MAN-MAKING BLOG

December 16, 2013

What Motivated Men Can Create!

In the video below, you can see and learn about one absolutely amazing world men have created. The video does raise an interesting question for me:

What kind of world could men create
in support of young males,
if they were inclined?

The very short story is this amazing work of art and craftsmanship was created because two brothers in Germany went looking for a place to show their hobby. Soon they were joined by men from other 'Model Railroad Clubs' and other craftsmen. Some were electricians, model makers, carpenters, and computer programmers. Ten years and 500,000 working hours later, the Miniatur Wunderland in Hamburg, Germany is now the city's most popular tourist attraction with over a million visitors a year.

A TINY portion of the place!

Currently, the Miniatur Wunderland is comprised of 8 miniature worlds, it has 13 kilometers of track with 900 trains, and whole cities full of animated activities. There are subways, cruise ships, and the most recent addition, a fully functional airport with planes that look like they actually take off and land. You can see firetruck going to a fire, police cars stopping traffic, a game in the sports stadium, a rock concert, and there is even a chocolate factory that delivers a mini-chocolate bar to the viewers! The creativity in the details are extraordinary. You can watch a 24 hour day pass by in just under an hour, with all the locations, including the airport, lighting up for the night. You really do have to see this one to believe it.

After seeing it, I wonder if you'll be left with the same questions. What could engaged and motivated men create for young males if they were inclined? What could happen if men shared their hobbies and then invited men and young males to get involved? In addition to the shared guy energy, just imagine what the young males learn about construction, math, science, engineering, art, and working with others to create something wonderful. Just imagine what they could learn about men and manhood!

Do you know of a group of men and young males gathering around a common interest like Miniatur Wunderland? If so, share it with me and I'll run up a blog post about them.

Do you have an interest, talent, or hobby you might share with some of the men and young males in your community? I can assure you there are men and young males out there who would be interested. You never know what can happen when you just risk being open, available, and visible.

If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

CONTACT: Send Earl a message. I'm very interested in your thoughts on any man-making post or topic. I'm available to help bring man-making initiatives to your community or organization.

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December 5, 2013

Ancient Ball Courts - Young Males - Testosterone and Some Hard Questions

When it comes to young males, there is a good reason the word testosterone starts with the word test! Testosterone is that chemical that starts pumping through young male veins in early adolescence. It's THE man-making substance, and it causes all manner of chaos for the young guys, their families, and the community.

Both men and women produce testosterone, males just make more of it . . . a lot more. Out of our evolutionary history, it's the chemical that helped males to be successful in hunting and combat. If all that wild-boy energy is contained and directed, hunting and combat were very important roles in the life of the community.

Testosterone is known as the aggression drug and during puberty, young men experience 5-7 surges of the chemical per day. This drives all sorts of chaos in their bodies. Generally speaking, young guys will often experience an uncooperative voice, acne, spontaneous and embarrassing erections, hair growth, bigger muscles, major growth spurts in body and limbs, and general confusion about all the changes.

Along with the physical changes comes rolling emotions with mood swings between anger and frustration, sullenness, to a sense of confidence and strength, sexual energy, and feelings of god-like power.

They also have a drive to test themselves, either digitally or in the real world, and in this quest they are often competitive and even combative. Sadly, the flood of testosterone hits a young man at a time when he has less than a fully developed brain (pre-frontal cortex). That's the part that guides complex decision making and the future consequences of their choices. The result is one slightly foolish, physical, and potentially very dangerous creature on your hands. That's where ball courts come in to play.

On a recent trip to northern Arizona, I visited the ruins at the Wupatki National Monument. It has been a cultural crossroads and considered home to a variety of people over many thousands of years. About 800 years ago, it was home to 85-100 people, with several thousand more living within a day’s walk. What caught my attention was a structure I had seen in other parts of Arizona and even in southern Mexico. It was the ball court.

After a little Google research, I discovered there are remains of over 220 ball courts at sites like Wupatki all over the southwest and in other parts of the United States. In addition, there are more than 1,300 ball courts found in Mesoamerica, the region that extends from central Mexico all the way south to Nicaragua, and northern Costa Rica.

The oldest known ball court is approximately 3,400 years old. Some form of the game is believed to have been played by the Olmec, Toltec, Maya, and Aztec. It appears that as soon as they invented rubber, a ball was created, and the game commenced to be part of what was then civilized life. We're still throwing balls through hoops and around fields today.

