The Man-Making Blog is a practical and inspirational resource
for people interested in supporting our young males
on their journey to manhood.

Showing posts with label volunteer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label volunteer. Show all posts

May 24, 2019

Man-Making Heroes - Bringing Love to School

He's going to any lengths to keep kids safe.

In the clip below, listen to one of my heroes, Akbar Cook, the principal of West Side High School in Newark, New Jersey. He says, "Let's put some loving people in the building...." If he is right, and this is, "...the new norm for education...," we all have a place in his vision and some work to do.


If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

Oh yeah, as it turns out, the famous Oprah heard about the Lights on Program and donated a half-million dollars to Newark's West Side High School!

"Let's put some loving people in the building..."

We all can't be Oprah, but what small thing can you do to support "our" kids?

Thanks to another of my heroes, Joe Sigurdson of the Boys to Men Mentoring Network in San Diego for his example and this inspiration.



CONTACT EARL: Send Earl a message. I'm very interested in your thoughts on any man-making post or topic. I'm also available to help you bring man-making initiatives to your community or organization.

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October 19, 2014

How to start a Man-Making Movement

I'm all about inspiring others to take the risks of stepping forward to try a man-making activity. From witnessing countless men trying to find a way to show up for young guys, there are two things I know to be absolutely true. The first is that it's really hard for men do it wrong. In fact, when a good man steps forward, it most always leads to making a positive difference in some young guy's life, and him becoming a better man in the process. The second truth is it's really hard for men to get beyond the initial fear of looking bad or sounding foolish.

. . . it's really hard for men do it wrong.

Here is a funny and inspirational video clip that pretty accurately describes what it takes for a man to start a movement. It also shows how, if a person can find the courage to move past his fears, his actions can organically grow into a movement others may join. Look closely to see who, in addition to the guy who takes the first big step, shows up to make the big difference between success and failure.

Hope this inspires you to do something in service to yourself, men, and young guys today!


If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

If you want to talk about easy, low-risk, man-making options that may be possible for you, give me a shout and I'll brainstorm with you.

Another thing I also know to be absolutely true is there are young males in your community who are at this moment waiting for you to get up and do something!


SHARE: If you enjoy this blog, please click the Facebook "Share" button below to support the Man-Making Facebook page! (The button is only on the MM Blog, and NOT in email post delivery, sorry.)


CONTACT: Send Earl a message. I'm very interested in your thoughts on any man-making post or topic. I'm available to help bring man-making initiatives to your community or organization.

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October 11, 2014

President Obama Speaking Truth to Young Men

In the video clip below, President Obama is talking about the My Brother's Keeper Community Challenge he issued in September of 2014. He is speaking to the progress being made in calling men into service to young males. He describes a very long list of organizations, agencies, cities, and businesses that are all starting initiatives in support of (mostly) young men of color.

The President says America is realizing we won't succeed as a country unless our young people are successful, and that's why he's putting out this call to action. It's a beautiful thing to hear, especially for those of us who've been in man-making work for a long time.

What I liked so much is that he leads with his own very personal story of being a fatherless boy and support he got from his single mother and grandparents. It's a familiar story to those of us in the man-making field, but wonderful example of real vulnerability and hard truth-telling from a very powerful man.

. . . a wonderful example of
real vulnerability and hard truth-telling
from a very powerful man.

In the Question and Answer time, the President continues to tell it like it was when he admits to being a young teen male without direction, other than "misplaced goals" focused on basketball. As he got into high school and even in early college, the President confessed he didn't take his opportunities seriously and was "enjoying myself a little bit too much." I really liked his admission that, with all his privileges, many "second chances," and having access to advanced education, he was still very much a lost young man. That condition didn't change for President Obama until his twenties, when the young male brain starts to get better wired. That is when he started to look toward the future and take himself and his life seriously.

. . . the President confessed he was
"enjoying myself a little bit too much."

You will hear the President answer hard questions, like the one about how he learned to be a good father when he only met his dad once when he was 10. He speaks to the values all parents should teach their kids, and the power of an involved father or, for fatherless young guys, the importance of a caring adult man in a young boy's life.

I think the President Obama modeling truth-telling in this video is inspirational. That and the My Brother's Keeper Community Challenge are great gifts to man-making from the President of the United States.


If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

You wouldn't be reading this at all if you didn't already care about what happens to our young men. If you're already working with some young guys, why not share the video with them and get their reactions. It's a powerful call to positive manhood from a very important place.



SHARE: If you enjoy this blog, please click the Facebook "Share" button below to support the Man-Making Facebook page! (The button is only on the MM Blog, and NOT in email post delivery, sorry.)


CONTACT: Send Earl a message. I'm very interested in your thoughts on any man-making post or topic. I'm available to help bring man-making initiatives to your community or organization.

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October 8, 2013

Taking Young Men Fishin' - With A Mission!

I've written before about how my boyhood was blessed by my neighbor, Mark Moore, who loved fishing. He was that one man who took a lost, frightened, slightly wild, but very alone young kid under his wing. He probably saved my life in the process. Mark was the guy who took me on my first fishing trip.


