Film Review: HEALINGRestoring Hope and A (Young) Man's Spirit

By Guest Reviewer: Brian Mier of Eagle Health Resources, Melbourne, Australia

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Healing is a 2014 Australian movie about hope and the healing of the spirit in a most unlikely place. It ranks very high in my list of worthy movies about men – young and old – and men’s work.

The movie is based on a true story about a raptor rescue program at the Won Wron Correctional Centre, a low-security prison farm east of Melbourne. The heart of the film is about bringing together male prisoners, emotionally damaged by their past violent actions, and wounded birds of prey. It’s about how both men and raptors heal and prepare for release.

Viktor Khadem is in prison for the murder of his best friend, and has had no contact with the outside world for 18 years. He’s at Won Wron to get ready for release and re-entry. During a work detail in the bush, prisoners witness an eagle colliding with a barbed wire fence and being injured. This event gives rise to an unlikely partnership between Viktor and the bird which profoundly changes them both.

"Never look too deep into the abyss my friend,
or the abyss will look back into you!"

How is it relevant to Man-Making? In addition to what happens between Viktor and the eagle in the film, we watch two older men, Viktor, the prisoner, and a case worker, each of whom has been damaged by events in their lives, as they help two younger prisoners. One young prisoner is in the pit of isolation with low self-esteem, and at the start is unable to look anyone in the eye with his head constantly bowed. The other is a brash young guy who is too easily influenced by others and is induced to be part of the drug circle at the prison camp. We often see both types of young men in society. Through mentoring and support, the young men work through issues such as anger, low self-esteem, guilt, and social isolation to rehabilitate themselves. In the process, these young men also find healing which takes place in unexpected and many-layered ways.

In this video clip you'll get a sample of the beauty of the location and some of the inter-play between the characters.

If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

I liked how the film was different from so many prison dramas in that it doesn’t focus on the ugly and violent side of incarceration. Instead, it powerfully speaks to the need for prisoner rehabilitation and the importance of preparing men for re-entry into everyday life. It directly shows us the need for true healing of an incarcerated man or boy’s spirit prior to release, and the importance of intentionally reconnecting them with a realistic hope for a meaningful life.

In my view, this is a superb and inspiring movie to screen for discussion in any men’s group. I also think men working with younger males in a correctional setting would find it especially valuable.

At this Wikipedia link you can find a brief synopsis of the film, but there’s a lot more available with a quick web search. The DVD is also available on Amazon and through other movie outlets.

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Brian Mier is a 70-year-old man who is Eldering with Purpose – offering his services to men, families and communities who are seeking to be the best they can be. He is the father of four adult children, eight grandkids, and loves taking the latter on Adventures with Grandpa to explore the simple beauty of life and relationships. You can contact Brian at info@eaglehealth.net.au

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Movies for Men and Boys: The Way, Way Back

This review of the film, The Way, Way Back, was contributed by Brian Mier, a Men's and Boys’ Health Promoter with Eagle Health Resources in Melbourne, Australia.

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Ultimately, The Way, Way Back is a joyful movie. Generally, the critics gave it a favorable rating, but those of us with a passion for man-making with boys will understand the deeper beauty in what is, at times, a hard story to watch.

In the story, fourteen-year-old Duncan goes on holiday with his divorcee mother, Pam, and her boyfriend, Trent. The boyfriend is a puffed up and over-bearing man who is constantly belittling Duncan in a way which basically constitutes psychological and emotional abuse. As a result, Duncan, who is already shy, isolated, and angry, becomes even more sad and his self esteem sinks even lower.

Feeling (and being) very alone, Duncan takes off on his bicycle to explore the seaside town on Cape Cod. He comes across the Water Wizz water park. The park becomes his escape from the uncomfortable adult antics at his summer home. At the water park, he is befriended and mentored by some very unlikely but very good men (and women). Mentoring occurs in unusual ways and in the most unusual places.