No one really knows when or where the game got started. There is also no agreement on why the game was played. I think it was testosterone. The book Lord of the Flies, by William Goulding, is about a plane carrying a group of young British boys that crashes on an island in the Pacific Ocean. They commence to create a boy-culture complete with their own clothing, art, language, laws, and young male aggression. We see the same thing happening today with street gangs.

If a culture wasn't at war, and that chemical was pumping the young males full of competitiveness and aggression, you had better find a way to help them burn it off or there will certainly be consequences.

The ancients have long known this fact of young male life and they developed cultural structures, rituals, and ordeals perfectly suited to a testosterone-filled young man. Ball courts and the competitions they inspired must have saved countless lives, channeled wild-boy energy, and gave the young men a ladder of achievement they could follow to be seen and honored by their community. I think the ball court played an important and boy-civilizing role in history.

We still have plenty of ball courts, and wherever there is even minimal equipment, the young guys are still called to them. What seems to be missing is a way to incorporate these places and the heroic young players into an honored place in our communities.

Where is the Young Male Place in your community?

In your world, where can young guys go to burn off energy, engage in friendly competitions, have that kind of fun, and not attract negative attention?

Where can the young guys in your world be seen and honored for their power, physical capacity, creativity, bravery, and willingness to take risks?

If we don't have places like that, what's a young man to do?

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November 26, 2013

A Man's Suggestions For A Young Guy's First Date

The following is from contributor Andy Roy of Powerhouse Programs in Brisbane, Australia.

In late October, in a Man-Making Blog post titled: Advice For A Young Man's First Date, our good buddy in the USA, Earl Hipp, quoted an article we posted on our Facebook page. Earl is the author of the book, Man-Making, and has worked with men and boys for over 30 years. The article was written by a mother to her son and titled, 10 Things a Boy Must Know Before His First Date.

This got me thinking a bit deeper about advice to young males. I liked the letter by the mother but wondered if young fellas today would read it and get it, so I replied to Earl, . . . it has some really lovely points, but it is written by a woman, and some boys will pay it zero heed. Perhaps a man’s voice to compliment the list and say similar things in a different way would help boys understand or ‘get it’.

So Earl asked me if I’d take a whack at a blog post describing a list a man might offer his son, or any young man, on the occasion of a first date. Here's my whack!

Son,
I’m proud to see that you’ve grown and matured into the fine young man that you are today. On this happy occasion of your first outing with a young woman, I'd like to offer a few suggestions. It has been said, and I agree, that one true measure of a man is how he treats women. I know that you are a good person.

"Son, I’m proud to see that you’ve grown and matured
into the fine young man that you are today."

However, there are some pitfalls along the way to learning how to treat women where even good men can find themselves in difficult places they could not have imagined. So here, in no particular order, are a few suggestions. They reflect my own learning and growth, and some, or a lot of it comes from getting it wrong myself!

Look her in the eyes, don’t stare, but when she is talking to you look her in the eyes. It’s not natural for most blokes but it matters to most females. If you find this difficult to hold for too long, try looking into one eye at a time or at the tip of her nose, or her mouth.

Get to know her as a flesh and blood person. Less flesh and more blood really. Who is she? What does she like? What matters to her? What are her experiences of life? What are her hopes for her future and dreams for the next week, year, or the next decade? Look for common ground in areas like her music, interests, friends, experiences. Showing interest in her will make her feel special and valued, and you may just find you have things in common.

Breathe! It can be easy to feel swept away in her company. Treat her with respect and if you catch yourself feeling overwhelmed, remember she is human like you. Imagine you are talking to someone’s daughter, sister, or a friend. In truth, she is someone with needs, challenges, and gifts like you and the rest of us.

Compliment her and value her opinions. Inquire deeper when she shares something of herself. This is not prying but being interested in her and what makes her tick.

She is not impressed by you talking about yourself all the time. When boys talk, it's often about conquest and achievements. Big noting (bragging) shows insecurity and a need for a ‘me focus.’ Be interested in her and who she is. Let her do most of the talking… breathe, relax, and be yourself. If she asks, speak more about what you love and enjoy doing (your own dreams for the future), she may find that more interesting than your accomplishments.

Take a risk to be vulnerable and humble. Tell her about some things that might be a little hard for you to talk about, like a current challenge in your life, a time you made a mistake or when you were embarrassed.

Laugh at yourself; don’t be too important and serious. If you are drawn to each other for a second or third date, you need to be comfortable with each other. Don't pretend to be someone you're not by putting up an image you think she will like. Personal honesty always comes across the best.

If it’s not meant to be, if you’re not a good match, be grateful for the opportunity to have spent time with her. It might hurt a little to get some rejection. Think of this as practice that will help you to be better prepared when you meet a young woman who’s a better match for you. Females talk with each other about these things and she may well have a friend she wants you to meet. If that were to happen, what would you want her to say to her friends about you?