I can still remember the first time we went fishing. Looking back, for a 9 year old boy it was wildly exciting experience! Especially for a city kid who never much got away from the hood. I remember seeing the lake at the end of the long wooden dock, with the soft morning sun just beginning to reflect off the water. Everything was still, almost magical. Mark's old wooden fishing boat was waiting for us, and after it was loaded with the tackle box, a white cardboard box of worms, miscellaneous gear, a net, rods, the gas can, and a cooler with beverages and lunch, we finally got in the thing.

I was sitting in the bow, on a square, red cushion. Mark sat in the back, where he commenced to start the engine. I can still remember the smell of gas from the old Johnson motor. Mark pulled on the starter rope a few times, futzed with the choke, pulled some more, and spoke some manly incantations over the thing until it finally sputtered to life.

The next thing I knew we were flying across the lake. I remember watching the water off the bow of the boat and feeling that freshest of fresh air on my face. It was thrilling enough for a city kid who had never been in the middle of a lake. When we were finally delivered to the "right spot" on the reedy part of the lake, Mark and I commenced the process of going after the meat . . . well, fish. That's when my moment of truth arrived.

I was allowed to hold a very sharp fish hook, and invited to load it with a wiggling brown worm. Now I'd fried a few ants under a magnifying glass, and killed my share of bugs, but this was my first lesson in using a live creature for bait. With that trial successfully passed, we spent the rest of the morning learning to cast, untangling line, and mostly watching our bobbers.

There was the the thrill of the catching and then learning to get the hook out of the mouth of a creature who was staring at you. And then the joy and relief (for me) of releasing the fish back into the lake and watching him swim away. I only got one fish that first trip, but loved the anticipation, and getting about a thousand "nibbles."

This was an adventure filled with awe, lessons, fun, and complete boyhood pleasure taken in the company of a man who was teaching me important lessons about life in the process. Not just how to fish, but about planning, preparation, safety, patience, compassion, nature, motors, mastery, and enjoying quiet time in each other’s company.

When I heard about how my brother in mission, Mustapha Mahdi, was starting a program titled, Fishin' With A Mission in Atlanta, my memories got stirred up and I was eager to learn more. Here's the description he sent describing his group's first outing:



A group of 8 men and 12 teenage males ignored the dark clouds and rain and showed up at the Juvenile Court Office at the Fulton County Courthouse. It was all because they wanted to go fishing. We were headed to Lake Altoona, Camp High Harbor to jump start "Fishin' With A Mission...to save our sons." We left Atlanta at about 9:30 in the morning and by the time we got to Lake Altoona, it was still cloudy but the rain had stopped.

Many of the kids had never been fishing before and most had never caught a fish. With help from the men, the young men learned to set up a rod and reel, how to put a worm on a hook, how to cast, and then how to wait patiently for the fish to bite. During the waiting times, in addition to the joking and banter, we got family updates from the boys, learned about their plans for the summer, as well as touching on "boys to men" issues, like respect for women, relationships, plans for their future, and responsible fatherhood.
When one of the guys actually caught a fish,
the shout could be heard for miles . . .
When one of the guys actually caught a fish, the shout could be heard for miles, and the kid's smile was priceless. One young man caught a huge soft shell turtle, a large mouth bass and about 7 brim. He says, he's the man now...because I, the leader, only caught two! For me, the most memorable words came from a boy who didn't catch a single fish but said this was the first time anyone had taken him fishing and he can't wait to go again because it's just nice to get out of the house.

The scenery on the lake was breathtaking. The time with the men, new skills learned, and bragging rights for many, guaranteed the boys are already looking forward to the next trip. I have to say that I had fun too. Again, this experience for me is more proof positive that all our sons and young men want is our time.

I’m grateful to the fathers who showed up, men who chaperoned, the Andrew and Walter Young family YMCA. We were blessed by a Facebook friend, Mr. Gordia Ammons, who made a $200 dollar donation to purchase fishing rods, reels, and supplies we can use again and again. Also, a special thanks to Aaron Zerkle for hosting us at the YMCA Camp High Harbor. All these men actually made the trip possible.



Mustapha says that at it's core, Fishin' With A Mission is about saving our young men from drugs, gangs, violence and teen fatherhood. It's about preparing our young men for manhood and responsible fatherhood with the involvement and guidance of responsible and involved men. With that in mind, he's hoping the fishing trips will be held every month. He's also holding on to the idea that at some point he'll be able to take the whole tribe on a deep sea fishing trip.

Do you have a fishing story from your background? If you missed out on that experience, how does that feel? Do you have a skill set which, if shared with a group of young men, might create a life-long collection of happy memories?

We can all do something for a young male or group of guys somewhere in our community. If you’re curious about how to get started, give me a shout and let’s see what might be possible. I can promise that if you can get past your fears and inertia, as it is with just about any work with young men, you too will have a potent and memorable experience.