As the film progresses, we watch Duncan grow through his coming of age, young male experiences. He develops a supportive, puppy love relationship with the girl next door. At the park, he begins to have fun, learns some lessons about “women” from the men, he accepts some responsibility, contributes his ideas to the business, and earns some praise in the process. As a result of these experiences, his self-esteem, confidence, and courage all come to life.

The Way, Way Back also has a positive message for parents. It illustrates what psychologist and parenting educator, Steve Biddulph, says is a very important parenting equation, TIME = LOVE. Fortunately, this is exactly the lesson Duncan’s mom Pam learns the hard way.

. . . a very important parenting equation,
TIME = LOVE

Superb acting by perfectly cast actors made this film a joy for me to watch. In the clip from the movie below, you'll get a sample of both the ups and downs of Duncan's summer experience. I confess to having a tear in my eye occasionally because the stories of Duncan’s adolescent adventures were close to home for me and apply to so many adolescent boys. Critics called it “funny and sweet”, but it’s much more than that.

If you really care about teen boys, I think you’ll love this movie.


If this clip doesn't show up use this link.

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ABSENT - The Fight to Get Fatherhood Back

Last February, I did a blog post about a great film on fatherlessness, titled Absent, by Justin Hunt. The film speaks to the powerful emotional wound that always results from the absence of a father in a young person’s life. In that blog post, you can learn more about the film, read some of the sad data about the costs of absent fathers, and see a clip from the film.

Absent has been shown in cities all over the U.S. and in countries around the world, including Spain, Egypt, South Africa, Germany, France, England, and Australia. That’s because the issue of absent fathers is just that big and universal.

The film is continuing to get spectacular reviews because of its brutally honest approach to the topic and intimate way it addresses this painful issue. In the film, the director, Justin Hunt, interviews prominent men, and has emotionally charged exchanges with prostitutes, homeless people, and even a world champion boxer.

This is a film I like so much, I’d like it to get all the exposure possible. I recommend having the film shown in your men’s group, faith community, neighborhood center, or anywhere people can be gathered. You could even partner with a Boy’s and Girl’s Club, Big Brothers, Big Sisters organization, or any mentoring group in your community for support. I'm certain if you raise this flag, people will come. You can request a screening of Absent for your community by going to the absentmovie.com website.

At some level, we all know this problem exists. We see the evidence every night on the news. If at all possible, please help increase awareness of what I call an epidemic of under-male-nourished boys and the costs we all incur when fathers are not part of their children's lives. Please join Justin Hunt and the rest of us in the fight to “get fatherhood back.”

In the video clip below you will hear from people who have seen the Absent film. When I watched it, I heard two loud messages: “The prognosis (for kids, our communities, and our world) isn't good,” and, it’s a moving film that, “gives you hope.”

If the clip isn't visible use this link.

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Absent and The Father Wound

An engaged and loving father is the most powerful man-making force on the planet. The opposite is also true. When fathers are absent, physically or emotionally, the wound that results is profound. It touches a man to his core and forever leaves him with the question, “Am I good enough as a person and a man?" All men long to hear the biblical pronouncement from a father, “This is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased.” The truth is that too many men and young males did not and do not hear it, and we are all paying the price as a result.

In my research for the Man-Making book, countless men offered up clear statements of their sense of masculine insufficiency as one of the barriers keeping them from being involved with and supporting young males. Too many men said they had been poorly prepared for manhood, their fathers had been unavailable, and as a result, they felt, as men, they didn’t have anything to offer boys. In the most tragic stories, some men felt such low masculine-esteem they believed their involvement with a boy would be damaging or hurtful to the young man. You can be certain that behind many of those stories is an invisible but still-open father wound.

In the Rite of Passage and group-mentoring work men are now doing with young males, an all too common story is about pathologically disengaged or abusive fathers or dads who were simply never part of a boy's life. In the emotionally safe and supportive place that's created, if it's time, young males have the emotional room and permission to give up their deeply shielded and buried grief about their father wound. Often this shows up as powerful anger or deep sobbing. The tears in the eyes of so many of the men who hear these boy-stories are damp testimony to the pervasiveness of this father wound, and the core emptiness of the men that carry it. I have my own story about a present, but unavailable, shaming and emotionally terrorizing, alcoholic father.

