Pathways to Manhood Camp

One of the solid organizations I profiled in the Man-Making book is a group out of Australia called Pathways to Manhood. They were recently written up in The Sydney Morning Herald newspaper with a fine description of their Boys to Men retreats.

The article discusses the shift that they want to see happen on these adventure weekends. The movement ". . . from boy psychology to man psychology. Boy psychology is: It's all about me. I want acknowledgment, I want power, I'm the center of the universe. I don't take responsibility for my actions and I want a mother. Healthy man psychology is: 'I have a vision, I do something because I believe in it, power is for the good of those around me, it is for sharing. I'm part of the universe, I take responsibility for my actions and I'm looking for a relationship with the feminine."

Follow this link to the article. If you've never been part of this kind of experience, it will give you a limited peek into the process, and probably set you up to want something like it for your self!

A Man’s Hardwiring

In a book by Joseph Campbell titled Primitive Mythology - The Masks of God, there is a chapter called The Enigma of the Inherited Image. In this chapter he talks about how newly hatched sea turtles have built into them a natural “quest for the not-yet-seen.” At birth, they already possess instinctual survival behaviors that cause them to pop up through the sand and run, “. . . like a field of sprinters at the crack of the gun, and make for the heavily crashing waves as fast as they can, while gulls drop screaming from overhead to pick them off.”

Campbell says, “There is no question here of learning, trial-and-error; nor are the tiny things afraid of the great waves. They know they must hurry, know how to do it, and know precisely where they are going. And finally, when they enter the sea, they know immediately both how to swim, and that swim they must.”

In the scientific study of animal behavior, the turtles are utilizing an innate releasing mechanism. In other words, they are instinctually utilizing their hardwiring to respond to circumstances they have never before experienced, in order to guarantee the survival of their species. There are many examples of this kind of behavior in the animal world.

One of the premises I offer in the Man-Making book is that men and boys are hardwired in this same way for important and necessary actions between them. This is why, at the onset of adolescence, boys begin to pay attention to men. They instinctually look for clues about what it means to be an adult male; how to feel, think, emote, laugh, posture, and relate as a man. They know something amazing is going on inside them, and consciously or not, they know men have their answers.

I believe that men possess complimentary hardwiring. Just one example is when a man is in the presence of someone else’s, slightly-out-of-control boy. In that moment most men will “light up,” possibly give the kid a look, have feelings, and then act on them or not. In their genes, men understand this adolescent boy energy. Whether they are conscious of it or not, they are uniquely prepared to contain, manage, and direct its flow.

When men trust their hardwiring and step into some form of action, it feels right to both the men and the boys. Ask any of the males you know who’ve experienced it. The boys get and absorb precious gifts, critical knowledge, and necessary skills for their successful journey to manhood. The men get clearer about their place in the male hierarchy and fill in critical blanks in their mature masculinity left over from their adolescence. When that happens, I call the result Man-Making, men helping boys on their combined journey to manhood.

When men don’t trust their hardwiring, don’t show up at the critical times in boy’s development, boys are lost. Boys, like a baby sea turtles, born into a world with a sky full of seagulls overhead, some will make it, some die, some adopt horribly misshapen notions about being a man, and too many wander aimlessly in the never-never land between boyhood and manhood . . . some times for ever.

If you’re a man reading this, you know it’s true. Your hardwiring is telling you so. What do you want to do about it?

Face of the Wolf

This hard to read but oh so sweet story is from a passionate man-maker, Colin Irish. He shares one brief moment on a rite of passage weekend run by men like Colin for boys. The story gives us all a peek into the work his group is doing initiating boys into manhood. On reading it, you'll begin to understand why, once exposed to this work, boy’s and men’s lives are changed for ever.

__________________________

He stood in front of me shaking slightly. I noticed the little tremors in his hands. He had arrived the night before wearing impressive black make-up, but the events of the day had wiped most of it off his face. Some of it was on the sleeve of his gray hoody. He tried to keep his face blank. I could tell it was taking a lot of effort. He looked nothing like the men I'd seen come to this kind of circle before. However, he was standing up in front of everyone, as brave as any one of those men. And he was 14 years old.