CONTACT: Send Earl a message. I'm very interested in your thoughts on any man-making post or topic. I'm available to help bring man-making initiatives to your community or organization.

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June 7, 2013

Wild Guys Playing and A Rite of Passage in the Woods - The 2013 YMAW

This coming July, from the 11th to the 15th, it will be time again for the Young Men's Adventure Weekend, or YMAW. For a number of years now I've watched from a distance as a slightly wild pack of 40-50 men and 40-50 adolescent males all went to the wilderness, hung out, played games, built things, learned skills, sat around fires, and had straight-talking conversations about manhood. I can no longer stand being an observer to all this fun, and this year I'm going to Vancouver and joining in the adventure!

I have written about the YMAW in the past. I love this particular model of a Rite of Passage weekend for a bunch of reasons. The enormity and diversity of the assembled male tribe, the beauty of the remote location in the forests of British Columbia, and the passion and creativity the men bring to insure the young males have a fun but important experience. I especially love what happens as magic of the experience gradually has it's way with all the males involved. I know that everyone leaves the YMAW experience a better person for their involvement, and I want that for myself.
I know that everyone leaves the YMAW experience
a better person for their involvement,
and I want that for myself.
To get a sense for the power of these weekends to help positively shape young males, listen to the young men in the video below share just some of what they have gotten from their YMAW experiences. What they've learned about themselves, the attributes of the man they want to become, and what they liked most about their weekend adventure. By the end of this clip you'll have a better understanding of why this Man-Making work is so important.


If the clip doesn't show up use this link.


Just below, I'm re-posting the recorded interview I did with Brad Leslie, prior to the 2011 YMAW. Brad is the man in charge and largely responsible for the event. If I have my data correct, this will be year 23 of involvement for Brad. In this podcast, I talk with him about how a YMAW is organized, and what it's like both for the young men and the older men that are involved. You'll learn about topics such as the "mentoring bone," going into the "basement" of a man's life, and how the men welcome the young males into men's world.


Click the arrow to start play!
If the player isn't visible, click on this direct link.

If you want to see more photos and videos, visit the YMAW website at, ymaw.com. If you or/and a young man you know want to join me and be part of this July's YMAW, call Brad Leslie at: 800-663-2723, or send him an email at bradleslie@telus.net. It will probably change your life.



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October 1, 2012

Upside Stories about Men and Boys

I was feeling a little down. There has been endless news reporting about the recent killings in our community by yet another angry, lost man with a gun. Then, almost simultaneously, two very inspirational articles came across my desk. The positive messages in these stories about good men helping young males really got through, touched my heart, and gave me my optimism back. I'm sharing these articles with the hope they have the same positive impact on you.




The first story describes some of the important and exciting work with high school boys being done by the good men of Boys to Men Mentoring Network  (BTM). In an article on the San Diego News online, BTM co-founder Craig McClain describes what is at the heart of what they do in their school programs for young guys . . . speaking the truth:
We start off our meetings by telling (the boys) the truth about ourselves. Some of us went to prison. Some of us did drugs. There isn’t one thing these boys are thinking about that one of us hasn’t done.

Then we ask them, who wants to go next, and they’ll talk about gangs or drugs or hating their stepfathers. And we’ll say, ‘Is this what you want to do?’ And they’ll say no. We’ll ask about the consequences, and we’ll say, ‘Is this what you want?’ And they’ll say no. Then we’ll say, ‘Well, what do you want to do about it?’ We give them control over their lives.
The article goes on to show us what happens inside these school-based guys' groups as the men create a safe space for the boys to learn to trust, open up, and then decompress about the really hard parts of their lives.

You can read the whole article at the San Diego News online.

Boys to Men Mentoring Network centers have sprung up in more than 35 cities in seven countries around the world. Their San Diego area school programs, which started four years ago with one group (and 3 boys who were required to attend), now has between 80 and 90 volunteer male mentors working with almost 400 kids in 10 sites in the San Diego area. Check out the Boys to Men Mentoring Network website for more information.




The second story is from the Camden, New Jersey, CurrierPostOnline.com. It describes a luncheon put on by the Camden County Mentoring Institute, a coalition of mentoring providers, faith-based groups, and government institutions, all coming together to recruit and support volunteer mentors. The article describes some of what three successful men, raised without fathers, said at the luncheon to an audience of almost 200 Camden clergy, community leaders, law enforcement officials, and local residents, all of whom were there to support Camden’s youth.

I love the statement from the Camden Police Chief, Scott Thomson. His father died when he was 9, and in describing his own life he said, "But for the grace of God — and three fat cops who couldn’t catch me — I wouldn’t be here today!” As a career Camden cop, he recently became a mentor to a 9-year-old boy who was blinded by stray gunfire in the city. In his remarks, he described an all too common attitude among young guys in Camden. He remembered a conversation with a young man he had arrested for selling drugs.
“What are you going to do when you’re 21?” Thomson asked.

“I ain’t gonna live that long,” the youth replied.
You can read the whole article at the CurrierPostOnline.com.