Nearly every gang member I’ve dealt with had inadequate or no fathering
and little or no elder male mentoring.

Michael Gurian in the book The Wonder of Boys

Fathers Unite is an organization dedicated to equal rights for both parents in divorce, and fighting to keep fathers involved with their children. On their website you can find a description of the personal and social costs of fatherlessness. Here is a very small sample. Children from fatherless homes are:

• 5 times more likely to commit suicide
• 32 times more likely to run away
• 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders
• 14 times more likely to commit rape
• 9 times more likely to drop out of high school
• 20 times more likely to end up in prison

Into this masculine reality comes Justin Hunt with his film Absent. Justin already has built a solid reputation from his previous documentary, American Meth, a heart-wrenching tale of the impact of the methamphetamine epidemic in the United States. In Absent, his approach is just as potent. Justin says, “The father wound is so deep and so all-pervasive in so many parts of the world that its healing could well be the most radical social reform conceivable.” With Absent, Justin intends to start that healing.

Absent is winning rave reviews because of the honest and intimate way it talks about this painful issue and resulting damage to the collective male psyche. In the film, Hunt interviews prominent figures from the world of men’s work, and conducts brutally honest and emotionally charged exchanges with prostitutes, homeless people, and a world champion boxer. There is one especially moving conversation with James Hetfield of the legendary heavy metal band, Metallica. If you REALLY want a sample of what a father wound sounds like, read a few of the 175 letters to fathers that have been submitted to the Absent website. You can learn more about the film, order a DVD, contact Justin, or even schedule a screening at the Absent website.

Viewing this film (with a group of men friends) will stir your male psyche, greatly increase your male-literacy, and just possibly increase the likelihood you’d find the courage to become a man-maker in the life of a boy with a gaping father wound.

If the video doesn't show, you can view it at this link.

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Follow Me Boys

Guest blogger Rick Livingood has sent along this review of the film Follow Me Boys as a suggestion for any man who wants to "lead and influence boys."

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Follow Me Boys - This Disney movie from the early 70's tells the story of a former band member's transition to small town living. When he takes a job in a rural village, he finds the boys in the community have no organized program to keep them out of trouble. During a town meeting to discuss the problem, he suggests scouting and takes on the post of Boy Scout leader. The movie then follows the events that shape the young men (in particular the influence of their scout leader on them). Full of typical Disney storyline, the movie does provide a great overview of the influence on kids, by adults who care.

Fred MacMurray portrays Lemmuel Siddens, a local salesman who marries his girlfriend. The couple soon find out they cannot have their own children. Lemmuel and Vita adopt the "scouts" as their kids. The years of Lemmuel's scout mastering have a huge impact on the "boys".

Follow Me Boys is good old Disney at its finest, with a great story of a man's heart-felt love of the boys...and the long-term shaping of their character. This could easily become a favorite of every man who aspires to lead and influence boys.

Follow Me Boys, released on DVD in 2004, starring Fred MacMurray, Vera Miles, and Kurt Russell (a young Kurt, for sure). You can order Follow Me Boys from Amazon at this link.

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"Boys Become Men" A Frederick Marx Film

My friend and brother in mission is Frederick Marx from Warrior Films. He's an award winning filmmaker of some 30+ years, most known for the Academy Award nominated film, Hoop Dreams. His most recent film is Journey from Zanskar. It features Richard Gere and even the Dalai Lama in a film about the destruction of the thousands of years old Tibetan Buddhist culture. It opens on January 19th in three theaters in Paris. But that is not the film this post is about.

With Zanskar in the can, Frederick is turning his attention and cinematic gifts to the subject of rites of passage for young males in the U.S. In a film he's titled, Boys Become Men, he intends to spotlight some of the best initiatory practices for boys around the U.S. He says he will demonstrate the effectiveness of these Rites of Passage experiences by following the real-life stories of a number of young men (and their families) whose lives have been touched by this work.