"What's your new initiation name?" I asked. "Wolf," he answered. I nodded. "It fits.” I saw his mouth try to curve into a smile, but he put the blank face back on in an instant. He was good at that – a valuable survival skill for his life most likely. "Wolf, tell me your story.” He took his time getting started. Everyone waited as if silently telling him that he was important. I could tell it had been a long time since he'd gotten a message like that. He told his story - his father gone, his mother checked out, and his own attempts to stop the pain. It's a story more common than I am comfortable with, which is why I was standing here with him. He worked his way through it and got to the end. I helped some, but not very much. As the mask melted away, all of his struggles were right there just under the surface. There was no need to dig.

"That's really clear, Wolf. I get why you're sad and angry. It took lots of courage to tell that story and it takes lots of courage to live it." "Yeah," he said as he wiped his eyes. The last of the make-up smeared over his face giving him a truly wolf-like visage. "Is there anyone here that would like to bless Wolf's courage?” Everyone came forward. The process took 5 minutes, but the honoring and blessing lasted for 25 minutes.

Working with boys is different than working with men. For the boys, the traumas of youth are happening now. There hasn't been enough time to hide them beneath layers of denial and unconsciousness. Just observe how most teens dress and you can see it all displayed on the surface. Also, the magnitude of a small course correction has much more impact for an adolescent than for a man. I wonder what would have been different for me if I had a circle of men and peers hear my true story...and then bless me for who I am. What would be different for you right now, if a circle of men had stood with you back then?

Threshold Passages, Inc. (TPI) needs men like you who are willing to stand in the circle with boys - men willing to honor and bless.

Reclaiming Your Teenage Fire - Mentor Training - June 8-9, 2007
Boy's Rites of Passage Adventure Weekend (RPAW) - August 9-12, 2007

Collin Irish
TPI RPAW Coordinator
Denver, Colorado
ThresholdPassages.org
RPAW@thresholdpassages.org
720-889-6736

Heroes

I rarely post twice in a week, but I've been stewing about another lost, young male shooter, the student from Virginia Tech. I'm still in shock. The more I take man-making seriously, the more I let myself actually feel the sadness and hurt from these too-frequent experiences. Each time this happens it also increases the responsibility I feel for the next lost boy I encounter, and that is a good thing. But that is not what this post is about.

Today I got a very helpful email from Antonello Vanni, a man-maker in Italy. He said, I think we should remember Professor Liviu Librescu because he's an example young people have to look at.

Antonello is right. In an age where you have to dig deep to find real public heroes . . . people of integrity, solid values, courage, compassion, and visibility in the world, Professor Librescu does stand out and should be held up for emulation. He was a brilliant, 76 year old, concentration camp survivor and husband and father, with everything to live for. Yet he didn't hesitate a minute to throw his body in front of the shooter as he attempted to enter his classroom to kill his students. His action saved many lives but cost him his own.

I have encountered many very good men (and women) engaged in man-making work. Indeed, they are my heroes and sheroes. But when someone like Professor Librescu shows up on the national media, it gives us all an opportunity to name his act and person heroic, and point that out to the young people around us.

Who are your national heroes? Whose leadership gives you hope? Could you so quickly choose to be heroic as Professor Librescu did in saving his student's lives?

Good questions to keep in mind as makers of men.

A Wish for the Young

An ally and man-maker in Capetown, South Africa, sent along this wonderful statement titled, We Wish the Young to Outdo Us. It's taken from a book written in 1921 with the title, The Home Kindergarten Manual.

In the language of that period it's speaks an ancient and clear truth about our hopes and dreams for all our children. It is also the wish that is at the heart of the Man-Making book.

We Wish the Young to Outdo Us

What do we wish that they should be?

If forced to reason about it, we say they ought to be what we have found by experience it is prudent and wise to be; and they ought to go one stage beyond the stage we have gone.

But we cannot conduct them beyond the stage we have reached. We can only point and say, “Here are the boundaries which we have reached; beyond is an undiscovered country; go out and discover it. We can furnish you with a few probabilities; we can supply you with a few tendencies; we can say to you that we cannot go with you; we can say to you that that we think wisdom points in this direction; but we cannot guide you; we must part with you at the door; and bid you Godspeed. But we want you to go on; we do not want you to stop where we stopped.”