Instead of the bad news about lost men and boys, I like hearing the counter-point, upside stories about the power of a man in a boy's life, or how a few men can do so much good in the lives of a bunch of young dudes in a school setting. It gives me hope for the future.

If you know of a similar Man-Making story, please send it along.



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August 9, 2012

A Couple of BAM's for Boys

As a follow-up to the recent Man-Making Blog post, Men in Schools - for Boys, and in support of this very form of Man-Making, I want to share an interesting article from the Chicago Tribune. It describes research conducted by the University of Chicago’s Crime Lab on 800 disadvantaged boys, from seventh through tenth grade, in one Chicago school district.

The boys were enrolled in BAM, or Becoming A Man—Sports Edition programs during the 2009-2010 school year. While that program is alive and well today, during the research period, BAM offered boys one-hour, small-group sessions, once a week, where they could develop social skills associated with self-control, goal setting, and emotional development. The core values taught in BAM include:
  • Integrity
  • Accountability
  • Self‐determination
  • Positive Anger Expression
  • Visionary Goal‐setting
In BAM Sports, they also wisely use after-school sports activities to help reinforce the program values. This time also creates the opportunity to teach boys important lessons on conflict resolution, with the coaches playing the role of instructor and facilitator.

Just some of the results from the University of Chicago’s Crime Lab research indicated the participants, " . . . experienced a 44 percent drop in arrests for violent crime and an up to 23 percent increase in graduation rates."

These numbers are especially meaningful because the Tribune states in this same school district, ". . . 319 students were killed or injured by gun violence during the last school year, the highest in four years, and a nearly 22 percent increase from the previous school year." I've often quoted the old African proverb that states, "If the young men are not initiated into the life of the village, they will burn it down just to feel the heat." That is clearly what was going on in this school district. The good news is BAM Sports is one very gender literate and school-based approach to reaching out to otherwise lost boys.

High Quality and Pro-active
Community Violence Prevention

BAM Sports and all the programs engaging at-risk boys represent high quality and proactive community violence prevention. If outcomes like those in this research continue to be replicated, not only will there be tremendous social gains measured in boys' lives saved, crime reduction, and increased quality of life in their communities, there will also be huge savings in taxpayer dollars. In a related press release, the Crime Lab Director, Jens Ludwig, said, "depending on how we measure the costs of crime," they expect returns on investment of somewhere between 3:1 to 31:1. In just dollars, the BAM Sports program costs $1,100 per participant compared to $3,600 - $34,000 for dealing with lost boys.

For a more detailed description of this program and it's outcomes read this description in the University of Chicago online news.

But one more quick BAM . . . for boys.

This next BAM (and, yes, there are lots of programs by that name) stands for Boys Advocacy and Mentoring. It was started by three Portland, Oregon area men who are counseling professionals. It has been developed over the thirty years of their combined experience working with boys and their families.

These men realized many boys’ difficulties arise from limited relational abilities in an increasingly relational world. On their website they state, "How can we see boys as something other than as problems? How can we effectively help boys resolve the difficulties they face? We recognize and support what is natural about boys’ behavior and realize the necessity of helping boys to connect more with themselves and others."

Out of their work with boys, families, and from doing groups for boys in schools, they have developed a solid guidebook for those of you interested in facilitating school-based programs for boys. They call it the BAM! Boys Advocacy and Mentoring: A Leader's Guide to Facilitating Strengths-Based Groups for Boys. In the author's words, "The BAM! Group Guidebook outlines a group experience which introduces school-aged boys to new perspectives on what it means to be male and helps them build the relational skills they need to become healthy men." If you'd like a peak at the book's table of contents, you can download this PDF file. It will let you see the broad scope of subject matter a school-based group can cover.

To learn more about this BAM, the book, and the men doing this work, visit their website.

Please realize that you don't have to be a professional to show up for boys in schools. If you're a motivated man with a couple of guy friends, there is a way you, too, can learn to work with boys. If you are inclined but don't know where or how to start, give me a shout. The need is way too great to have good men on the sidelines; the boys are waiting.



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June 17, 2012

An UN-Father's Day Message

Fathers can be the most potent, boy-civilizing, man-making force on the planet.

It's just that too many boys have no father, or no good father around.

In the last post I mentioned some of the work being done by good men from the centers of Boys to Men International, (B2MI). Just in time for this Father's Day, the guys at B2MI have come out with a very powerful reminder of what Father's Day means to young males who don't have one.

If you're ready for a very different message about Father's Day, from the boys who don't have one, click this link.

WARNING: It may bring you to tears.


If you want to do something different this year to really honor Father's Day, resolve to do something in the near future to make a difference in the life of any young male not lucky enough to have a dad.



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May 27, 2012

Building Strong Boys and Communities

I like to profile organizations doing the important work of supporting boys, men, and communities. In the following contributed post, Colin Irish, a very solid man-maker, describes the process his organization, Threshold Passages, Inc.(TPI), went through to move from doing great work with men and boys to the larger challenge of building strong communities. Colin is the President of TPI, Inc., a good friend, and a man who is rapidly becoming what I call a communitarian!