Be true to your word. Showing up on time is honorable and when all else fails, a man’s honor is what will carry him through. If your first words are ‘sorry I’m late,’ it’s not a good start and says something about you.

You have a flood of testosterone flowing through you. If your main thoughts about her are about having sex, use your other brain! Sex for the sake of sex can leave you feeling empty and unfulfilled. She is not a trophy you can talk to your mates about. I promise you the memory of your first sexual experience will be with you all your life. Make it an experience you will feel proud of and with someone you care about as a human being. This means making sure the timing is right for you both.

If she instigates sexual contact be very careful. This might say something about her insecurities and one hot moment could change both your lives forever. Some women have confused sex for love and give sex as a way to get love. I’d say, just enjoy her company this time and get to know her first. If you find out you like her as a person, I'll be very happy for you and you'll have had a really great first date.

This list could be much longer and I don't consider it to be ‘the complete guide’. These words are what come to me when I think of what I would have liked to know at your age. I do know the young man you are, and I know you will do your best and probably the right things. Mostly, I want you to know I love you, I'm excited for you, and proud of you. Have fun, and if you're willing, come tell me how it went. It’s important to me that you know I'm here for you whenever you might need me.

Love, Dad

As a father of 2 daughters (20 and 8), and 4 sons (17, 15, 13, 11) this is a timely exercise. When I reflect on my young adulthood, a letter like this (despite its discomfort) from my dad or older male would have been quietly well received.

Andy's letter does raise some great questions:

Did anyone give you any advice prior to your first date?

If you can still remember, how did your first date go?

What would you add or change on Andy's list
if you were called to support your son or other young man
going on a first real date?

Send you comments to me or post it in the comments section of this blog post.

CONTACT: Send Earl a message. I'm very interested in your thoughts on any man-making post or topic. I'm available to help bring man-making initiatives to your community or organization.

SUBSCRIBE: If you're not yet a subscriber to the Man-Making Blog, and you'd like to receive these posts by email 3-4 times a month, use this link for a free subscription.

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November 17, 2013

Books, Workshops and Creepy Movember Facial Hair

Man-Making Ebook: I'm happy to announce the second edition of the Man-Making book is now available for the Kindle from Amazon.com at this link. At present, you can get it for $2.99 U.S. It's my hope that this ebook will make it easier for my non-U.S. partners in mission to get access to the book.

I'd like to see a global army tackling what I call the epidemic of lost, damaged, and under-male-nourished boys. If you're in the U.S., you can use the same link to order the print version for just over ten dollars U.S. plus shipping.

Raising Our Sons Workshop: I've partnered up with my friend, Tim Wernette, a gender-equity educator, and Marilyn Heins, a retired pediatrician, author, and newspaper columnist, to present the Raising Our Sons workshop. It's from 9 to noon on Saturday, November 23, at the Tucson, AZ, YWCA.

While this workshop will only be of interest to Tucson locals, I'm mentioning it here as an example of what a few people can do to shift the public conversation. We want to move away from the too prevalent nightly news version of out of control young males as a community liability, and talk about the problems facing parents and young males today. We want to speak to the things we can do to support "our boys," and to help them become the best men possible. The often quoted phrase attributed to Frederick Douglass couldn't be more true in our time: It's easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. You can read an article about the workshop in the Arizona Daily Star at this link.

Is there a location in your community where you might host a conversation about how to support boys on their challenging journey toward manhood? If you want to brainstorm possibilities, send me a note. You may be surprised at the turnout if you raise that flag.

CREEPY MOVEMBER FACIAL HAIR
We're now half-way though Movember. If you haven't heard by now, Movember represents the combination of the words Moustache and November and it's also the name of the month-long and global movement inviting men to grow MOs, or mustaches, to raise awareness of men's health issues. Why raise awareness? Men die, on average, five years earlier than women. Many of the reasons have nothing to do with biological factors, but are more about men not taking their physical and emotional health seriously. For a description of the behaviors killing men off early, some dire statistics about men's health, and a description of some of the events and activities in the U.S., go to the U.S. Movember website.

Men die, on average, five years earlier than women.
Many of the reasons have nothing to do with biological factors . . .

Even though it's mid-month and you haven't started your Mo yet, this hilarious "Stashdance" video from Nick Offerman may just inspire you to begin! In addition to promoting awareness of men's health issues, the benefits he describes for growing a Mo may surprise you (don't miss the ending).

