I believe there is something a little spiritual about clearly noticing and then telling someone how unique and amazing they are. I call this a blessing. This happens when an adult male catches a boy doing something especially well or identifies one of his positive attributes, skills, or tendencies . . . and tells him. Men are often cast in the role of the disciplinarian, so it may take a little effort on your part to shift your perspective to be able to see all the things that are right about a kid or pack of boys. Try giving a brief and positive statement that celebrates him in some way. "Nice move on that board!" "Awesome sneakers, dude!" Try blessing boys in this way, and then delight in the response you get. If you know a young man and your blessing comes out of your personal truth about him, it will be an incredibly powerful moment for both of you.

Natural Mentors: Take a moment to remember some of the men who knew you as a kid and who took a special interest in you. Maybe it was a relative, the guy next door, a teacher, someone from your spiritual community, or a coach. Whoever it was, you probably liked or respected each other, and there were gifts for both of you in your connection. Natural mentoring relationships are unstructured, organically occurring, affinity connections between a boy and a man. They mostly just happen, and can be as brief as a 10 minute conversation or last a lifetime. As your young male comfort and literacy increases, you'll realize opportunities for these kinds of relationships are always nearby, and even looking for you! As you get more comfortable around young males, they will get that about you and, at some point, you'll notice a young man hanging out around you more often. When you realize a young guy is circling you, take a risk, honor his attention, and engage him. What happens after that may just change both of your lives.

One-to-Many: Guys really are pack animals by nature. So doing things in a group is pretty comfortable. If you want to take the next step up into more involvement, try being part of a group of men and boys. Even if it's for a short outing or event, this is a good way to test the man-making waters. Go on a Guy's Hike, or volunteer to coach a team. You and a few other men could take some young men camping, to a sports event, or help with a Habitat for Humanity home build. It could also be as simple as you and a man friend teaching some of the neighborhood kids how to fish or change a bike tire. One man, or a few men, and a bunch of young guys doing some activity takes a little time, but it's usually a short term commitment, good for the young dudes, and almost always a lot of fun for everyone.

One-on-One: This form of connection is the one we all think of as mentoring. This typically involves a long term commitment and a more personal connection between one man and one boy. These matches are most often supported by a group or organization. For a man willing to take on this level of commitment, he'll find training from the sponsoring organization, peer mentors for support, and one very grateful young male. There is plenty of evidence to indicate a one-on-one mentoring relationship is a powerful force for positively shaping a young male's life. It also happens to be very good for the older male too! If you're ready for one-on-one mentoring, you won't have any trouble finding an organization that will be glad to meet you.

Events: Under this banner I include involvement in organized activities for men and boys, or, as in my case, belonging to groups that are organized for the purpose of helping boys (and men) on their journey to manhood. You can find these groups in your community, checking with the YMCA or Boys and Girls Clubs, scouting, being part of school-base group mentoring, and many others. I've written about a number of these possibilities in this blog and will continue to list them. This degree of involvement may sound unlikely for you at this point, but let me warn you, there is an invisible force working to pull you in this direction.

"MASCULINE GRAVITY!"

Masculine Gravity is my name for the force that works on men who step onto this continuum of involvement at whatever place they are comfortable. As men gradually learn that most of their fears of being around and connecting with young guys are unfounded, they begin to be more comfortable, relaxed and take enjoyment from the experience. They start having fun, enjoy being connected to the quirky young male energy, and they really like the fact that they are having impact in boys' lives. This collection of feelings is what makes them willing to risk just a little more involvement. In a few years time, I have seen many men move from cautious and tentative outsider, to short-term involvements, and then on to becoming a full-tilt advocate for men and boys. In fact, Masculine Gravity is the same force that has kept you reading this far in the article! Something gets kindled in a man and he begins to hunger for his natural place in this very masculine work.