The Wheel. Imagine being the person that invented it. Total genius. But never mind inventing it again. Nobody wants to do that. Or do they?

I run Threshold Passages, Inc., (TPI), a community-building, non-profit organization based in Denver, Colorado. As our name indicates, our original mission was to do rites of passage events for boys, followed by mentoring (See video clip at the end ). When we were the new kids on the block, naive and eager, we got our original operational guidelines from a national organization. It was full of how to’s and prescriptions. We gratefully soaked up the wisdom of those who had gone before us.

After a while, however, we realized the “one size fits all” prescription didn’t fit so well. We took some programming lumps, learned some things the hard way, and eventually, we took the risk to come up with our own way of doing things. For a long while we lived in the old adage that says, “It’s easier to get forgiveness than permission.” Then one happy day, we finally realized we could give ourselves permission to do what worked for our community! That’s when the wheels really started turning. Creativity was unleashed and new ideas started popping up that got everyone excited.

In fairly short order, our mission expanded from serving only boys in a certain age range (12-17yrs) to creating offerings for their parents, too. Instead of a classic mentor-mentee match-up, a group mentoring format was started that was a better fit for our men and boys. We were learning as we went, often creating what we needed on the spot. When we started our own leader training programs, I got the call from the national non-profit asking, “Why reinvent the wheel?” My immediate answer, “Because it’s so fun!”  The truth was that we were being pulled (led) by our community to fill in some critical blanks by responding to the call we heard, and it was exciting. It wasn’t long after that call we decided to change our name, changed our relationship with the big national non-profit, and became an independent local entity.
We went from an outfit committed to building
strong boys and men
to one committed to building a strong community
.
Today we are still reinventing, coming up with new programs and approaches as part of our business model . . . programs that really fit our community. We have reorganized, and changed our mission from solely serving boys to serving whole families. We went from an outfit committed to building strong boys and men to one committed to building a strong community.

Most recently, in addition to the Journey to Manhood (J2M) program, we’ve added a female led program for girls called Journey to Womanhood (J2W). That’s when we started to become an organization that serves the whole village. We’re expanding from working with teens, too. The younger boys and girls need something to belong to and the young adult men and women are asking for help with adult life. We’ve also put out a call to our elders – men and women over fifty years old who wish to serve – saying, “We need you!” The response was essentially, “Sure, but what does an elder do?” Turns out we’re not sure how to build that elder wheel, so we’re looking into creating an elder training.

As President of TPI, with 9 years’ experience supporting young people moving toward adulthood and their families, my suggestion is to simply start with what you have. Starting is important. Do the thing you and your allies are called to do. Anything you do will be better than not being there for your young people. Don’t be discouraged by the bumps in the road, and don’t hold your initial ideas too tightly. Stay open, let your experience guide you, and enjoy the excitement of learning along the way. In this way, boys, girls, men, women, elders, families, and your community will be best served . . . and you will have a grand adventure.

Collin Irish, President, Threshold Passages,
303-889-2800
Web: thresholdpassages.org

Here is a short peak at the TPI Rites of Passage Adventure Weekend for Boys.



If the clip isn't visible use this link.



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January 23, 2012

The Power of a Mentor

On January 3, 2012, President Barack Obama has issued a proclamation officially designating January as National Mentoring Month. January 2012 marks the 11th anniversary of National Mentoring Month, and this year's campaign, Invest in the Future. Mentor a Child, is being driven by the Harvard Mentoring Project of the Harvard School of Public Health, MENTOR, and the Corporation for National and Community Service.

There are plenty of good reasons to designate a month to honor mentors and raise awareness about this transformational form of relationship. Mentor, the National Mentoring Partnership, again tells us what has been clear for a very long time. Studies of both well-established programs and newer ones that provide youth with formal one-to-one mentoring relationships, have provided strong evidence of their success in reducing the incidence of delinquency, substance use and academic failure. These studies further indicate that formal youth mentoring programs can also promote positive outcomes, such as improved self-esteem, social skills and knowledge of career opportunities.

A Ford Foundation study also found that high school students with mentors are more likely to graduate from high school, enroll in college, have fewer arrests, have fewer children, become involved in community service and are more hopeful about their future than those without mentors. These are not uncommon findings. One-on-one mentoring really does work, and it deserves our support.


On the National Mentoring Month website there is a list of 10 things a person interested in this concept might do, including become a mentor! One easy action I really like for those who aren't ready to step into a full mentoring relationship, is to, "Think about the mentors in your life, and post a tribute to them online." Most men have a guy or two in the background of their lives, other than their father, who gave them a boost, some coaching, was supportive, or who showed up at an important time in their lives. You can post a "thank you" tribute to that man by going to the Who Mentored You website for ideas about where, or by telling the readers of this blog about him in the (new) comments section to this post below.