If this clip doesn't show up use this link

Finally, more in service to vanity than Movember and men's health, here is a clip from The annual World Beard and Moustache Championships. If you're looking for ideas and your beard grows really fast, check this out for inspiration!

If this clip doesn't show up use this link

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October 25, 2013

Advice for A Yong Man's First Date

I can still remember my first kiss. It was on a first date of sorts when I went to a movie with a GIRL! I might have been 13 or 14, I don't know exactly. In truth, I was so uncomfortable (in a good way), I can only come up with a few of the details. I can tell you the name of the theater, that I borrowed the money for the tickets, we sat near the back, she smelled like a goddess, and that I had to dig deep for the courage to put my left arm around her shoulders.

It was about halfway through the movie and my left arm falling off from the cramp, when we somehow turned to look at each other. In that instant, a sweet but oh so brief kiss just happened. I don't know who kissed who, but I doubt I was the initiator. Nothing was said about the kiss after the movie and I have no recall of my life for the rest of the day, only that I had a happy feeling.

That was a long time ago and life was simpler then. The degree of my innocence back then is astounding compared to what young men see and know today. In 2013, young guys are inundated with media images and music lyrics about sex and relationships. They often get advice about women from their equally uninformed peers, most of which is not especially helpful and sometimes just bad data.

Today our young males have the likes of Google and Bing search engines, which can provide enough information on gender biology for guys to become gynecologists. With all that information, it's still easy for too many of our young guys to be confused about what it means to have intimate connection to another person. We see it in the papers when it goes tragically off track and we wind up with victims, perpetrators, and lives in ruins.

If a young man comes from a home with good relationship role models, or an adult willing and able to have the important conversations, they are very lucky indeed. For the rest, like so many aspects of manhood, too many young males are left to just figure out the notions of love, sex, intimacy, and relationships with women on their own.

. . . too many young males are left on their own
to just figure out the notions of love, sex, intimacy,
and relationships with women.

I loved it when my brother in mission, Andy Roy, sent along a link to a website offering young men "10 Things a Boy Must Know Before His First Date." Andy and his partner, Stephen Halsall, run the very successful Powerhouse Programs in Australia. They do Rite of Passage programs for young men, parent training for raising young males, and great school-based training for teens (including workshops on sexuality). Like Andy, those of us who work with young men know they (still) need a lot of guidance on even the most practical and mundane parts of a young man's life. The first date is no exception.

Here are the first five of the list of 10 first date suggestions from the website, Helene's Legacy. They describe what the author believes a boy should know prior to his first date with a girl (or change the language for your romantic partner of choice). The whole list is great, and I'm sure you could add a few more:

The goal of this evening is to spend time with a nice girl. It's not a notch in your belt, or the first step on the road to going steady, or even necessarily the night you'll have your first kiss. Take your expectations down a peg and you won't be so nervous.

When trying to decide between dressing cool and dressing casually, go with dressing clean. She wants you to smell nice. That means you need to shower too.

When you go to pick her up, don't wait in the car for her to come out. Go right up to her door and be ready to introduce yourself to her parents. If her dad answers the door, shake his hand. It won't hurt to call him "sir" either.

Hold the car door open for her, and make sure to ask "all set?" before you slam it.

As you leave her house, smile, make eye contact with her, and tell her sincerely that you're glad she is there.

To see all of Helene's ten suggestions you can visit her website.

In response to the list above, Andy said, ". . . it has some really lovely points, but it is written by a woman, and some boys will pay it zero heed. Perhaps a man’s voice to compliment the list and say the same things in a different way would help boys understand or ‘get it’."

One man's take on the same advice for young males is from Alan Smyth. Alan is a dad with a daughter and a Young Life Regional Director trying to reach lost kids in LA. He is also the author of the book, Prized Possession - A Father’s Journey in Raising his Daughter.

On his blog myfatherdaughter.com, Alan wrote 10 Rules for Dating my Daughter. While it was written in jest, it definitely has a more aggressive take on the "first date" list. Alan was quite surprised at how many responses came back that he actually put the rules on a tee-shirt and offered it for sale. While the list and shirt were meant to be humorous, Alan says he's glad, "This light-hearted shirt is bringing thousands of Dads further into the important conversation of their role with their daughters."

Now that you're in that teenage frame of mind, can you bring back the memory of your first date? What age did it occur? Were you prepared for the experience, and did it go well? What feelings did you have during and after the date? Did anyone other than your peers talk to you about how to handle yourself on the outing or were you "just figuring it out" on your own?

Most importantly, there just might be a young guy in your life somewhere who'd benefit from a conversation about your first date experience, if you're willing.

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