So that's the VERY short course on how to move from being currently interested (because your reading this) but not yet involved, to taking some small steps toward becoming a man-maker at some level. In future blog posts, we'll explore the barriers that keep men from making a positive difference in boys' lives and the very long list of the gifts waiting for men who step on to the man-making continuum.

Thanks for being you and caring enough to have read this whole story. You are the man and you can trust the young guys are waiting for you.

TWEET: Send this post along to your friends or follow me on Twitter!

Follow @earlh

SUBSCRIBE: If you're not yet a subscriber to the Man-Making Blog, and you'd like to receive these posts by email a few times a month, use this link for a free subscription.

March 3, 2017

Taking A Stand In A Changing World

I haven't been posting for a long while and you deserve to know why there has been so much blank space and quiet on the Man-Making Blog.

My truth is that as a result of the election outcome in the US and what's happened since, I've had my world view pretty severely shaken up. It appears that much of the world I inhabit is more angry, fearful, and willing to be more selfish and mean-spirited than I used to believe.

I personally know about the danger of being sucked into a vortex of negative thinking. In an New York Times article titled, "The Year of Conquering Negative Thinking," psychologist Rick Hanson reminds us that “We were built to over learn from negative experiences, but under learn from positive ones.” Part of my personal life's work, as the article describes, has been to, ". . . learn to disrupt and tame negative cycles."

I think the dissonance stirring in me
is what growth feels like.

So very simply stated, it's taken me a while to understand and accept the magnitude of what, for me, is a new reality. Yes, I do know there are plenty of loving, tolerant, generous, accepting, and courageous people around. Yet it's still taken some time for me to find some solid ground to stand on and to begin to figure out what I might want to do differently in the storms of confusing messages. I think the dissonance stirring in me is what growth feels like.

What is already very clear to me is my new world, more than ever, needs good and solid men and women of conviction and character. It needs people who are willing and able to stand strong for themselves, their beliefs, and everyone's rights. Our country and the world need people willing to step forward into visible, vocal, and action-oriented positions in support of what they believe in and value. For me, continuing to publish this blog, encouraging men to be man-makers, and working in communities to support young men as I'm able, are all ways I can do my part to help create a better world.

. . . to ensure fewer boys (and men) are
lost in the never-never land
between boyhood and manhood.

For the last thirteen years, in various forms and across the country, I have been working with brothers in mission in the man-making business. I have been dedicated to doing what I can to ensure fewer boys (and men) are ". . . lost in the never-never land between boyhood and manhood." As a result, I have seen boys and men find the voice of their deep truths, embrace values of self-respect and respect for others, and witnessed them as they developed the courage to stand up for what for them is right and true. I have seen thousands of good men get over their fears and courageously show up for young guys who are desperate for their influence. I know this is good and necessary work and I feel some urgency that it continues.

As I write this, I'm not sure exactly what I can add to what I've been publishing on these pages to communicate to you the urgency and concern I feel for the consequences of having too many lost young men in our communities. Maybe an increase in focus on what men like you can actually do. Maybe stories about how one gloriously imperfect and unsure man changed the world around him by risking some small action in support of some young men. Possibly some interviews from young guys talking about the difference a man like you or group of men made in their lives. Or maybe hearing from one of the many lost young men I encounter telling you about what it feels like to be without a good man around who cares about him.

You tell me!

You tell me! What would you need to hear or see on these pages to inspire you to action? What would it take to get you to step into the arena? How can I help you hear the call to man-making? If you can name it and it's in my power to create it, I'll make it happen. In the meanwhile, I too will be curious to see what shows up here!

CONTACT:Send Earl a message. I'm very interested in your thoughts on any man-making post or topic. I'm available to help you bring man-making initiatives to your community or organization.

FACEBOOK SHARE: If you enjoy this blog, please click the Facebook "Share" button below to support the Man-Making Facebook page! (The button is only on the MM Blog, and not in subscription posts delivered by email.)

TWEET: Send this post along to your friends or follow me on Twitter!