Another simple action listed on the National Mentoring Month website is to simply find a mentoring organization near you and make a donation. With the deep cutbacks in funding, these heroic organizations need your financial support more than ever. For a zip code search to find a mentoring organization near you, look in the center of the home page of Mentor, The National Mentoring Partnership.

In the Man-Making book, I outline a dozen or more ways men can have a positive, and often critical, influence in a young man's life. I know mentoring is not for all men. However, after good and involved fathers, there isn't a connection more powerful than a long-term, one-on-one mentoring relationship. Men who have taken that step will always say both males were made better for their time together. The truth is, every man reading this post, just as he is right now, is perfect for the job!

You make me want to be a better man!
Jack Nicholson (as Melvin)
As Good As It Gets (1997)


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September 13, 2011

The Lakes Area Guys Network - LAGN


The Lakes Area Guys Network (LAGN) was born in August of 2009 when I went to Brainerd, MN to discuss a group mentoring model for men and young males. I was part of a conversation with a gathering of community and social service agency representatives at the town library. Together they expressed concern for the problems many young males were creating in their town. It was the hope that a coordinated effort could be created to support these young men.

Their target population was middle school (grades 5-8) with an emphasis on those from single parent families. The idea was that boys would take part in activities with good men from the community and the fun and positive attention would be good for all the males involved. This experimental program would easily be populated with boys through referrals from schools, social service agencies and even law enforcement.

Some time prior to the community meeting, the Kinship Partners mentoring program in Brainerd had started an experiment of its own. A group of outdoorsman who came together through bible study at a local church decided they wanted to give back to their community. A couple of the men from the church were already mentors in the Kinship Partners program and a partnership was formed. With Kinship doing the background screening of volunteers, their program was launched. Soon the men of the church and boys from their faith community were going on monthly outdoor adventures. That initiative didn't last, however, and about the time it was winding down, my presentation at the library was held. Following that meeting, a new community venture was formed. LAGN's first activities were held in January of 2010.

Fishermen and Boys
Today, the LAGN has become an official group mentoring project of Kinship Partners. There is a core group of six men who are responsible for the logistics of the 2-3 activities a month for young males and men from the Brainerd Lakes area. Events are usually outdoors (all seasons) and involve fun and physical activities. Examples include kickball, cross country skiing, snow shoeing, broomball, snow tubing, disc golf, football, whiffleball, and fishing - their most popular offering in a land of lakes.

LAGN is still working on recruiting men to share their interests and skills, and is always looking for sponsors and financial contributors. But they are cooking along and making a difference in the lives of boys, men, and their community.

If you have an interest in a LAGN like program for your community, send me a message and let's talk about how to start it!

For information about LAGN, contact David Downing, the Executive Director of Kinship Partners at (218) 454-8013 or email him at: mail@kinshippartners.org



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July 30, 2011

YMAW, The Mentoring Bone,
and Voyageur Manhood

For over twenty-one years Brad Leslie has been taking men and young guys, ages 12-17, off to a gorgeous slice of the Canadian wilderness near Vancouver for a rite of passage weekend. This year 50 men greeted 58 teenage males for another powerful and transformational experience. It's called the Young Men's Adventure Weekend.

In this podcast, I talk with Brad about this year's weekend, how it was organized, and what it's like for the young guys and the men involved. You'll learn about topics such as the "mentoring bone," Voyageurs and Manhood, going into the "basement" of a man's life, and how men welcome the young males into men's world.


Click the arrow to start play (may take a bit to load)

If the player isn't visible, click on this direct link.

This interview with Brad, along with the video clip below, begin to paint a beautiful picture of what very good men can create when they decide to show up for future men in their communities.
To see more pictures of the goings on during the weekend, go to this photo album.To get additional information about the Young Men's Adventure Weekend visit the YMAW website at, ymaw.com. You can also call Brad Leslie at: 800-663-2723, or send him an email at bradleslie@telus.net

Here is a video clip of the young males arriving at men's world!

If the clip doesn't show up use this link.



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March 27, 2011

Just One Day for At-Risk Kids

I love the idea that someone could just donate a day, or even part of a day, to help at-risk kids. In the world of people working with that youth population, it's universally hard to get people to step up for one-on-one mentoring or other forms of longer term commitments to kids, especially for boys. The idea of getting lots of people to donate just one day really appeals to me. That's what the folks at Youth Guidance in Chicago are doing.

Youth Guidance has been providing supportive services for at-risk kids in Chicago for a long time . . . 86 years to be exact, and they have a comprehensive menu of services. It's their Donate A Day program that recently caught my attention. As they say about the Donate a Day program, ". . . volunteering no longer needs to be a major sacrifice." In this creative program, an adult or a group can show up for a day to paint a classroom, help with a book drive, or have the staff at Youth Guidance customize a project just for you. They will even come up with a date and time that works for you and/or your group. Because Youth Guidance works with over 70 Chicago schools, there is no shortage of opportunities for involvement on your day of service. Give us a call, they say, and then show up for a day to make a difference in the lives of Chicago’s neediest kids.