In the video clip below, you can get a taste of what this film will be and feel like. Given Frederick's experience and skills, I'm sure this film will seriously shake up the man-making world and move more people into service to boys (and men).

If you want to be a part of bringing this film to reality, you can support Frederick by making a donation to his Kickstarter fundraising campaign. A small donation will get you connected to the film-making process, notices of filming, and other events. A larger donation will get you a copy of the final product and even an invite to a film premiere.

I love the quote by Theodore Roosevelt in his book The Strenuous Life. He said, ". . . none of us can do everything, but all of us can do something . . ." With that in mind, you may want to consider helping Frederick get this film produced.

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If the clip doesn't show up, you can see it at this link on YouTube.

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Men as Kings, Warriors, Lovers, and Magicians

My Scandinavian friend Eivind Figenschau Skjellum, is the host of masculinity-movies.com/. On his home page it says, "Masculinity. Movies. Men. Growth." That pretty much sums up the nature of the films he is reviewing on the site. The "Suggest movie" tab has fifty-seven responses with movie ideas from his readers, and to date, Eivind has reviewed almost thirty films. Probably some of your favorite "guy" movies on the list.

But this post is more about Eivind's blog where he has posted some of his writing. I especially liked his article, "King, Warrior, Magician, Lover - archetypes of the mature masculine." The article is Eivind's take on what is described in the book by Douglas Gillette and Robert Moore titled, King, Warrior, Magician, Lover – Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine.

In his article, Eivind does a good job of introducing you to each of the archetypes and divides them into, "immature archetypes – boy psychology – and mature archetypes – man psychology." Eivind suggests, according to this view of masculinity, "healing and integration happens when we recognize that one archetype dominates too strongly in our psyche, and must be balanced by another, or when we recognize that the archetypes we animate are sourced in the active or passive shadow poles, as opposed to the integrated and mature aspect."

I know a number of Boys to Men groups using a simplified model of KWML archetypes to introduce and hold up a positive vision of mature masculinity for young males. The boys seem to resonate with each of the quadrants and have no trouble finding parallels in contemporary media.

If you've never been exposed to the idea of masculine archetypes, Eivind's article is a great short course on the topic.

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Movies and “Emotionally Frozen Men”

Just below is a report from a guest contributor describing the film Departures. You can see the trailer for the film at the end of this blog post. This man's contribution is not so much a movie review as a tale about how his life was changed very much for the better as a result of a beautiful film.

Let me know if you can relate to his story.

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I just saw the movie Departures about a man in his mid 30's. It’s a beautiful film with great music. It’s about Daigo, a man who had a very distant father who abandoned his family when Daigo was a child.  He also has a very disconnected relationship with his male mentor and is in a marriage without much emotional connection. Daigo is a walking wounded and emotionally lost man who doesn't know he is lost.

What is interesting to me is that if you had asked me seven days ago if I had any father issues, I would have said no. I guess you could say I also have been a walking wounded male, but until this film experience, I was unaware of the depth of my condition.

I knew I was emotionally abandoned by my father. In his first marriage, my father backed out of his driveway during a big storm and accidentally ran over and killed his two year-old son. In his second marriage, when I was born, to keep his pain buried, my father became emotionally frozen. He would never display affection or get close to me, I believe to protect himself the possibility of another loss. As a child I could feel his silent pain, yet never really understood it.

Over the years my father issues have also been silent. I hadn’t realized the degree to which I have taken on my father's emotional programming and also become frozen inside. While I have always assumed I was a “normal” man, sadly, it's clear I have passed on that emotional style to my sons. The saddest thing is that I have always wondered why I felt so distant from my own children. This has been a 39 year puzzle for me.

I will be 65 years old this year, and this film was a big wake-up call for me. I have never connected my father's emotional dots to me, and my children until now. This new awareness of my emotional style has allowed me to start working on changing my behavior toward my two adult sons. What a gift. I recommend this film to you all.

Phil P.

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