Follow @earlh

SUBSCRIBE: If you're not yet a subscriber to the Man-Making Blog, and you'd like to receive these posts by email a few times a month, use this link for a free subscription.

September 21, 2016

Boys, Tears, and Money

If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

I have been working with young males for more than fifteen years. Much of my time with boys has been spent within the Boys to Men Network. On many occasions, I've shed tears when witnessing the raw pain and courage of so many young men. On passage weekends or sitting in a school circle, I've heard countless boys share their stories of loss, abandonment, abuse, and family dysfunction. I've been a witness to their struggles to just cope in their complicated worlds of school, relationships, and the streets. I'm way biased, but just like the video showed, I believe a lot more of our boys need what these young men are getting.

. . . a lot more of our boys need
what these young men are getting.

I've also witnessed men's hearts be opened as a result of exposure to the vulnerability and brutal honesty of the young men they encounter in this work. While I know the adult male attention is good for the boys, this work also creates better men. I know I am a better man for my involvement.

Over the years in this blog, I've profiled lots of good and worthy groups of men who are showing up for boys in different ways. But in this post, I'm going to be a little selfish. I want you to know about two organizations that are very close to my heart. Because of my personal involvement, I know the impact on real lives these organizations are having. That's also why, for the first time in the history of this blog, I'm doing what is a little uncomfortable for me. I'm asking you to consider a financial donation.

The Desert Men's Council:The Desert Men's Council (DMC) in Tucson, AZ is where I give most of my time in schools and on outdoor adventures. DMC is holding their Annual Bike for Boys - Bike-A-Thon this Saturday. It is hoped this event will raise enough money to add at least two schools to the six we are already serving. Your donation, no matter what amount, WILL help this important work go forward. I know they need the money and I support them financially. If you're willing, here is the donation link. If you miss the Bike-A-Thon deadline, you can always donate on the DMC website or just give me a shout.

Boys to Men USA:Last fall I was part of a group of men from around the United States who formed Boys to Men USA. The fourteen community-based, USA centers, like DMC in Tucson, combined their experience and passion to form a national not-for-profit corporation. The goal of Boys to Men USA is to share best practices, standardize our offerings, and ultimately serve boys in even more communities.

This October the Boys to Men USA 2nd Annual Summit gathering will be held in Tucson, AZ. Because of the financial challenges of volunteer-based organizations, some of the centers are not able to send representatives to the Summit. If you want to help grow this evolving network of dedicated men, you can make a small donation on the Boys to Men USA GoFundMe page. Even small amounts will help, and be a vote of support.

If you're not able to support young guys directly,
. . . support the men who are . . .

You wouldn't still be reading if, at some level, you didn't hear a call to action, a call to help our young men. If you're not able to support young guys directly, you can support the men who are doing that work by making a small donation. I know every donation made to these two organizations will play a role in making a young man's life better.

Thanks!

SHARE: If you enjoy this blog, please click the Facebook "Share" button below to support the Man-Making Facebook page! (The button is only on the MM Blog, and not in subscription posts delivered by email.)

CONTACT: Send Earl a message. I'm very interested in your thoughts on any man-making post or topic. I'm available to help bring man-making initiatives to your community or organization.

SUBSCRIBE: If you're not yet a subscriber to the Man-Making Blog, and you'd like to receive these posts by email 3-4 times a month, use this link for a free subscription.

TWEET: Send this post along to your friends or follow me on Twitter!

Follow @earlh

September 6, 2016

A Powerful Call to Men to be MEN!

Denis Waitley

This video is the most beautiful call to man-making I've heard in a long time. It's by Chaim Dunbar. He is the founder and CEO of We Be ONE, ". . . a multicultural unity movement. Unified with the awareness and understanding that we are all individual parts of one human family."

If Chaim's video doesn't
touch your masculine soul,
you may not have one.

I'll let Chaim speak for himself in the video below.

If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

Onward my brothers, the world is waiting!

Follow @earlh