What if there was an easy way for everyone, in cities across the country, for elders, adults, or college students, to give a few hours or a day to help make a difference in schools and the lives of at-risk kids? How would that change life in your community?

Now that is a vision that makes my heart sing!

You can visit the Youth Guidance website to learn more about their Donate A Day program. You might even want to consider donating a little chunk of time to a youth-serving organization in your community. It would be a chance for you to "Do Good, Feel Good, and Be Good." I know they are waiting for your call!



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December 9, 2010

Grandfather Energy Meets Elder Hunger

At 66, I'm still a little surprised when I notice young males hovering around me. Sometimes it's questions, opinions, or showing me something they have or created. Sometimes it's simply proximity, hanging out in the same space. It's as though they don't really know what they want from me, but are pulled in my direction. I call this experience "Elder Hunger."

The truth is I'm very often late to notice them, and I don't immediately know how to (naturally) respond. Of course they want what I (still) long for, the witness and blessings of being seen and appreciated by older men. I'd say for the last five or so years of my life I've been growing into this Elder role/responsibility, seeing and blessing the young guys, and loving it.

When Paddy Murray, an Elder brother in mission from Bundanoon Australia, sent along an article about men from TOMNET ( Toowoomba Older Men's Network) working with high school kids, and getting a half-million Australian bucks to do it, it made perfect sense to me.

The article from Paddy talks about how these Elder men are helping high risk kids at the Toowoomba South State School with homework, building a school garden together, and sharing communal meals twice a week. Everyone involved loves it and the program has "blossomed" over a very short period of time.

In addition to all the wonderful benefits of what I might call "grandfather energy" meeting "elder hunger," there are some unique benefits for both the kids and the elders. By being together they have found an answer to one of the biggest challenges facing both some of the young and the old . . . isolation.

The article states: "When older men retire, they haven't got work and they feel as though they're not making a contribution, even though yet they have a lot of wisdom and experience. The younger kids feel isolated because many of them have dropped out of mainstream school and have been in trouble or come from difficult backgrounds.

"A lot of programs have been aimed at fixing kids up, and the missing link has been getting the community to take part in that solution. That's what's happening here and the kids feel like they belong to the community and that's what is important."


Getting older men involved with teen boys is a potent man-making strategy, and it doesn't have to cost a half-million to implement. Just get some old dudes together and invite them to "hang out" with some young guys and let the chemistry of Elder hunger and grandfather energy take over. It's actually a very ancient formula.



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October 24, 2010

Banged Up Boys, Boats, and Masculine Gravity

I still remember the smell of sawdust that hit me when I entered my first woodworking shop. I'm an older man and I attended that class way back in the day when "shop" was what the boys did in elementary school while the girls were baking cookies upstairs. The shop teacher, Mr. Alexander, was a burly man's man and he ruled his domain with an attitude of competence, and a powerful respect for the danger and creative power of his tools.

The wood shop held about eight work benches, saws, hammers, and what appeared to me to be lots of generally strange and dangerous stuff. After learning the rules of working around all the equipment, we were introduced to a pattern of the object we were to create from the pile of the lumber in the corner. After studying that map, we proceeded to learn about wood, measuring, sawing, sandpaper, screws, staining, and all the tools required for those tasks. I'm sure you can imagine the chaos that ensued.

That experience remains a happy memory today, and I still have and use the little footstool that resulted from my time in that class. Mr. Alexander's shop was one of my early introductions to the world of men. It had a powerful impact on my self-esteem and 11-year-old sense of what it meant to be a man.

For most young males, working with tools of any kind is a doorway into the world of men. In this post I want to describe the wonderful chemistry that can happen when a man takes the risk to share his shop, workbench, tools, and his experience with boys. While this work can take many forms, both of these stories have to do with boats.

The first is about what happened to John Connell, a man who loves restoring old canoes. John was a teacher in a school that featured alternative educational programs for what he calls “banged up kids.” “We had an open house and a guy asked if I wanted an old canoe for the kids to work on,” he said. From that moment on, John's life and the lives of many kids were changed forever. You can read the whole story at this link. As you might guess, John is about building good kids as much as canoes. He says, “A canoe can be a vehicle to learn about work, authority, and initiation,” he said. “The kids find pride and accomplishment in finishing a boat.”

Another man, Brad Buxton, had some men friends that were passionate about wooden boats. They eventually decided that their interest in the craft would be a good thing to share with young men. They managed to get some shop space donated at a shopping center and started inviting other men and boys. It is now 15 years later and Urban Boat Builders (UBB) is a not-for-profit organization that has served 2,700+ teens, interacted with 38 juvenile justice programs, public schools, charter schools and neighborhood organizations, and now has over 175+ wooden boats built ranging from 9' long to 25' long. You can learn more about UBB on their website.

If you are a man with a passion for tools, or stamps, or birds, or hunting, or ?????, consider taking the risk to share it with a group of young guys. What I call Masculine Gravity may just take over and result in many lives, including yours, being changed forever.

Do you have a story about a man who shared his interests with you when you were a kid? If you're willing, please do send it along to me, or add it to the comments section of this post.



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October 15, 2010

The Mentoring Journal

It's not often you hear about an actual "tool," you can use to enhance the quality of the connection between an adult and a young person. That's why I was interested when I learned about the Mentoring Journal. The Journal is the most recently published resource from the Friends for Youth Mentoring Institute. Its a spiral-bound, 122 page, collection of resources for mentors and their mentees. It's currently being used by almost 1,500 mentor/mentee matches in programs around the US. It can also be a valuable publication for anyone who is in a supportive relationship with a young person.

The Mentoring Journal contains lots of activity ideas, stickers, and suggestions for goal-setting in the relationship. There are places for a mentor and a mentee to create a diary or log of their shared experiences, room for photos, and even some guidance for a respectful closure of the match should that be necessary. It's a great way to be more intentional about co-creating your connection, to document the history of your relationship, and capture those special memories that you've shared.

If you want to learn more about how to use the Mentoring Journal in your relationship with a young person, or within a formal mentoring program, Friends for Youth is offering a FREE webinar on Tuesday, October 26, 2010 from 10:00 – 11:30 AM (PDT). Go to this link to learn more about the webinar and to sign up if you're interested.

If you are aware of any other resources that could support someone involved with a formal mentoring relationship, or who just has a young person in their life they are connected to, please tell me about it. I'm happy to share it here.



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September 24, 2010

Boys Come Into The Room Poem

A couple of my heroes are Chris Frisco and Jon Leidel. They are part of a solid tribe of very good men associated with the Boys to Men Mentoring Network. I have written about the network here previously. It's an organization doing the very important work of supporting boys through a rite of passage experience and then engaging the new "Journeymen" graduates in a variety of mentoring activities after their passage weekends.

While hundreds of beautiful stories about men and boys have come out of this work, this poem, written by Chris and Jon, really captures the nature of the work. I hope it speaks to you also.



Boys Come Into The Room

Boys come into the room. Mad boys, sad boys, anxious boys. Left on their own boys. Hordes of boys. Good boys. Lied to boys, "Don't trust a thing you say, man." boys come into the room. Boys who hate boys.

Boys who hate themselves come into the room. Medicated, sedated and berated boys. Marker sniffin, Weight liftin, alone driftin boys. Boys come into the room. I pod rockin, X-boxin like a toxin, "just one more level!", boys. Sh...aved heads, nappy dreads, fly threads, will kill you dead boys. Hungry for the wisdom of men boys, come into the room.

Boys come into the room. Boys that try to "man up" always tryin to one up.. Bacon eatin bully boys, beatin smarter bambi boys come into the room. Pimply boys. Squeaky boys. "Sure i've laid a girl" boys come into the room. Mommy lovin, tatoo wantin boys. "Boy that only a mother could love" boys come into the room. Street slangin, jean hangin, creature of the streets bangin boys come into the room.

Boys come into the room. Fidgety boys. Won't look you in the eye boys. "You don't know shit about me, man!" boys come into the room. Shoulders slumped, chin down frown wearin, under a boulder of neglect boys come into the room. No Father, why bother, "don't give a fuck about school" boys. Game havin, body slammin, lookin for love boys.

Boys that create, boys that destroy, boys that trade lunch for toys boys. Creative boys. Dreamin boys, schemin boys, slippin' through the seams boys, come into the room. Boys who want for nothin, longing for that special somethin from men, boys.

Boys come into the room. Wonder where the men gone boys. "Have you seen my father?" boys runnin with his home boys, come into the room. Scattered boys. Battered boys. "phatter than his weight," boys come into the room. Lugi in the lunchroom boys. Wizard cloaked, chicken choked "boys that want their fires stoked" boys come into the room. Startin to forget boys. Fresh wound bleedin, scar hidin, no denyin, world collidin boys come into the room. Thinkin bout dyin, boys?

Boys come into the room. Boys in juvi, wall taggin boys. Pot smokin, pill poppin, brawlin, crawlin, cryin, lyin boys come into the room. Full of fire, gettin higher, willin to aspire "If someone would only cut me a break!" boys come into the room. Baseball lovin, weak fist havin, killin their step fathers in their sleep boys. Boys who cant throw a strike, never been on a hike, "I cant get cell service out there, man." boys come into the room. rappin on the mic right boys. Boys with reasons to be madder than hell come into the room.

Boys will be boys - come into the room! Sword carryin, world conquerin, paradigm shiftin boys come into the room. Boys that speed, boys that bleed, boys that need come into the room. Pining boys, whining boys, shining boys, searching for a silver lining boys. Mistake makin, earth shakin, givin and takin boys come into the room. Boys with heart, boys who fart, boys who focus like a dart come into the room. Come into this room boys... a safe place to grieve, to believe, to wear your feelings on your sleeve. What will you need to leave to achieve, boys?

What do you have to offer these boys?

Chris Frisco and Jon Leidel




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